Ch. 12: Princess Zelda's Portrait
The HCA Annual Alumni Winter Ball was on November the sixteenth, and I showered exactly four times that day. The girls thought that I was being ridiculous, but you see, I Googled how to win a girl over, and every website I visited listed "good hygiene" as tactic number one.
A word of advice, my friend: while breaking a girl's heart, as with many things, it is important to understand the infrastructure of her emotions. You must comprehend the exact way that she constructs both inner and outer deportment. Only then can you destruct aforementioned deportment.
That's Nabs' philosophy, not mine. She drilled me with those exact words every day in the week leading up to the ball. I guess she wanted to make sure that I was staying focused on the entire ordeal, and not getting swept away into something distracting.
Sirbe had a quicker, easier way to rephrase the same words: "Eye on the prize, not on the butt."
I smiled into the bathroom mirror, straightening my suit jacket and patting my gelled hair nervously. The three-piece suit had been courtesy of Link, who kept a number of them for his father's sake.
"Isn't he going to notice it's missing?" I'd asked when he lent it to me.
"Hopefully," Link answered, and that was the end of that.
A knock sounded on the bathroom door.
"Come in."
The door creaked open and Aveil stepped inside, resting her hands warmly on my shoulders. She smiled at me in the mirror.
"You'll turn the head of every girl in Hyrule if you're not careful," she warned, brushing a spot of lint from my shoulder. She was quiet, and I could tell she had something on her mind.
"Cat got your tongue?" I teased.
She hesitated for a second. "Ganon…" Aveil caught my eye. "Ganon, why exactly are you doing this?"
Ah. Moment of truth.
"I don't understand," I fibbed, and Aveil sighed.
"I know that Nabooru has some great… plan. Are you doing this- spending time with Zelda like this- for Nabooru? Are you really doing all of this just to break the girl's heart in the end?"
I bowed my head. "I don't have much of a choice, Aveil."
"Ganon…" she turned me around so that we were facing one another. "Ganon, Nabooru doesn't have total control over you. If you love Zelda-"
"I don't love Zelda," I protested quickly. "She's just some girl."
Aveil raised an eyebrow. "You can't help how you feel, Ganondorf," she said softly, undeterred by my bluff. "Don't let Nabooru victimize you for having a heart."
I probably would have answered her if Sirbe's voice hadn't echoed across the hallway at that point.
"Ganon! Get down here, lover boy, your cab's here!"
…
Link was waiting for me at the top of his driveway, sitting on the porch steps with an expression of total distaste.
"The girls are still getting ready," he said. "They'll be out in a minute…" he checked his watch. "Maybe we can convince them to take even longer… I wouldn't mind missing a good chunk of this dumb ball."
The front door creaked open and Malon scampered out in a tight black dress, a rose in her curled hair. I noticed with amusement that she still wore black high-tops in spite of the occasion.
"Good evening, boys!" she greeted, taking Link's arm fondly. "I do love our annual dates," she joked.
"I don't suppose you've gotten any better at dancing in the past year," Link mused, earning him a punch in the shoulder.
"Shut it, Harkinian! You're not any more of a twinkle-toes than I am…"
I heard the door shut with a click and glanced back up, my breath catching in my throat.
Beat, heart.
She was draped in satin from head to toe, a simple, sleek cut that fanned out around her feet. It was white, all of it, white, and her hair was pulled up in an elegant twist.
Malon laughed. "Someone call an ambulance, Ganon's having heart palpitations."
Zelda descended the steps and took my arm shyly.
"You look…" Shut up, Ganon, you are not in love with her, you are not in love with her, and under no circumstances will you let yourself fall for her, not in that way…
"Your deportment surpasses mediocre," Zelda answered smoothly, and I wondered whether she'd been rehearsing that line all night.
…
Hyrule City Academy on the night of a prestigious formal occasion is like Hyrule City Academy on a prestigious normal occasion, but with a little more music and a lot more flair.
Happenings like these were events I'd heard about in movies, but never in real life. The white castle was illuminated with colored spotlights a-la Disney Land, and there were fairy-lights in all of the foliage.
