Chapter Seventeen
Bow strapped to his back, the shotgun in his hand hot, Daryl put down another geek as he fought his way towards the center of camp. He blamed himself. This was the consequence of leaving his girls unprotected. "Carol!" he yelled again. As if he could hear anything over the screams of terror, the shouts of unadulterated fear echoing through what had become his home.
He couldn't let himself wonder if one of those screams were coming from his woman or the girl he was coming to care for as if she were his own. No … they were alive … they had to be. He couldn't lose them too.
Rick was at his side screeching over the din for his family. T-Dog veered off at his right, taking down another walker. Glenn had run ahead in search of Amy. Daryl pushed past them all and continued to cut a path through the horde, eyes always searching for them, voice growing hoarse from his fevered cries. Had they called out to him and he'd just not heard amidst the chaos? Where could they be?
"Get to the RV!" he heard Rick command as he and Shane herded Lori, Carl, Teresa and her children in that direction. An arrow whizzed by him, embedding itself in a walker silently inching closer, the shaft twitching as it founds its home.
Daryl looked up and peered through the darkness in the direction from which it had come and felt hope take flight in his chest. Sophia stood atop the RV, tall and proud with her bow in hand. She looked like a little warrior princess defending her supplicants. And there was Carol crouched next to her, firing off round after round from the pistol in her hand. He stopped yelling for them and focused on the fight, ignoring the relief which wanted to send him to his knees.
It felt like hours, though it was mere minutes before the last geek had been put down and he'd reached the Winnebago. Sophia was the first down the ladder, only one arrow remaining in her quiver. The girl threw herself at him, wrapping her arms and legs around him. It was then she allowed herself to cry.
"You came back," she sobbed, wet tears falling against his neck to soak the collar of his shirt. "I was so scared, but I fought just like Merle taught me."
Daryl wrapped his free arm around her and patted her back awkwardly. "S'ok, Soph." He propped the shotgun against the side of the RV, holding out his hand to Carol. He peeked at her from beneath his lashes, unsure if she'd take it. Didn't she realize he needed comforting just as much as she surely did?
She surprised him, bypassing his hand completely to wrap her arms around both him and her daughter, burying herself in the crook of his neck Sophia wasn't occupying. "I was so worried about you," she whispered, her warm breath sending a pleasant shiver tripping up his spine.
Lori clung to her own family where they stood nearby as Shane checked to see who was left after the tragedy. "I think we need a few hours to rest and regroup before we start dealing with this mess. I'll take first watch," he offered, reloading his shotgun.
"Lemme get Carol an' Sophia settled an' I'll relieve y'," Daryl said, wincing when Sophia tightened her grip. Rick nodded to him in silent thanks, but Daryl just glared back coldly. Because of him, he had to go to his tent and explain to Sophia why Merle hadn't come home.
Sophia kept her eyes closed as they slowly made their way up the hill, one comforting arm around her, the other about her mother. He didn't set her down until they'd reached the relative safety of their tent. She sat down next to Carol as Daryl zipped the flap shut.
"Where's Merle?" she asked in a tiny whisper, more tears washing over her pale cheeks. "Is he …" She couldn't say the words. They couldn't make it past the lump of despair wedged in her throat.
Daryl raked a hand through his hair, dropping down to his haunches before her. "No, Soph, he's not dead. He was gone, an' T was right … there was no way any walkers were gonna get t' him."
"How could he just be gone?" Carol asked, rubbing soothing circles over Sophia's back.
Daryl sighed. "Best I can figure, he used a screwdriver to break the chain on the cuffs. An' he's hurt. There was blood, but I couldn't tell how badly he was injured jus' from that. He stole the cube van, so I'm guessin' he's ok an' will find us when he's ready."
Sophia sniffled. "But nobody's gonna want to stay here after … What if we leave and he can't find us?"
Daryl's lips lifted minutely in the semblance of a smile. "Merle has a habit of findin' me no matter where I go, Soph. Might jus' take a while this time." He waved a hand at her bedroll. "Me an' your mama are gonna go sit outside for a bit an' talk. Why don't y' try to sleep?"
Sophia bit her lip in an effort to staunch her tears. "Ok," she agreed, reaching up to hug him again. "I'm so glad you're back, Daryl."
He nodded his head toward the tent flap as Carol moved to tuck Sophia into her bedroll. The girl placed her bow on one side and her knife on the other. For the first time, he noticed the blood smeared on the blade. He'd have to ask Carol about just what had happened while he'd been away.
*.*.*
Carol dropped to sit next to him as he stoked the small fire he'd kindled before the tent. "Thought you might be thirsty," she murmured, holding out a bottle of water for him.
