Chapter 5: Lessons in History and Introspection

I stormed into our apartment late that afternoon with a scowl on my face, slamming the door shut, opening it, slamming it again twice as hard, and opening my mouth to scream.

"NABOORU!"

She snaked out of the kitchen and leaned on the doorframe, still in uniform. "You rang?" she drawled, crossing her arms.

I marched up to her. "I want out," I said, "now."

"Why's that?"

"Because this whole thing is cruel, that's why. Zelda Harkinian's life is already screwed up."

"Oh, please. Don't act like you're actually worried about her well-being," Nabs scoffed, and jammed a finger into my chest. "You just don't want to be caught up in it. You don't want to become responsible for her problems."

I stared blankly. I hadn't realized how true that statement was until she said it out loud.

"Don't act like some kind of knight in shining armor, Ganon," she advised, returning to the kitchen. "You're selfish. It's in your nature. And you know what? So am I."

She'd returned, now, to her seat at the table, and had immersed herself in calculus homework. I glared angrily at the back of her head, and when she told me to go away, I stomped my feet with every step until I'd reached my bedroom. Then I slammed that door and flopped facedown on the bed.

I pressed my face into my pillow and inhaled. The fabric smelt grossly of cigarettes, and I turned on my side, eyes watering. Smoking was something I'd abandoned months ago, but the smell of it lingered on everything I owned. The bedsheets. My clothes. It was a scent I never noticed until I quit. Ever since, I've been able to sense even the most minuscule hint of it.

My mind started getting clogged up with my own internal debate. So Nabooru wasn't going to let me out of her stupid game. Now what? Did I play along? Keep chasing after Zelda Harkinian, figure out what made her tick, and then destroy her?

Or did I surrender? Give up? Tell Nabooru that I couldn't be a part of this? But there would be consequences for that…

What about option three- reveal Link's secret while it was fresh in my mind? I didn't care that Link was gay- how the hell did that affect me? Of course, that did nothing to dilute the fact that I'd been incredibly rude to him…

"Quit staring, or I might start to think you're checking me out." It had been a harmless statement, a joke to throw Link off his mark when I first met him. It's kind of a common attribute of most guys to not be taken seriously. We don't even take ourselves seriously sometimes. We just throw out harmless insults to knock another guy back a few paces. We don't mean any of it. And I didn't mean that when I said it, either.

But I was wrong. It wasn't harmless, because for all I know, it was true. Which meant that what I said wasn't just irritating, it was offensive. Truly offensive. Because when I insult people, I don't insult them in a way that would hurt them. I never have. That would be like going to Malon and saying, "You're odd and you don't fit in anywhere." This statement would be 100% true, which is why I'd never say it. It would hit home. And I hate it when people do that.

Anecdote time: back in the seventh grade, this one kid named Zant confronted me in the hallway. Zant was this geeky weird kid that never took a bath and liked to rant about genocide. And sniff glue. Stuff like that. Every grade has at least one kid like that. Anyway, nobody ever took him seriously. And then one day he just walked up to me in the hall and told me that he was just like me because his father didn't want him, either. To this day, I'm not sure whether he meant what he said. But it doesn't matter, because what he said was true, and sometimes it still bothers me.

Because my father didn't want me. Still doesn't want me, wherever he is. And I hate him more than I hate anyone in the world.

I try not to hate people too much, but I usually do anyway because liking people is just so damn hard in comparison. And hating people is easy. Everything is so defined, and you can glare at your enemies and complain about them and not feel bad when they're having an awful day.

And I was trying really hard to hate Link Harkinian, and I was also having a terrible time doing it because I knew how unfair it was. But still, something within me instinctually antagonized him, and it was something I couldn't totally place.

It made sense why Link's secret getting out would ruin Zelda's campaign. She and Link were close, and the school was really old fashioned sometimes. We had to button our shirts so tightly we couldn't breath. We said the Hyrulian National Pledge daily. Oaths of abstinence were emblazoned on the locker room doors- well, more or less. We purposefully tortured ourselves to fit Headmaster Harkinian's mold.

So, yes. If people knew Link wasn't exactly who they thought he was- a star-student and Harkinian's most prized son- and then caught wind of the tensions in the Harkinian family, then the headmaster and his children's austere sense of power would begin to disintegrate. Girls would fall out of love with Link, the headmaster would be antagonized more and more, and most importantly, the driving force backing Zelda's sense of power- her father- would vanish, and there would be nothing left to her reputation.

That's the thing that sucks about reputations. They're far too fragile, and it was pretty much all that Zelda had left to her name.

