Chapter XXI
Just a Little Late
"Just wanna let you maggots know I'm still up here!" - Cid
John, midway through a flying, squirming roll, enjoyed the first ten seconds of his free fall, up until the conversations with his more mature half began. "This is fun," he said. "After all this is done, let's do this over and over."
"You may have noticed," Zinnia said, "Our lack of equipment?"
"What?" John felt his back. "Hey, no way! I put it on. Tifa helped. She - "
"Remember telling that stupid Nanaki joke? Remember how it distracted Barret before he could tighten all the straps? Did you feel anything pull loose when Barret gave you that boost?"
John squirmed and began to flap his arms.
"Don't make me laugh," Zinnia said.
"Got a better plan? Besides. Laughter makes everything better."
"Then rest assured, you're about to get the biggest chuckle of your life."
"Let's work this out. Nine point eight meters per second squared, that makes, what?"
"The Planet has a force of gravity equal to four point three meters per second squared. But it matters little because we have already reached terminal velocity."
"Really? What is terminal velocity here?"
"With our cross sectional area? Just under sixty kph I suspect. Still fast enough to kill you."
"Wow. I thought it was more like a hundred kph."
"On a world with one third our air pressure, yes. Here, at about three thousand millibars, it - "
"So how did Cloud fall off the Midgar plate and crash through Aeris' church roof and walk away with nothing more than scraped knees?"
"Cloud Strife is Jenova enhanced. You, on the other hand - "
"Yes? You were saying?"
"Hmm."
"Hey Zinnia. We have what looks like a comet streaking toward us. Or someone dropped a bomb."
Indeed. The misty shape curved in a downward arc, spinning a white contrail behind it.
"I think it's your friend. Cloud's poor mother."
"Oh swell." He flapped his arms again.
"I told you that does no good. The air is not dense enough and besides, you have no feathers."
"Hey, I read somewhere about how to survive a long fall."
"What did it say?"
"Wear a parachute."
"Very funny."
"You can also slow your descent by lying flat, then bend your legs to land on your feet. Wow, is that a lake?"
"The faster you hit water, the more it feels like concrete. Besides, can you swim?"
"Sure."
"After being knocked unconscious?"
"Fine. How about there? Looks like a swamp."
"You want to be impaled on a dead branch?"
"Stop being a wet blanket, Zinnia. I need cheering up."
"My capacity for good cheer improves when I stand on solid ground."
"In that case, you'll be cheery as Christmas in a minute."
"What is Christmas?"
"A holiday when everyone gets depressed because Santa didn't bring them what they wanted."
"Santa? As in Santa Claus?"
"You know him?"
"The Cetra have a legend about a Santa Claus materia. It summons a jolly fat man dressed in red who hands out presents."
"Materia. I have some in my armlet."
"Then he drives his sleigh team over you singing 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.'"
John ran his hand over his materia, triggering the first green one he found. A plume of fog spewed out from them, giving them a comet tail thick as milk.
"What was that supposed to accomplish?" Zinnia said.
"You said the atmosphere wasn't thick enough." He began to flap his arms again.
Zinnia seized control of one arm and smacked him across the face. They tumbled out of the fog to find the ground much closer. Worse yet, they would miss the swamp.
"Crap!" John fingered his other materia. "Fire. I might be able to create an updraft."
"Or just burn your clothes off. Anything else?"
"Cure. That could come in handy."
"After we hit the ground. But unless you have a Final Attack materia to go with it - never mind, it still wouldn't work."
"That leaves - whoa look over there! A six winged dragon."
"What the - wow, you're right. Better brace yourself. I think we're headed for that barn."
John swiveled his legs underneath, dutifully bending his knees. How solid was that barn's roof? He felt his final materia, a red orb, his final card up his sleeve. Time to go for broke.
"Ever see a flying sheep?"
With his best booming voice his boy soprano could muster, he triggered his materia and called out, "Shepherd's Call!"
Ahead of him, standing on a floating circle of grass like an angel on a cloud, a surprised little girl stood in the wind trying to hold on her blue bonnet.
Zinnia said, "I don't see what - "
"BAAAAAAA-ah?"
Instead of charging an enemy, the house-sized sheep sank, tilting face down, headed for the rotting barn like a falling blimp. John slammed onto the its slanted back, hitting what felt like a woolly tank. He bounced and hit again, up by the sheep's withers. (Did sheep have withers?) He snatched at the wool but slipped, smacking onto the ram's head, hearing something crack, but he finally caught a grip on the sticky wool. He even eked out enough of a Cure spell to remain conscious. It must have perked up the sheep as well because it tossed its head and flung him free, allowing him a front row seat as the sheep flattened the barn with an explosive roar.
John spun in an aerial back roll but he saw something big and round (ground?) loom up and he plowed into an earthy darkness, (softer than he expected) maybe wet hay or bark chips - in fact, he punched through it like an albino bullet, (please, not manure!) popping out the far side (air!), catching his foot on an embedded branch and face-planting on the far side, where he dangled from broken branches like a dog's tongue. Shards of barn rained around him.
He felt his summon magic dissipate. Wind whipped backward with a thunderclap.
"Ugh. Alive?"
The back blast burped him from the mound. He landed face first in a green mill pond. He hit with a "splubp" sound.
Now he knew why Spider-man hated that sound.
His head popped above the surface, his hair green with algae. Vaguely he felt mud under his right foot. He couldn't feel his left foot at all.
"I've, never seen, a summon that, huge," Zinnia said.
"Do I have all my limbs?"
"You survived. Against all odds. Now what? You wanted a swamp? You got one."
John spat and fought to stay above the surface.
"Cripes. My left leg doesn't work." Remembering his armlet, he punched out a pair of Cure spells. The first one took away some pain, but the second one made all the plants bloom and filled the pond with writhing coils of green snakes.
"Oh for the love of God!"
The mat of vegetation pulsed, ejecting him at the shore. He surfed onto dry land amidst a breaking wave of snakes, who slithered off in all directions, possibly rejoicing at his willing them into existence.
With a groan he rolled and flopped onto his back.