"They used to use real fairies in the bushes," Malon claimed as we passed through the entryway. "But they're all extinct, now."
The approach to the school was via horse-and-buggy, which I personally thought was kind of overdoing it. But I didn't complain, because the cramped space only fit two, giving me a second alone with Zelda. The chauffeur helped her in first, and I clambered in behind her, reaching for a heavy velvet blanket and drawing it up.
"Beautiful night," Zelda remarked, eyes roaming the scene, the lights strung in the trees, the air cool about us as the wind whispered through the branches. She frowned very suddenly. "Wait, that's an understatement, isn't it…?"
I sat very quietly and tried very hard not to fall in love with her.
The peace was broken very suddenly by a loud noise behind us. Zelda closed her eyes in distress. "Oh, no…"
We turned to observe a rapidly approaching carriage. Groose was standing inside of it, arms spread wide. He was very pink in the face, and was surrounded by several other pink-faced party-goers, all of whom had somehow piled into one buggy.
Groose whistled loudly. "LOOKIN' GOOD, ZELDA!" he called, and they all fell into a chorus of laughter.
Zelda rolled her eyes. "Drunk."
"Typical of them to show up shitfaced," I decided, hoping we'd be left alone.
But Groose was persistent.
"CARE FOR A DANCE, BEAUTIFUL?!"
I turned around again, scowling. "Shut it, Groose!"
"Oooooooh," the drunks intoned amidst their own laughter. I just exhaled angrily.
"Don't focus on them," Zelda insisted, "you're only encouraging them." Right on cue, Groose's voice echoed even louder:
"DID YOU HAVE TO KIDNAP HER TO GET HER HERE, DRAGMIRE?!"
"HEY!" The shout came from Groose's chauffeur, who'd had enough. "You kids, stop, or I'll call the police on the lot of you!"
Groose wasn't so drunk that he didn't recognize the sincerity of the threat. With a harrumph that said "you win this round," he collapsed back into the company of his intoxicated disciples.
The grand doors had been cast open, giving way into the entrance hall. An usher stood near the door, taking Zelda's arm when she approached.
"Right this way, Sir and Miss," he greeted in an elegant accent. I followed the pair down a royal blue carpet that lead straight into the ballroom.
To my surprise, my ears were not greeted by a chamber orchestra. On the contrary, I could hear guitars, drums, a man singing…
"What…?"
"We only play good music here," Malon said, having materialized beside us with Link in tow. "Look over there. See the DJ? That's MC Mikau. HCA alum, current boyfriend of pop sensation Lulu Go-Go, who also happens to be alum, and is here somewhere, probably spending time with her sister Ruto Go-Go, who is currently a student…"
"Malon knows everyone in the music industry," Link announced, probably trying to shut Malon up. "As an extension of this, she knows every song ever written."
I smirked. "And this song is…?" I challenged.
"Skateaway. Dire Straits. A person favorite. Like I said, we only play good music here. Let's dance."
I was dragged suddenly and mercilessly across the ballroom, whipping my head side to side to take it all in.
Everything was marble, including the high, vaulted ceiling. Round tables adorned with blue and white surrounded the perimeter, and at one end of the room was an enormous arched window with glass doors leading into the courtyards.
The immense space was packed with adults and students alike; I realized with a start that I recognized a few of the guests. Celebrities, government officials, famous businessmen…"
I was pulled out of my trance when Zelda drew me suddenly towards her, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
"You act like you've never been to a dance before," she observed.
"Not like this. Nothing like this."
"Then like what?"
I thought about it. "We used to have this nightclub a few blocks off where my friend's brother worked as a bouncer. Sometimes he'd sneak us in if we'd agree to watch the door during his smoke break."
"Oh yeah? With whom did you make these… excursions?"
"Friends. Old girlfriends."
Zelda drew still. "Old girlfriends?"
