a/n: only re-posting this because the page breaks didn't show up the first time around. Sorry about that, I know its a story-killer.
Year 7
1977
Early November
Remus was fairly certain that he had frightened Sirius off with his little bit in the stairwell. When the two had arrived at the library that night, Sirius had sat three spaces away at the large work table, and had left as soon as his essay was finished with only a quick "See ya'" over his shoulder. James had been a bit put off that Sirius didn't want to stay with them.
Remus hadn't said anything that night, or the next day, since he himself was feeling a bit weird about it all and could only imagine how confused Sirius was at the moment. Not that Remus had much patience for mindless confusion like this. The fact that he was at the end of his rope was making things strained with all the marauders. Everytime Remus spoke directly to Sirius the boy became so fidgety he couldn't sit still. He had jumped in Charms when Remus had tried to grab his hand to correct the wand movement.
But none of this had Sirius stopped from looking.
Remus could feel his eyes on him all the time and whenever he managed to catch Sirius's lovely grey ones with his own, the other wizard would blush (something altogether new for him) which only enticed Remus even more so that he would do stupid things when they had made eye contact, like wink, or maybe just bite his lip a little, or give Sirius a very thorough glance with his eyes.
Really, it was only fair since Sirius was driving him insane with his incessant staring. James seemed to pick up that something weird was going on, but had decided to not mention it. His only reaction the the trembly mess that Sirius had become in the presence of his friends (because he never allowed himself alone with Remus) was a quick eyeroll in the werewolf's direction and a not-so-subtle shake of his head. Peter had also put his powers of observation to work and had decided that something was very wrong with Sirius.
"Sirius, can you sit still, please?" Peter grumbled as the four sat around a pile of parchment and text books. "I can't concentrate when you do that, you're shaking the whole Common Room!"
"Sorry, mate." Sirius did managed to stop bouncing his leg for approximately 37 seconds before he jumped up, spilling ink and parchment and flinging his quill into Peter's lap.
"Kitchen run." He muttered, completely flustered.
"What the fuck?" Peter said quietly, looking at the other two. James had a contemplative look on his face, and Remus was doing his best to hide a smile. He was wearing his super-Prefect face, which was always a dead-giveaway that he was highly amused.
"Alright, Remus, what's all of this about?" James turned to look closely at the boy sitting next to him.
"With Sirius?"
"Obviously, don't be thick."
"I think he's just having a bit of an identity crisis at the moment."
"What do you mean?" Peter asked confused. Identity crisis? Did that mean he wanted to be in Slytherin after all these years?
"What kind of identity crisis?" James asked.
"It's not really my place to talk about other people's issues, James." Remus replied diplomatically.
"But you know what's going on, then?" Peter interjected.
"Yes."
"And you're helping him with it?" James fixed Remus with a very serious look.
"He won't really talk to me about it anymore."
"Well you need to do something, Moony. He's driving us all insane!"
Peter flopped back against the armchair dramatically.
"I'm trying," Remus said, "he's just been avoiding me."
"Yeah, I wonder why." James said with a snort.
Ah, so maybe Remus's teasing hadn't been as secret as he thought.
Remus blushed. Luckily Peter had already returned to his homework, confident that the problem would be resolved now that Remus was officially on the case.
"Is that the problem then?" James demanded quietly.
Remus nodded, once, twice, blushing even more.
"Fucking hell. We'll talk about this later, Remus."
James had an uncanny ability to sound a lot like Remus's father. It was probably Lily's influence.
After that conversation, which had taken place exactly one week after the hair-washing incident, James suddenly found himself involved in the bizarre staring game that was going on between Sirius and Remus. He somehow managed to keep Sirius ignorant of the fact that there was now a third-player, but whenever he caught the other two Marauder's at it he would fix Remus with either an amused glance or an impatient one. It was a bit uncomfortable, Remus realized, to be caught making eyes at one of your best mates. Especially when it was James and he had that knowing look on his face.
After one particularly heated stare-down James had grabbed Remus roughly by the shoulder and pulled him from the Great Hall.
"Moony." He said sternly, crossing his arms and staring at the other boy.
"Prongs." Remus said, mocking him.
"Fuck off."
"Excuse me?"
"You need to stop. Sirius is a mess, and I can't see this ending well."
"Why aren't you telling him to stop?" Remus demanded, slightly annoyed at being told off like a small child.
"I will, but get this out of your system, go find some Hufflepuff and deal with it."
James gestured vaguely to Remus's crotch with a blush on his face. Remus raised his eyebrow, moving from annoyed to amused.
"It's not like that, James."
