So it appears as though I don't update in forever and then update with super speed! Sorry about that guys. But I have been working on this one for a while, and I have to say I'm fairly happy with how it's turned out.

Again, I feel as though I've gone to town on this one (it's nearly 5k words so I guess I got kind of carried away!) but I hope you won't mind.

As far as the timeline goes, I see this one a couple of months from the last episode, ignoring the whole job offer plotline.

Credit goes out to devanlanier in suggesting:

"You taught me to follow my heart even if in doing so I break the rules... Well, he is my heart... So screw your rules!"

They'd been sneaking around for the past three and a half months. And it was bliss.

Erin was always the worst at the relationships, or so she figured. She'd always struggled with the intricities of dating; compromising on petty arguments and letting him pay for dinner. Not freaking out when he gave her the bottom drawer to his side table and leaving a spot for his toothbrush in her bathroom. Entwining their bodies on the sofa for hours on end and getting used to him having a side of the bed.

Not that she didn't love all those things; they actually managed to bring out a side to Erin she didn't even know existed. She just wasn't good at being in a relationship. Especially one that was virtually illegal in the eyes of her Sergeant.

With Voight still being on full alert for any budding romance, both Lindsay and Halstead took extra care in their escapades. They didn't carpool, even when spending the night at the same apartment, and they didn't leave with each other. And they considered to be doing a pretty good job at keeping their relationship under wraps.

Yet Erin felt herself crumbling; straining under the yearning of the honeymoon phase of a relationship. For the ten hour days they spent at the precinct, she found herself aching to touch his fingertips and brush her lips against his in passing. And she could see a new found hesitancy burning in his eyes when she vested up. She felt a same worry in the pit of her stomach whenever she heard shots firing with Halstead around.

Still, she cared for him in the best way that she could. She texted him frequently, even when he was only feet from her, and they'd take numerous detours on non-urgent cases. They'd pull into an empty parking lot somewhere and make out for as long as they could get away with, stealing the seconds with every kiss. It was feverous and exciting, and Erin felt on fire with every time his eyes flashed in her direction.

"Lindsay?"

Erin snapped out of her daze the minute she heard his voice. She was flicking through files and her mind managed to wander somewhere far away.

"Can you help me grab something from evidence lockup?" Jay continued, arms folded as he stood by his desk. Erin's eyes flickered around the room and no one seemed put off at all by Halstead's request. Her eyes went back to her partner, and she willed herself not to relinquish a grin at the hint of a smirk on his lips.

"Sure." She tried to keep her voice as steady as possible. She looked again, no one noticed.

As she followed him through the winding corridor, Erin found herself looking helplessly over her shoulder every couple of steps. She was certain paranoia was a regular feeling for her now.

But then everything melted away, the second Jay turned the knob to a side closet, so discreet you'd miss it if you weren't seeking it out. He flicked the door open, looking past Erin to ensure they were alone before slipping inside, Lindsay only a step beside.

A light flickered on and the second Erin's second foot stepped inside the minut room, and before she could utter a single word she'd been aching to let out to him all day, her back was pressed against the closed door and his lips were moving against hers.

She let out a grin against his lips, feeling a sense of craziness at how her whole body could melt at the action. His hands were at either side of her neck, his fingertips tangled in her loose hair.

Erin's hands moved unconsciously to his side, gripping the material of his shirt and tugging his body closer to hers. She tasted his smile as stars exploded on his tongue. And when he finally broke them free, he uttered a single word that managed to make everything inside of her quiver.

"Hi."

His gaze travelled upwards from her lips to her eyes. They crinkled at the edges.

"Hi." She rasped back.

"How's your day?"

"Oh, you know, kinda boring. Plus there's this cute guy on the desk opposite me. He's a real distraction."

She felt his smile before she saw it. And there was a storm in his eyes that she was certain she wanted to get caught in.

"'Cute', huh? Sounds a little like the distraction I've got opposite me."

He was moving closer again, and within seconds she felt his hot lips land on her neck. She was tingling all over and felt that her knees would buckle at any given second.

"Really?" She whispered in response, trying her hardest to maintain composure. Every kiss against the soft skin of her neck let out an earthquake in her body. "Tell me more..."

His stubble slid against her, and she tried to hide the moan threatening to seep out. Like always, Jay had all the right things to say, and spoke in even intervals between landing kisses that trailed toward her lips.