"Well, yeah," I answered. "Why? Did you think I'd never dated anyone before?" That being said, I'd never dated anyone for long enough that I cared much about them. One or two dates with Jolene, who turned out to be using me to get back at some old high school drop-out named Linebeck. Another few dates with this girl Ilia, who later admitted she'd been trying to save my from my "sinful ways" so that I might go to the Sacred Realm when I die. The only other girl I dated for awhile was Veran, who was older than me and...
"I didn't… I guess I just never…" Zelda said, dragging me back to the present.
"Well, haven't you ever dated anyone?!" I asked suddenly, not sure what to expect.
"...No," she answered quietly, timidly. "I guess I haven't."
"But you're seventeen!" I cried. "There must have been someone."
"Ganon, please," she protested. "I'm sorry to have surprised you. I thought it was implied."
"Implied when?"
"It doesn't matter." I sighed. "You're right. It doesn't."
She pulled me towards her again and we continued to dance. A slower song was playing now, but Malon wasn't around to tell us what it was.
I inhaled deeply and was startled when I noticed something I hadn't before; Zelda smelled good. Dangerously good. And she was small. And warm. And incredibly soft. My heart revved up again. Don't fall in love don't fall in love don't fall in love don't fall-
"May I ask what's going on here?" a voice boomed, and Zelda and I jumped apart. A shadow had fallen over us in the form of Headmaster Harkinian.
He had an imposing figure. For one thing, he, unlike his kids, had jet black hair. His eyes were pale and cold, his face drawn into an expression of eternal scrutiny. He was always dressed in the same black suit, and he stood with the composure of a military man.
Evidently, he was not pleased with the current position of his daughter.
"Father?" Zelda said meekly. "Is something wrong?"
He ignored her and turned to me. I shrunk under his gaze. "Your hands," he said coldly "were an inch away from where they really oughtn't to be."
I was startled. Her lower back?
"I beg your pardon, sir, but-"
"I do not want to see you touching my daughter in that way again."
I chanced a look at Zelda, whose face had gone beet red.
"Father-"
"Really, Zelda. Have some sense of dignity."
She's not your property! I wanted to scream, but didn't.
"Father, you don't-"
"I won't hear it, Zelda," he said coldly, and re-focused his attention on me. "As for you, boy-"
"Harky!" a large, red-nosed, pot-bellied man barged in on the scene, dragging the headmaster's attention away from the two of us. I recognized him from somewhere. But where?
"Really, Mr. Barrow; I'm in the middle of some unfinished business…"
And then it hit me. This was Talon Barrow, Malon's dad. He'd been in several ads for Lon Lon Milk. There was a giant billboard on the highway with his face plastered onto it. How did I miss that?!
"Harky, let's you and me get a drink; leave the kids alone! This is their hoedown, not yours."
The headmaster, stressed out, rubbed the bridge of his pointed nose. "Very well, very well…" He turned to go, and before following him, Talon Barrow faced Zelda and I and gave a quick wink. Then, he and the headmaster disappeared into the throng of party guests.
I returned my hands very conservatively to Zelda's waist.
"Sorry for- uh- entering forbidden territory-"
"You didn't," she said forcibly, and sighed. The wonderful moment had begun to vanish, and I could tell that Zelda was still embarrassed and enraged by what her father had said. I wished I could erase the last few minutes and go back to the carriage-ride, because Zelda's mood was a downward spiral. I needed to do something to fix it. Fast.
"Zelda-"
And then I stopped.
"What?"
"Nothing," I answered. It's not my job to tell her how to feel. And for some reason, it had taken me until now to realize that. "I mean… Zelda, you know that you- you're not… don't let people…"
"Don't let people what?" Now she was just confused.
"Don't let people make you think that you exist to please them. Even if it means they're going to bully you and push you around, you shouldn't have to sacrifice your own happiness- your own independence- for their sake."
A pause. Then, slowly, a smirk. She shoved me lightly.
"You're so full of it, Dragmire," she remarked, and laughed her beautiful laugh. Even if she was still embittered by her dad's interference, I could tell that whatever I'd just said had made her feel a little bit better. The goddesses were smiling upon us, I guess.
"Does it hurt?" she asked after awhile.
"Come again?"