"What happened while I was gone?" he asked, not sparing a glance her way as he took the bottle and drained it.
The events of the last few hours were no laughing matter, but there was just something so comforting about the man beside her. He made her feel good. A teasing smirk settled on her lips. "I missed you too, Daryl. I'm fine, by the way. It was so nice of you to ask."
He lifted his chin and regarded her through his narrowed eyes. "Stop. Ain't got time for games."
She leaned back against their log and sighed. "We're fine, Daryl."
"I'll be th' judge o' that," he growled, rising up on his knees. His hands trembled as he reached for her, making quick work of the buttons of her shirt.
"Daryl!"
"Hush," he warned. "Y' should know by now I ain't gonna hurt y'."
Be that as it may, his warm calloused fingers slowly undressing her was stirring feelings in her she didn't want to examine at the moment. His eyes roamed her slender form, raking over her almost studiously. "What are you doing?" she asked, her face tinting a lovely pink.
"Checkin' for bites." His smoky gaze lingered on the finger marks marring her left bicep. "Who do I need t' kill?"
Carol winced. So much for hiding the bruises from him. She should have known better. "No one," she said, pulling her shirt tail out of his grasp.
He trailed his own fingers over the darkened skin. "Who did this t' you? If nothin' else, Shane needs a good beatin'. I warned him before I left for Atlanta."
Carol rolled her eyes and pulled the button up back over her tank top. "He doesn't even know about it." She sighed wearily. "The kids were underfoot, and I asked him to take them swimming at the lake. I was with my friends cleaning the fish Andrea and Amy had caught, and Ed came over wanting to talk to me. You know Ed isn't one to keep his hands to himself when he's threatening someone."
"And y' just let 'im?" he gaped. "After all you've been through?"
"Of course, not," Carol scoffed. "I threatened to cut his balls off and told him to go away."
"He listened?"
"Well, I may have had my knife pressing into his groin at the time," she grinned. She sobered quickly. "He's dead, Daryl. I watched it happen."
He looked down at the top of her silver head as she leaned into his shoulder. "Y' wanna talk about it?"
He could feel the shudder pass through her and looked down to find her eyes closed. Carol pressed herself against his side, her hand coming to rest against his arm. "He tried to take her, Daryl. Ed waited until people were dying and screaming and …" She covered her ears as if she could block out the sound in her mind only to find it impossible.
Daryl loosely took her hands and moved them back to her lap, his own covering them. He didn't push, letting her tell the tale in her own time.
"He had his hands on my daughter … He was going to use her to make me go with him … Said he was glad the walkers had provided the perfect distraction. He wanted to use the death all around us to take us away. Oh, god, Daryl, what if he'd succeeded?" Panic rose as the full magnitude of his actions sank in, and a tear trekked its way down her face. She turned her head, unsurprised to see the dark glower on his handsome profile. "But Sophia … She was so brave. She wasn't about to give in. She reached for her knife, and before I could blink, she'd stabbed him in the leg."
"Merle taught her well, it seems."
Carol nodded enthusiastically. "When we find him, I'll have to remember to thank him."
He subjected her to the full weight of his smile and her blush deepened. She was so confident they'd find his brother; it went a long way towards easing his anxiety. "How'd y'all end up on top of th' RV?"
"As soon as Ed let Sophia go, she climbed up there. I was right behind her. Once we were safe, she didn't hesitate. She immediately started firing her arrows," she said, shaking her head, dumbfounded at how much her meek little daughter had blossomed into a fierce fighter.
Daryl nudged her shoulder when she lost herself in her thoughts. "What 'bout you? I saw y' up there with both your guns out."
"Yeah," Carol murmured, "but I didn't at first. I watched Ed limp away from the RV. He was hurt and couldn't climb up to us. I thought, surely, he'd try to hide inside, but instead he headed towards the hill. Maybe to go for the gun he kept in his tent? I don't know. But he had at least three walkers following the blood trail he left, and … Daryl, I watched him die," she finished, her voice no more than a whisper.
"It's not your fault, and it ain't Sophia's neither. She was protectin' th' both of y'." He would not let her sit there and wallow in guilt. Not for a piece of shit like Ed Peletier.
Carol turned her tortured gaze on him. "That's not it. Daryl, I didn't feel anything. Not remorse or pity … Nothing."
It reminded him of the absolute lack of emotion he'd experienced when his father had died, and he could empathize with her. The only feeling he'd been able to truly recognize was relief. "How d'you feel now?"
"I'm free." A laugh bubbled from her lips. "Sophia and I are well and truly free."
Daryl felt panic well up to choke him, and he didn't know how he was able to keep his features blank when the urge to lash out was so strong. She didn't need him anymore. She'd leave him, just like everyone else he'd ever cared for. He'd be alone. No Merle, no Carol, no family.
And then the words forced themselves past his teeth in a strangled hiss of pain. "You don't need me anymore. Ed can't hurt y' again."
Carol jerked her head to look at him, her lips parted on a startled gasp. "What are you talking about? Of course, I need you," she assured him. "What's gotten into you?"
He shoved himself to his feet, pacing restlessly. "No y' don't! Ed's not a threat anymore, an' y' and Soph can take care o' yerselves jus' as well as I can. I-"
Carol bounded to her feet, closing the distance between them and grabbing two handfuls of his sleeveless shirt in her fists. "Is that what you think? That I'll leave you?" She paused a moment, searching his eyes for the truth. He wasn't sure what she'd find there besides a lot of confusion. "For such a smart man, you sure can be stupid."
Daryl gaped at her. "What?!"
She let him go with a tiny shove and planted her hands stubbornly on her hips. "You're my best friend, Daryl Dixon. You're not just that … you're my savior, my confidante, my protector. You sought me out and made a place for yourself in my heart. You can't just cast me aside now because I'm stronger or because Ed's no longer a threat. I've never needed you because of what you do for me." Her voice shook with emotion despite its soft tone. "I need you just because you're you."
He felt the bitter sting of tears behind his eyes, but he refused to let her see the torment of his soul. No one had ever said anything like that to him before, and he just didn't know how to respond. He couldn't let her see how much her words meant to him, couldn't open himself up and let her all the way in. Every time he'd done so in the past, he'd received nothing but scorn and pain and ridicule. Yet he knew for certain he couldn't live in a world without her.
She wrapped her arms about herself and averted her gaze, staring down at the mud on her boots. "Do you want me to leave? Is that what this is about?" she asked brokenly.
Once more, panic tore through his chest, the ache nearly stealing his breath, but he couldn't hide from her. He had to find the words to make her stay. "No … stay." He reached out and enveloped her cold hand in his much warmer one. "Don't want y' t' go, woman. I jus' don't want y' t' feel obligated t' stay, like y' got no choice."
She gave the hand holding hers a gentle squeeze. "You are my choice."
He nodded and chewed his lip, at a loss for what to do then. "Try t' get some sleep. I'm sure Rick an' Shane'll be up at th' butt crack o' dawn plannin' out our next move. I'ma go down for my watch."
Carol raised a hand to his cheek, and he lost his breath at the tenderness of her touch. "Be safe."
He watched her disappear through the tent flap, realizing he hadn't even bid her goodnight, too lost in the sweetness that was purely Carol. And she was his. What had started as a friendship, a common understanding and shared pain was slowly becoming something more. He felt it so strongly, and he wasn't so dense he couldn't tell she felt it too. He just needed to figure out if he was brave enough to watch it grow or too weak to let it blossom.
*.*.*
Carol laid awake next to Sophia after he'd gone, unable to sleep. She doubted anyone in camp would be able to do much sleeping that night. How could they after experiencing the trauma of the attack? She could still hear the screams, the ravenous moans of the dead as they sought to devour the living. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see Ed falling and hear him scream as the walkers ripped him apart. She could see the horde sweeping through their home like a plague of locusts, and the group fighting to fend them off.
She shuddered, and Sophia whimpered softly next to her. Carol leaned over and kissed her cheek and brushed a soothing hand over her hair until Sophia settled down once more. She hoped her daughter's dreams weren't riddled with terror-filled visions of the undead. Sophia was still a child, no matter how fast the new world was forcing her to grow up, and Carol wanted her to at least find peace in slumber.
Carol's mind wandered to Daryl as it usually did when she had a moment of quiet. She couldn't even begin to describe the relief she'd felt when she'd heard him calling her name across the quarry, or when her gaze had found him fighting his way through the chaos to reach them. To know he was safe, that he was there, and she wasn't alone … The knowledge had warmed her and filled her with hope to the very depths of her soul.
His ready acceptance of Sophia and then her into his open arms had stunned her, well aware by now of how he reacted to displays of affection around the other members of their group. His guard had been lowered in what seemed almost desperation to assure himself of their safety. It was easy to recognize his reluctance to trust. She knew those feelings all too well because she shared them. Someone in his past had broken him, and there was no guarantee he'd ever recover, but she'd do her level best to help him. They could heal together if he were willing to take the chance.
It had been like a knife to her heart when he'd told her she didn't need him anymore. How could he ever think that with as close as they'd grown to one another. She'd never willingly leave him. It would be easier to cut out her own heart. No, she thought obstinately, he was stuck with her. Carol was almost one hundred percent certain he needed her just as much as she did him.