"Well it seems like that. You two have been making eyes at each other for days."
"And?"
"And neither of you do relationships, Remus. Fuck, this just isn't going to work."
"No one said anything about a relationship, Prongs. I'm not asking Sirius to be my boyfriend." Remus spat the last word out with a shake of his head.
"That's exactly why this won't work!"
Remus was saved by Lily coming around the corner, out of breath. She wheezed out something about Peeves and trapped third-years before dragging him away.
"We're not done talking!" James hollered back to Remus.
Sirius was working diligently on his potions assignment that was due monday in the company of his three friends late one saturday night, when Peter announced abruptly that he was going to bed. Sirius refused to look up from his parchment; the numbers were dwindling, it was only himself, James and Remus. The boy pushed his long hair out of his face anxiously and chewed his right thumbnail. He couldn't very well follow Peter up to bed, that would be cowardly and Sirius was not a coward. Maybe when James announced that it was past his own bedtime Sirius would go too?
He snuck a look under his eyelashes to James's favorite armchair. It was empty.
Realization struck Sirius and he jerked his head up to find Moony, sprawled comfortably across several cushions to his left, staring at him with one raised eyebrow.
"Alright, Padfoot?" He asked quietly. The Common Room was practically silent, excluding the quiet complaints of a group of fifth-years who were revising for a Charms practical that week.
"Where'd everyone go?"
"I'd imagine they're asleep, its nearly two."
"But, it's a Saturday."
"Maybe they're worn out from the Halloween party last night?"
"Oh."
Yes, that party where Sirius had gotten fabulously smashed and passed out on the very cushions where Remus was now lounging suggestively. Perhaps only Sirius thought it was suggestive.
"Lily also cleared everyone out at one so she and James could have a Head's meeting."
Remus licked his finger as he turned the page in his new favorite muggle novel (which, Sirius knew, he had read three times since September).
"But they're not here."
"Nope."
"Where'd they go then?"
"Prongs went up about half an hour ago."
Sirius didn't say anything, because he was busy watching the fifth years pack up their things and guide one of their sobbing friends up the stairs to their dorm. Presumably it was time for bed when someone had a mental breakdown.
"How's the assignment going?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
The door to the girls' room clicked shut and Sirius could only hear the pounding of the blood in his own ears. He sat, his entire body tense, waiting for Remus to-
"Sirius, I'm not going to jump you or anything. You can calm down."
Sirius laughed nervously. Remus was watching him cautiously.
"I'm calm, totally 100-percent chill."
Remus snorted and returned to his book.
The next fifteen minutes were filled only with the ruffling of pages as Remus continued to read, or the scratching of Sirius's quill as he tried to explain the different processes for distilling murtlap tentacle.
"Sirius, you've been bouncing your leg for ten minutes now, are you sure everything's okay?"
"Yes, Remus, I'm fine." Maybe that came out a little too sarcastic, because Remus snapped his book shut (without even marking the page, which was always a sure sign he was annoyed) and sat up.
"Don't!" cried Sirius helplessly, shutting his eyes.
"Don't what? Christ, Padfoot, what do you think I'm going to do?"
"Don't look at me!"
Remus was silent, so Sirius presumed it safe to open one eye slowly. His friend was looking there with a very distraught expression on his lovely face.
"Don't look at you?" It was said so quietly that Sirius barely heard it. More like an exhalation of air than actual speech. Sirius nodded. Remus grunted and stood up. He strode towards the staircase and didn't even acknowledge Sirius until he was halfway up.
"You know, Sirius, you're the one who kissed me. You're the one who started this. If you can't grow up and talk about it, you're going to make things really fucking weird. James already knows something's up."
Sirius paled at that.
"And you know what? I can't read your mind. So if you want me to do something, or not do something, you need to fucking tell me. Because you've been driving me insane."
"I'm sorry." blurted out Sirius. Remus paused and studied him.
"Me too, Sirius. Me too."
"I just-I don't know what-. Remus, I need help."
"What do you need help with, Sirius?"
Remus made his way back down the steps so he was sitting on the bottom one, and propped his chin up with his hand.
"I feel like," Sirius was biting his lip, gnawing on it, and pulling at his tatty old muggle tee which had been stolen from Remus in sixth year. "I feel like I did the wrong thing, when I, um, when I-."
"When you kissed me." Remus finished for him.
"Yes."
"Why do you feel like it was the wrong thing?" Remus was trying very hard to maintain his best tutor voice, hoping he could help Sirius figure this out on his own without giving his friend the answers.
"Because, well, for a couple of reasons really."