"Well, for starters, she's the smartest person I've ever met..." His lips dipped just beneath her jaw. "And she has the biggest heart..." The line of her jaw softened the minute his lips made contact. "And she's deadly with a shotgun..." He was holding the other side of her jaw, stopping her from melting under his touch. "And... She's sexy as hell..."

His tongue was in her mouth, pushing against hers in a constant battle for dominance. She was smiling again, and Jay noted that he could kiss Erin Lindsay's smile for the rest of his life.

"Sounds like you hit the jackpot." She mumbled against his mouth, the smile never dropping.

"I'm pretty sure I did."

Erin had no idea that she could feel like this; like her heart was pounding so hard against her ribcage it was going to break free at any moment. That when he was holding her face with his only inches from hers, everything for once in her life felt put together. As though everything that had happened to her in her life had led her to that exact moment with him.

He was still smiling and so was she, and their hands never left one other.

"So..." Jay began softly. "You're still coming over tonight, right?"

The smile slipped from Erin's lips and she felt her heart drop into her chest for a second. With a sigh, she tilted her head apologetically and hoped he'd understand.

"Rain check on tonight? Voight asked if I had plans, and I had to tell him I was free."

Halstead took a swayed step back from her with a look of hurt on his face. She guessed he'd be subtly pissed, but she never thought she'd see it so evident on his face.

"Would you have wanted me to say I was going over to your's for a night of food, beer and sex?" She asked with a laugh, expecting him to join in with a smile, tell her it was fine then kiss her for another 5-10 minutes. But he still wasn't smiling. He was looking deep into her eyes as though wanting to draw something out.

"Maybe not phrased exactly like that, but... Yeah."

"Are you crazy?" She blurted out, incredulous.

Erin and Jay had always had the same understanding, or so she thought. Both understood the risk they were taking, and took that risk regardless. Both loved their jobs and both knew that Voight finding out would be the worst case scenario. Because that meant if not one of them, both would lose their jobs.

And yet Jay was standing there, his eyes wide and hopeful as he uttered the unbelievable. Erin felt dizzy all of a sudden.

"Do you realise how stupid that would be, to tell him."

"So... What? We hide out in closets and sneak around in the dark for the rest of our lives? You could do that?"

She ran fingers through her hair, wondering how she went from moaning with his tongue in her mouth to listening to him talk about forever. Erin had never been good at forever. And she probably never would be.

"Where did all this come from?" She asked, or more appropriately, demanded. Things were getting too real, too fast. "We're just having fun here, how can you be talking about the rest of our lives?"

"I just need to know that telling him is a possibility... Someday. I need to know that you're as into this as I am."

Her head dropped to the side, her expression softening. Her hands sought out the curve of his neck and tugged him closer, against his rigidity. "Hey, come on, you know-"

"Look, I know how important he is to you, and I know what he's done for you. I just... I need to know if there's ever gonna come a time where I'm as important to you as he is."

"Jay... You know his rule, okay. You know what he said." Jay's eyes fell and she held her grip tighter, her thumb running across his jaw. "Look, whatever this is with me and you... I... It's good. It's great, actually. So if sneaking around in a few closets means we get to keep our jobs, I think this is what we should do."

He stopped for a second, and so did her heart. And then it gave one bold beat when he stepped back and her fingertips fell from his skin. He met her eyes again and she could see the pain in his.

"I don't know if this is enough."

Her jaw tightened in sadness, anger, frustration. "I can't give you any more than I am already giving!"

And that's what was most frustrating. Erin had always struggled to let people in, to let them see inside of her. But then Jay came along and he made it seem so easy. And she bled out everything she could to let him see her to her core, and now he said that wasn't enough.

He let out a sigh that shuddered through his whole body, and his eyes looked heavy all of a sudden. She watched his jaw tense and his gaze lift back to her.

"I think we should stop this for a while."

She wondered if he could hear the sound of her heart breaking. Whether he could hear the way something seemed to shatter inside of her.

She guessed he couldn't, because thirty seconds later, he was walking out of the closet; their small, private, world of bliss into the harsh reality of the workplace. He walked out, but Erin couldn't find the heart to.