She rolled over onto her side, facing Sophia's back, still unable to sleep despite the bone deep exhaustion she felt. Her mind replayed Daryl's frantic urgency as he'd removed her shirt earlier, the fear on his face as he searched for bites and then the rage at the bruises left on her pale skin. His touch had been almost clinical, his search thorough, but the feel of his fingers ghosting over her flesh had left her breathless. When was the last time a man's touch had left heat and desire coursing like fire through her veins? Not even during Ed's courtship had she felt anything remotely similar. That should have been a warning now that she thought of it.
With the abuse she'd been dealt, she'd expected to recoil from such an intimate touch. But as his work-roughened hands had moved gently over her arms, her shoulders, and neck, she'd found herself wanting more … so much more. What would it be like to kiss him, she wondered. To have his thin lips come together with hers, brushing softly, teasing her senses, his tongue darting out to taste her?
She gasped, her eyes flying open as she felt wetness pool between her thighs. Holy shit! When's the last time thinking of a man had done that!? Oh, she'd find herself in big trouble if she allowed her thoughts to continue along that path. Especially when she was certain he didn't feel that way about her. She stifled the groan hiding just behind her lips as the sound of a zipper penetrated the silence.
Carol held still, her fingers curling around the gun hidden beneath her pillow. She relaxed when she caught a whiff of his familiar scent as he sat down on his bedroll and removed his belt and then his boots. Only when he stretched out beside her did she allow the tension to ease from her body.
"Cain't sleep?" he asked, staring up at the domed ceiling.
"How'd you know I wasn't?" She knew there was no reason to lie to him. His hunter's instincts were too sharp.
"'Cause y' stopped breathin' an' grabbed for your gun th' second I came in," he scoffed.
Carol smirked into her pillow. She could tell from his tone he was smiling, no doubt pleased with himself for having taught her to be so cautious. "I suppose I'm still on edge."
"Y' need t' sleep, woman," he yawned. "Ain't gonna do y' no good t' sit up worryin' all damn night."
"I thought you were on watch."
The fabric of his sleeping bag rustled as he shrugged. "I don't think th' others can sleep neither. We've been switchin' out every two hours, two on guard at a time. One on top the RV an' one walkin' the perimeter."
Carol sighed. "We should have been doing it that way from the beginning, then maybe …"
He turned over and she could feel his eyes boring into her back. "Stop. I'm not gonna let y' beat yerself up for shit y' ain't got no control over. We all made mistakes. Shane don't know nothin' when it comes t' security, even if he was a cop. S'why me an' Merle always took turns watchin' over our own campsite."
Carol sniffled discreetly, once more feeling the burn of unshed tears. "How many did we lose?"
"Carol …" he breathed, hating this need she had to torture herself.
"Please, Daryl," she pleaded with him. "I don't want to go down there in the morning and find out. I need time to deal with it now, so I might be able to help others."
He gnashed his teeth, angry with her logic, but helpless to do anything but give her the names she sought. "Th' Garcias, th' Powells … includin' their little boy … that group o' jocks from Georgia State who kept t' themselves, Ed," he spat that last name as if it were something putrid in his mouth. "Kortney an' Brittany …"
Carol let the tears fall. She hadn't known them very well, but they'd all been decent people. Kortney and Brittany had just gotten married out of state before the outbreak, and now they wouldn't see their first wedding anniversary. She didn't like how Daryl's voice had trailed away, and she knew the next name would be the one to break her. "W-Who else?" she whispered, bracing herself.
"Woman -"
She cut him off, angry and afraid. "Tell me."
"Amy."
"What!? No!" she choked out, sitting up and pushing the thin blanket off her legs. "Andrea …"
His eyes flashed at her in the darkness and she could see the panic there lurking in their depths. "Where th' hell d'you think you're goin'?" he asked, his fingers wrapping around her upper arms to prevent her from rising.
"I need to go to her, Daryl. Please … Let me go," she begged.
Daryl could feel her pain. Not for the friend she'd lost or for the grieving sister. He'd barely known Amy, and Andrea was a pain in the ass. It was because his woman was hurting. "Dale an' Jacqui are with 'er. She's not alone, Carol. Y' need t' be here in case Sophia wakes up."
Only the mention of her daughter could have kept her at his side. Tears poured from her bottomless blue eyes as he pulled her back down to lie beside him. She felt him tense slightly as she pressed herself closer and laid her head against his chest, but she didn't care. She needed the comfort of his arms, his reassuring presence while she mourned the loss of her friend.