"And do you want to share those reasons with the class, Sirius?"
Sirius snorted and drew his legs to his chest, turning and facing Remus head on. It was weird, he thought, to be having this conversation across the Common Room. Remus was so far away he couldn't pick up on all the subtle changes in his face, or his body language. All he could see of Remus's face by the glow from the fire was his eyes and lips. And that infernal mocking eyebrow.
"Well first, because you're my best mate."
"Noted, we'll come back to that one."
"Second, because you're a bloke."
"Sirius," Remus started patiently.
"I know its okay, Rem, I do. But this is the first time I've done anything with another guy and its a bit scary, alright? I don't need a lecture about how its okay to be gay. I don't hate myself for liking you, or anything. We don't need a repeat of your coming out speech here."
"You like me?" Remus blinked several times.
"Yes, and that's problem number three. Problem number four is that I don't know how you felt about it. And problem number five is that I've wanted to kiss you again all week Remus, and that's why I need you to stop looking at me."
"Okay," Remus closed his eyes and rubbed them. "Alright, shall we go through these in order or would you like to talk about a certain problem first?"
"Whatever you think is best, I suppose." Sirius told him glumly.
"Right, um, the first one, the fact that we're friends could be good or it could be bad. It's good, obviously because it means we know each other and we should feel comfortable enough to talk to one another. And it also means we both know that I care for you and you care for me."
"And it could be bad?"
"Well, I guess because it could fuck up our friendships with the other two, if things um, go badly."
"Exactly!"
"Your second problem," Remus continued, ignoring Sirius, "apparently isn't a real problem because you just told me you don't hate yourself for it and I think you're only pretending its one of the things that's bothering you, because it's expected that liking another boy should bother you."
"Come again?"
"Sirius, you don't have a problem with gay people. You don't have a problem with werewolves, or half-giants, or muggle-borns, or anything else. You are not a bigoted person and you've never cared what other people think of you, not really at least. Sure, you goof off with James and you act like a prat sometimes to get attention, but with the really important things, you don't care."
"That's not true." Sirius said stubbornly.
"What do you mean?"
"I care what you think. And James and Peter."
"First off, you know I don't have a problem with you liking wizards and witches. Secondly, Peter and James don't give a flying fuck either. When has it ever been a problem for us?"
"What if, it changes, if you and I are both, ya know?"
"Queer?"
"Yes."
"You think they'll feel left out or something?" Remus teased.
"I don't know! Maybe they'll feel outnumbered."
"Sirius, they won't be 'outnumbered' if anything, it'll be equal. We'll be a group of friends, two straight guys and two queer ones. Equal rights and all that."
"Right." Sirius was quickly realizing some parts of his problems may or may not have been slightly exaggerated in his own mind.
"We could um, skip number three for a moment." Remus was blushing.
"But, Mooney, that's the best one." Sirius had forgotten his anxiety for a moment upon seeing Remus's blush and found himself winking at the werewolf.
"Right, um. Well, for the fourth problem," Remus said gravely.
"I guess you don't want to kiss me again?"
"What? Sirius, no." Remus's blush was getting worse and he cleared his throat. "It's all I've been thinking about this week, honestly."
"But you've been glaring at me."
"I wasn't glaring! I was-"
"Oh my merlin, you were making eyes at me all week!" Sirius shouted, leaping up and pointing his finger at Remus.
"Guilty." Remus squeaked out.
"So you like me then, too?" Sirius lowered his arm slowly.
"It's complicated, Sirius."
"What does that load of bollocks mean?" Sirius asked with a snort.
"It means, that you're my best friend. And I care about you very much, much more than I think you could imagine, but-"
"But you don't like me."
"No, will you let me finish?"
"Fine." Now Sirius was pouting with his arms drawn tight across his chest.
"But, I don't do relationships, Sirius. I can't. You three, well, we're already as close as friends can be. And that's hard for me, sometimes. I feel so dependent on you. I just want, a, er, not-relationship."
"Wait, are you, Remus Lupin, about to tell me you want to be fuck buddies?"
"I think we'd be a little more than just fuck buddies, Sirius." The condescending drawl Remus put on at that moment was very sexy.
"What about that scrawny Hufflepuff kid. Were you two more than fuck buddies?"
"No. Look, Sirius, I don't think I could find someone who means more to me than one of you three and-"
"Woah, are you saying you'd get with Peter or James."
"No, that's not what I'm saying, can you please just stop interrupting? This is fucking hard to explain, okay?"
"Could you start at the beginning. I think I've forgotten what we're talking about."
