Katniss POV:
I don't think I can do this, I can't watch twenty three people die, again. I don't understand how people in the Capitol can call this entertainment. Caesar Flickerman must have noticed that I am stood on the stage in total daze and walks over to me, takes my arm and walks me to my seat. I may hate him for being from the Capitol and taking such a huge part in the Hunger Games but at least I know right now he is going to offer the slightest comfort. He takes me to this huge throne style chair and allows me about ten seconds to gain my composure before he says,
"So Katniss, how do you feel knowing that you will be home by the end of tomorrow as a victor?" I know how I should answer but standing here with all these people wanting me to say I am relieved to have killed people something snaps inside me.
"Would you like me to be honest with you Caesar?"
"I would expect nothing less of The Katniss Everdeen, Girl on Fire."
"Well then, I am dreading going home because people who knew me will think awfully of me because I killed my best friend. And as for being a victor, I defiantly don't feel like a winner, I feel like a murderer. I am meant to me a symbol of the Capitol's mercy and forgiveness towards the districts," I barely pause for an answer, "but I will now have to live with the guilt of all those that died until I die. Tell me how this is the Capitol showing mercy and if the Capitol has forgiven the districts then why do this to all the innocent children?"
Caesar looks lost for words, "Well you could look at it like that or you could say they have set you free from your death. Now why don't we..." I cut him off,
"Saved me from my death? Death would be so much less painful than this and I am pretty sure I wouldn't have faced death if you hadn't put me in that arena."
"As I was saying," Caesar glares at me, "Why don't we watch the film?" Before I can answer the lights go down slightly and a huge TV screen is erected from the ground.
First we flick our way through the reaping, they linger over the district 12's because it was so unheard of, two volunteers from an outside district, plus they are going to show every single juicy moment from my last few weeks. I see my sister and the look of fear in her eyes and then when Peeta's name is called they zoom into his face and I shocked to see that he almost looked happy to find out he was going in. He also seems angry when Gale volunteers but I don't understand why he would be angry, he didn't have to die, didn't face death with me. Before I have chance to properly think about this the screen is showing me and Gale riding the chariot together, our costumes on fire behind us. We looked truly amazing as the fire lingered behind us after we moved forward we looked completely coated in flames. I caught Cinna's eye and gave him a week smile, without him I don't think I would have got half the attention I did and maybe I wouldn't have had my leg healed.
We continued forward through the training scores and before I was ready each pair of tributes were being brought up on their plates, all shocked at the Capitol presenting us as teams. Then someone falls of their plate and everyone loses their focus. I feel like I am watching this happen to someone else. It feels like such a long time ago that I barely feel like I was there but I also know I will never forget what happened. I see me and Gale get into the woods but Gale isn't acting normally he doesn't seem as sympathetic as I thought him in the arena. If anything he seems angry that I broke down, but isn't that normal for someone who just saw someone blown apart and now I am the person who is being ridiculous. Why is he being so heartless? I have to stop thinking badly of him though because he is dead and it is entirely my fault.
We go back to the Cornucopia and I see each person die as their eyes fade and their chest stops rising. Each one of them as dead as the last. I see Cato, the district two boy that I killed, kill around four people without looking back. I don't understand how anyone can kill like that; they can't learn how to do that in training so how can he be so heartless. Again it moves on and it is when Gale and I are arguing and then I see what Peeta would have seen and I see myself decide to kiss Gale. No one knew what was going through my mind, no one knows I thought it was Peeta for some reason, they will probably just think I am a slut... okay maybe not that extreme but still everyone probably hated me. Especially Peeta. I have to explain, but he will understand.
We flick on through all the deaths and we see me making my apology on the floor. Then I run into Gale and it is so obvious that it was planned by the Game makers. I see us talking together and it is obvious Gale was hurt by what I said but in the arena I really thought that he had taken it better. Not that at that moment I cared because all I wanted was to show Peeta that I love him. All too soon the tracker jackers come and I see Thresh die. They attack Gale to but in the arena I didn't know, something happened to him whilst he was there, he seemed to go mad. His pupils dilated and his eyes turned into a scary yellow colour. He starts to hunt me down saying crazy things about me. He wants me dead he says quite often. I am baffled.
We watch me kill the boy from one but that is barely a minute before we go straight into the Gale thing. When I shoot my arrow I see something change in his eyes and he seems to return back to normal. All he had to do was say he wanted to protect me and then he was sane again. The idea of protecting me saved him and by protecting me he died, died at my hands. I see the tears falling down my face but Gale although he is back to normal seems oblivious to my pain and makes me leave him. I eventually go. I know he is about to speak, the life has been to face from his eyes and then he says
"It wasn't just once Peeta, it wasn't just one kiss." And I am stunned to silence. What has he done, what has he done to me. All around me the crowds gasp and tut and make all kinds of noises. But I am too shocked to care. Why would he do this when he was so adamant that the only reason he volunteered was so that Peeta and I would stay together. I think he must have known when he died that he has wasted his life saying that. On his face I expect to see immediate regret but instead I see a smile dancing on his lips. I imagined him saying his last words with regret of all the things he wished he had done, saying he forgave me or telling his family that he loved them. How could he destroy everything with only ten words? Ten words is all it takes to destroy my relationship with the boy I think I have completely fallen for.
That is what hurts the most I think, Gale knew what I used to think about relationships. It must've been three years ago when I told him what I thought.
(flashback)
Gale and I were walking to the hob and we passed a group of giggling girls.
"I think I am falling for him." One girl said and I watched as the others sighed in envy. I couldn't stop myself from scoffing at them and as we carried on walking Gale said,
"Not one for falling in love then Catnip?"
"No, why would anyone want to fall for someone and have to place all your trust in one person. It will all blow up in your face anyway."
"It might not you know, not everyone is bad." I was surprised at this; I never had Gale down as the lovey dovey type.
"Why risk falling if you don't know someone will catch you?" That was all we said on the matter.
(End of flashback)
I never thought on that day that three years later I would have fallen a thousand feet for Peeta.
The light comes up again and the audience cheers, the film must've finished but I was too busy thinking about anything but the Games. President Snow is then brought on and presents me with my crown. I know already that I have stuck my foot in it by saying what I said about being a Victor, everyone in the districts already knew this but I still wasn't supposed to say anything. After I am given my crown the President exits and Caesar bounces to the centre of the stage to tell us all to tune in tomorrow when he will interview me to my core. I dread this because I don't want to talk about my Games and most of all I don't want to talk about Gale.
A/N: Next chapter will be Katniss' next interview and her returning to Peeta.