CHAPTER 23 : YOU LIFT ME UP!

Merlin looked over at Gawaine who was deep in thought observing the whiskey still in his glass. Arthur would only answer in monosyllables. Merlin really didn't know what to do but he knew that he needed someone as backup over night. Not that he expected Arthur to get much sleep. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was already gone midnight.

He said to Arthur, "I am inviting Gawaine to stay with us tonight; he can have my old room. Is that all right, Arthur?"

Arthur lifted his head seemingly surprised to see his two friends and said, "Uh huh!" Then he started to stare again at the carpet.

"I'll show you where it is."

"He knows…he can go by himself. I want you here…" Arthur's voice stopped them halfway across the room.

Merlin shrugged and said, "Are you ready for bed then?" Arthur nodded and tried wearily to get to his feet. He slipped back onto the couch discouraged. Merlin gave him his arm and Arthur gripped it, Gawaine put an arm around his back to support him. Arthur was finally upright. "Do your stiff legs exercises," Merlin encouraged.

"I know damn well what to do, Merlin, if I haven't figured it out by now, I'm a bigger fool than I thought." Arthur did do some half-hearted knee bends and stretches to get rid of the stiffness. They walked him towards the bedroom where he said to Gawaine, "I'm quite capable of getting into bed myself." Merlin nodded and Gawaine let go of his elbow.

Merlin sat Arthur on the bed and got off his trainers and sweatpants. He walked beside him to the bathroom saying, "Can you manage all right?"

"Merlin, I have been going to the bathroom alone since I was five, I can assure you that I don't need your help."

Merlin thought, 'Many a true word spoken in jest' or should it be 'anger'. He left Arthur and went to find Gawaine saying, "Not exceptionally friendly tonight, is he?"

"He's still in shock. Will you be all right with him? Call me if you have any trouble."

"Thanks! And by the way, Gawaine your bathroom is not ensuite so please, no wandering around in the buff."

"God, Merlin! …naked, starkers or nude but in the buff?" Gawaine started to laugh maybe after all the stress of the last few days he obviously needed to, as soon he was uncontrollable and Merlin had tears streaming down his face.

Merlin wiped his eyes saying, "Well, that was what my mother used to say to me when as a kid, I tried to escape into the garden without any clothes."

"That would have been worth the price of admission."

"Gawaine, I was a kid! Go to bed for heaven's sake…"

"Arthur has a very private garden…maybe you two could plan some al fresco activities."

"He's not like that Gawaine. He is respectful, a real gentleman."

"Live and learn, Merlin, live and learn!" Gawaine said suggestively.

Merlin walked back into the bedroom to find Arthur balancing on one leg as he struggled with his underwear, "Arthur, you can sleep in those."

"Don't need too." He sat on the edge of the bed and finally got the waist band off his ankle by flicking it into the air. Then he settled on the bed, pulling the sheet over himself, and said, "Good-night, Love! Sorry I'm such a nuisance."

Merlin leant over and gave him a kiss, "You're not!" he said and then went to get undressed. He finally sat on the edge of the bed and putting his face in his hands, he grinned thinking of Gawaine's comments.

-0-0-

Surprisingly, they both slept well. Merlin finally woke up to someone poking him. He stretched and a voice whispered, "Morning, Merlin!"

The hand then started migrating and Merlin whispered, "Arthur, Gawaine's next door…"

"Well then, you're just going to have to keep very quiet."

Merlin panicked and pulled away as Arthur grinned saying, "I was kidding. Come here, just a little cuddle."

When they heard Gawaine up, Merlin slipped out of bed and into the bathroom. He wrapped his spa robe around him before going into the kitchen. As he passed through the room, he said, "Call if you need help, Arthur. I'm going to get the breakfast trays and put on the kettle."

Gawaine joined him there saying, "Wow, Merlin! With legs like that you could model."

"Don't you dare say anything like that in front of Arthur, he's a little insecure at the moment," he grinned shyly at Gawaine and added, "I don't think he'd find it funny." Suddenly, the phone rang and Merlin picked it up, "Yes, I'll let Mr Pendragon know, thank you."

He turned back to Gawaine and said, "Funeral Company has Uther's body. Now what do we do?"