"Do you want diagrams drawn up too, Sirius? Would that make it easier for you?"
"No need to get testy, Lupin." Sirius said, clearly egging him on.
"You're unbelievable, you know that?"
"This isn't exactly a normal conversation to have! It's weird and you're sitting over there and I feel like I'm talking to a stranger and I don't understand how your brain works on a normal day, much less when we talk about feelings and shit. And stop with the eyebrow!"
"Excuse me?"
"Stop giving me that condescending look, it's too much."
"Too much what? Too condescending?"
The eyebrow was still raised.
"No, fuck, yes! I don't know." Sirius's fists were balled up at his sides and his neck and face were flushed, but not in an embarrassed way, Remus observed, it was more like Sirius was incredibly warm.
That conclusion didn't really make sense, seeing as the fire wasn't giving off much heat at this point and it was November in Scotland. Unless...
"Stop. Does my eyebrow turn you on, Sirius?"
Oh, Remus was definitely taking the piss now. Sirius could see it in the small dimple on his left cheek, the way his eyes glowed, the extraordinary heights the eyebrow had now achieved.
"Can we just get back to your feelings."
"So, I don't want a relationship, because I'm already too invested with you three. And the possibility of dating one of you was never an option because you were all straight. Not to mention, Peter is not my type and James's socks smell awful."
"You left me out."
"Yes."
"So, that means you've thought about it before."
"Well, dating didn't feature much in my thoughts...there were other things though."
Sirius shivered a little at the smoldering look on Remus's face. The common room was uncomfortably tense as Sirius processed the round-about way Remus had just explained things (and the very obvious reference to his dirty imagination.
It was suddenly very warm and Sirius started picking at the hem of his shirt again, wishing he was in his bed, between the sheets with a perfectly moderated cooling charm and nothing but his shorts. That made him think of Remus in nothing but his shorts and he blushed again. Focus, he told himself, sucking in a deep breath.
"Essentially, from what I've managed to understand, you feel as if you're already in a relationship with the three of us, and therefore cannot give more of yourself to someone, because then you'll be too dependent. However, you are not opposed to the idea of messing about with your mates, the only problem is that James and Peter are disgusting and I'm the only sexy one."
"It's absolutely remarkable, Sirius, how your brain only seems to start functioning when you talk about yourself and sex."
"It functions other times." Sirius said darkly, pouting.
"It's also absolutely amazing that you can kill the mood so swiftly."
"Its not dead!"
"Yes, yes it is, Pads. You slaughtered it right there." Remus pointed to a spot at Sirius's bare feet.
"Did not."
"Get your things, I want my bed."
"Oh, you're waiting for me now?" Sirius asked cheekily.
"Yes, well, now I'm not angry with you."
"Touché." Sirius hastily shoved everything into his satchel and slung it over one shoulder.
The two ascended the staircase silently. Sirius found himself watching Remus's hand as it swung gently by his side. When Remus put that hand on the boy's door, Sirius whispered hastily, "Remus, wait."
"What?"
"Um, I just wanted to say goodnight first, before we go in."
Sirius held his breath as Remus looked him in the eyes. His stomach tightened when the werewolf's gaze dropped to his lips and Sirius found himself licking them compulsively.
"Go on then." Remus whispered.
Sirius dropped his school bag onto the landing and leaned against the stonewall. He got a little thrill out of the way Remus was carefully watching him. He beckoned the other wizard with his finger and smirked when Remus tossed his own book on top of Sirius's bag. The two stood there silently, feeling the tension and reveling in it as Sirius pulled Remus forward by the hips. Sirius's hands were shaking, from nerves or excitement, he wasn't sure, but he hoped Remus couldn't tell.
"I've been thinking about this all week." Remus mumbled. He placed his palms flat against the wall on either side of Sirius's head and stopped with his lips only a breath away from Sirius's own.
Sirius had never been more turned on in his short life, which was really very shocking because, as he reminded himself while staring intently at Remus's mouth, he had been with some very beautiful witches and a little goodnight kiss should not be making him tremble this much.
"I've been dreaming about it," Remus's lips had lowered so they were brushing against Sirius's jaw as he spoke softly. Sirius's hands gripped his hips tighter, squeezing so hard he was sure Remus would have bruises tomorrow. "Every time I looked at you, this is what I imagined, Sirius." Remus's lips had trailed up Sirius's jaw line and he had paused at the boy's ear. The hot breath, mixed with the closeness of Remus's body was killing Sirius. His heart was beating so quickly he thought it might explode simply from the anticipation.
"Fucking kiss me, Moony." Sirius snapped in frustration.
