Peeta POV:
"It wasn't just once Peeta, it wasn't just one kiss." Gale's mouth moves as his eyes begin to close, I can see Katniss stood behind him but I can't look at her properly. Gale's voice echoes in my head violently, each word creating a new bruise within me. Nothing feels right anymore, I feel like I am no longer living properly, everything around me slows down and Gale's smile appears on his face as he dies.
I don't get angry though. I don't even move, scream or cry. I just stare at the screen and savour the light leaving Gale's eyes. Knowing he is dead fills me with only a second of joy, but that joy is completely diminished and my anger tumbles through me. I walk out my house and go to the meadow, it used to mine and Katniss' place but I here not to think of her, I am here to scream. I shout and curse, I yank handfuls of grass from the ground and tears tumble down my face. I grab rocks from the ground and throw them at trees sending birds into frenzy. I batter trees kick up flowers and thump my fists against trunks. I try to find every release of my anger I can and the meadow is the perfect place to attack because it was one of Katniss' favourite places and I want to destroy it for her.
Finally, all my strength has gone and I sink to my knees curled up in a ball and I cry. My eyes become sore and I can feel blood staining my trousers from where I cut my outer hand attacking a tree. My entire body feels weak and it isn't until I see the sun rise again that I calm I let the colours take my with them and once that is over I just lie in the meadow and feel empty. Emptiness is no improvement to being angry because I feel like I have nothing left to fight for, no one left to love. Katniss has stripped every emotion from me that could bring happiness and has left me with nothing but memories that mean nothing to me anymore.
My mind is so tired that I can't fight the voices that fill my head; you should have known someone like here could love you. You stupid fool; of course she went to Gale you are nothing to him. Why would she like you when you are a weak baker boy? You are nothing. She never loved you; she never even cared because YOU ARE NOTHING. I want to ignore them, but I know what they say is right, of course she wouldn't love me when I am nothing compared to Gale. I couldn't even get the reaping right. But I know that had it been anyone else's name called I would have volunteered to go in with her. I would rather die in that arena with her than have to live through this, watching her love someone else.
My older brother Wheat (I can't remember if they ever say his name in the books) comes up to me from the edge of the meadow.
"Are you done throwing stuff and crying then?" He smiles but I don't even look him in the eye. "Dad sent me to make sure you were okay but I didn't want to end up like the trees." He gestures to the tree around me and it dawns on my how much damage I have done.
"Can you just go?" I glare at him but I don't really have a scowl like Katniss. Even her name feels like I am being stabbed.
"No, and look I am sorry mate but you will just have to move on, the likelihood is she will die in the next few days anyway."
"Don't you ever say that," He starts laughing and I lunge at him, tackling him to the floor. I know it is stupid (especially because he is stronger than me) but I can't believe he thought I would want her dead. He takes one punch and then pushed me onto my back locking me into a position I can't move from, he stares straight at me.
"You know I didn't mean that, I meant that you won't have to see her every day, I have to see the girl I proposed to walking around town with her new husband walking around town every single day."
"Yeh, but it wasn't televised to the entire country was it." I snarl. He gets off me and drags me back to our house, he remains silent and so do I. I try to fight him at first but even if I am quite strong I am nothing compared to him. How did I ever think Katniss would actually love me when I am so pathetic? Once I am home I go straight to my room. I hear my mother and father talking; my mother is saying that she knew a seam girl wasn't good enough for me. My dad tells her now isn't the time and for once my mother listens to him. She doesn't follow me up the stairs, but she also doesn't look at me properly. This is the first time in my life I have wanted my mother to support me and she offers nothing. But my mother is as cold hearted as Katniss so why would I expect anything from her.
Once I am in my room I flop down onto my bed and just lie there. I fall to sleep pretty quickly because I got no sleep in the meadow as far as I am aware of. In my sleep I relive the last time I saw her. I am so happy in my dreams. Even when I see her walking towards me I am happy because she was mine and I was hers. When her lips met mine the entire world disappeared into nothingness. I used to think she was perfect but when I wake up cold hard reality hits and I know that she is far from perfect. How many times has she lied to me? Every time she said she loved me, every time she kissed me, each time she said I was the only one for her. But even when I think about all the times she lied I know that I hate her now because I loved her. Love is not the opposite of hate; hate is what love becomes when you have lost all hope. I know now that even though I will always love her, there is no hope for us there probably never was, so there is nothing left for me to cling my love to. She has torn my heart from my chest and probably laughed with Gale because I fell so easily for her.
A/N: Sorry I know this chapter wasn't that exciting, but I promise next chapter will be about the Games, I just wanted to do a Peeta chapter because I like the broken romance thing.