"Now you know why I don't trust materia."
Still, he deliberately squeezed out another Cure as if running a titration experiment in the lab. Pains faded further.
"Oh wait. What was the plan again?"
"Create, a distraction?"
Presently, a vehicle pulled to a stop. He tried to sit up. Gave up with a cry.
"Hey little fellow," a man said, "You okay?"
John groaned. Zinnia took over and gave a wave.
"Too many sheep," John said.
"That sheep? Did it hit you? Whoa. Did you see the size of that thing?"
"I, yea. It struck me as, larger than average."
"What is this world coming to, when a child can't even play in the woods without being assaulted by a colossal sheep?"
"Shinra. Their tower."
"You got that right. Ever since they built it, my wife Yoko says all her vegetables have eyes. Not just the potatoes. I say, let's knock the those towers down!"
"I, uh." John thought about standing. Blew hair out of his face instead. "I think I'll, blow them to kingdom come."
"Awesome. Name's Wan. Let me help you up."
John made him do all the work.
"So. You serious? You want to blow down those Shinra towers?"
"Sorry about that sheep."
"Hold on to that branch there. Yea. Like that."
Wan glowed with green magic and a burst of water showered over John's body.
He cried out and sputtered. But then his armlet grew warm. "Wait. What?" Green mist spun around him. He nearly fell but Zinnia kept a grip on the branch.
"Like that trick?" Wan said. "I used it on Shinra when I fought in the Army. I can activate others' materia. Sorry, but you not only looked like a drowned muskrat you looked like an ad for a Regen."
"Thank you for your kindness," Zinnia said.
"Why, no problem. If I didn't know different I'd swear you turned into a polite young lady."
"Could you give us a ride in your vehicle? We have a tower to blow up."
"Oh, you mean business, do you?"
"Yes, actually. John forgot to buckle his - oh never mind." She tapped the materia. "He summoned the sheep as a, what we will generously call a soft landing."
"You summoned that thing?" Wan's face radiated with awe.
"How much do we owe you for your barn?"
"Ha. Not much farming these days, what with Shinra and all. But the insurance will pay for that old rickety barn. And we can use the firewood."
"You, actually had insurance? On that?"
"My Yoko. Never above a bit of harmless insurance fraud. You wouldn't believe the authentic holograph pictures she sent off to Junon. And my truck? If you'd smashed it we would have pocketed 200,000 gil."
"Let's not smash it, given we still need a ride."
"I'd really like to see you kick Shinra butt. You know karate?"
"I know of it," John said.
"I'll bet you're just like that dude in that movie. Obi Wan Shinobi. You know, Star Wars III: The Revenge of Cait Sith?"
"Yea, just like him. But unfortunately I can't fly. Unless it's straight down."
"Get in the truck. I want to see Shinra go down. I can't fight - my wife would kill me if I got killed, but I will get you there. Yes I will."
"Don't get him killed, John," Zinnia said.
"Who, me? Come on - whoa! That's your truck?"
"Sweet, ain't she?"
"What kind of farmer are you?"
"I have a side hobby. You know Miss Yuffie?"
John nodded.
"Knew it. Anyone with materia like that knows Miss Yuffie. Welcome to the Wutai Underground."
"What else could go wrong?" Yuffie said as she tried again to get Reeve's mechanical wings to work in tandem. She had finally figured out how to glide, but they kept pulling her to the right as if the wings came from two different types of giant insects. If she fought the drift too hard, one wing or the other would fold up, sending her into a heart-stopping spiral. On the rare times the wings did work, random thermals would boost her so high she had no choice but to attempt a dive for real.
So there she bobbed, a hundred meters too high, watching the first incoming Takeo plane, way out of range for her spells or her shuriken.
She trimmed her wings to aim for the end of the runway where she might get a chance to launch a Comet spell. If she missed, which given the way things had gone seemed likely, at least she might plant a crater right in front of the next plane. Or end up as a bug splat on the windshield.
She nosed down a bit more. Suddenly both wings collapsed. With a shriek of rage she spiraled earthward like a weighted maple seed. Luckily for her, her stomach held no more lunch.
She fought, struggling even to fall straight. When the wings snapped back into place they nearly knocked her out with the whiplash. Back now in a glide, one hand on her stomach and the other against her throbbing forehead, she searched the ground ahead. Wow, she had gotten close. Almost close enough to scrape her stomach on the runway. A distraction. How could she create a greater distraction than she already had? She touched her newest materia, feeling its warmth, envisioning its power, absorbing its command word.
"Tera-Flare."
The Takeo fighter touched down. As if on cue, the sky began to boil, the clouds seething before taking shape. Two, four, six wings; the ungainly lizard dropped into reality, buffeting Yuffie aside as a fly in a hurricane. Bahamut Zero, the monster of many a Wutai child's nightmares, now in full glory.
"Them! Them!" Yuffie screamed.
The beast opened its maw and shot a streak of energy down at the airfield, slicing the two waiting planes in half and decapitating the landing one before vanishing with a final squawk.
The second flying Takeo decided it wanted no part of the dragon action and tried to abort its landing, taking its flight path straight at Yuffie. She felt like a moth in front of a cannon.
"Not today, sport."
She called forth her Comet materia, scoring a direct hit, spewing flaming shrapnel onto the tarmac. Turning about, she struggled to catch an updraft when the concussion from the blast flung her towards the nearest tower.
"Wings, don't fail me now." Blue suited ants poured onto the tarmac, some stopping to shoot at random in Shinra fashion. "That's why Wutai held you off so long," she smirked.
Still, a lucky hit could come from anywhere. Full power, full power. She could barely hear the gunfire over the roar in her ears. Her wings flared and collapsed, over and over, somehow jutting her higher, helped by thermals from the smoking runway.
"What, pray tell, is that?"
A pair of SOLDIERs appeared, carrying a long metal tube. One balanced it on his shoulder while the other inserted a small green object.
"Da-Chao, please!" Yuffie pushed out a Big Guard spell - for all the good it would do - and dove for the nearest tower.
True to form, the wings folded like a cheap napkin, plunging her into a screaming free fall. Something roared above her like dragon breath, spattering against the tower in a cascade of green fireballs. Batting her wings open, she could only bob sideways. Then the wings caught a mystery updraft; she flew up almost as fast as she had fallen. The wings flapped and buzzed like a giant hummingbird, topping out her climb and shooting her full speed straight at the nearest metal tower.
She barely had time to brace for impact. She hit so hard she actually stuck. The tapered tower, its black metal covered with ridges and rivets, slowed her slide enough to allow her a clinging purchase. With wings fully extended, she felt like a fly awaiting the swatter. Streaks of fire shot out of thin air and slammed into a row of buildings along the airfield. The Highwind blinked into view, grabbing a flurry of attention of the Shinra ants.
Time to move. She spied a rung ladder to her left and scuttled toward it. Her wings snapped all the way shut, nearly dropping her into the stench of green fire below. She noticed how team rocket on the runway had turned its attention toward the Highwind.
She had to take them out of commission. She hooked her right arm around the ladder to brace herself and launched another Bahamut Zero.
This time the dragon appeared next to her, fluttering its multiple wings as if in challenge: "You can summon me. But can control me?" It dove upon the crowd and released its breath flare. The blues scattered like billiard balls but team rocket stayed put to release one final blast from its shoulder cannon. Then both they and the dragon disintegrated.
"Never let this materia fall into the wrong hands," she told herself, turning to climb the ladder.
"Cid!" Cloud said, whisking the gray green smoke from his face. "We're in too deep! Pull us back!"
The intercom crackled but Tifa could make out nothing over the roar. Healing spells hummed. Barret's gun rattled as he leaned over the edge spewing randomly at the ground below.
"Just wanna let you maggots know I'm still up here! Brace it folks, here comes another one!"
The Highwind pivoted to take the blow higher up. The green fire bounced off but the heat wave still scorched, smashing the Big Guard spell someone had cast. From her crouched position, Tifa could see nothing except Barret shadow boxing and spraying bullets into the air. He cheered.
"Go Yuffie! I take back half of everything I ever said about you!"
Cloud said, "Great. Cid, we caught a breather. Pull out now."
"Not just yet. If I don't knock out the lifts, the maggots will swarm you on the towers."
Tifa spotted the dragon as Cid banked the Highwind for the strike. Bahamut Zero looked her way with one yellow eye. "If you were any larger, I'd consider you worthy of lunch," it seemed to say. Tifa shivered, even as the dragon boiled out of existence.
Another explosion. A cloud of dust and smoke billowed up around them.
"Ready?" Cid said. "I'm circling to the drop point."
The team groaned in unison. Wiping the sweat from her forehead, Tifa noticed it started to rain. Sure enough, a silver-white light bathed her and the party, three angels circling overhead. She looked to Aeris who stood proud, even with her face bloodied and one arm hanging limp.
"Been a long day," she smiled.
"Great Gospel. Your mother taught you well," Juria said, speaking for the first time.
"This always amazes me," Tifa said, watching their injuries fade.
Aeris moved her injured arm gingerly. "Nothing like a second wind."
Juria straightened. "It is an honor to witness such a gift from the Planet."
"You don't have long for mushy time," Cid said. "Teams? Get ready to jump."
Tifa jerked into action. She checked her wings and her chute, feeling a fresh pang of guilt as she thought of John. She held onto the hope Vincent had given: hard to kill a Jenova.
"Remember," Cid said, "timing is crucial. Get clear of the Highwind. Then use your wings to glide. Hit your targets. Use your chute only if - Yuffie? What does she think she's doing down there? Taking on all of Shinra by herself?"
"I'm liking Yuffie a tiny bit better every moment," Barret said. "This is scaring me."
"We need to hurry," Cloud said.
"Darryl?" At Larry's word, his two brothers snapped into place. "No screw-ups this time." They emphatically shook their heads.
"Approaching your glide paths," Cid said.
"Whoa," Cloud said. "I just saw a flying sheep."
"Cloud, no time for a breakdown. Ready? Go!"
Tifa, along with Cloud and Larry, tumbled off the railing. Soon the other two groups appeared and the Highwind slipped back behind its mask. No worries about detection now since the radar tower had become a flaming mess.
Cloud grabbed her arm and pointed to his back. Time to activate her wings. The lurch would have thrown her into the building but Cloud grabbed her, his wings snapping open in a smooth motion. Larry winged his way along, flipping and rolling as if he had taught birds to fly before he could walk. Show-off.
With Cloud's help, Tifa glided to the nearest tower where Larry fluttered down like a robin. Tifa yanked his head down before he could draw gunfire. She watched Vincent and Nanaki alight on the middle tower, pulling in an errant Darryl. Vincent, always the showoff, hovered over the edge and sniped at Shinra with his rifle, driving the blue wave back under cover. Barret on the far tower didn't bother to land before he opened up. Men and their guns.
With a few turns of the largest wrench Tifa had ever seen, the top of the ventilation tower popped off and rolled toward the edge. The odor oozing from inside reminded Tifa of a week old dead skunk.
"Larry," Cloud said. He held the misting crock pot at arm's length while Larry mashed packets of clay-like goop into crevices inside the chimney. He followed with a spool of wire. Tifa glanced at the second team where Nanaki stood cutting into his tower with a blowtorch, then over to the third team where the pop of an explosion sent the ventilator cap clanging down the side of the tower. "Yuffie, you were right. Juria is no typical nun."
The zing of a bullet snapped Tifa out of her reverie. My, look at the Shinra ants down there, racing along the walkways on three levels. she popped the shooter with a Fire spell, throwing his aim and his gun over the side. Others charged on in his path.
"Cloud. Have an Ifrit summon?"
"Here Teef." He handed her his armlet.
She snapped the summon, aiming not at the troops but at the metal catwalk. The hulking fire red figure appeared. Holding his molten boulder height overhead - perhaps for show - he slammed it on the walkway, slicing it and the one below neatly in half. The smart minions scurried back toward the central tower. Others stayed put, firing their puny guns even as the ground dropped away below them. Washing out of SOLDIER did worse things to your brain than drugs. About a dozen still clung to her tower, attempting to hoist themselves upward like reverse lemmings.
She jumped back as a blue water-snake appeared nearly on top of her. Had Shinra found a summon materia? No, Yuffie had nearly washed her off the tower. Still, the Shinra blues clanked and gurgled their way down their broken platforms. Tifa looked over again and found Yuffie spider-climbing the drenched metal.
"Here!" Tifa lay flat and reached out a hand. Yuffie snagged it. Tifa pulled the girl up until they both lay panting on the roof, Yuffie draped across her back.
"Thanks. I almost washed myself out to sea with that one."
"Yea. But at least you got a bath."
"Ready," Larry said.
Cloud approached the chimney. With a heroic cringe, he levered off the lid of the mako pot. The green glow gave their faces a fungoid hue. Yuffie and Tifa climbed to their feet and scanned for enemies, anything to look away from that crucible of filth.
"Other teams ready?" Cloud asked.
Tifa pulled out her PHS. "You square, Nanaki?"
"Yes, but I'll be sick for a week," came the reply.
"How about you, Barret?"
"He says just get it over with," Juria said, "so he can take a month long bath."
"Wings up everyone!" Tifa announced.
Cloud emptied the metal crock into the chimney. The contents crackled and roared as they sluiced down the chute. Tifa held her breath against the metallic stench.
Cloud dropped the empty pot with a shudder.
"That was that. After we set the charges, we have a minute to get free. The towers will seal and depending on the pressure, the whole place could blow at any time after that.
Larry reached for Tifa's PHS. "Darryl? Hear that? Sixty seconds." Larry listened to dead air. "Okay, ninety seconds."
Cloud stared at him blankly.
"Darryl says sixty seconds is not enough time to clear the towers should the thermals turn against us, while Darryl asked what's the big deal? He just wants to see a big boom."
"Never mind that," Cloud said. "The sooner we're all off this bleeding tower the better. Prepare to jump."
"Got that, Darryl?"
Tifa looked across at the other two towers, where the two brothers nodded in unison.
Cloud shot a Fire spell into the air. As one, with Yuffie grumbling, they stepped to the edge and launched.
The southern courtyard swarmed with fleeing workers. Shinra blue guards and SOLDIERs tried to keep order but the crowd surged over the blues and even pushed the SOLDIERs back to the gate. In a last stand to stem the flood, it appeared the SOLDIERs might turn the tide but an incoming cement truck crashed through the gates, dragging snapping wires and a SOLDIER with it. The truck ground to a stop but the crowd streamed around it like a river around a stone.
The remaining SOLDIERs began to skirmish with the truck. Tifa could not see who fought whom but judging from Yuffie's cheering, she guessed a cell of the Wutai underground. A pair of Fire spells detonated.
"Larry!" Cloud shouted over the din. "Now! Blow the charges!"
Larry and his brothers pirouetted in unison. When they raised their radios, three small bursts of fire appeared on top of the towers, looking as harmless as candle flames. The crowd redoubled its flight, the Shinra blues right along with them.
Oncoming headlights parted the stampede into two halves. The cement truck began to move as well. It reversed, aiming for the exit, the full fury of a hand to hand duel all around - and on top of it.
"We should be helping," Yuffie said.
"In that mess?"
"Attention!" Cid said over their PHS. "I am circling to pick you up. Meet me at the bog temple ruins, just south of the outer fence."
"Let's mosey," Cloud said.
The three groups met before gliding like a flock of geese toward the pickup point. Then Yuffie faltered in an air current, screaming as her right wing collapsed, slamming into Tifa on the way down. Yuffie tried to shake the bum wing open again but she had lost too much altitude. Listing too far to the right, Yuffie turned into a sickening plunge.
Tifa dove straight down and caught the struggling girl around the waist. "Don't struggle! I've got you!"
Yuffie went limp, ripping her torn left wing free as well.
"Trouble is, my wings won't hold us both. We're going down. Watch for a place to land."
"Top of the truck?"
"The cement truck? It's moving."
"I'll hurl. Aim for the splat."
"Hold on."
Two panel trucks bearing the Shinra logo swerved in to block the escape. The cement truck, never known for its ability to stop on a gil, slammed through them and flattened a Jeep as a bonus. The engine roared, the truck almost back to the road before three armored vehicles cut it off. Shinra blues popped out like rats at a turkey dinner.
Tifa trimmed her wings and dropped her legs, hefting Yuffie into a bear hug. Their feet scraped to a jogging halt on top of the truck. Wutai farmers fled into the night, their tools scattered behind them.
A Shinra commander in a maroon suit climbed onto the mixing cylinder, flanked by two blue flunkies.
"Why, what do we have here? The Avalanche rebel Yuffie and her tasty snack?"
Almost casually, Tifa slugged him in the face. He fell with a precious look of surprise. His men could have riddled them with bullets had they not doubled up in laughter. Yuffie flung one of them into the crowd while Tifa backhanded the other and heaved him after his comrade.
Yuffie stood at full height. "First one to go for a gun gets my shuriken right between his legs." She shot her gaze left and right, waiting for violators.
"I have one, maybe two summons left," Tifa muttered. "You?"
"One Leviathan. Then it's lights out. And believe me, I wouldn't want to be awake after that."
"No potions, no ethers. Sloppy planning on my part."
"Try your Ifrit on that armored truck. You might hit the fuel tank."
Tifa thought their best chance involved leaping into the crowd if anyone called Yuffie's bluff. She didn't bluff about the shuriken but they had to know she could only throw it at one opponent.
Someone at the edge of the crowd began to clap. Tifa turned and her blood froze.
Stu.
"Yes, I see you have brought a Shinra guard unit to its knees. Then again, you are well known for your, assets."
Stu wound his way through the crowd. One by one the Shinra guns rose.
Yuffie glanced at Tifa in growing panic. She mouthed, "Both our summons? Now?"
"Your companion looks a bit peaked, Yuffie," Stu said. "The boss wants to have a personal chat with her. But first, let's play a little game."
A muffled voice came from the cab. "Hey! Brain dead! Ugly! Rat breath! Come over here!"
Hamm, flanked by five minions on each side, emerged from the crowd and approached the cab door.
"Something to say to me, Winkie?"
"Just a suggestion." A young boy's voice grew louder. "Stop and smell the flowers. Oh, and take a bath at least once a year."
Tifa's heart jumped. She leaned over the edge and saw a little girl picking flowers in an unlikely circle of grass.
Stu said, "Guards? Puppet show is over. Blow this cab."
"Yes great sir."
"BAAAAAAAH!"
The eager shot went wild as the personal guard and most of the other blues went down beneath the charging sheep. For some reason, this one wore what looked like an over-sized door frame around its neck.
Stu slowly recovered. His eager beaver sycophant also thought he could rise but Yuffie's shuriken disabused him of that notion. The cab door opened.
"Stand and deliver - ow!" John stumbled out in sprawled surprise. When Stu moved to stomp on him, Tifa leaped.
She tore into Stu like a tiger, kicking, flipping, missing a few times, lifting and slamming him to the ground. She had to stop and pant, but when he stirred, she planted a foot on his neck.
"Don't even think about it," she said. "Surprised to see you John, though pleased."
"Skydiving sucks," he said, not getting up. "Even when you do land on a giant sheep."
Tifa began to reply when Yuffie called out, "Looks like somebody else wants some!"
Stu tried to squirm up but Tifa kicked him in the ribs. Tifa then looked up to see his buddy Hamm approaching, along with -
"Carmine," John snarled, forcing himself up. "At long last, the red killer returns."
"Oh, do I know you?" Carmine's voice sounded officious. Hamm sneered. Carmine stopped a few meters away. "Oh yes. You're that little Jenova boy. Shame Nestor couldn't put you out of your misery but what can you expect from one willing to work with that lunatic Hojo. Then again, he never did figure out what you were, and as I understand it, a Jenova is tougher to kill than a cockroach."
"Quite the compliment, coming from the roach's point of view."
"Never mind. Live or die, little cripple. It is no consequence to me. The tramp Tiffie, I want her. Not dead though, not yet. I plan to have fun with her, for several days if I can swing it." She clicked out her wrist blades. "In front of her pathetic boyfriend would be best. As for the Wutai brat," Carmine turned to where Yuffie brandished her shuriken. Yuffie glared back.
"I have a special treat to keep you busy."
Out of the shadows emerged two young men in cowls.
"Oh them." Yuffie sounded bored. "Portek and some other clown? Gus in drag? Give me a break."
The other clown thrust off his hood. "Remember me? I'm Sir Simon. I hate it when you call me Gus."
"Boo."
Simon stumbled back a step.
"I surrender now," Yuffie said. "Anything to keep poor little Gus from wetting his pants."
"I told you, don't call me Gus!" He raised his gun.
"Now that introductions are over," Carmine began, only to find herself engulfed in a grayish fog.
Tifa heard outcries of anger and felt a tap on her back. John pressed a potion bottle into her hand and tossed another up to Yuffie, who gulped with gusto. Tifa started to drink hers when she noticed the red X on the label.
"John, I need a Turboether, not an X-potion."
"Only one of each in the cab," he said, "and Yuffie needed the turbo."
Tifa palmed the potion, turning to feel a gust of wind on her face.
"Cheap trick," Carmine said. "Oh, you're still here? I thought you'd use that Mist materia to bunny-rabbit away. But since you foolishly decided to stick around - Stu? What have I said about lying down on the job?"
Stu tried to move but Tifa kicked him again. He grunted in pain. Meanwhile, Tifa heard Yuffie talking into her PHS.
"I know, Cloud, but the action is right here."
Carmine extended her arms and two bolts of white energy shot forth. One hit Tifa in the hip, where she heard a snapping sound along with the burn. Yuffie let out a wail of pain and rage.
"Talking on a cell phone while I am speaking is rude," Carmine said.
"You ruined my favorite watch!"
"Ah, the guilt, it won't let me sleep at night. I was actually looking for electronic detonators, but why worry? Where you're going, you'll have all the time in the world."
Yuffie began to mutter. Tifa gave Stu another kick.
"How about you, Jenova boy? You seem so quiet. A far cry from the loudmouth Nestor complained about. What's the matter? Frustrated at how you can do nothing to save your friends? Stu, for the last time, get up!"
Stu made a grab for his sword but Tifa stomped his hand with her boot. Tifa and Carmine both winced at the snapping sound. Tifa kicked the sword over towards John; maybe he could do something useful with it, though the boy made no move other than to sit there and grin.
Carmine struck so fast that Tifa, even expecting as such, barely had time to dodge both the business viper's blades and Hamm's curtain of flame. (Although, she had the satisfaction of watching the fire attack land on Stu. Heh.) Caught in a cat-fight with Carmine, Tifa pressed the attack, though as this cat had metal claws rather than lacquered nails, Tifa pulled no punches. Or kicks.
Time dilated. Tifa saw Yuffie dodge a spell. The ninja even flicked a red materia in John's direction, a first for her. The meditating boy snatched it out of the air like a frog catching a fly. Meanwhile, punch, jab, slash, kick, pummel, dodge. They circled. Feint high, slash low, strike, block, pray.
I see the value of armor, Tifa thought. Her wrist guards deflected Carmine's blades but one lucky strike - she needed to even the odds.
Expecting a Hamm fire attack, Tifa executed a pair of back flips even Zangan would have admired. The Fire spell didn't come. Yuffie had distracted him or John had thrown some Jenova mojo but in any case, Carmine pressed on. Tifa drew back out of blade reach, circling for an advantage. What now? Think.
Zangan. What would he do? He would have rolled up these thugs and disarmed this harpy by now. He would have brought proper equipment. And caught unawares, he would have turned a toilet paper core and a bent spoon into a deadly weapon. she spun to avoid another slash. (Ouch, when had Carmine cut open her knee?) Tifa landed a hook kick to Carmine's forearm. The other woman grunted but did not slow her attack. Tifa maintained her space, circling again, careful not to corner herself amidst the parked trucks, careful not to trip over any sprawled bodies.