"Usually the family has a private visit, which can be followed by friends and acquaintances. Will there be a church service?"

"Yes, Arthur said that it would be a private funeral in St. Cuthbert's near his parent's home Minton and he'd be buried there as well. No notice will go in the paper until after the event. Well, that is what he wanted before that darned letter."

"Fine, let me talk him through it when he gets up…"

Merlin was so relieved that Gawaine was there. He'd had no experience with funerals apart from his granmother's Requiem Mass, and he knew Arthur hadn't either.

By the time Arthur left for his morning sessions, everything had been arranged. Rev. Chambers would officiate. They had a rough list of Uther's closest friends; staff from both Minton Hall and his city house would be invited. Arthur suggested that Merlin invite his mother and Gaius. Any guests needing to stay overnight would be put up at Minton Hall..

Arthur realised that he wouldn't be doing it alone as Merlin would be beside him. The church was small and even though the reason for his father's death was not yet public, he didn't want loads of people there.

While he was sitting in the whirlpool, Arthur suddenly realised that he hadn't notified the police about the existence of the suicide note.

-0-0-

Understandably, Detective Holborn was interested and stated that he needed the letter but they could proceed with the funeral. He told Arthur to list all the people who had touched the envelope and the actual sheet. Gawaine offered to take the letter with him into London but the police preferred to pick it up at Nonsuch.

Merlin was surprised to hear Arthur say, "But I will get it back, won't I?" The reply must have been in the affirmative as Arthur next said, "Very well, around three o'clock this afternoon." He then brought the other two up to date on what was happening. "Gawaine, you can tell your parents about it. They will be welcome to attend the funeral but apart from them there is no need for anyone to know about it. Except your family..." he added turning towards Merlin.

Merlin nodded, he felt that his mother's support would help him be strong for Arthur. Hunith had been shocked when Merlin had first contacted her and without being told he knew that she was worried about him. His whole life was now linked to the son of a man whom Hunith was certain had been a less than a perfect father. She liked Arthur and felt for his not having any opportunity to settle the differences between them before his death. When Merlin told her later that there was reason to believe it was a suicide. She was upset and worried that Arthur would blame himself. Merlin also mentioned that Arthur had extended his invitation to Gaius. A car would be sent for them and they could both stay at Minton.

"Be kind to him, Merlin! Once the funeral is over and everyone leaves, he will feel even more abandoned. Regardless of what he used to say, contact with his father dated back years. It will take time for him to get over this especially in the light of Uther's note."

Arthur alternated between being affectionate and downright rude. He would accuse Merlin of not understanding and ask him, "What in heaven's name do you know, Merlin, as you never had a father?" He would then say he was sorry and ask for forgiveness. He would hold Merlin cuddling him panicked that he might leave and knowing that he couldn't let him go. He'd plead with him to stay and no amount of assuring Arthur that he would never leave him was sufficient. The worried look remained in his eyes.

Merlin was exhausted with the peaks and valleys of the current situation. To everyone else, Arthur seemed to be coping but when he was alone, he was a different person. Not that he was or would ever be afraid of him but Merlin was afraid for him. He knew that these highs and lows were counterproductive to his therapy. His levels of exercise fell off and sometimes he refused to walk or swim in the afternoon preferring to sit staring at a spot on the wall. Merlin read as much as he could and knew that Arthur was mourning for someone he didn't like and that was taking more out of him than even he had expected.

Merlin was at a loss and when his mother called, he poured out his heart to her.

"Merlin, he doesn't mean any of the awful things he's saying. He's trying to get through his grief and you are receiving the brunt of his frustration. He probably is shocked and slightly frightened to realise that the death of someone for whom he had little respect is upsetting him so much."

-0-0-

Arthur smiled as Gawaine left for London; he himself hadn't been inside the company building since that ill-fated day last November; yet the fitter he became, the more interested he was in what was going on. One day, he planned to return to take up his position. He felt strong, the bad things were in the past and he was facing the future with interest…then he remembered the funeral and his spirits were dashed.

He'd have to give a eulogy or maybe he could get out of it. He didn't have a clue what he would say and decided to ask Charles, Gawaine's father to do it. He would be a perfect choice, he'd phone him that evening. He would also have to contact Minton Hall to advice the staff that there would be overnight guests following the service. Hodge the butler had been with the family for years and would also be well able to cope with that and a small reception.

