Little Lessons

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Merlin supposed it was his fault.

What Merlin had never considered in those rare times when he had imagined Arthur's return (and he hadn't seen the others coming back at all, especially a newly young Gaius) was that it wouldn't be the "big" things his King would have to adjust to that would throw him for a loop - the cars, the computers, moving pictures, etc. - but instead the small things. For it was the near constant barrage of the little, unexpected items and inventions and conventions that caused Merlin daily despair at just how alien this modern world was for his companions and how many things he himself had to learn in taking care of them.

Like doorknobs, of all things. Merlin had grown so used to them that when Elyan couldn't open a door because he kept pulling on the handle without turning it, the warlock was shocked to remember this particular innovation had only been around for less than a hundred and fifty years and his friends would have never seen one in their lives. Cutlery was another thing - they didn't know how to eat with a fork! And clothing! Their unfamiliarity with zippers he'd guessed at, but not buttons. (Fifteen hundred years later and he was still having to dress the prat!) Another day he unthinkingly told them he'd be back at 11:45 and got half way to the market before realizing they wouldn't even know what a clock was, let alone be able to tell time. And the day before yesterday it was paintings; he'd known photographs would be new to them, but it wasn't until he recalled that medieval art had had no perspective or even realistic faces that he understood their marvel at the portrait in the sitting room.

Foodstuffs were a never-ending introduction. Coffee was new to them, as was actual tea, and only Gaius seemed to like either. Upon tasting the former, both Arthur and Leon had unconsciously spit it on the floor and Merlin - once again - had to remind them servants weren't waiting in the wings to clean up after them.

Oranges and bananas were also strange, though much better received once Merlin had told Gwaine to peel it first instead of biting into it like a chimp. ("Like a what, Merlin?) However, this event lead Merlin to learn a very important lesson, namely to make sure every one of them saw his demonstrations. For Gwaine's unholy embrace of exotic fruits lead almost directly to the revelation that he had missed Merlin's bathroom instructions on the first night and had been relieving himself amongst Merlin's rose bushes. It also lead incidentally to the discovery of what the knight had been using the "little well with the handle" in the bathroom for, a picture of which simply didn't bear thinking about.

Another lesson Merlin was quickly forced to learn was never to let them use anything that involved power or electricity. He had foolishly believed their fascination with switching lights on and off all hours of the day had meant they understood how things were powered in 21st century. Needless to say it was a presumption doomed to a speedy end with the cooking incident.

They'd meant well, he knew. He'd gone to bed with a massive headache and while Gaius had cursed and raved at the child-proof cap on the "willow bark pills" Merlin had shown him before (eventually cutting his finger when he tried to saw the bottle open with his eating dagger, causing Merlin to have to get up and show him how to apply a Band-Aid), the others had decided they would make the evening meal.

Unfortunately, instead of just making up a cold plate, they had come to the consensus that something hot was called for.

So, twenty minutes later, a rather inevitable commotion ensued and Merlin raced downstairs to find - in no particular order - a) the tree near the front door cut down, b) a stack of wood sitting in his electric stove, c) the smoke detector shrieking and d) eight crestfallen medieval souls glumly standing in the shower of water coming from his sprinkler system.

Despite his headache, Merlin could feel one side of his mouth twitching.

"All right," he said, clapping his hands together after the fire trucks had left, "There will be two lessons tonight. First one: No one is ever, and I repeat ever, to touch anything until I've taught them how to use it."

"Second lesson: Sandwiches!"

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Random History Bits:

The doorknob as we know it was patented in 1878.

Forks have been around since Ancient Egypt, but weren't commonly used in Western Europe until the 16th century in Italy, and the 18th century for most of the rest of the continent.

Zippers were invented in 1851. Buttons with buttonholes used as fasteners on clothes came to Europe around the 13th or 14th century.

Graphical perspective in painting (I think) originated in Italy in the early 1400s.

I know tea is mentioned on an episode, but tea didn't come to England until about 1660, and wasn't widely consumed until the 19th century, so in my head canon they were using some different version and just calling it "tea". Also, just so you know, I don't picture Arthur and Leon doing this in a selfish way, but just as a habit of the time.

Sandwiches have a long history, but they appeared in England around the 18th century, supposedly originating with (and named for) John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich.