Chapter 13

I woke up the next morning, the same numbness overwhelming me. I heard most of the other patients head toward the dining hall for breakfast but I didn't make an effort to get up. I didn't want, I didn't the point in trying any more. This was going to be the rest of my life, stuck behind these walls.

I heard a knock on the door but I didn't answer, hoping whoever it was would go away. Unfortunately, shortly after I heard the door open and click as it closed behind them. I didn't turn toward the door, I didn't care who was there. I didn't care that the doctors had lost all hope on me and that my family abandon me here.

I was surprised though when I felt a light kiss on my cheek. I turned over, ready to yell and then was met by someone who I hadn't seen in weeks. My father. I stared at him, not believing that he was really there. I lifted my hand slowly to his cheek and I was overwhelmed by a scene:

"Edward" my mother called for my dad as he walked through the front door from work. He went up the stairs and found my mom in my room. It was perfectly organized, my bed just the way I left it that morning and my books neatly stacked on the desk.

"Love" he walked over and wrapped his hand around my mother's waist. "What's the matter?" he lifted her chin to meet her eyes. Her amber eyes were brimming with tears.
"Edward, I miss her so much!" her voice was broken and nothing louder than a whisper.

"Oh honey! I know! I miss her too! She'll be home soon though! I promise! Logan spoke to me in the cafeteria today, he wanted us to go up and see her."

The scene ended there and I was brought back to reality, staring back at my father's amber orbs. "It really is you!" I cried and hugged him, pulling him to me. I gripped his shirt as hard as I could, not wanting to let go of him. "I love you so much! We both do!" and in that moment I felt another set of hands hug me. I turned and saw my mother, smiling at me. "Mommy!" I cried! And hugged them both. "Shhh…sweetheart. Mommy and daddy love you so much!" my mother told me, after what seemed like hours we pulled away and they sat on my bed.

"Are you here to take me home?" I said hopeful.

My mom and dad exchanged a glance and I saw the sadness in their eyes, they weren't. How could I blame them, they probably don't want me as a daughter any more. "Oh no! No! No! No! Honey, we love you so much!" my dad said, reading into my thoughts. "But have to get better first. Logan called us…" and at the moment, there came a knock at the door and it was Logan.

"I called them, hoping you would reconsider giving up on therapy because that is all I've seen in the last few days. You lost hope in yourself and in getting treatment. I don't normally do this but Renessmee, I have a bargain. In the next month, if I see you improve and make progress I will let you continue therapy from Forks, like before."

My eyes lit up, "I can go home if I make progress?"

"Yes" Logan answered tersely, holding out his hand, "deal?"

"Deal" I said, shaking his hand.

For the rest of the morning, I spent it talking with my parents and enjoying each other's company. Logan even got permission to let them take me out for breakfast. However, the time came when they both had to leave.

"Hopefully we'll see you in just four short weeks, baby" my mom said hugging me, then kissing my cheek.

"Try and get better, Honey. We miss you so much!" my dad said hugging me tightly and kissing me on my forehead, "get better darling so you can come home!"

"Bye" I said, on the verge of tears as I watched them walk out the front door of the hospital. I no longer felt safe. I felt the numbness overcome me again and I was left crying. A hand on my shoulder made me lift my head from my hands. Logan.

"Come, it's time for therapy." He spoke.

Sitting in Logan's office I felt a wave of anxiety came over me, I was nervous. I had been avoiding sessions for this reason. I didn't want to answer questions, I didn't want to let anyone in.

"Renessmee, I wanted to touch on a subject that I have avoided in the hopes that you will bring it up. But because of recent events, I want to touch upon the topic." He paused, contemplating his next sentence, "Why did you start cutting? Tell me about the first time." I froze at the question, I felt myself get lost in a flashback:

"Renessmee, could you please stay after class for a moment?" the deep voice of my history teacher pierced through me. I had hated him with every fiber of my being. His work load was overwhelming and he didn't grade fairly. All the cheerleaders who had short skirts but always skipped class got an "A" yet, there was me who spent all night writing an essay and got a "D" for missing one coma in the entire essay.