Something huge flew overhead. Tifa ignored it. Carmine panted, "I'll have that Bahamut Zero summon. I've been looking for it."
Tifa smacked her in the face, ready for the next soliloquy. A ChocoMog summon rode by, though something about it looked off. No matter. Stay focused. Stay alive. On and on they fought, trading blows, Tifa still unable to find an opening. Behind a truck now. Out of view. Combat sounds raged on the other side. Someone screamed. A night mist began to twirl around their legs. John, you and your stupid Mist materia. In the gloom, Tifa's feet tangled in something, nearly sending her sprawling before a last-second flip saved her. Finding a discarded cab door, Tifa slammed it into the onrushing Carmine, following up with sharp kicks. Carmine staggered but returned Tifa's rush with a roundhouse kick of her own. Watch those heels! She whirled away, cursing herself for not grabbing the heel and flipping Carmine to the ground.
Both fighters paused to catch their breath. Neither moved. Carmine weakly slashed out but then to Tifa's surprise, bolted.
Tifa gave chase. The half second lead Carmine had proved vital. She led Tifa along the length of the truck before darting around the end. Tifa hesitated to follow, lest she run into a buzz saw of wrist blades. But if she circled too wide, Carmine could disappear for an ambush later. Tifa took the only action left: spying a dangling loop of chain from the truck top, she hoisted herself skyward. Once on top, she scouted the battlefield. Yuffie glowed from recent summon magic. Mist still snaked through the wreckage, tendrils of white in a caressing embrace. Then Tifa saw, to her horror, Carmine had anticipated this move as well.
Yuffie, searching for an opening to fire at Carmine, dodged an array of pesky fire spells from Hamm. Then a thought struck her. Carmine wanted her to throw her shuriken. In fact, such an attack might even mean her own death. Where had that thought come from? Generally, a thrown shuriken meant the death of her opponent but, well, she went with plan B. Holding her fire, she zapped off a Big Guard spell, hoping it would reach Tifa. Eek, watch those blades, will ya?
A pair of shots thudded off her magical barrier. Gus - Simon - whoever. Take him out of action. Yuffie fired up a Stop spell, yet at the last second adjusted her focus so as to exclude Carmine. What the - never mind. Roll with the impulse. Portek and Sir Groper froze. Hamm slowed his spell casting to Tai Chi speed, giving Yuffie a chance to sweep him off his feet Tifa style.
Speaking of Tifa, She and Carmine tore into one another. Meaning to throw a bolt at Stu, she found she had just plucked out her ChocoMog materia and tossed it to John.
"What!"
Her mouth dropped open. What made her throw away her materia like that? She was Yuffie. Yuffie did not throw away materia! Never. She had them stolen, sure, like Portek and her Ifrit - for which she still planned to make him pay - but throw them away?
Summon.
She looked at Stu, who lurched toward the meditating John. She popped the meat head with the Bolt spell and scanned for other targets. How she would love to pelt Carmine with a Comet.
Summon!
No. Not enough targets. She kicked Hamm. She didn't need a summon. Where had Tifa gone?
Summon.
Hamm! What did he have now? Something in his hand? A bomb? He cocked his arm to throw.
Yuffie! Summon something dammit! Summon anything!
Yuffie didn't think. As the missile sailed toward her she spat out the command words: "Tera Flare."
She faded all the way out. Way more than a normal summon. Cool. From her celestial waiting room, she watched the dragon burst into being. Then her vision split. Confused, she still watched the dragon do its dive but also found herself riding the back of a chocobo, her hair whipping in the wind where not secured by a headband. She even could see herself with her split vision. The dragon plunged. From both angles, she saw the look of shock on Hamm's face as the chocobo slammed into him. Her other form hopped off and snatched, what? The chocobo's beak picked her off the ground and disappeared. The dragon screamed in. Instead of breathing, it opened its mouth and sucked in Gus whole.
"Wow." Yuffie came to back to earth, landing hard on the cement truck. "Ow! That was - "
John sat lotus style as if nothing more than a haiku reading had taken place. Stu lay sprawled twenty meters away, inching toward his sword. Hamm stood shell shocked next to a motionless Portek.
"My Fire materia!"
Yuffie opened her hand. She cackled. And, she noted, (Had she really thrown away her ChocoMog? Apparently!) she had an open slot, right next to John's old Magic Turbo materia.
"Burn, baby burn." She launched the hottest Fire spell she had known, hotter than the volcanic fire of Da-Chao.
Hamm erupted into flame. He cried out, if briefly, for never again would he serve as Carmine's right hand boy toy, popping off Fire spells by day and warming her heart by night. She even heard his last thought: "How useless. A mastered Elemental materia next to an empty slot."
Carmine reappeared below and pivoted, not noticing her Hamm roast yet. She glowed with a lavender light Yuffie had not seen in a materia. Tifa landed gracefully on the truck across the way, only to have a flailing silver hammer materialize above her head.
"Tifa!"
The martial artist dodged but not fast enough. The hammer came down with the force of a sledge, crumpling Tifa like a scarecrow without stuffing. She lay on her back, jerking her limbs for long moments before becoming still.
"Tifa! Tifa!"
Carmine turned to Yuffie. Then she shrieked, staring at the charred remains of Hamm.
"You! You murdered him! I'll kill you! I'll fry you! Die! Mechanus Cannon!"
Carmine's lavender materia glowed again, a fog light in the growing field of mist. Yuffie found herself staring down the cannon barrel the size of a train engine. She danced to the side but the barrel tracked her like a laser pointer. No time for a spell and no energy for a summon. Only one thing left to do.
Yuffie threw her shuriken.
When Tifa had fallen, John felt the hammer blow strike his soul as it slammed her head. So intent had he worked on protecting Yuffie that he hadn't expected Tifa to pop back up. He planned to try that "ChocoYuffie" trick again, this time to steal that obnoxious lavender materia, but Yuffie had blown her wad blasting Hamm to the great barbecue pit in the sky. John needed Yuffie in the midst of her own summon to hijack her essence, at least according to Zinnia who had dreamed up the stunt.