Slowly, I rolled off of the bed and dragged my feet toward the window. The glass wobbled in the frame as I opened it, cold air surging into the room and eclipsing me. Wrapping my arms around my chest, I stepped over the windowpane and landed on the fire escape, breathing deeply of the chilly October air and closing my eyes briefly. The cold air caught me off-guard and struck something within me; I shivered, but my entire body relaxed, and slowly, I made my way up the fire escape.

The metal clanged underneath my feet as I moved, passing the ninth, then the tenth story, and finally making it up to the roof.

The roof of our building is probably my favorite place in the world. It's flat and concrete, with all sorts of weird pipes and chimneys sticking out of one end. But the other end is smooth, stained by the elements- you know, rain, that sort of thing- and on that smooth surface, usually untouched, are two cinderblocks.

Back then, nobody ever went up onto the roof except for me. It was the only place in an otherwise cramped life where I could really get two seconds of solitude, and tonight was one of the nights where I really felt I needed it. I cantered over to the edge of the roof, leaning forward against the short wall that framed the edge of the roof and gazing out at the city.

Really majestic image, I know.

But here's the thing: Hyrule City looked beautiful. The sun was going down, the sky was adopting this rich shade of purple, and the buildings in the distance were shimmering with light.

Poking up above most other roofs was the steeple of the Temple of Time. From here, it just looked like another building- albeit a bit pointy, you know how these religious buildings are- but if you were down below, looking up at it, you'd probably think it was the most magnificent building in the universe.

For one thing, nobody knows when it was built. It's been around as long as I can remember, and as long as my teachers can remember, and as long as my teachers' grandparents can remember- as long as their grandparents can remember, too, and whenever you look back in history, it's been around for as long as history can remember- you get the idea. It's been around pretty much forever.

The only other building that old is Hyrule City Academy, and one thing everyone these days knows is that HCA was once Hyrule Castle. Yes, you heard that right- the Hyrule Castle, the seat of Hyrule's monarchy until the senate was established in the nineteenth century.

You probably don't want a history lesson, but hear me out: I'm almost done.

Basically, there was a monarchy, and it was a fair and just monarchy (most of the time), and the ruling figure was usually (you guessed it) a king, who usually had the very unfortunate name of Daphnes, and so forth. Now, Old King Daphnes was sitting in his throne one day when, for seemingly no reason at all, all hell broke loose. Out of nowhere, zoras wanted a say in the state and gorons wanted a say in the state and those little bushes that spit coconuts at you wanted a say in the state. It was a mess. So King Daphnes created a royal council which took representatives from almost every race, fleshed it out until the royal council was massive- like, almost one hundred members- and then the council's first course of action was to kick out Old King Daphnes and create a representative government for the people.

And now you know.

Hyrule Castle fell into the hands of the senate, and the poor senate, having no idea what to do with such an old, rickety, probably haunted building, discarded it and opted for a newer, nicer capitol building in which to meet. Daphnes' line more or less faded from history, spreading out (as most family trees do) until nobody knew whether they were related to Daphnes or not (a few people got fined for claiming they were the lost heir to a discarded throne, but that's a different story). Finally, since nobody knew who actually owned Hyrule Castle, it fell into the hands of the government. The government put it up for sale, a board of educators and rich people got together, purchased the building for, like, half a billion rupees, and viola: Hyrule City Academy was born.

That being said, there are still parts of the building that have been boarded up for over a century, or so they say. Rumors go around sometimes that HCA is haunted by ghosts of royalty and servants, one of whom is an allegedly hot princess, though her name has been totally erased from history.

But the Temple of Time- now, there's a whole different story. Like I said, nobody knows who built it, but it's never changed hands and has served the same purpose since the day it was created: prayer.

Back in my early days at HCA, the Temple of Time was a building that I passed daily walking to school and back, but I'd only been inside once or twice, and that's because people made me. School trips. Award ceremonies. Vandalism. You know, boring things.

It's a crazy building, though. Massive glass windows and thick mahogany doors and vaulted ceilings with scenes of old legends and myths painted on it. It's wild.

But there's another thing about the Temple of Time. Something most people don't know.

When you go around the corner from the Temple, there's this big brick building, and it's run by the same people in charge of the Temple. There's a sign hanging over the door labeled The Sage House, and when you go inside, you're in a massive cafeteria. Go upstairs: game room. Third and fourth floors: bathrooms. Laundry machines. Rows and rows of mattresses on the floor.

And the people. Beat-up hylians, dried-out zoras, soft gorons…

It's a shelter. A homeless shelter. And I lived there for years.

My mind was buzzing that afternoon, but seeing the Temple of Time reminded me now how lucky I was to be in my situation. A warm place to live. A family that cared about me. A fantastic school- at least for now.

