"Monica?" Chandler knocked on the bedroom door. They hadn't been alone together in days, which was unusual even before they started dating, and now especially so. Rachel was out with Phoebe at a movie that would be over for another hour and a half at least, and he wanted to use the opportunity to at least talk to her, to make sure she's okay. With each moment that passed before she opened the door, Chandler's insecurities—always present, but only in the back of his mind for the past few months—came roaring back. Had he done something wrong? Was she avoiding him on purpose? Was this her way of ending things with him without having to see him? Were they not as serious as he thought?

Before that train of thought could go too far, Monica's bedroom door creaked open just a touch, and she poked her head out. She looked absolutely exhausted, he could tell, like she hadn't slept in days and Chandler wasn't sure if he should be relieved that she didn't sleep well without him, either, or worried that something was seriously wrong.

Before he could say anything, Monica pushed the door open further, just enough for her to slip into the living room. She took his hand gently and led him to the couch.

"Chandler," she said. "There's something I need to tell you."

"What's going on?" he asked, taking both her hands in his. "Mon? Are you okay?"

She was quiet for what felt like eternity, and Chandler didn't know if he should speak up again, remind her that he was there. She seemed in a trance, and Chandler no longer worried that she was breaking things off, not when she was acting so…wrong. No, this was different. Harder.

Finally, after what was probably only a minute but seemed like an hour, she mumbled something quietly, that he couldn't pick up.

"What?" he asked

She looked up, blue eyes holding his steadily, even as he could feel her hands shaking in his own, and articulated the words Chandler hoped never to have to hear.

"I'm pregnant."

Chandler froze. How could she…how did they…but…they always…how, how is that possible? It took him a moment to realize that he had voiced his stuttering thoughts out loud, and that Monica was looking at him worriedly, like she expect him to combust at any moment. Which, to be perfectly honest, didn't seem impossible at the moment.

"How?" he finally settled on, well aware that his hands were starting to sweat, and that she could most likely feel it. He could hardly be embarrassed though, because at that point all he could feel was total, complete panic.

"These things happen Chandler," she said simply and no they don't just happen! They were so careful, they used condoms and everything!

"Are…are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she responded firmly. "I checked three times."

"Okay…okay," now he was definitely having trouble breathing oh god this can't be happening. "And you're…I mean, are you gonna…?" He knew the answer before he even asked, of course she was gonna keep it, this was Monica.

"Yes," she answered. "I have to Chandler, you know I do. But this isn't on you. I mean, you can be as involved as you want, we can forget this ever happened, just…however you want to do this, it's your choice."

"Okay…okay," he repeated again. His felt like he was underwater, like he could pass out at any moment, and all he knew was that he needed to get out of there now. With nothing more than a mumbled "excuse me", he was up and out of the apartment, racing down the stairs and outside, no destination in mind. He just needed to be anywhere but there, somewhere that he could think about something other than the baby, his baby, that was currently growing inside of the woman he cared for more than anything in the world. Nothing about this was fair, nothing about this was easy, and Chandler, who was pretty poor at dealing with his emotions on a good day, had no idea how to even begin to process this.

So he just walked.

He didn't know how long he wandered for, just that now it's dark, he's tired, and he's no closer to coming to terms with Monica's bombshell.

If he was completely honest, he was still so hung up on how, how is this possible that he hadn't spent too much time actually trying to process what that meant. But now that he was back in his apartment—thankfully alone, even his roommate would notice something was wrong and there was no way he could explain any of this to Joey—all he could think about was what now? Monica hadn't pressured him, and he knew he could just walk away now and she would hold no resentment towards him. But how could he do that to her? Above all, she was his best friend, she deserved someone who would be there for her, could be there for her. He wasn't that person. He had so many problems of his own he was honestly surprised he even managed to exist some days, he couldn't be expected to be any sort of role model for another human. The baby deserved better, Monica deserved better.

Still, didn't he have a responsibility to her? After all, he brought the sperm, it's just as much his fault as anyone's. Shouldn't he be there, just because it's the right thing to do? Did Monica even want him around for this? Was that actually her way of telling him to leave her alone?

This was just great. For the first time in his life, he was in a serious relationship, one that he saw actually going somewhere, and he had to go and screw it all up by getting her pregnant (which, again, brings him back to how?). He cared about her so, so much, maybe even loved her, and he didn't know what he would do if he lost her.

But a baby? That was huge. Too huge. Too big and scary and so not something he was ready for. At all.

He went back and forth in his head like this for what felt like forever until he finally drifted off as the sun started to come up. He slept restlessly for only a few hours before finally getting up to face the day when he determined that he would never be able to fall back asleep with how much was still on his mind. Another walk maybe? It certainly beat sitting in his room all day, running the risk that one of the others would barge in and ask what was wrong.

It was colder today than it had been the day before, and Chandler wished he had thought to grab gloves on his way out, but he didn't want to risk going back and running into someone, so he stuck his hands deeper in his pockets and sped up his pace to keep warm. Once again he had no destination in mind, was just walking to avoid being back at home, with the questions from his friends and Monica right across the hall and the pressure of figuring out what the hell he was supposed to do.

He walked for a while, breathing in the late winter air and letting it cleanse him, at least temporarily, of his stress. When he no longer felt like he was suffocating, an improvement from the previous afternoon, he slowed down a bit, started to take the time to look at his surroundings.