"Oh, Sirius," Remus said with a chuckle before he swooped in for the kill.
Quite literally.
Because Sirius was sure his heart did explode and that he had died. At least until he realized his own lips were moving against Remus's and that he was making some sort of moaning sound, which meant that he must still be alive. A loud popping noise caused the two to jump apart.
"Just the fireplace." Sirius whispered after they stood listening for more sound.
"Yeah, probably a log or something." Remus whispered back, rubbing his neck. "We should go to bed."
"Alright." Sirius said, a little disappointed. He picked up Remus's book and his bag as Remus carefully pushed their door open. James and Peter were asleep, Pete snuffling as he dreamed while James snored, one arm dangling off his bed. Remus and Sirius crept as quietly as possible to their own beds, on opposite sides of the room. Sirius's was first, underneath the big window. It was messy, as always, and the sheets were in a large blob with extra pillows scattered about.
"Here's your book." He whispered as he handed it to Remus.
"Cheers, Padfoot." Remus shuffled past him a little awkwardly and the dorm was quickly filled with the sounds of the boys shedding their clothes and rustling sheets as they each got into their beds.
"Rem?"
"Hmm?"
"I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep."
"Me neither."
"Can I come lay by you?"
There was a loud snore from James as he rolled over onto his side.
"Yeah."
Sirius grabbed his pillow and padded quietly to Remus's dark corner of the room.
Remus shuffled around under the blankets to make space as Sirius climbed into his bed. It wasn't practical, at all, they were both too large to lay on their backs, so they ended up on their sides facing one another (after an overly loud scuffle where Sirius declared he would not be little-spoon which had nearly woken Peter).
"Pull that side closed." Sirius said quickly as he pulled the curtain behind him shut.
"Pads…" Remus said nervously.
"Shut up and do it, Lupin."
Remus swallowed heavily when he heard Sirius cast a silencing charm. He squeezed his eyes shut.
"Remus?"
"Hmm?"
"What were you talking to Dumbledore about on Friday?"
"What?"
Remus had been expecting a wild snog-fest, not conversation.
"At lunch yesterday, you were talking to Dumbledore. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, just, werewolf stuff."
"It's about you?"
"No, do you remember what I told you all last moon? About the breakouts?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I told Lily too, and we talked about it more and she convinced me to tell Dumbledore."
"What did he say?"
"Not much, just some cryptic nonsense about how observant I was, and how I was sure to do well on my N.E.W.T.S at the end of the year. Then he offered me a lemon drop and told me not to worry about career options."
Sirius snorted, "Sounds like Dumbledore."
"Even though he didn't say anything, I think he's worried, Pads." Remus opened his eyes to see Sirius with his elbow bent, head in hand. His grey eyes shimmered in the dark.
"Why?"
"Because I could tell he thinks I'm right." Remus flopped onto his back, taking up more than his share of the bed to stare at the glow-in-the-dark stars Sirius and James had stuck there for him in third-year. He couldn't remember now if it had been a prank.
"What can he do about it though? It's not like he can just waltz up to Voldy and say, 'Excuse me, but have you been letting werewolves out of their cells on full moons?' "
"Obviously, Sirius." Remus said with a weak smile. "But we should really be worrying about where they're all going, we know its Voldemort letting them out."
"You think the ministry isn't looking for that many escaped werewolves?" Sirius asked incredulously. "I know they're pretty incompetent, but this isn't a few free pixies flying around London."
"I'm sure they're trying, Padfoot, but they haven't found anything and this has been going on for months."
"Someone's been hiding them?"
"I think so, yes."
"You really think Voldemort wants this werewolf army?"
"Mhmm." Remus was getting sleepy with the whispered sound of Sirius's voice in his ears and the warmth of his friend's body on his side.
"Well if someone's hiding them, the easiest way to find them would be for us to follow a werewolf to their little camp."
"That's what I've been thinking too." Remus mumbled, turning on his side so he could shuffle a little closer to Sirius. He did love a good cuddle.
"Absolutely not, Remus." Sirius said sharply, sitting all the way up.
"We can't cuddle?" Remus asked him, confused and already half asleep.
"You cannot go looking for them."
"I'm not." Remus said stubbornly, blinking up at Sirius slowly.
"Don't lie to me, Moony."
"Well then don't tell me not to do things when you know I'm going to do it."