They usually gave it thirty seconds. It was normally Erin who left first; she'd kiss him hard and peel her lips from his in a way she knew he'd be aching for more, because she was too. And then she'd leave their little cupboard and find her way back to her desk, slipping herself back into the real world as she wiped the taste of him from her lips.

This time, she waited four minutes. And it shook her.

She'd never felt her chest quiver like that because of a guy. She'd never felt like a part of her was torn because of a guy. She'd never felt her world was in turmoil because of a guy.

Maybe because Jay was never just 'a guy.'

When she felt somewhat composed, Lindsay slipped out of the discrete closet and made her slow way back to her desk. She felt her partner's eyes on her as she sunk into her chair, and she hoped to god she didn't look as bad as she felt.

She reopened the file she was looking at and stared aimlessly at the endless sheets of paper.

There was a small part of her, a part that she'd managed to squash down so small she wasn't even sure was still there, that told her to forget about her pride and go along with Halstead's somewhat reasonable request of telling Voight.

But then another part of Erin Lindsay, the part she considered to be rational, told her to suck it up. To stop thinking about rearranging her life for a relationship that never had a chance. When they first found each other in that sense, when she first kissed him on the snowy pavement under the hazy streetlight, she knew deep down that it was doomed from that very second. She'd been warned by everyone that you can't mix work and pleasure. And maybe she was an idiot for thinking she could.

Antonio and Adam began packing up at 7.30. And Erin watched as Jay was close behind. His computer was shutting down and he stood slowly from his desk. She tried her hardest not to make eye contact, to not let her chest shatter all over again.

Instead she somehow found the courage to grab the wad of files from her desk and walk briskly past them all, heading to evidence lockup with nothing more than a faded, "night guys"," leaving her lips as she passed Dawson and Ruzek.

When making it to evidence, Erin steadied herself on the counter, taking a few sharp breaths as she ran her fingers through her loose waves. She couldn't even begin to contemplate why she was feeling so sick. She couldn't fathom why watching Jay walk out of those doors would certainly fracture everything within her.

Deep breath.

Get over it.

Deep breath.

He's just a guy.

Deep. Breath.

All she got was lightheaded. It passed quickly, and she was soon flicking through the files she'd been rumaging through for most the day. Her fingertips trailed their edges and she looked aimlessly through them all.

"Uhm, Detective?" She looked up sharply, hardening whatever temporary soft expression she was sporting.

It was only Burgess, but Erin remained composed nonetheless.

"Burgess. Hey."

Her eyes went back down to the cabinet in front of her.

"Hey, I just... I, uh..." Kim's nervous tendencies were shining through. "I just saw Halstead leaving..."

"Good for him." Erin mumbled absently, her voice thick with sarcasm. She wasn't sure why she was getting briefed on the actions of her partner, but she didn't question it and instead kept her head down.

"And, I just... I wanted to say that if you ever wanted to talk about it, or..."

"Talk about what, Burgess?" Erin challenged, eyes squinted.

She gulped and hesitated before answering. "I know about you and Halstead. Being... Together."

Lindsay paused and held her breath for the briefest second. Then her jaw set and her teeth managed to grit. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Kim took a step forward, despite the cold tone. "I know it's not my place-"

"You're right, it's not your place. It's not your business either." Erin snapped. "So take these files down to Platt, and don't talk to me about this again."

Although Lindsay didn't falter, she couldn't deny the drop in her stomach the minute she said it. She was projecting onto Kim, who didn't deserve that.

But like any decent person, Burgess simply nodded and collected the three files left by Erin on the counter. She moved quick in swiping the papers and headed for the door without giving her superior a second glance.

With an internal sigh and permanent anger at herself, Erin called back the officer before she could leave the room. "Burgess."

Kim stopped and turned around, no trace of anger or annoyance present on her face. God, Erin thought. How do people do that? How do people just hold in their anger instead of spewing it out like fire?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, detective." Kim replied lightly. There was no irritation of malice in her use of 'detective', only respect. It made Erin feel even worse for her outburst.

They maintained eye contact, and for one of the first times in her life, Erin yearned for the company. She craved for a girlfriend with whom she could share the troubles that were gathering in her mind. And Kim was looking at her like she could be that confidant.