Thus when Tifa appeared on the her truck, John had no time to warn her. So he tried his telekinesis, which again proved not worth the spit in his mouth - instead sending him rolling backwards like a drunk pill bug. When he fetched up against a tractor tire and saw her limp form, hand drooping over the side, his heart froze in his chest.
"Tifa . . ."
"Look out!" Zinnia whispered.
John sucked in his breath and released his copy of Yuffie's Big Guard.
"You. You murdered him!" Carmine shouted. "Die!"
John began to plead self-defense when he realized that power suit woman had addressed Yuffie. Now came another blast-em spell. Oh-oh. This one did not look good at all. One chance to save Yuffie: use his loose-cannon telekinesis again. And hope Yuffie survived his "cure."
He braced himself this time.
Yuffie threw her shuriken, despite his mental warning. Oh well. Maybe Carmine had distracted herself enough so she wouldn't catch it. John thrust out his hands with a tennis player grunt. A boulder the size of a lounge chair hopped into the air as if filled with helium. It twirled, then whistled over Carmine's head - and it did bollix her spell's aim - before smashing into the mixing barrel of the cement truck. A shrieking Yuffie plunged off the far side. Her shuriken still flew, managing to clip Portek in its arc. Carmine's Mechanus Cannon blasted the truck remains into greasy smoke. (Thank God Wan had bailed out as he had promised.) John flattened himself as debris whistled above him. "Ouch," he said aloud when a metal bracket impaled Stu in his shoulder. Down went muscle-head II with a wolf howl.
"What in the Lifestream did you just do?" Zinnia said.
"I guess I do have what it takes to be a Jedi."
"A what? You almost got us killed."
"I'm sorry. Yuffie would have died - "
Off to the right, two metal struts fell from the third tower. Carmine, whose gray suit could deflect anything from toothpicks to asteroids, stood and scowled, hands on hips.
"For the love of Shinra, Stu, snap out of it. If Hamm could see you now." She fired a White Wind spell. "The Jenova is just a weak kid. Run him through with your sword and be done with it."
"Dunno boss. Each time I get near him something nasty happens. And boss? I think you healed this, bracket thing, into my body? I can't move my left arm."
"My towers. No!"
John pushed a blast of fear at Carmine.
Carmine stopped her spell and smirked. "You really think so? My Torment materia has more power than you will ever see. Believe me." She caressed her lavender orb.
What emotion had he sent? Smugness?
"How'd you get it? Shag a giant octopus?"
Carmine cocked her head.
"Do you recognize me?" John's other mind pushed forward. "I am Zinnia. Warrior queen of the Forest Cetra. I will see you drawn and quartered, after which I will pin you to the ground like a specimen beetle, and then I will take my time to fillet each of your stumps with a ceramic carving knife dipped in battery acid."
Carmine broke into a laugh. "Wow. I've, never heard such a creative threat. Wait. I do remember a Zinnia. I, don't believe she died well. Not at all. But die she did. Whenever I need an extra push to get off to sleep. I recall the way I inserted every single skewer into her screaming flesh." Carmine licked her lips.
"You would get off on that," John said. "Me, I just pet kittens."
"No time for this. Stu? Portek? Take him out. Rip his body to shreds and feed the pieces to the swamp gators. If Zinnia comes back from the dead you can kill her too."
Both marionettes lurched to their feet. Stu waved his sword with his good arm. Portek stood, though looking as if a cat had clocked him on the head with a brick.
"Leaving, Carmine?" John said. "Maybe you should change your name to Yella. You coward."
She whirled so fast John felt Zinnia jump within him.
Stu aborted an awkward charge; Portek began to glow aquamarine.
Still stiff from from his rodeo sheep ride, John feinted right but tripped, feeling a jolt pass over his back as he scrambled for cover.
Lightning? No. He blinked. "The Blob? Seriously?"
The beanbag sized wad of green ooze began to roll toward him. John scrambled to his feet and ran for Tifa's truck. Would have made it, too, had he not run into a crazed nun.
"Juria? What the - Look out!" He dodged around as her wings folded up like a giant butterfly.
"You hurt my niece!" Juria laid into Stu with her staff.
The bodyguard fell back, blocking each blow with his sword. "Niece? All I did," Clang! "was get beat up," Clang! "by Tifa!"
"I strike for the Flower of Wutai." Thwop. "We will scour the stain." Thwop. "Of Shinra from our lands." Thwop. "Wait like winter; strike like thunder." A windup and a base hit.
"I love it when Winkie pygmies talk tough." Carmine again glowed lavender. Still not a speck of dirt on her suit.
A rattle of gunfire. John watched Barret open up on Carmine. The woman shrugged, holding out her palm as if testing for rain.
"Hey, gun show. When will you get a real gun? You aren't hunting mice here. Would you like an Adder's Kiss?"
Her spell, a spitting green snake, couldn't seem to choose between Barret and Juria. John finally made it onto Tifa's truck, even with Portek snatching at his back.
"Sorry kid, I have orders to snuff you."
Zinnia twisted and snapped a knife-hand to the butler's throat. Portek gagged and doubled over.
"Ow!" John said, shaking his wrist. "You think the butler did it? Wait. The butler always did it. And Yuffie will want this." John tore off Portek's armlet. "Zinnia. I didn't know you could fight."
"Street fighting," she said. "Too bad the Cetra didn't emphasize the finer martial arts. Like Yuffie. Now back to whatever you are scheming."
"I have to get to Tifa."
"Oh no. You're not thinking - "
Portek gargled and made another grab but John shinnied up a dangling chain and nearly reached the top when Portek grabbed an ankle.
"Will you." Kick. "Go." Kick. "Away!"
His shoe slipped off but Portek dropped with a grunt.
John looked down to see Barret get pounded by a bizarre water torture spell, one enormous drop at a time. Tears of - something. Nanaki had also dropped in but Carmine dropped a whirl of black vines on him, pinning him to the ground.
Awful lot of mist about.
