CHAPTER 24 : A GEORGIAN HOME
Merlin felt quite relaxed at Arthur's. He'd spent time downstairs with Ellie visiting Spot who wouldn't leave him alone. They went out into the garden and he was amused at how happy she seemed outside. A downed leaf fascinated her and she chased after it. Petals were worth pouncing on and even picking up. She found a slug and gave it a very brave poke but was distracted by a robin with a death wish who was sitting in the lower branches of a shrub before dropping to the small lawn. Merlin made a grab for her, cradling her in his arms they sat on the stone steps of the terrace watching the robin's visit.
Merlin said, "Mr. Robin, you'd better be careful as this property is now patrolled by a security cat." He let go of her again and she made her way to the door. It was opened by Arthur who had come to find him.
"If you've finished playing with the cat, I want to go for a walk around the block!" Merlin's head snapped up at the tone of Arthur's voice and he noticed that Ellie had averted her eyes.
He was ready to tease him by saying, 'Arthur, don't tell me you're jealous of a little pussycat?' But he had second thoughts as he looked at him and realised that he wasn't fooling. He was annoyed and looking for an argument, so unlike the Arthur he had once known. He nodded at Ellie as he left without looking again at Arthur saying, "I'll get my jacket and be with you."
He ran up the stairs wary of getting into the lift with Arthur. He knew Arthur was annoyed and shocked about the suicide but it wasn't his fault so why should he be spoken to like that. He shook his head, where was his mother's advice when he needed it.
Ellie had put her hand on Arthur's arm and said, "Please, Arthur, don't take it out on Merlin. He has stood by you through thick and thin. You complement each other."
Arthur said without thinking, "I hardly think that how I treat my friends is your business…!" He wrenched the door open to the lift his face scowling. His mind was in a downward whirl, he'd been sharp with Merlin and now he'd been rude to Ellie who certainly didn't deserve it. By the time he was walking down the outside steps, he had already decided to bring her some flowers to apologise.
Tom was the next into the kitchen and he could see that Ellie was upset. He slipped an arm around her saying, "What's up, Love? Now what has his lordship done?"
"He was nasty with Merlin and once Merlin had gone, I tried to be a peacemaker and he almost snapped my head off."
"Ellie, we didn't know Mr. Pendragon and certainly we don't need to go to the funeral, would you like to go away for a couple of days until this whole thing blows over?
Ellie shook her head, "No, I need to be here and I know it's the stress but he has really changed and I'm worried that Merlin will suffer. Poor Lad, he makes Arthur so happy and I'm sure they love each other…"
"It's just a rough patch they're going through. Merlin is quite capable of dealing with Arthur; it's just more difficult at the moment. Let's have some tea, Dear, and mark my words things will improve. Arthur has had a shock, first the death and then to find out it was a suicide. That following a crippling accident would be enough to pull the mat out from anyone's feet. He's made of sterner stuff, he got through the hospitalisation and just you watch he'll pull out of this as well."
-0-0-
Getting over this they might but Merlin had his doubts as he walked beside a taciturn Arthur. They hadn't even left the house when they'd had a second argument over the walker. Merlin had taken it out of the hall as he passed and Arthur said that he had no intention of walking around his neighbourhood with it. Merlin had said, "Suit yourself! If you don't want it, I'll use it!"
"Merlin that is the most ridiculous thing, I've ever heard! Why would you do that?"
On the tip of his tongue Merlin had the words, 'Because I love you…' but instead he just shrugged his shoulders and followed with the walker.
The flagstones and the kerbs were not as conducive to walking as the track at Nonsuch. After ten minutes, Arthur was lagging especially as they had to waits for the lights and his legs stiffened up. They hadn't even got all the way around the block when Merlin noticed that Arthur wasn't doing as well as he might have been. He stopped saying, "It's your turn to push this thing, I'm fed up with it!"
Arthur said, "Told you, you shouldn't have brought it." Nevertheless, he reached over immediately taking the handles.
Merlin tried hard not to grin, he had been right, they had needed a walker. It helped Arthur giving him the added confidence and stability which he needed. When they came to a park, Merlin asked if they could go in. Arthur nodded and when they came to the first bench, said in a much more conciliatory tone, "Maybe, we could take a break and watch the kids kickng the ball around…"
"Do you want to sit on the bench or on the walker seat?"
Arthur swung the walker around and Merlin put on the brakes and Arthur sat down saying quietly, "It's a better height for me today."
Merlin said nothing deciding to let Arthur suffer in silence a little while longer. He kept his eyes on the kids but he knew that Arthur was glancing at him frequently. Finally, he decided to break the ice by saying, "Arthur, have you something you want to say to me?" On the word me, he turned to face Arthur.