"You wanna know how I could tell?" Burgess eventually went on, after seeing something in Erin's eyes. Lindsay nodded, despite herself. "You're happier. And I know that's crazy, because we're not that close and I only see you for about twenty minutes every day... But you're happier. I can tell. And I think that means that whatever you two have... It's worth fighting for."

Erin let the words settle in her head. She didn't think she'd ever had something worth fighting for. Except maybe her job, which ironically was what compromised with the other important thing in her life.

She faltered for a few moments and for a while, let the hopefulness consume her in a way she hadn't before.

"Yeah, well... Doesn't matter anyway." She dropped her head back to the cabinet and began flicking through again. She could feel the burning eyes of the officer on her. "It's over."

"Already."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Lindsay bit her lip and looked up. And despite wanting to stick to her promise of keeping it secretive, she needed the release of it all.

"He wanted me to tell Voight. Or know that I would tell him. One day." She couldn't help but notice the irony in her uttering the words, 'one day'.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"I called him crazy and he ended it." She stated bluntly, feeling a sickness as she revisited it.

"Just like that?

"Just like that."

Erin could hear Kim hesitating; wanting to say something but not having the courage to. Lindsay had been there before.

"And you just let him go?"

Erin looked up sharply at Burgess. "I didn't have much of a choice. He wants to tell Voight, and... I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's suicide." Erin snorted, trying her hardest to hold herself together. "Because we'd both be out of a job."

"You don't know that," Kim countered, stepping forward as her tone softened. "You don't know how he'd react..."

"Trust me, I do."

They were silent for a while. And while her broken body began crumbling under the strain, Erin felt oddly at ease with Kim still there.

"Well," Burgess started eventually, her quiet voice barely cutting through the air. "You should just ask yourself whether or not it's worth the risk, and... And if it is, I think you should know that you can work past this."

Erin's face softened, and she bowed her head slightly as Kim turned to leave. She felt all talked out for the day, but as the officer neared the door, Lindsay felt as though she had one more thing to say.

"Burgess." Kim stopped in her tracks and turned. "You and Ruzek... Is that something worth fighting for?"

Fear flashed across her face for half a second, realising her secret relationship was suddenly not-so-secret. Then her face seemed to relax and the glistening hint of a smile spread across her lips. And Erin could do nothing but admire the way in which Burgess spoke in anything but a whisper, not stopping in her tracks to check over her shoulder at the sight of a superior, not afraid.

"One hundred percent."

She hovered for a moment longer, the twitching of her lips carrying on long after the words were uttered. And long after she was gone, Erin still couldn't find the strength to breathe.

She was sitting at her desk, eyes landing heavily on an empty space across from her.

Her mind was running laps, racing at a speed that caused her brain the thump throughout her whole body. With a dry mouth, she tried to figure out what to say. How to say it. What would happen when she did.

But her words dissolved into nothingness in her mind.

"Hey, kid." She looked up sharply when Voight was closing his office door, sliding his arms into his jacket. "You ready for that drink?"

This was it. This was her moment. The throbbing intensified. She gulped.

"I had plans for tonight." She said, somewhat blurting out the words.

It was dark by this point, and a shadow haunting Hank's presence certainly wasn't helping her confidence in the moment. He hadn't said anything, so she pushed on.

"I had plans..." She stood up from her chair. "With Halstead."

Hank hitched an eyebrow, but failed to move or utter a word.

"In fact... I've had plans with Halstead for the past two or three months."

"What are you talking about, Lindsay?"

She gulped. Lindsay. Things never went well when he called her Lindsay.

It would still be so easy to back out in that moment. She could force a laugh, and let him believe she was setting up a really bad joke. But like always, the scent of Jay was on her. And the taste of Jay was on her. And everything good about him, was on her. And she suddenly wasn't so afraid.

"We're together." She stated, unwavering.

"Didn't I make things clear enough?" He barked, his anger already rising. "Do you realise that this is my unit? That I make the rules here?" He was stepping closer, his voice grating with every step he took. "You've left-"

"A string of broken hearts, yeah, I get that." She finished, echoing his words that never left her mind. "But... This is different, Hank, this is-"

"This is you and him," He spat the word like venom. "playing house. I put everything on the line to get you this job. To save you. And you can't follow one simple rule?"

It felt like a slap. Her jaw hardened and a sickness settled in her stomach. She couldn't believe he was throwing it back in her face.

