Year 3

Chapter 19: Slytherin Equals Sane

Original chapter 2 by Rune, updates by Steve2

Rune: As I said before, this is going to be random one-shots. This is the scene where Harry meets Sirius in the Shrieking Shack... poor Sirius.

Steve2: the 2nd part of this chapter is new.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or anything related to it.

{-19-}

Sirius stared.

Harry stared back.

Sirius blinked and continued staring.

Harry blinked and continued staring back.

"Harry…"

"Dude! I mean, INSANE PSYCHOPA-mmpphh!" Harry started yelling, but he was cut off by Sirius' hand over his mouth.

"Now, now, no need to do that," Sirius said, "It's not like I'm going to kill you or anything," then Sirius noticed the colors on Harry's Hogwarts tie, "You're a SLYTHERIN!" Sirius took his hand off of Harry's mouth in surprise. "Maybe I was too quick to say I wasn't going to kill you or anything…"

"And you're an insane psychopath… despite being a dude, or at least Dumbledore thinks so, but don't worry, you're not alone… this whole world is filled with psychopaths."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you a Slytherin?"

"Oh that… Slytherin equals sane."

"Huh?" Harry rolled his eyes and explained.

Flashback

Harry didn't know why he was following the insane asylum escapes and their minder but he was. His uncle probably paid them to take him. And by the way his uncle had been yelling, they apparently wanted a lot of money.

"And you get 'sorted' into 'houses' in this asylum?" Harry asked.

"It's not an asylum; it's a school!" McGonagall said, "And yes. There are four houses: Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. Your parents were in Gryffindor."

"My parents went to this asylum?"

"It's not an asylum!" McGonagall yelled. Dumbledore was cheerfully sucking on a lemon drop, totally oblivious to the conversation (further fueling Harry's belief that he was an escapee from the insane asylum). Harry ignored McGonagall and turned to Snape.

"And what 'house' were you in, if any at all?"

"Slytherin," Snape replied, curtly. McGonagall regained Harry's attention and went on to tell him of famous people who came out of Hogwarts and what house they were in, and about the four Founders that the houses were named for. Harry's interpretations of her words were a bit less than what she would have liked.

"I get it," Harry said, making McGonagall think that he finally dropped the asylum thing. "Different people get sorted into these 'houses' based on whether they're sane or not." (McGonagall's eye twitched) "Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw equal insane; that's where all the nuts go." (The twitching got worse) "Slytherin equals sane; that's where all the minders come from. Slytherin is definitely where I want to go." The three of them turned around as they heard a strange sound.

Dumbledore was pounding on his chest, having choked on his lemon drop after hearing Harry's last sentence.

End Flashback

"So you see…Slytherin equals sane."

Sirius fainted. Lupin entered the room, took in the fact that Sirius was on the floor with Harry standing over him, and raised an eyebrow.

"Um…" Harry had the deer in the headlights look on his face, "I didn't do it."

"Didn't do what?" Lupin asked.

"I don't know," Harry admitted, sheepishly, "But whatever it is, I didn't do it."

{-19-}

For some reason, Harry's godfather was as insane as the rest of the people in his life these days. He actually thought a small rat was his avenue to freedom from the chain gang. Who was Harry to argue since he'd seen a lot weirder in his three years at the asylum.

So it was that Harry, Sirius and Professor Lupin were carrying a rat in a cage out of the tunnel when what should happen but Lupin falls down on the ground and starts to have an epileptic fit or something. Harry knew that was bad, but worse was when the cage he was carrying dropped and the rat got free.

Harry had to catch it! Who knew what kind of disease it was carrying if Sirius hadn't gotten it from one of the scientists, wherever they were. Harry ran, but the rat ran faster on its stubby legs, and Harry finally gave up as the rat made its way to the forest.

Harry came back to help Professor Lupin but no longer saw him or his godfather. Hmmm, he must have taken him to the school nurse or something.

Instead, he saw a dog and a big-ass dog on the lawn. "Great – someone let their strays loose. Well, time to earn my keep. C'mere, boy, come on, that's it. I have a nice bone for you. What? You don't like bones? You want a juicy professor instead? Ha-ha, just kidding. Let's get you that steak."

Harry rolled up a few parchments into a tight bunch and whapped the big-ass dog on the snout. "Bad dog! Don't make me whap you again. Sit! I said, sit! Good dog. Come on, both of you. Let's get you something to eat from the Great Hall. It's not like the head insane patient will mind. He's insane by the way." Whap! "No biting! Down, boy! Good boy! That's a good doggie. If you keep this up, I might have to introduce you to Ripper."

Harry opened the castle doors and then entered the Great Hall.

"Hey, anyone have a leash? Or some steak? I think this dog is hungry. Sit! Now lay down. Shake your paw? C'mon, give me that paw."

"That's a werewolf, Potter!" someone shouted. Well, quite a few several someones as it turned out.

"No, it's a big-ass dog! Geez, take your meds and calm down why don't you? You're exciting the rest of the patients! Uh-oh, I don't think this dog is housebroken yet. Anyone got a towel? Or a mop?"

{-19-}

Rune: This was inspired by my brother's "Whatever It Is, I Didn't Do It" t-shirt. I want a shirt like that… that and the "Curiosity Killed The Cat, But For A While I Was The Suspect" shirt.

Steve2: This last part was inspired by a comment I saw in the reviews about taking Lupin into the Great Hall as a werewolf. Hope you like it.

Read and Review, please! Smiles!

Rune/Steve2