"No."

"But-"

"We are a school club, who do odd jobs like finding stuff and finding information. We are very competent, but something like this is not something I will permit my club members to get involved in."

"Buchou! We can handle ourselves! Or at least, I can. Let me go investigate this."

I turned away from our client and glowered at Suzuki.

"I won't allow it. Most of the people beaten up were Disciplinary Committee members, and they're known for being exceptionally strong. Sasagawa Ryohei was assaulted, and he specializes in hand-to-hand combat. If all those strong people were beaten up and their teeth removed, what chance do you think you have against their assailants?"

Suzuki fell silent, scowling but reluctantly accepting my words. I nodded, satisfied that she wouldn't run off and get her ass kicked. Our client looked disheartened, so with a sigh, I turned back to her to give her something she could cling onto while her boyfriend recovered in the hospital.

"Look, Tsukada-san, I understand that you want the perpetrators to be caught, and so do I, but I can't allow those under my care to come to harm." I walked to the clubroom door and slid it open, gesturing for her to leave. "But I don't think you need to worry so much. All the people attacked were Nami-chuu students, and what's more, most of them were part of the Disciplinary Committee. You know what that means, don't you?"

Tsukada processed my words and looked up at me with a hopeful expression on her face.

"A-Are you saying that Hibari-san will go after the attackers himself?"

I smiled at her. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

She beamed back and bowed to me and then each club member present.

"Thank you so much! I'm very sorry for troubling you!"

After she had left, I returned to my very comfy president's chair and leant back in it with a noisy sigh.

"Sorry, Suzuki, but you're part of the Investigation Club, and therefore under my care, so I can't allow you to get injured on a job. Understand?"

She grumbled, but conceded.

"Good. Now, Hashimoto-san, have you sought out Terauchi-san for advice yet?"

"My phone ran out of power. I'm outta here."

"What?! Look here, Gokudera, you can't just leave like that, what do you think you're-"

I rolled my eyes as the teacher continued yelling after Gokudera. You'd think that by now, he would have realized that unless you were my brother, getting him to do something he didn't really want to was pretty much impossible. At best, he would ignore you; at worst, you could get blown up by the boy's ever present dynamite.

Yamamoto woke up and the teacher scolded him for always sleeping in class. He was ignored.

Ah, Tsuna and the others should be getting ready to go to Kokuyo right now, shouldn't they?

I contently sipped from the cup of tea and tapped my pen against the desk. Right now, I was in the club room and circling the places that some kid's lost puppy was most likely to be. I almost felt like laughing at how stereotypical all our requests were.

This girl lost her lucky pen, that guy wanted to know what his crush's favourite things to do were, another wanted to know their rival's weaknes, and so on, so forth. We were in middle school, so we'd get the occasional chuunibyou insisting that the apocalypse was coming, or that they had some kinda strange power, or had been reincarnated into this life for some grand purpose I rarely bothered to listen to.

I always had to suppress the urge to snort disdainfully at those. The apocalypse was definitely not coming, I was personally acquainted with people with flame powers, and if anyone had been reincarnated for some grand purpose it was me.

'Cept, y'know, without the grand purpose bit.

All the other members were either occupied with personal matters or out investigating so I was the only one in the clubroom. That was a good thing, because the universe was a bitch and kept trying to involve me in the story, so if there really did end up being one more Bloody Sibling, I could just beat them down without having to worry about anyone seeing.

I hadn't sensed Lambo, I-pin, or Shamal's presence at all during the time I'd been here, so I could only assume that either I got lucky and it had remained the Bloody Twins, or that Reborn had decided that I could take care of myself and also wanted to see how I'd fare against a serial killer.

I didn't get lucky.

When the third bloody sibling appeared behind me, I ran my hand down my face, passing it off as exasperation from a request the club received.

Why.

Judging from how easily they'd been taken down in the manga, I'd have no trouble either, but it was still annoying as hell. For a moment I wondered how they'd been stuck with the label of serial killer when they were so weak, then remembered that Shamal, future Lambo and I-pin had grown up in harsh underworld, and that normal people wouldn't be able to sense these stealth type killers creeping up on them.

Then I was struck with another thought.

Wait, if Kyoko and Haru were targeted, why wasn't Nana...? Was it because she was a blood-relation? No, then they wouldn't be coming after me now. Then because maybe she went out and was with someone else- no, Hana accompanied Kyoko to the hosp-

Ah.

Fuuta.

Right. Since they had probably gotten the rankings for which girls were the most precious to Tsuna from the kid, Fuuta, who absolutely loved both Nana and Tsuna, had probably wanted to spare my brother at least some pain and only asked for the actual 'girls'.

I was jolted from my thoughts when another slimy presence joined the one already there.

Bloody Quad- no, that's ridiculous even for this - both Bloody Twins must have been sent after me.

Well, it made sense. Mafia was big on family, and I was Tsuna's literal family, who also looked like a delicate beauty (if I do say so myself) incapable of fighting. Mukuro and co. probably hadn't bothered to do their research too well if they thought-

Wait, why are both Bloody Twins here? Just one should be enough to deal with me right? Unless they got overconfident and- Hm. Or, they could have set up Haru and Kyoko as decoys, and then sent both Bloody Twins to me to make Tsuna feel the ultimate hopelessness and really stab himself when the monitor switches to show me, bodyguardless, with the two poised above- buuuuuuut, to do that, they'd have to know about the existence of bodyguards first for them to set up decoys, but since this is a pretty shoddily formed plan in the first place, and the real goal is to exhaust Tsuna enough that he'll submit easily to Mukuro anyway, it's highly doubtful that's the case and I'm overthinking things and I should really just beat up these creepy ass fuckers already.

I wanted to put down my pen right then and beat those grey faces in, but decided it'd be more fun to wait until the last moment, when Tsuna began to bring the knife down. Even if I couldn't see their faces, just imagining it all would put me in a good mood for the rest of the week.

Concentrating on the niggling feeling at the back of my mind which was my 'psychic twin connection' to Tsuna, I continued scribbling notes down and waiting until I was sure that the blade was pointed right at his stomach. Then, I moved.

Slamming down the pen on the table, I stood up, kicking my chair off to the side so it wouldn't get in the way, and snatched the bottle of sulfuric acid from the clawed hand of the twin about to pour it on me. As I punched that twin in the face, I threw the liquid in the bottle at the face of the other and knocked - him? her? it? it would suffice- it down. I then brought the desk I had been using down on the legs, breaking them, then stomped on the hands, and elbowed the twin I had punched before back away from me.

It didn't fly back, but the way its body bent back was so exaggerated that it wasn't even funny. Welp, whatever. I kicked it between the legs, then roundhouse kicked it in the chest - which actually did send it flying back this time - and used the desk again to break the legs.

Now that both Bloody Twins were on the floor, I could finally properly immobilize them. I kicked each in the head, using the movements of their bodies to determine whether they were unconscious or not, and when that was done, carefully kicked in their kneecaps to ensure that they would be not be running away even if they regained consciousness in the five minutes I was gone. Then I went off to find a sturdy rope I could use to tie them up.

i think it's plenty obvious that i've never been in a fight before lmao.

the halves of this chapter were written with two months in between, and it's four in the morning, so there's gonna be a lot of mistakes lol. and my birthday was two weeks ago yay.

Cocoroca: frankly, i have no idea what to do with the flamepires lol

Nike Scarlet: crack? hm. i just write whatever i want, so i guess that can be considered crack. i don't know where you got the plot from tho lol

LilacRoses: as you can see, i am alive and still writing shitty fight scenes

Review?