"Your foot." She was leaning on my shoulder.
"Why would-"
"I stepped on it the day we met," she proclaimed. "Don't tell me you've forgotten."
"How could I?" I replied. "My life was flashing before my eyes."
"I hated you," she said.
"I hated you too, Zelda."
"But I hate you less, now," she continued. "It's like I almost don't hate you at all."
"Glad to hear it," I deadpanned.
Silence. Then, "Ganon?"
"Yeah, Zel?"
"How do I know you won't start hating me again?"
I thought about it for a minute before I finally spoke.
"There will probably come a time," I said slowly, "where one of us will be resentful towards something the other one did. But when that time comes, remember what I said at the 2013 Annual HCA Alumni Winter Ball."
"And that is?"
"That no matter the circumstances, no matter the deed, and no matter what has happened or what is to come… there will always be a tiny piece of me that hates you, so there's not all that much to lose."
She gawked at me in surprise for a few seconds. And then we broke down into a fit of laughter, giggling like schoolchildren.
"Glad to know it's mutual," she chuckled, and it was perfect. Everything about that moment was perfect.
What was not perfect was suddenly being wrenched apart by two energetic arms.
"MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH!" Malon cried. "Major, major breakthrough!"
"What the hell-"
But we were already being dragged across the dance floor, through the throng of guests, and straight to the edge the ballroom.
"This way, 'scuse me-" Malon paused- "gods, I love this song-" she kept moving- "pardon me- come on, guys!" She dragged us out into a first-floor corridor and began a labyrinthine route through the hallways that followed. Suddenly, we all toppled down a staircase that was usually blocked off during the day. When we got to the bottom, the frenzy stopped, and we all took a moment to catch our breath.
"The Portrait Hall," Malon breathed with a smile.
"Beautiful," I droned, "now let's go back-"
"Nope. Follow me!" She marched through the dimly-lit, dusty corridor.
"I've never been down here," I announced, eyeing the huge paintings of stuffy nobles in crusty gold frames.
"'Course you haven't," Malon supplied. "This hall's part of the original Hyrule Castle. It's not part of the school. Or at least it's not supposed to be."
"Then we should probably-" Zelda squeaked.
"Here it is!" Malon said, leading us around the corner. For a second, I didn't get it.
And then my jaw dropped.
"That's… us," I said in amazement. "But… impossible! That's impossible!"
"Not impossible," Malon countered. "I'm telling you, I'm definitely onto something here."
I approached the two enormous paintings on the wall. The one on the left was done in Zelda's exact likeness, except the Zelda in this painting was draped in royal garments of velvet and gold.
"Princess Zelda of Hyrule," I read aloud, and turned my eye on the adjacent painting. "King Ganondorf of Gerudo Valley." I recited. My eyes widened and I felt suddenly lightheaded. I went to turn to Zelda, but she had vanished.
"...Zel?"
"In here," came her voice, meek and frightened. I turned the corner to find her facing yet another portrait. I screwed my eyes shut, trying to make sense of the image.
"Is that Link?!" I asked. The label read Link, the Hero of Time and Savior of Hyrule.
"No way…" My voice sounded distant in my ringing ears. The man in this painting was clearly Link, but this Link was bursting with muscle, standing with pride, his food on the dismembered head of a dead monster as he surveyed the surrounding landscape. The tunic draped over his body was deep green and bloodied, and he wore a long, pointed hat that snapped in the wind.
"Hero of Time…" Zelda said vacantly. And then the nerves took over and she clutched my hand. "What does it mean?" she asked, trembling. She turned to me in alarm. "Do you know something that I don't?"
"Only that Malon is convinced that I descend from an evil warlord." We wandered back to the spot on the wall where my- I mean, King Ganondorf's- portrait was hung.
It heavily resembled me, but the face, perhaps, was more aged. The man in the painting was young with dark, rough skin, a wide, tight jaw, and unmistakeable fiery hair. But this Ganondorf evidently was far wealthier than I, because he wore a gem-encrusted headdress and layers of polished armor, bands of leather, heavy robes, and assorted weaponry. His smirk was impossibly sinister; he held a gleaming sword sprayed with blood in one hand, and in the other he displayed a small, shining golden triangle.