Zinnia said, "You do realize you don't have enough life force to pull this off."
"Are you kidding? I'm bursting at the seams."
"Because of me. You try that Jenova trick of yours and you'll put me in Tifa's body. Hey!"
A metal clawed hand snagged John by the scruff of the neck and pulled him to stand. Vincent stood before him, Tifa cradled in his good arm.
"Perhaps you should ascertain whether she is dead first," Vincent said.
"Well? Is she?"
"Yes."
"What! I freaking hate you."
"Yes."
"You, useless jerk." John looked away. Fresh pain lanced at his heart. He spun back, reaching for Tifa.
"No," Vincent said. "That will not help."
"I can't stand here and do nothing!"
"Sometimes, things are out of your power. I am returning her to the Highwind."
"And then what? Hold a séance?"
"I stabilized Tifa's body with a phoenix down. We have Aeris and three full Cetra aboard. What you can do now, is stop her."
Vincent pointed at Carmine, now barely visible in the fog. A summoned ballista of energy pounded poor Nanaki with a flurry of energy bolts, flinging him around like a drunk house cat. Barret rose slowly, his gun attachment lost somewhere, his one hand clasped to his bleeding head. Only Juria remained intact. Having coshed Stu, again, she sifted through the rubble until she seized a limp hand. Burrowing faster, she unearthed the inert form of Yuffie.
"Oh no," John said. "Not her too."
Another strut dropped from the towers, unhinging a catwalk. A metal bridge creaked to the side. The mist thickened. Slinging Yuffie over her shoulder, Juria grasped her staff and cast a Cure spell, accidentally bonking Yuffie on the shin.
"Ow!" said the injured girl.
John's heart lightened. Yuffie would blame him for everything but at least she had survived. Maybe he had made a difference.
Unlike with Tifa.
Meanwhile, Carmine conjured a giant ax. Juria turned into the attack, deflecting it off a summoned force field. Unfazed, power suit woman activated a fresh summon. Juria foisted Yuffie onto a recovering Barret and ushered him away, standing with Nanaki to meet the spell.
Nanaki threw up a Barrier while Barret withdrew. The summon took the form of a giant delivery truck with horns and fangs instead of a grille.
"Palmer's Terror," Vincent said. "Cute, but less effective than your sheep. More of a joke than a threat if you dodge fast enough."
Indeed, neither Juria nor the wounded Nanaki received more than a glancing blow. They closed on Carmine, who switched to hand-to-hand, slashing both ways with her wrist blades. In a fit of (probably) boredom, she back flipped out of range, squeezing off another White Wind. Stu and Portek stood up.
"Holy Cripes," John said. "Does this ever end!"
"I suggest you end it," Vincent said. The Highwind hovered overhead, dropping a rope ladder.
"Any ideas how? A hint?"
Wait. He did have the solution. But for the life of him he could not recall it. "Curse my leaky brain. Curse it all!" He threw back his head and swore like Cid at the top of his voice.
"I don't think he had that in mind," Zinnia said.
Vincent drifted up the ladder, meeting Cloud on his way down. John didn't need to read minds to know their thoughts.
"Tifa!" Cloud's anguish cried out as he sailed off the ladder. He skipped the truck and nearly landed on Carmine. "Tifa!"
Carmine, having maimed Nanaki and pushed Juria back on her heels, turned to greet Cloud. Stu fell back, wanting no piece of any of it.
John fumbled through his thoughts. The duel raged like a white fever. What could he use? A limit technique he didn't know about? No, he needed his energy for Tifa. Wait. If Vincent couldn't say it out loud, it meant that Carmine . . .
Cloud threw his soul into the fight, slashing hard with his Omnislash maneuver. Carmine even appeared to go down but found a hidden niche in the rubble and managed to heal. They pressed on, in and out of sight. Portek, alone now, rooted through debris until he found Yuffie's shuriken. He beamed at it as a child would a birthday cake.
Stu scored a lucky hit against Juria's staff, snapping the weapon in two. When the Materia orbs scattered across the ground, he dove in like a kid in a bouncy house. Carmine and Cloud slashed on.
"Eat green snaky thing?" John threw a stored spell from Cloud's revenant mother. Portek staggered, nearly dropping his find.
"Hey, what's this? What happens if I say 'Tera Flare'?"
Great. Well, if he couldn't remember the ultimate solution, he might as well become dragon bait. He jumped off the truck as Vincent descended the ladder again to assist Barret, who failed to solve the riddle how to climb a rope ladder one handed while carrying a limp ninja.
"Here, dragon dragon dragon! Here boy!" John whistled.
But what appeared looked barely larger than a flying terrier. "Squawk!" The little beastie flapped all six wings, slapped its tail at John's face, darting in to bite his shoulder.
"Get back, you crazy mutt!"
And just like that, he knew. Materia. And yes. He did have the answer all along.
"I am such an idiot!" he flailed at the dragon. "I'm a total, freaking idiot! But so are you, Vincent. For not just telling me!"
"Oh, look at all this lovely materia," Portek cooed. "I wonder what this one does?"
"Hey blow-up doll!" John hurled a rock at Carmine. She paused her combat to scowl at him. Cloud fell back and slammed home a couple Cure spells.
"Yea. Harpy in the over starched suit. Bark hello to your mother, will you?"
Carmine lifted an eyebrow.
"Yea, you used snot-rag. I'm talking to you. Why don't you drop your materia and join me in a dance for world peace?" He dropped both his and Portek's armlets at his feet. "See?"
"Peace?" Carmine cocked her head as if she had to look up the word.
"Cloud," John said. "Your mother would tell you drop your materia too. Get it? Your mother?"
He watched comprehension dawn. The spiky haired champion flung down his sword and armlet as if down by the riverside.
"Jenova worm," Carmine said. "You should have stuck to wiping out Cetra."
"Nah. I would rather wipe out you." He spread his arms with as much flair as a bruised albino twelve year old boy could evoke.
Carmine powered up a spell. Probably that damn cannon again. Likely, given that smirk.
"So Fem-bot. Here are your three words of the day:
"Aire Tam Storm."