"Moony it's too dangerous, you could-"
"I could what, Sirius? Die?" Remus scoffed and sat up, sleepiness slipping away as quickly as it had come. "We could all die. Any second. As soon as we leave Hogwarts the game is on. Haven't you been reading the Prophet?" Remus pulled his bed curtain back and dug around in his nightstand. He pulled out his tin of tobacco and rolling papers before hopping out of bed and pulling a lumpy sweater on over his tee shirt.
"I'm not saying you shouldn't fight-"
"Do you know how many ex-students have died already, Sirius? We're next. Fucking Gryffindors and our best friend is in love with a mud-blood." He sneered and strode to the window by Sirius's bed. Sirius scrambled from the sheets and followed him. "You're a pitiful blood-traitor, fraternizing with disgusting half-bloods like Peter and me. God, and once they find out that I'm a werewolf, a filthy half-breed? It'll be like shooting fish in a barrel, Sirius. It'll be a game for them, deciding which one of us to go after first."
"Rem."
"No, don't try to say it won't be like that, Sirius. You know it will. I'm not going to sit in some shit apartment and twiddle my thumbs and just wait for the Death Eaters to show up one day. I'm not going to let them just destroy everything I've got in this life. I'm going to fight and if that means looking for a pack of rabid werewolves and finding out what they're up to, then I'll fucking find the pack of rabid werewolves."
He jammed the freshly rolled cigarette between his lips and started rolling Sirius his own.
"I can do that, you know." Sirius grumbled childishly.
"Its relaxing me." Remus muttered back.
He lit his cigarette with the muggle matches and motioned for Sirius to lean towards him. Sirius held his cigarette lightly between his lips as he and Remus held the tips together until Sirius's caught light and he let out a puff of heavy smoke.
"Budge up," a voice said roughly behind them. James was rubbing his eyes blearily as he climbed onto the windowsill and let his feet dangle out. Remus, who was sitting with his back against the stone of the dorm wall regarded him anxiously.
"Sorry for waking you." Sirius said, not sounding very apologetic at all.
"Prongs, you know I hate when you do that."
"Oh calm your tits, Lupin and roll me a cig." James stretched and yawned widely. "What were you two bickering about?"
"Remus is going werewolf hunting after graduation." Sirius told James, joining him in dangling his feet out the window.
"That right, Moony?" James asked, lighting his cigarette with his wand.
"I'm not just going to sit around waiting to die, James." Remus said tightly.
"Me neither." James told them quietly.
"Well fuck you two, making me look like scared little brat." Sirius said with a grin.
"As if you won't be there too." James said with a roll of his eyes.
"Of course I will."
Remus hummed and closed his eyes as they finished off their cigarettes.
"Roll us another, Pads." he said, glancing at the boy. Well he tried to glance at him, but James was in between them and he caught Remus's stormy gaze instead.
"Oh, want a bit of alone time, you two?" James asked with a snicker. Evidently late night chain-smoking made him amenable to the idea of his two mates needing 'alone time'.
"Fuck off." Sirius said happily. Remus blushed and leaned forward to snatch the cigarette from Sirius's hands before James could.
"Reckon we should talk to Dumbledore before or after the holidays?" James asked quietly.
"About the Order?" Sirius asked.
James nodded.
"After, I'd say." Sirius said with a slow stretch.
"Moony?"
"After. He's already as good as told you that we're too young. We need to wait till its closer to graduation."
"First day we get back, then." James agreed.
"We're too fucking young to die." Sirius whispered.
"Maybe, but we're not too young to fight." Remus was looking at the sky as he spoke.
"Unbreakable vow." Sirius said suddenly.
"What?" James demanded.
"I want us all to make an unbreakable vow that we won't die."
"Sirius that makes no sense, if we break the vow we'll already be dead."
"It's the thought that counts, Remus."
"Its not going to work, Pads." James said to him.
"Will you two just hold out your fucking hands and make the promise?"
"You're absolutely insane." Remus told him, but he held his hand out to James anyway. What followed was perhaps the most counterproductive and non-magical unbreakable vow ever made.
"Alright, Remus, now you do it for James and me." Sirius grabbed James's hand quickly.
"And now you two." James said quietly.
"Do you, Remus, promise to stay alive in this war?"
"I do."
"Do you, Sirius, promise to stay alive in this war?"
"I do."
The two made to drop their hands, but James kept speaking.
"And do you, Remus, promise to take care of Padfoot if I die?"
"I do." Remus whispered.
"And do you, Sirius, promise to take care of Moony if I die."
"I do."
James shot off some purple sparks from his wand, for theatrics he said, and Sirius gave Remus's hand a gentle squeeze before he dropped it.
"I think it's time for bed." James said quietly.
"Yeah." Remus hopped down from the window sill and walked over to his bed.