"That triangle," Zelda said. "It's in the other two paintings, too!"
I scowled, rage starting to build up within me.
"I don't get it!" I shouted far too loudly. "Why does everything have to be weird with you, Zeleda?!"
I regretted the words instantly, and glanced over at Malon, whose oh, shit face wasn't doing anything to ease the situation.
I winced when I returned my gaze to Zelda, who looked utterly offended.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" she asked accusingly. I bit my lip.
"That's not- that's not what I meant-"
"I can't help the way I am," Zelda said suddenly, wagging a finger int he direction of the painting. "I can't help the way things are. Do you think I want this?!"
Malon turned on her heel and fled while she still could. Zelda's face contorted angrily. "Oh no you don't!" She sprinted after Malon, dress clutched in her fists. I followed suit as we wound back up the staircase and ended up just outside the ballroom.
Zelda marched up to Malon and grabbed her shoulders.
"You said you made a breakthrough! What does that mean?!"
Malon narrowed her eyes as if she couldn't believe how Zelda was acting.
"It means that there's more to all of this than any of you are willing to admit! It means that you're more that you think you are!"
"What fi I don't want that? Maybe you should have just left me alone-"
I stepped foward. "Zelda, Malon, please-"
"STAY OUT OF THIS!" they chorused, which I thought was a little unfair, as it obviously concerned me.
"Zellie, you have to understand," Malon began, "you see, I read this book all about Hyrule's history, and there was a picture of Ganondorf in it, so I lent the book to him-"
Zelda turned on her heel vehemently. "You're in on this, too?!" she cried in disbelief. I shook my head rapidly.
"I don't get it either, I-"
"Zellie, don't you realize what this means?!" Malon cried. "Don't you realize how special this all makes you?!"
"What if I don't want to be special?!" Zelda interjected, tears forming in her eyes. "What if I just want to be normal?! What if I just want to be normal like all the rest of use, and lead a regular life?!" She faced me, eyes red, voice cold. "Maybe I can't help it if everything's weird with me, Ganondorf. But let- me- tell- you- something-" she took an angry stomp towards me with every word, and then planted a finger on my chest viciously. "Ganondorf, even if I am weird, I never asked for it. I never asked for any of it, so don't go blaming me for the things that don't make sense!"
"Zelda- gods, Zelda-" I was mortified by the whole thing. "Zel-"
"Don't Zel me," she said coldly.
"Zelda," I huffed. "Zelda, the last thing I want is to hurt you or to blame you."
"Prove it."
"...I can't," I said with a sigh.
"I knew it," she said quietly, and then, louder, "I just knew it." She crossed her arms around her chest, bowing her head. "I knew it wasn't real, I knew none of it was real, but I got my hopes up anyway-"
"None of what was real?" I asked, and I knew that we weren't talking about Malon's theory anymore.
"You!" she answered. "You were too good to be true. I shouldn't ever have let you in!"
I groaned and planted my hands on my scalp in aggravation. Would everything always end in fighting between us?! "Listen, Zelda," I said, "no more Mister Nice Ganon. You want to know the truth about how I feel?! Well?!"
"Give it to me!"
"The truth is that you treat me like shit but I'm falling in love with you anyway!"
"...You don't love me," she muttered, fists clenching.
"And why's that?!" I asked, and she marched away suddenly to the ballroom entrance, a silhouette against the light inside.
"I'll tell you why," she said, and her voice was low and laced with outrage, her body a pod of calamity-to-come. "You don't love me, Ganondorf Dragmire, because nobody loves me!"
"What- why would I do any of what I do if you were meaningless?!" I countered incredulously. "We danced together- did that prayer thing together- danced together- I already said that, didn't I…?"
Bad. Stupid words, Ganon. Very stupid. Malon shook her head at me slowly.
"Well, go dance with Groose, then!" I yelled.