The relief on Arthur's face was tangible as he said, "I'm a bloody idiot, Merlin. I'm my own worst enemy and after I say something unkind to you it hurts me but then I don't know what to say and a little dark cloud seems to grown and fogs my mind. I don't want to be unkind but something seems to snap. It hurts me to see the look on your face but at the moment, I seem to have no control. My mind seems to be all over the place and then I think of how happy we were at St Swithin's just being friends." Merlin's heart clenched. "Now that we are more than friends, I seem to be going out of my way to hurt you…"
He paused and Merlin leant forward and took his hand, "Arthur, I understand, you've had an awful shock and life doesn't seem to be fair. I know that you are not my former Arthur…but I also know that as time goes by, he will return and there will be less conflict between us."
They sat together in companionable silence still holding hands. Merlin finally stood and said, "Are you ready to continue? We don't have far to go." He took Arthur's hands to help him get up and looking at him, didn't hesitate but leant in to give him a resounding kiss. He said with a broad grin as he looked over his shoulder, "That will give the neighbours something to think about." He turned back to Arthur and saw a tear was on his cheek, he used his thumb to brush it away and followed up the kiss with a healthy hug saying, "Don't be sad, Arthur. If anybody can get though this, you and I can!"
They reached the intersection and Arthur said, "Can you see the newsagents down there?" Merlin nodded. "We need to go there as they carry flowers and I need some as I have to apologise to Ellie as I was really rude to her."
"I'll go and get them..." Arthur slipped him a twenty pound note as Merlin said seriously, "…and you can apologise to me later tonight!" his face breaking into a smile as Arthur grinned. Merlin then continued, "Won't be a minute, any particular colour?"
"Something that you think your mother might like…" Merlin was off in a flash and returned with a bunch of cream and two shades of pink coloured Gerbera daisies. "Are these all right? This is what my mother would like. He only had a limited selection and no yellow roses which stand for forgiveness."
Arthur shook his head and laughed, "Merlin, where have you been all my life?" He committed to memory the news that yellow roses stood for forgiveness. He thought to himself, 'Might come in handy sometime…'
-0-0-
Ellie had already decided to apologise to Arthur for not minding her own business but when he walked in with the flowers she became all weepy. "It was my fault," she said. "I should have kept quiet but Merlin seemed shocked and sad. Sorry, Arthur, I promise I will never criticise you again."
Arthur handed her the flowers saying, "You're wrong, Ellie, it was totally my fault. Before all this mess, I would never have spoken to Merlin like that but now I seem to lash out at the very people who are closest to me. I give you full permission to tell me off especially if Merlin is involved and I promise that next time, I will take the criticism with more grace." He smiled and as Ellie held out her arms to him, he accepted her hug.
Tom walked into the kitchen and said, "What am I interrupting?" He smiled kindly at the two of them as he said, "My wife in someone's arms and a beautiful bunch of flowers on the table. Am I missing something?"
"No, Tom. Just that your wife deserved them for reminding me how lucky I really am." Arthur smiled and as he left said, "By the way, Merlin chose them…"
"He's got good taste, they're beautiful, aren't they, Tom?" Tom nodded and Arthur made his escape.
-0-0-
They had supper in front of the TV. Arthur hadn't felt like going out so they took advantage of Ellie's offer to cook.
Gawaine and his father dropped by later in the evening, Charles giving Arthur a rough idea of what he would say in the eulogy. It was very well written and certain parts were poignant but Arthur had remained dry-eyed. Charles said, "You know you are like a son to us and if you need to get away from everything, you are both very welcome to stay with us either in town or in the country. I know that the next couple of days are going to be difficult but Lydia and I are only too willing to do anything to help you."
Merlin said after they left, "I can see Gawaine in his father. He has the same sparkle in his eye but is a much more mature version of his son."
"I love both Lydia and Charles very much. They were there for me growing up and it was often the realisation that they were there which kept me going when I lived at Minton. There home was a refuge, a proper family home, full of laughter, love and respect."
It had been some time before the young Merlin had realised that not every boy in his class had a loving family to return to each night. A family which would help you fight your battles and love you regardless of the messes you got into. He prayed that in the future, he would be able to provide a home like that for Arthur. God knows, he certainly deserved it.
Arthur had received a phone call and had taken it in his office. Merlin finally tired of the programme they had been watching decided to head up. He knew that they had an appointment with the tailor early the following day as the suits will need alterations and could maybe be ready by that afternoon. Arthur had said earlier, "Once our clothes are ready, I'd like to go to Minton, We could have a few days to ourselves before the funeral." Merlin had nodded in agreement.
Turning off the TV, Merlin made his ways upstairs, he then felt uncomfortable as he wasn't to sure where he should be sleeping. He looked at Arthur's half-closed door but felt that maybe charging in there would be presumptuous; he'd wait to be invited if that was what Arthur had in mind. He knew that Arthur had mentioned the room beside his so he opened the door; the bed had been turned down, the bedside lamp was on and his suitcase was in the corner. He lifted it, it was empty and then he realised that Tom had probably put his clothes in the wardrobe and sure enough he had.
He changed into his pyjama bottoms, grabbed a dressing gown and went into the ensuite to get ready for bed. He was tired and he hoped that sleeping in a new room wouldn't keep him awake. He said a quick prayer for his mother, Gaius and Arthur and snuggled into the crisp, fresh smelling sheets and watched the branches outside his window make wavy patterns on his ceiling. He was soon asleep.