"Goodnight you two." James said, watching as Sirius followed Remus. "Sleep tight. I've heard Moony likes to bite." He added with a wink.
"You're disgusting, James." Sirius said with a smirk.
"Whatever, mate. Don't come crying to me when he gives you massive hickeys."
"I do not-" Remus said hotly.
"Oh come off it, Lupin. Don't lie." James was already in his bed, covers pulled up to his chin. He jerked his curtains closed with another wink.
Remus and Sirius settled themselves underneath Remus's blankets, pulling the hangings closed and casting a silencing charm again.
"How does he know?" Remus breathed quietly.
"It's Prongs." Sirius murmured into his pillow. "He always knows."
When Sirius woke up he was a little confused. His bed was much too warm and he felt as if some dead weight was laying on top of his chest. He also decided that at some point in the night his left arm had been amputated because he could no longer feel it.
"Whaa?" he gurgled out, squinting. There were weird plastic things stuck to the top of his four-poster.
The weight was moving. he looked down blearily and saw the top of Remus's golden hair.
Oh yes, this was Moony's bed. Suddenly the extra warmth didn't seem too bad.
"Too hot." Remus mumbled. "Cast a cooling charm, Pads."
"Right." Sirius mumbled, shifting around a bit to reach for the wand on the nightstand. Remus kicked the blankets all the way down to the foot of the bed and rolled onto his other side.
"Thanks." he said quietly.
Then he was out again. It was a common misconception that Remus Lupin enjoyed waking up to study on the weekends. Another common misconception was that he liked waking up at all. Sirius had found him snuggled into his bed many a night with a book,still wearing his pajamas from the night before.
Sirius carefully pulled his arm from underneath Remus's body and wiggled his fingers, wincing as they tingled.
Thank god Remus hadn't been more awake a minute ago to see the way Sirius's body had reacted to his warm sleeping arrangement. Or maybe he had and that's why he'd rolled over. Sirius twisted his head to look at Remus's back. Except Remus was a boy so he probably knew that these things happened quite often and had very little to do with Remus's presence.
Sirius thought he should look to see.
He wiggled up the bed a bit and propped himself up on his elbow. It was no good, Remus was curled around a pillow. He leaned forward, his chest brushing the werewolf's shoulder while he tried quite valiantly to keep his hard-on from touching Remus.
He still couldn't see what he was looking for. Maybe if he moved the pillow a little?
"Pads what are you doing?" Remus asked him grumpily. He turned his head a bit so they were quite close together.
"Um." Sirius said, realizing now how ridiculous this whole mission of his was. "Nothing. Just, um, going for a shower."
Now that he had started thinking about early-morning hard-ons and Remus he was feeling a bit skittish. What exactly was he doing in this bed? Snuggling with his best friend? Sirius rolled out of bed. The dorm room was silent since Peter and James were still asleep which also meant Sirius would have the bathroom to himself for a while. He quickly stripped and stepped under the water.
He could remember the first time he realized he cared, really fucking cared, for Remus. The boys had been concerned about the werewolf, sneaking off all the time with poor excuses, staying out later than his patrol schedule allowed, acting strange whenever someone mentioned Ravenclaw...In the end, they had nominated Sirius (because James was at this point too busy harassing Evans and Peter was a nob at sneaking) to follow him and find out what was going on.
Sirius had followed the two, Liam and Remus, through the last fifteen minutes of their patrol. They were perfectly normal; no touches or winks or flirty tones. Then Liam checked his watch, it had been midnight. Remus hadn't wasted any time after that and Sirius had a hard time following them into the room.
To this day he wasn't sure why he had followed, he had known what was going to happen. He had not expected to experience the worst case of blue-balls watching his best friend get sucked off.
James and Peter hadn't believed Sirius until James himself confronted Moony about it.
Sirius squeezed his eyes shut tight, realizing that perhaps that memory wasn't the best when he was already hard and confused. Fuck it, he might as well make use of it now, he told himself as he let his hand drop down.
John Lupin remembered the last time he had seen this man, this horrible vile being who preferred to act like a beast. He hadn't been nervous that last time. He had been proud and arrogant. And John Lupin had paid for it dearly with his son.
"Where is he?" Fenrir hissed, squeezing his large hand around John's neck. The man's fingernails, long and yellowed cut sharply into his skin. John was sure he wouldn't die from suffocation, but rather blood loss when Fenrir finally decided to simply puncture his artery with those disgusting nails.
"Who?" John rasped out for the fifth time since Greyback had entered his home.