"Renessmee, I don't think you are trying hard enough he spoke." I stood there frozen. I didn't believe what I was hearing- I stayed up till four in the morning for this man's class! I spent twelve hours working on an essay!

"Pardon?" I spoke with a surprise to my voice.

"Your past essay this semester have really disappointed me and I don't see you putting in enough effort. I think you should reconsider taking this course because with this grade and last semester's grade- I don't think you'll receive the credit. He handed me a notice that said I was failing the class. Below the notice was a chart with my current and previous grades for the semester. I got a B and now I have a D. My eyes widened and I shook with disappointment. I felt tears brimming on the rim of my eyes.

"I'm so sorry you feel that way Mr. Marshall" I said just so that I could get away from his class. I ran out the door and to the nearest bathroom. I threw my bags onto the floor of the stall and fell to my knees, letting myself break down. I felt an overwhelming pressure build inside be, it was becoming so much! I kept pushing at every cell of my being, and head was racing with thoughts. I felt myself begin to hyperventilate. I needed a way out! I needed a release! I pulled a compass that I used for my geometry class from my backpack and began dragging it along my waist, carving one line after another till the pressure was released. When I could breathe again, I looked down at my waist and gasped. The skin was bloody and red. Once I applied pressure to the bleeding, the scars left behind were an angry red and the tight waist bands of my jeans left me uncomfortable for the rest of the week.

"Renessmee?" I came back from the flashback to Logan's room.

"It was after my history class one day, I hated the teacher. I hated him with all my being and still do. I tried so hard in his class. Stayed up till four in the morning to do essays and still got a 'D' because I missed a coma. Yet all the cheerleaders, who always skipped class got an 'A'. His class just worked that way. He was disgusting and should have been fired a long time ago. Anyway, he gave a failure notice one day. I started to panic, I had a 'D' in his class and he told me that I wasn't putting enough effort. I felt overwhelmed by emotions and ran to the nearest bathroom. That's the first time I cut. I cut to release all the emotions that had built up inside of me, all the negative thoughts, all the feelings of disappointment and failure." My voice was a whisper by the time I was done explaining it to him.

"Is this what made you so sensitive to failure? Your fear of not being good enough?"

"I guess…? I mean, school was the only place I felt like I could shine. My family all have something special about them: Carlisle is the world's best doctor, Esme is a high class designer, Rosalie is gorgeous even for a vampire, my father is an amazing doctor and the list can just go on forever! The point is everyone in my family has something special about them but not me. School is where I found my spot. He threatened that and the whole year I suffered until the very end where my parents had me removed from his class."

"Didn't you have another run in with your teacher earlier this year though? Was that the same teacher? I remember you were upset about something and I came to your house for a therapy session?"

"No, it wasn't the same teacher but it was a similar concept. Only this time I was just an idiot and couldn't pass the class."

"I notice you put yourself down a lot. Why is that?"

"It's not putting myself down, it's being honest with myself!"

"Explain"

I sighed, standing up to look out the window, the dead trees outside seemed to match my inner emotions. "You can imagine what it's like but you'll never understand. You'll never understand what it's like to be in all these AP classes and feel like the idiot of the class. To hear the whispers and know you're not good enough. Know you're not perfect. It hurts, Logan! It hurts not being good enough and being the reject of the family!" I felt the tears slide down my face, "T-to have to prove everyone wrong all the time and in the end, they are still right! A-and…I-I…" I stuttered over my words as the sobs consumed me. My knees gave out on me and I fell! Logan came and picked me up, "Okay, that's enough for today, Nessie." And he held me as I cried all the emotions I had suppressed the last few weeks.

Author's Note: I'm so sorry that this update took so long! I've been so busy with SAT, my AP courses and my college applications! Thank you to all the readers who have still stayed with me and welcome to all the readers who just started following this story. I hope you like this chapter, it's full of mistakes I'm sure because I rushed to upload it for you guys so enjoy and happy reading! =)