AN: Hey guys, Happy Valentines Day! I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's starting to really put everything in perspective for her. Also, I promise that there will be some Jax in the next chapter. Maybe some of it will be in his POV? Do you guys want to see how he's dealing with this? Let me know! Also if anyone would like to beta my story, let me know if you're interested! Okay, so without further ado. -Lanie x

The next morning Tara woke up with a tear stained face. Her time with Jax seemed so wonderful. But she had to go and ruin it. He was right. They just fit well together. It was too late for her to go running back though. That wouldn't right after what she did to him.

As he started to open up and explain to her, she took off. It frightened her to see him break. He was supposed to be strong and be okay. That wasn't the truth though. Even she knew that it was all an act. He tried to be okay. But he was really struggling with his Dad's death. Shit maybe even Thomas' still.

Tara threw her arm over her face only to wince when she hit her bruise. "Ow." She whined as she got out of bed. Looking in her mirror, she barely recognized the girl looking back at her. Since the beginning of the year she has changed so much. It was all scary to her.

Not feeling like yourself anymore; not knowing who is looking back at you. Some of the change had been for the best. It really had been. Though, she started to realize that she's lost a lot of herself. Once she fun bookworm that use to sneak out of class. That would get drunk or sneak into the clubs on the weekends.

She was a rebellious girl when she was with Anna.

Since she's been with Jax she started to get so caught up in him. That she was around him most of the time. Tara knew that he wasn't the greatest kid. He got drunk and was barely at school. But she never saw that side of him.

They lost who they were because they got lost in each other.

Tara looked away from the mirror and pulled a sweatshirt over her head. Taking in the scent she knew right away that it was one of his. Letting out a sigh, she knew that she needed to face her dad. He was barely conscious when she got home.

The bruise and scratch marks were going to bring some unwanted questions to the table. How does she even begin to explain last night? Walking out to the living room, she curled up on the couch as she heard her dad make coffee. With football over, her dad needed something else to watch.

He grunted his greeting which got a smile to her face. With hang overs he was never really awake until he finishes his cup of coffee and is well on his way through his second.

"How was last night?" He mumbled as he looked through the channels.

"Uh…swell."

That earned her a snort and a look. "Swell huh?"

"Yep."

"Wanna tell me who hit you."

"Cat fight, you know the usual."

"Tara it's been a long time."

"Yeah, last year, right? I'm thinking it's going to happen more often again."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"I won't get in trouble."

"Tara, I will beat your ass if you get arrested."

"Cool, like I said. I won't get in trouble."

"Why do you think it's going to happen again?"

"Because I'm pissed off and have a lot of feelings."

"Maybe that Jax kid was good for you."

"Dad you do—"

"Yes I realize that he's probably going to grow up to murder people if he hasn't already."

Tara gulped and nodded her head. That was going to be his life.

"It's best if you stay away."

"You're probably right. But if it helps, Jax taught be to hit harder."

"Fucking hell Tara. Get me another coffee and quit this shit."

"Dad…?"

"Yes?"

"Do you still…" She couldn't finish her sentence. She didn't want him to yell at her for bringing it up.

Her dad let out an annoyed sigh and gave her a pointed look. "Go get my coffee." She nodded and took the cup from him. As she made her way out of the room she could just barely make out the words. "Yeah, I still miss her."

Satisfied with the response, she poured coffee into the cup and made it the way he taught her to. It's how she liked to drink her coffee too. Force of habit. Tara handed him the cup and curled back up on the couch.

"It'll be okay. You and Anna should spend the weekend together. It's not a shopping week."

"Uh. I don't know if that's a good idea."

"She's not the one you got into a fight with is she?"

"Oh no. She isn't."

"Then what's the problem?"

"We've been having some problems."

"You two have been best friends for years. You can work through it."

Tara nodded. "Yeah, I hope you're right Dad."

"I know I am. I might not be the best parent but I know that she's someone you need in your life. Go see her. Try to work through all of this."

"Okay, I can try."

"That's all I ask."

Tara let out a sigh and got up to go and get ready. She really didn't want to but going in sweats probably wasn't a very smart idea. Not that she had anything to prove, maybe she would try and hide the bruise. On a second thought she thought it was better to have it on display. Anna was the cause of this.

When she got there, she was sniffling because of her cold nose. She took note that her parents were at work. No one would be here to stop them from killing each other. Maybe Tara would end up going home with more bruises on her face. That could be fun right?

When she brought her hand up to knock on the door, she saw that her hand was shaking badly. Everything was telling her to run in the other direction. But her Dad was right. They've been friends since they were 6. It was worth fighting for.

A shocked Anna opened the door. She'd always been easy to read and it wasn't hard to see that she was happy to see Tara at her front door. With a smile she stepped aside, an unspoken request.

"Hey. I didn't think I'd see you here anytime soon."