"You know how grateful I am..." She said after a few seconds, willing herself not to get angry. "For everything. But... Enough with this rule."

She pictured Jay, scruffy and soft on her sofa, sipping a beer as he shot her a lopsided grin. How he'd bring his smooth hands to the nape of her neck when drawing her in, and how he'd then settle his fingertips loosely on her hip or thigh, someplace that he knew would drive her crazy. How he'd wanted to tell Voight, despite all of this. Despite the consequences.

It was quiet now, but Erin could practically hear Hank's mind pulsing. "You practically raised me. You taught me what it was like to have a family. You taught me to work hard to get where I want to be. You taught me to follow my heart even if in doing so I break the rules..." She could hear her voice trailing off, and hoped he was hanging onto her words. "Well, he is my heart..." She bit her lip, meeting Hank's stare. "So screw your rules." With a painfully sombre tone, she finally did it. She finally fought for Jay.

She grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair and let her feet take her.

"Whatever you have to do..." She stopped to look at him. "Just... Just know that he's worth it. He's always been worth it."

And with that, she was gone.

She sat in her car, fingertips tapping on the steering wheel erratically. She was just outside of his building, and could see the light on in his apartment.

Her stomach was doing somersaults and there were a few instances where Erin felt as though a vomiting episode out of the car window was soon to ensue. But it passed. Eventually.

She ran cold fingertips through the roots of her hair, tugging on it as she fisted it at the crown of her head.

Come on.

She'd never done this; the whole cliched climax to a love story. This was the part where everything was supposed to fit and make sense. Where the pieces of her heart that had been fractured for so long found their broken way back to each other.

But what if it wasn't?

What if a broken heart couldn't mend itself like that? Or worse, what if she was ready to fix the aching in her chest, but this wasn't what Jay wanted?

She pushed the thoughts from her mind, forcing herself out of the car. Each step was a struggle, the bile thickening in the pit of her stomach as the icy wind caught in her chest. She pushed her way in, hitting the elevator button with shaky fingertips. After what felt like forever, the doors heaved open and with all the strength she could muster, Erin stepped in. She stepped into the new reality where she put someone above her job.

She was on his floor within seconds, on the same corridor that she'd spent most nights for the past three months. She stood blankly in front of the door she'd become so accustomed to. Her fingertips trailed the solid wood, and before she could let herself back out of it, her knuckles tapped three times, hard.

With shallow breathing, Erin waited. She waited like Jay had waited for 'one day'. She waited with butterflies in her stomach and a longing for his taste on her lips. And then, just like that, the waiting was over.

"Hey." She said shakily the second the door was swung open.

He was wearing the same thin black sweater from earlier, curved at the collar and rolled up slightly at the sleeves. He sported the same black jeans and the same thick, tousled hair.

"Hey." He replied. His eyes were sad and Erin thought that her heart might break all over again.

"I was wrong." She managed to blurt out. Jay hitched an eyebrow, pushing her forward. "I told him. I told Voight. And there's a good chance I'm getting fired tomorrow, but... But I don't care. I mean, I obviously care... But when I'm thinking about you, and us... I don't care. I should've told you that earlier, but I was afraid. I'm still afraid, here, right now... But you make me braver somehow. So I'm choosing you. Over everyone, I'm choosing you. So now you know that I'm as into this as you are. I'm in. I'm all in."

He let her ramble, he let her heart pour out everything she'd been holding in. And when she finished, he kissed her. Hard. With both his hands cradling either side of her face, and for the first time, being able to hear her heart beat right next to his.

"Say it again." He whispered after a lifetime, her lips numb from a bruising kiss.

"I'm all in." She started, but stopped when he shook his head softly. He flashed that goofy grin she didn't know she craved until that very second. His nose was grazing hers, and she finally understood what he wanted. A grin took hold of her face as she rasped back, "I was wrong."

He was smiling in her mouth, really smiling.

"I was wrong. I was wrong." She chanted it in a slow whisper as she kissed him. Over and over and over again.

And when she was done kissing him, he uttered a single phrase back, so quiet she could barely catch it from his lips. "All in."

I hope I'm not being too modest in saying this is probably one of the better chapters I've written, so please drop me a review telling me how you found it!

(I 100% admit that if this was a full fic it would've gone a lot smoother, and I could've added more to it, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.)