He really didn't spend enough time just wandering around the city, he realized, taking in the rush of the mid-afternoon. Business people on their way home (which reminded him, he still needed to call in sick for the day), old ladies getting groceries, students getting a bite to eat after class, parents with strollers enjoying the day.

It was the last one that made him pause. He had never really taken notice of families before, other than to walk around them in his rush to get places. Just looking around him now, he could see all different types of families—one parent, two parents, old, young, parents with babies, parents with toddlers, parents with teenagers. They all looked so happy, didn't they? Had they struggled at first? Did they ever doubt themselves? He imagined that they had, but looking around himself now, he couldn't tell. All he could see were parents who loved their children. If they could do it, maybe he could too?

He suddenly imagined himself with a baby—something he had never done before in his life. Just like that, he knew what he needed to do. He was still terrified, that would never change, but underneath the panic he could feel a hint of…excitement? He turned around and headed back in the direction of his building, miles away by now. He took his time, allowed his mind to wander a bit more, but this time instead of sending his mind reeling, it put the biggest smile on his face, at the thought of loving something that much. And to experience that with Monica? He could hardly remember why he had run to begin with.

Monica was sitting on the couch watching TV when Chandler rushed in. He didn't seem to see her at first, running straight past her and towards her bedroom before skidding to a stop and turning around. She hadn't seen him in almost two days, since she told him about the baby, and honestly part of her had expected to never see him again.

"I need to talk to you," he panted, sitting down on the coffee table in front of her. Just then she noticed the plastic shopping bag in his hand. He reached inside and pulled out a white piece of fabric and handed it to her.

"Chandler?" She questioned, spreading the cloth on her lap. It was a tiny baby onesie, with "I 3 NY" printed in block letters on the front, like you would find at one of those dumb souvenir shops in the more touristy areas.

"I'm sorry I freaked out the other day," he began, folding his hands around hers. "I just…I wasn't expecting that, I guess. I still don't understand how this even happened…"

"You don't have to—"

"Let me finish," he interrupted her. "I…this was never something I thought about before, and I just felt so out of my depth. Still, that's no excuse for me just running out like that." He paused, and his gaze met hers dead on. She could see the seriousness of the situation reflected in his eyes, but the panic that had been there the other day was almost entirely absent. "I want to do this. Monica, these last few months have been the best months of my life, and I can't imagine giving this up. So if you're going have this baby, I want to be there the whole way. All of it. That's…" he swallowed, and looked down to her still-flat stomach, "that's my kid in there. I can't just ignore that. I don't want to ignore that."

"Chandler," her voice was shaking as she tried to process what he was saying. Any expectations she had of how this conversation would go flew right out the window, because this just seemed so unlike him. "Are you…are you sure? I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

"I want to do this," he assured her. "I want to have this baby with you, and I want to raise it with you. If you want me to?" He looked up at her hopefully, a shy smile on his face, and tears sprung to her eyes.

"Yes, yes, let's do this then," she agreed, and flung her arms around his neck as he wrapped his around her waist, holding her close.

"I love you so much," he murmured against the top of her head, and she smiled into his neck, breath catching at the words, ones he'd never said to her before.

"I love you too, Chandler," she replied just as softly.

They were quiet for a moment longer, before Chandler pulled back with a kiss to her forehead.

"So what now?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"What does this mean for, you know, us?" he asked. "Like, should we move in together? Get married? What do we tell the others? Or our parents? Or…"

"Chandler, slow down!" Monica interrupted with a laugh. "It doesn't have to be a big thing!"

"But it is a big thing! It's a huge thing!" Chandler exclaimed.

"It doesn't have to change anything," Monica said seriously. "I like where we are, there's no reason to rush things just because of this. It'll be like…we have two different relationships."

"Two different relationships?" Chandler repeated.

"Yeah, you know, like, there'll be us, as boyfriend and girlfriend, and we can just keep going the same way we have been. And then there'll be the us that's having this baby," she explained, talking quickly. She was fidgeting with her hands, something that when paired with the way she was rambling really let on to just how nervous about this she was. "We can go to all the doctor's appointments and talk about names and feel it kicking! If, y'know, you want all that?"

"Honey, of course I want all that," Chandler smiled. He rearranged them so that she was sitting on his lap and wrapped his arms around her, resting his hands on her stomach. "I told you, I want all of it. I'm in this one hundred percent, as much as you want me around. And more." He kissed her cheek as she giggled and turned to catch his lips.

"I want that too," she grinned.

Chandler smiled back—her favorite smile that reached all the way to his eyes—and kissed her again. She leaned back against his chest and they just sat there for a while, not saying a word, as Chandler stroked small circles over her stomach, where there would be a bump in just a few short weeks. She still could barely take it in—she was pregnant, she was having a baby. And somehow Chandler, who just yesterday had been so freaked that she worried she'd never see him again, was still right there. And he seemed so genuinely excited about this, that Monica couldn't help but be excited too.

She looked down at the little onesie still spread over her lap and smiled. Yeah, they were gonna be okay.

Thoughts? I have most of this story planned out, I just need to write it now! Let me know what you think, reviews will definitely motivate me to write faster!