I'm an ostentatious douchebag. I know I'm an ostentatious douchebag.

But I'm not as dumb, not as shallow, maybe, as I seem.

I heard the clanging of heels ascending the fire escape, and turned just in time to catch sight of Aveil. She was wrapped in a thin shawl, her vibrant hair fluttering in the breeze. She looked quite pretty. Actually, Aveil's always been beautiful. I hope she knows that.

"How'd you find me?" I asked. She smiled tenderly.

"I know what you're doing. This is where you come when you're upset."

"That would do it."

She crossed the roof until she was at my side, leaning against the edge and looking out at the city with me.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you really?" she inquired. "Are you sure? Are you hungry? Tired? The girls already ate... there's a bit left on the stove if you'd like supper."

"I'm not hungry," I answered bluntly.

"Tired?" she repeated.

"Not really."

"How's school going?" she now asked, searching my face for a clue before I'd even opened my mouth to respond. For a second, I considered lying. But then I looked at my sister again, who'd followed me up here because she was honestly wondering if I was okay.

So I told her everything. I recounted the task Nabooru had given me, and reminded her of the disaster that had occurred at the Harkinian's house over the weekend. And I talked about how Zelda hated me more than ever, and how I couldn't decide if I hated her or just pitied her, but how I knew I wanted nothing to do with her. And I explained that Zelda had a shitty home life, and that only Malon and I knew about it, and that I had absolutely no clue how to break through to Zelda. And how I knew that I had to break Zelda's heart, had to treat her like a prop, and yet there was a part of me- however small- that actually wanted to help her because I felt so bad for her.

It sounded very messy and confusing when I tried to explain it, but Aveil just took it all in, nodding slowly as I asked for her advice. She pondered it for a moment. Finally, she exhaled.

"I honestly think that you should stop altogether," she told me. My face fell, but I listened anyway. "This poor girl doesn't need to be bothered by you. By the sounds of it, she's going through a lot right now, and Nabooru's antics are the last thing she needs on her plate. Breaking Zelda's system sounds like it could end chaotically. Ganon... I don't want you unleashing something that you can't handle."

When I was sure that she had finished speaking, I intervened. "I can't do that, though," I explained. "I already talked to Nabs. Begged her to let me out of it. But she knows... you know. My secret. And she's going to tell people- Aveil, she'll ruin my life, and it's not fair- it's not the sort of thing she should be allowed to hold over my head, but she is."

Now Aveil's mouth contorted to the side. "I see." She stood up and paced to the other side of the roof, obviously trying to find a way to respond. Then she took a deep breath, resting her palms on the edge of the roof and exhaling slowly. She didn't turn around, but just started speaking into the night air, her back still facing me.

"Some decisions," she began, "are hard to make. Painfully hard. And oftentimes, we make decisions with ourselves in mind. And that's okay. Our own welfare is very important. But sometimes... sometimes, we have to reach out. And we have to think about how a decision affects everyone around us." Her head dropped as she spoke her next words. "When Mom died, I had to make the hardest decision of my life," she explained. "I had to drop out of school to take care of you, Sirbe, and Abenu. And while I did this, I was forced to watch Nabooru continue on through school, chase her dreams, achieve great things... all while leaving her family behind." She turned slowly. "It kills me every day to have made that decision," she admitted, "but it was a sacrifice that I made without myself in mind. Do you understand?"

I gave a slow nod, not wanting to look at her. Of course I understood. I thought about Aveil's sacrifice all the time. I could never forget it; she made the choice she did because it was either that or foster care, and Nabooru sure as hell didn't care what happened to us. She'd made that clear early on.

So I just gave a small, "Yes, I understand." And then Aveil flashed one last smile- just for me- before retreating back down the fire escape and into the apartment.

The noise from the two upper stories had ceased long ago, leaving just the distant sound of the city. But even those sounds seemed quiet and unreal; the traffic, the trains, the pedestrians... they all seemed otherworldly as I sat alone on that roof, not really sure what to think or how to feel.

I've said it a million times now and I'll say it again. I love Aveil. And in that moment, I loved her more than ever before. And I respected her, and her selflessness continued to awe me every day. She was astonishing, and brave, and wonderful, and I loved her.

She was the mother I'd never had.

But I still wasn't ready to accept her advice.

Holy cow, can you say "hiatus?" Sorry sorry sorry. Okay. Next few chapters are already written, so we're good there.

Next chapter: When Ganon and Zelda get a few moments of uninterrupted privacy, Ganon makes a discovery, Zelda punches him in the face, and both parties are surprised by the results.

Please review! Giant "thank you" to anyone who's been dropping feedback.