Merlin would need a black suit to attend the funeral and Ellie would have to bring some clothes for him. Maybe, he'd be better off buying something, he wasn't sure that his suits would fit without alterations. The funeral would be held midweek, so there would be no conflicts with pre-booked marriages.

Gawaine upon being questioned had assured him that the Funeral Home would keep the body until the funeral. A little thought had flitted through Arthur's mind that maybe he should just ask them to keep it forever. He also added that they would take care of the printing of the funeral programme and the sending out of notices for the funeral if Arthur supplied the names and addresses as well as the notice which would be put in the newspapers after the event.

With so few people invited, Arthur had said "I think I would prefer to do it personally. We won't need many invitations. I certainly, don't want the media present."

Arthur's work on the track was excellent. He had completed the circuit in record time for him. Gawaine had watched them start and then left for home. The swimming was also good but Merlin had paid attention and had allowed Arthur to keep pace with him before speeding away during the final lap to finish first. He waited for Arthur at the end of the pool with his arms outstretched along the tiles; Arthur changed lanes and swam right into him. Arthur's hands were anything but innocent and Merlin grinned leaning in for a kiss, "Winner's rights," he'd added.

Pulling on their spa robes and picking up their track stuff, they walked back to their rooms. They had fifteen minutes to change before the police arrived. Arthur had arranged to meet them downstairs in one of the centre's private interviewing rooms.

Detective Holborn was discreet; he accepted the sealed envelope from Arthur and placed it in his breast pocket, assuring Arthur that it would be kept in strictest confidence and returned to him once the case was closed.

-0-0-

Arthur surprised Merlin the following morning by saying, "I've spoken to the Bougie people and made arrangements to go to London this afternoon to view my father's body. I want you to come with me." He almost had a pleading look on his face and Merlin nodded. "I've told Tom to pick us up after my morning sessions and we will spend the night in town. Spot will be happy to see you and I am looking forward to being in my own bed."

For a second Merlin's heart dropped at that last statement but really, why would Arthur want to share when there were plenty of bedrooms available? Merlin had become used to sharing and he would find it strange to sleep without Arthur.

Tom arrived and they left assured by the centre that their rooms would be kept for their return. For Arthur, it was a chance to see if he was advanced enough to manage in the real world. He had nothing strenuous planned. When he stayed at Minton for the funeral, he would continue his swimming and walking routines.

The Urgel Bougie reception area was modern and the staff welcoming. The Funeral Director showed Arthur to a small chapel where knowing of the impending visit, they had temporarily placed the casket asking him if he preferred to be alone or have his guest with him. Arthur turned to Merlin and said, "We'll go in together…"

Merlin averted his eyes from the casket as he walked in, focusing instead on the subdued but rich décor. He felt Arthur's hand searching for his and he took it giving a little squeeze. Together, they walked forward and stood beside the casket. There was a kneeler beside it and Merlin knelt down, made the sign of the cross and prayed. He asked God to look mercifully upon Uther's soul and to give Arthur the strength he needed to forgive his father and to live his own life.

He realised that Arthur was still standing beside him and he stood up checking Arthur's face. Arthur who had tears on his cheeks said softly, "Merlin, there lies my last family member. I'm now end of the line…" He dropped his head and Merlin could see that he was thinking. He then said, "He doesn't look as bad as what I thought he might. I think most of the damage was done to the back of his skull. I think I've seen enough…" He looked up whispered, "Father!" and walked out of the chapel with Merlin following him.

The Funeral Director was waiting for Arthur to sign a few papers. He thanked him for considering their funeral services and assured him that nothing was too much trouble; all he had to do was ask. He stated that the hearse would be at St. Cuthbert's promptly at eleven o'clock adding, "Have you chosen any pallbearers?"

Arthur said, "There will be no pallbearers…it will be a very small funeral with the possibility of a memorial service in London at a later date." Gawaine had suggested this for anyone who wished to attend.

"We would be only to happy to take care of that for you, Sir."

Arthur said, "Thank you! You will be notified of the date and location. Would you also take care of the programme printing and notifications in the media?"