"What- you know what, Ganondorf?! I think I will!" And with this final statement , she marched into the ballroom, makeup ruined from the tears, sobbing and furious and recklessly beautiful.
I watched her go with wide eyes, my heart shattering as if it'd been dropped.
I trudged after her automatically, zombie-like in her wake. I only made it a few steps before Malon grabbed my shoulders and steadied me.
"It's okay," she said quietly. "Let her go. It's a touchy subject for her. ...Let's sit down."
We re-entered the ballroom, and I couldn't help but think that this whole thing was stupid and that it was back to Square One with Zelda.
We found Link sitting alone at one of the tables on the outskirts of the ballroom. He was staring wistfully at the dancers.
A very slow, mellow song started playing. I heard just an acoustic guitar, simple chords…
"Looking for You," Malon droned. "The Lone Bellow."
Where would I be without you to remind me the importance of pop-culture? I thought, but didn't have the energy to make the sarcastic remark in my mind.
Your breakdown
Was easy to see
It took you away
Further from me…
Zelda was dancing slowly and unhappily in Groose's slow, drunk grip. She was crying, crying so awfully...
Sifting through mishaps and photographs
I think of you
Much more than I should…
I glanced at Link, whose gaze was trained on one person. At first, I didn't know whom. And then, grazing the cluster of dancers with my eyes, I found him.
Kafei.
...More than I should.
The only thing I'd known about a past between them had been Kafei's hint at a fling and Link's statement that they didn't get along. I'd figured it was all a thing of the past.
And it was in that moment that I realized something very important about Link.
He was still very much in love with Kafei Dotour.
And I'm falling down
Like it's holy ground
I'm looking for you again
I'm looking for you again.
After a moment, Malon took Link's hand very gently.
"Dance with me?"
Link tore his eyes away from Kafei, whose arms were wrapped around a tall girl with short red hair.
"Yeah," he answered vacantly. "Yeah, okay." Malon lead him like a ghost onto the dance floor.
Slow regrets that live in the dark
I've written them down, but
I know them by heart
I watched as Malon wrapped her arms tightly around Link's torso, her chin propped on his shoulder. After a few seconds, she closed her eyes and rested her cheek on his shoulder, and when they turned, I saw that Link had his eyes closed, too.
I've counted the cost of this loneliness
I've paid for the crime, & someday I'll die
With you in my mind
Zelda was right when she said that Link really, really loved Malon, just not in the way that she wanted him to. And it was especially evident in that moment. There was a sadness about the way they held each other, almost like they were the only two there.
And I'm falling down
Like it's holy ground
I'm looking for you again
Looking for you again
My eyes roamed the crowd for Zelda, but she had disappeared. I stood up absentmindedly and paced across the floor, trying to find her.
Oh I'm not letting you go again
Not letting this story end
I'd hurt her, hurt her without realizing exactly what it was doing. I'd shamed her for the exact thing that made her insecure; I'd gotten her to admit the explicit nature of her self-loathing.
Oh I'm not letting you go again
Not letting this story end
I wove through the jungle of tuxedos and ball-gowns, unable to see Zelda anywhere within the throng. Where was she?!
Oh I'm not letting you go again
Not letting this story end
I started to panic. What if she had gone? What if she wasn't going to retunr?! What if she truly was the princess, and I, truly, the villain?!
Oh I'm not letting you go again
Not letting this story end
The noise around me ceased as I tore my way through the mass of heavily perfumed bodies, and just as my anxiety had reached its peak, I burst free from the throng and into the open.
She had escaped from Groose and was on her own, now, leaning against the doorframe with her back turned to me.
And I'm falling down
Like it's holy ground
I'm looking for you again
I'm looking for you again
Zelda was staring out at the gardens, observing through her tears all of the fairy lights that had entranced her on her way in.
And I can't go without
And there's always doubt…
She turned slowly and faced me. For a few seconds, our eyes caught, and unspoken words ung in the air between us.
I'm looking for you again…
And then she faced away, and I turned and walked in the other direction.
...I'm looking for you again.
Next chapter: Read the book, Malon insists, and things will start making sense. So Ganon does.