"Your son." Fenrir's face was so close to John's own that through his blurring vision he could see the blackened teeth, the thick hair of the man's beard, and could smell the rancid stench of unwashed animal.
"I have no son." John said thickly. His throat was being squeezed so tightly it felt as if his tongue had swollen to block all air from entering his lungs. His lips felt thick, his brain felt as if it were trying to move through honey. He closed his eyes.
"LIAR!" screamed Greyback, flinging John backwards into the wall of the kitchen. Taking quick, short gasps of air John huddled on the ground. There were large black spots wherever he looked, as if his brain had lost the ability to interpret what his eyes saw and breath at the same time. "You're lying, Lupin. I saw him here, just last summer. Where do you hide him?" Fenrir kicked the wizard on the ground. John's eyes snapped open as he felt one of his ribs crack and he glared at the werewolf before him without a word.
"I will only ask you once more." Fenrir told him, kneeling down, speaking so that his spit landed squarely on John's face.
"I have no son."
"You cannot protect him if you are dead, Lupin. But then, you couldn't protect him when you were alive either."
John struggled away as Fenrir grabbed his right leg, holding it taught, flat to the ground.
"Is he hiding here? Will he come to save you if he hears you screaming?" Fenrir smiled, showing of pointed teeth. He stood and brought his foot down onto John's knee, pushing the joint back, breaking his leg. John screamed, he howled, in pain with tears running down his face.
"That's right." Fenrir said, caressing the wizards face with a disturbing, love-sick look. "Scream so he can hear you, wherever he is."
"I'm not going to tell you." John ground out, jerking his head back.
"So he's alive then?" Fenrir asked. John remained silent. "Answer me!" He cried, slapping John across the face so hard that his lip bled and his head smacked against the wall.
John was sobbing now and Fenrir released him with disgust.
"You wizards are all the same, puny little things without your wands. But it doesn't matter because soon you'll all be gone."
John, through his tears so his wand that had rolled underneath the stove when Fenrir had first ambushed him. It emitted several feeble sparks, as if it knew he was looking. John scooted towards away from Fenrir, as if cowering in fear, his hand grasping helplessly behind him.
"Have you read the news, Lupin? I've been breaking them out. There will be hundreds at my command, and I will change you all. I will come for you in the night, snap your wands, and then bring you to my pack. And if you don't survive the first full moon, that's alright because I don't like weakness."
John's hands gripped the wood tightly, his body was shivering from the pain in his leg and head. His throat was sore and it hurt to breath. He wasn't sure he would be able to pronounce the spell.
"And your son, he will join me, or he will die."
Sobs racked John Lupin's body as he imagined his Remus in front of this man.
"He will never join you." John snapped.
"That's what they all say." Fenrir said thoughtfully.
"I didn't join you."
"And look what happened to your family, John. Your son a werewolf, your disgusting muggle wife dead. You, all alone."
"He would rather die than join you."
"No, I don't think he would." Fenrir said, crouching down and pulling sharply on John's mangled leg. "You see, Lupin, you're coming with me on a little trip. And you're going to write to your precious werewolf-boy, and he will come."
"No!" John barely managed to say the word. It came out as a strange rasping sound, not language. And Fenrir laughed at him. He threw his head back and John took that as his chance. He could hardly think, Fenrir was now leaning forward onto the damaged leg, putting excruciating pressure on the limb as he cackled.
"I told you a long time ago," John started, wheezing, "that I would rather die than go with you. I would rather die than help you destroy this world. And today I will."
Fenrir stopped laughing, his eyes narrowed. "We are leaving, now. You won't have time to die." The werewolf pulled from his pocket a coin that had begun to glow blue. He grasped John's leg tightly and the two were sucked away.
When they landed, John was struggling to maintain consciousness. It was hopeless, his brain cried, they would find Remus and bring him here. He would be forced to live like them, like an animal and not as the wizard he truly was.
John tightened his hands into a fist, and was surprised to find he still held his wand.
He sat up slowly.
"He's got a wand!" cried one of the Fenrir's lackeys. There was some scuffling as they all tried to run out of the clearing. Fenrir lunged to him, but he was too far away to make it in time.
"You will not have him." John said stoneley, before turning his wand on himself.
There was a flash of green light and then John Lupin slumped forward, his eyes glassy and unmoving.
Fenrir howled in rage.
The next day, a neighbor found John Lupin's corpse dangling from the tree in the man's front yard.
a/n: I've been feeling like I'm losing sense of the characters, so this took much longer to work out than it should have. Sorry to end it on such a tragic note, but I never said this story would be rainbows and butterflies...thanks for reading!