Recalling it later, Merlin was certain that the man had enthusiastically nodded, rubbing his hands. Gawaine had mentioned that dying was an expense to the family and Merlin knew that at least for Arthur the expense was of little importance.

-0-0-

Tom drove them to Arthur's home. With the dark red door, it looked lovely in the afternoon sun and Arthur lead the way up the stairs followed by Tom with their suitcases. Ellie opened the door and smiled saying, "Welcome home, Sir! Good afternoon, Merlin!" Tom left to park the car in the garage.

Arthur stood in his hall and glanced around, just over six long months and he was home. He walked into the lounge and nodded at the fresh flowers and the day's newspapers.

Ellie said, "I thought that you would prefer to eat in so I have prepared supper for the two of you."

Arthur smiled, "Actually it has been a long day, so that is prefect, Ellie."

"I've leave you alone now but if you need anything just buzz downstairs. Your rooms are made up and I took the liberty of laying out some comfortable clothes for you to change into."

Arthur smiled; Ellie must have been a great mother as she seemed to anticipate his every need. He said, "Thank you and how is the rest of your family?"

"Well, John's family will be in town end of this month and we're hoping to see Felicity and her menagerie in a fortnight."

Arthur turned to Merlin explaining that John lived in New Zealand and Felicity in Wales where she raises heritage Llawenog sheep and Welsh Cobs.

"She can't very well descend on us with all the sheep and horses so we go and stay with her and Michael. Tea will be ready in a little while and you can then let me know where you want to have it, either upstairs or in the lounge. Tom can bring it up." She turned and left with a satisfied smile, her Arthur was home safe and sound, things were looking up.

Arthur turned and looked into the dining room and then went along the hall and opened another door, he turned smiling to point to the interior cage style door.

"A lift? Arthur you never told me you had your own lift."

"You never asked! Normally, I would have high-tailed it up the stairs but I guess it was put in for occasions such as these… Up we go!"

Arthur pulled back the scissor like cage door and stood aside for Merlin to enter. It was the perfect size for two people. He closed the cage gate. There were four buttons, the lowest one with a B, one with a G for Ground Floor and two with the numbers 1 and 2. Arthur pushed the button marked with a one and the lift rose slowly.

Merlin couldn't stop himself and in the spirit of the old days announced the floor as the lift attendant would have. He called out, "First floor, Ladies unmentionables, toothpaste, millinery and shoes."

Arthur burst out laughing, he'd had lots of his friends in the elevator but this was a first. He looked at Merlin and realised how lucky he was to have found him or in reality that Merlin had found him. The lift stopped and Arthur nodded at Merlin to pull back the cage gate and push open the door and they were on the bedroom level.

Arthur said, "I think we'd better have two rooms but that doesn't mean that I mightn't arrive in the middle of the night to seduce you."

"I'll be waiting with bated breath," a laughing Merlin replied.

"You can have this one next to mine, less far for me to walk, but come into my room for now." Merlin was no sooner over the threshold than he was in Arthur's arms. Arthur couldn't seem to get enough of him and Merlin was covered in kisses before being walked backward to the bed where he landed with a delicious sinking feeling into the plump duvet.

Within no time, they were both on the bed and Arthur was covering every available inch of Merlin's skin with kisses.

"Trust me?" Arthur asked.

"Always…"

Merlin was soon only conscious of what wonders Arthur was able to do to him. He finally slipped beyond the confines of the room. He came to hearing Arthur's whispering, "You are at your most beautiful when you lose all control…I'm holding you in my arms, as a little bird in the palm of my hand, protecting you from anyone or anything which might want to harm you."

Merlin smiled at him cuddling into the arms holding him until his legs felt as if they could carry his weight and his mind was functioning properly.

Arthur said, "I've been dreaming of having you here in my bed. Welcome home, Merlin!"

"Arthur, this is all so one sided. Can't I do anything for you?"

"You can kiss me to your heart's content but at the moment that's it. I know that you love me and that will suffice with kisses and cuddles until I get the all clear. Merlin, I'm sure things are improving and just think of this as a little hitch in our love life. Just think of all the wonderful things I have in store…" Merlin had claimed his lips and he was only able to say a muffled "…for you."