"Neither did I if we're being honest." Tara walked inside and shifted her weight.

"What happened to your face."

"I got in a fight with Ima."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So… I guess you're here to talk about it…" She closed the door and nodded towards her room.

"Uh, yeah." Tara took the lead and walked into her room. It looked just as it always had. The girl frowned. It had only been a few weeks of course everything was normal. Taking her normal spot on the girl's bed, she sighed. "I guess I just want some answers."

Anna moved beside her and nodded. "I'll answer whatever. I'm sure you've heard Jax's side so I'll be happy to tell you mi—'' the look on Tara's face made Anna's mouth drop open in surprise. "You haven't talked to him about it yet have you?"

Tara shrugged. "I'd rather start with you. After all, he was only just starting to have feelings for me… We'd been best friend for nearly 10 years."

"Tara…"

"Just tell me why? Okay. You knew, I wasn't admitting it to myself but you knew."

"Yeah, I did."

"Then why? He was the first guy that I've seriously liked." Tara's voice hardened.

"I know… I guess I was just jealous. You've never been serious about guys and he's Jax Teller every girl wants him and he wanted you." Anna looked down just in time to miss the glare she was receiving.

"So what? I'm not good enough for Jax Teller? I can't have someone like him like me?"

"It's not that. It's just… it's not you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean."

"Sure we've skipped class a few times and gone to parties and shit but to you really think that you'd fit into any of the things he does? From what I've heard he was so damn caught up in you that he hadn't been doing his normal thing."

All of her earlier fears were coming true, she did change Jax.

"So you fucked the guy I liked because I can't fit in with him and you can?"

"Sorta..."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I wish I was."

"Stop trying to tell me that I'm not good enough for him. I'm sick and tired of it. If I wasn't don't you think he'd tell me himself?"

"He was just so caught up in the idea of the girl that slapped Ima in class."

"I am that girl."

"Tara you stopped getting in fights at the beginning of the year."

"Well maybe I'm done being nice and pushed around."

"Tara you used to do it because they brought up your mom…What's the reason now?"

"The fact people like you are telling me I'm not good enough. I'm just the bookworm that dresses badly and doesn't deserve a bad boy like Jax." Tara felt the stinging of tears.

" Tara… You didn't dress badly and you deserve someone sweet that's going to take care of me."

"You tried to change me though. That whole fucking stunt." The tears started to fall. "That is Jax. You might not see it but he's always been sweet and taken care of me."

"I know…I just thought that if you dressed like the people he used to sleep with that maybe you'd have a better chance." Anna's eyes widened as she cried. "I'm glad, no one thought he was capable of being nice…"

Tara looked down at the bed as the tears fell down her cheeks. "You don't believe someone can like me for just being me… And he's just hurting over his…" Realization dawned on her. Jax really was hurting from his Dad's death still.

"Of course not! You're the most amazing person Tara. I just wanted to give you a little help because I knew how bad you had well have it for him."

"I screwed it up…"

"No, you guys will be okay."

"I slept with him and then ran out on him last night."

"Fucked him and left?"

Tara nodded. "Told him it didn't change a thing. I really ruined it." She started to cry harder. "It's never going to be the same."

Anna wrapped her arms around Tara and let her cry. No matter what was going on, Tara knew that she'd always have her to count on. That only caused her to sob harder. She just wanted to go back to being blissfully unaware.

"It's going to be okay, Tara. We'll figure this out." Anna soothed.

The two of them were silent for the rest of the night. Tara hadn't meant to fall asleep but when she woke up the next morning she was cuddled against the person that used to be her best friend. This was typical for them, so they could both fit on the bed comfortably. Now it was really just for their comfort in having the other.

The two girls were awake and eating the pancakes that they made. They talked a little bit and laughed just as they would have if this mess hadn't happened. That was until the awkward silence fell over them.

"I've missed you," Anna finally whispered.

"I've missed you too," Tara replied sadly.

"We can't fix this can we?"

"I don't know. I want to be able to."

"But?"

"Even if I can get over what you did…I don't think that we'll ever be able to be the same."

"Maybe it can be better than before?"

"I guess time can only tell."

"I want it to work. No one will ever take your place Tarbear."

"Yours either Anna Banana." Tara pushed herself up and smiled down at her. "I should probably go… I've got a lot to work out."

Anna opened her mouth to protest but closed it and nodded. "I'll see you Monday."

Both of the girls made their way to the front door. When they got there neither of them made a fast movement to open it. Eventually Tara opened it and smiled at her. "Yeah, bye Anna."

"Bye," she replied and shut the door behind her.

Tara started to make her way back towards her house. This trip, she felt like some of the weight that had been dragging her down had been lifted. All Tara's learned in the past two days is that's easy to fall back into old patterns. Even, if they are bad for you. At this point, she wasn't sure what was good or bad anymore.