-0-0-
He felt Spot leap on his bed and he murmured, "Spot, you came…" But the weight became heavier forcing him to reconsider the cat's presence. He finally opened his eyes when he felt someone's lips on his.
"I hope I can get a better response than '…you came!' Come on, get up! I don't want to sleep alone."
Merlin stretched languidly and tried to burrow deeper into the bed. He didn't want to get out as he was warm and quite relaxed. He slipped his hands from beneath the sheets and linked them around Arthur's neck, "My bed is warm, so why don't you join me here instead?"
Arthur needed no further invitation and slipping out of his clothes pulled back the sheets and joined Merlin. "You know, Merlin, I expected to find you in my bed. I was a little worried that I'd done something awful and that this was your way of telling me to stay away from you."
Merlin explained, "I don't think that I could do that even if I wanted to. You have such a hold on me that my whole days revolves around your and I even think of you when I'm asleep."
"Except when a little cat steals my place in your subconscious heart…"
Merlin laughed, "I thought it would be a little forward going into your room as you were still on the phone. My stuff was in here so I decided to stay." He slipped an arm around Arthur's waist saying, "Anyway, you're here now and correct me if I'm wrong but I believe you have an apology to make."
"I am really sorry for being rude to you today. I was having one of my bad moments. I was feeling really down and you looked so happy with Spot that maybe I was a little jealous and wanted you to myself."
"Great way of going about it!" Merlin said with a laugh..
"Am I forgiven?" Arthur asked as he slipped his hand lower on Merlin's back.
Later, holding Merlin in his arms, he realised that this was the first time he had ever slept in a guest room in his own house. From tomorrow, he decided they would sleep in his room.
-0-0-
Merlin lay beside a sleeping Arthur, whose arm was possessively around him which Merlin took as a good sign. For some strange reason, when they were in bed, there was less animosity and Arthur was almost himself. He'd fool around, tease him and never a nasty word was spoken. It was as if in the confines of the bedroom, they were safe and could be themselves…cocooned away from the harsh realities of the world.
He lay there, unable to sleep as worrying thoughts flooded his mind; he reviewed where the two of them stood at the moment, thinking hard about Arthur's present predicament. Merlin knew that Arthur had hated the way Uther had treated him as both a child and a teenager and he figured that Arthur was possibly surprised at the feelings he was having since his father's death. He knew that Arthur had not expected to care one way or the other if Uther lived or died however, the fact that his life now seemed in turmoil must have shocked him.
Merlin smiled sadly hearing his mother say softly, 'Merlin, always remember that blood is thicker than water!' He remembered the day he had as an eight year old, argued with his best friend Padraig and the following day at school, his big brother had come up to him and unprovoked shoved him, pushing him over…but by then he and Padraig had made up and he was the one to help Merlin to his feet. He realised that life had been so uncomplicated in those days.
He knew that Uther had never been the father a growing boy needed and later on the two Pendragons had practically become estranged yet Arthur had still worked in the family business even though Uther was overly demanding of him even as an adult. Merlin felt that he might even now be thinking through other aspects of his life and he was concerned that Arthur might be questioning that he was actually the man he had always thought himself to be.
Merlin's heart went out to him; one thing was certain, he had no intention of walking away as he couldn't imagine life without Arthur. He'd stay beside him, giving him whatever support he needed. However, if in the end Arthur was no longer interested in him, he'd let him go knowing that although he was deeply in love, it wasn't to be…he'd leave knowing that he had done his best.
Should Arthur not want him, he would never argue the fact as loved him too much. He would take Spot and return to his mother's. She would understand and support him until he felt strong enough to once again face the world.
-0-0-
Arthur was having troubled dreams, disturbing Merlin with his tossing and turning.
He recognises that he is in the old graveyard below the castle walls and sees clearly Merlin standing in front of him pleading with him to choose between him and something or someone. He can only see Merlin but then realises he is pointing at something, a body resting on a byre. There is a crown on the deceased's chest and the byre is surrounded by people but the only impression he gets of them is of red and gold.
He knows which way his heart is telling him to go but then his father arrives and stands menacingly in front of Merlin trying to stop him from reaching him. He knows it is his father and that it should surprise him but he can't remember why. His father is wearing a red cloak and carrying a sword which he brandishes around him most frighteningly. Arthur tries to speak but he's lost the ability; he puts his hand out to ward away the sword and his father yells spinning around, "Blood is thicker than water," and spears Merlin…
He woke suddenly with a gut wrenching gasp. He lay perfectly still hoping that he had not disturbed Merlin. He must have because he felt Merlin's hand searching for his and a voice saying, "You're safe. I'm here! I will stand by you and fight at your side until you no longer need me." He felt Merlin kiss his hand and although he found the reference to fighting beside him strange, it was comforting and he fell back asleep knowing that with Merlin beside him he would be able to conquer anything.