Anonymous: "And then she said that I was a very good boy. And after lunch, I heard her say to Mrs Nelson that daddy was a hot piece, but I didn't understand that, and-"
"Wait...what did you teacher say about daddy?"
Their son Ray's eyes widen innocently and he looks down, tightening the straps on his backpack. "That he was a hot piece."
Kensi stands up from the position where she was crouching beside him and turns around to face her husband. He's buckled forward, snorting with laughter.
"Oh my god, Kens…" he says between chuckles- "This… this is too good. I'm a… what was it again? A hot piece?" Deeks snorts and throws his head back. "A hot piece of what? Man flesh? Is that what she was going for?"
"Deeks!" his wife exclaims through gritted teeth, flashing her eyes down to their son as he watches his dad have a reaction that Kensi would classify as a mental breakdown.
"Oh, right," he says, clearing his throat and ignoring the urge to smile. Not only is their son watching, but there are probably many parents also observing from somewhere in the school parking lot. "Sorry."
"Daddy, why did she call you a hot piece?"
He looks to the sky, contemplating the question. "Well, probably because Iam one-"
"No, no," Kensi says, shaking her head. "I am not going to-"
"You don't think I'm a hot piece of man flesh?" Deeks interrupts, disappointed.
She rolls her eyes. "I was going to say that I'm not gonna put up with this. We should go talk to her."
"But you still think I'm a hot piece of man flesh. I know you do."
Frustrated, Ray stomps his foot. "Mommy! What's a hot piece of-"
"This isn't happening," Kensi whispers, massaging her temples. "We're going to talk to that teacher right now." She lowers herself down to Ray's height. "What's her name again, sweetie?"
His eyebrows are furrowed, his arms crossed. "Are you going to get her in trouble?"
Kensi forces a smile. "No, no. We're just going to have a little… conversation."
He still looks weary but gives her the benefit of the doubt. "O-okay. Ms. Matthews was the one who said it."
Kensi nods, satisfied, and stands back up. She takes her son in one hand and her husband in the other.
"Easy there, tiger," Deeks whispers in her ear.
Kensi smirks and holds the expression all the way to the teacher's classroom. Once they enter the room, which is empty of all students, she drops it.
"Ms. Matthews?"
The woman looks up and smiles, then smiles even bigger when she sees Deeks trailing behind. He tries hard not to laugh. "Hello! What can I do for you?"
Kensi plasters on a big, fake smile and says- "My son claims that he overheard you talking about my husband earlier today."
The teacher's grin slowly fades and she's left looking panicked, but mostly just extremely uncomfortable. She shifts her weight from her left foot to her right foot and then back again, before swallowing and looking up to Deeks. He just looks to his wife, who's wearing a stone cold glare.
"Well, I mean, I, um-"
"You're entitled to your opinion, Ms. Matthews, but I'd appreciate it if you kept that sort of… language to yourself around our son."
The woman swallows and nods, folding her hands behind her back. She doesn't even attempt to challenge Kensi. "Of course. I… apologize."
Kensi tries to pull her husband away, but he feels a definite need to get the last word in. Especially when the conversation is centered around him.
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure plenty of people would agree with you."
He drapes an arm around Kensi's shoulders and shoots the teacher a small smile before strolling out of the room.
"This is going to make parent-teacher conferences really awkward," Kensi whispers.
Deeks nods, eyes wide. "Tell me about it."