A/N: Hey up my lovelies.
I bring a new chapter, (Not beta-ed i'm afraid.)

Regarding reviews/PM's - Guest...I love you and Pierre-Inky I hope this answers part of your question. By all means people, ask away. If you have any inquiries about this fic then leave them in a review and I will do my best to get back to you :)

Kurt sat in his bed, rocking back and forth in time to the music blasting through his headphones. He'd asked a nurse to draw the blinds shut around half an hour ago, the light from the setting sun glaring off the rooftops and into his room, and had been slowly allowing himself to slip deeper and deeper into the soothing lull of the melody.

'Wouldn't cause you any harm
I just want you in my arms
I can't help-
I can't help myself'

He let his head nod in time to the drums, only feeling a slight twinge on his back where the adhesive of the bandages stretched with his skin. These new painkillers were still pretty good, he couldn't lie.
His dosage had been gradually lessened over the last few days, as his body began to stitch itself back together. Blood scabbing over wounds and skin growing back as fast as it could. Several of the more prominent bruises across his abdomen and legs had faded from a deep blossoming purple, to a more sombre greying green – still painful, but less offensive to the eyes.

'Baby there's a shark in the water
There's something underneath my legs
Oh please believe, I said'

A soft breeze blew across the room from the fan standing by the door, and Kurt bristled at the chill.

He opened his eyes, squinting across the orange tinted room to see a man standing in the door frame; hospital scrubs pristine and blonde hair dragged over his head in a style not unlike Blaine's – all gel and soft waves hiding the untamed curls beneath.

'Afternoon Kurt.' The man said, and stepped inside, pulling the door shut behind him with a soft thunk.

Kurt nodded at the man and removed an earphone.

The man walked over and dragged a chair from nearer the door over to Kurt's bedside with a screech. Both Kurt and the man winced, but the sudden tension was broken as the man let out a short chuckle, and Kurt seemed to relax.

'Spoken to your dad recently?' The man asked.

Kurt shook his head.

'Any particular reason?' he continued, and Kurt gave him a prominent look and blinked.

The man returned it with equal force and Kurt rolled his eyes, clearing his throat.

'Doctor Ross. My father is insistent on asking me what the matter is. After a while one tends to get rather irritated with the whole issue.' Kurt said, his voice monotonic and bored. Doctor Ross had visited him several times since the beginning of his stay, always asking the same questions.

When he wasn't in the main part of the hospital, he worked part time as one of the hospitals mental professionals, during which time he would stick to the other side of the building, where what Kurt referred to as the 'Cray Zone' was located. Ross had wanted him sent over there to get checked out, but the boy had refused, he was getting enough stick for the wings on his back, he didn't want to add mentally unstable nut job to the list too, despite knowing that it was probably what most people assumed anyway.

Kurt fiddled with the on button on the IPod in his lap; bright green and previously Finn's since his own phone and subsequent music device had been destroyed at Jeremiahs. 'Besides' he drawled, 'With his health I'm not going to risk actually telling him anything, am I? Besides, it's nobody's business but my own.' He made to put his earphone back in, but the other man held out a hand to block him, lowering Kurt's arm back down onto the bed.

'But you're speaking to me just fine.' Ross said, his eyebrows cocked in a knowing manner, his lips pulled into a smirk. 'You tell me what the matter is.'

'That's because you supply the drugs doc' Kurt said. 'Simple as.' The man gave him a disapproving look. 'Besides, I can still make you squirm.'

Ross sighed and reached a hand into the pocket of his scrubs and pulled out a notebook. It was bright red with a tattered cover and a cartoon doctor on the front holding a giant heart; it's tackiness burned the retinas. He flicked back through the pages as Kurt judged him once more for his atrocious stationery; he remembered this particular pad from the last time the doctor had spoken to him. It had hurt him then and the pain hadn't subsided since – his fashion sense was weeping.

The doctor eventually paused on one particularly messy page, filled with a tight, looping scrawl that listed out close to everything Kurt had even mentioned last time they had spoken.

'So...' the doctor began. 'Any improvements since last time?'

Kurt let out a long suffering sigh and glared down at his bed sheets, not wanting to make eye contact as a slow heat bubbled up inside his chest, annoyance starting to build at the new conversation topic.

'No' he said, through gritted teeth. 'Still just the same doc, no change...nothing... nada.'

The doctor nodded, and flicked to the next clean page, his pen quick scratching away and staining the new surface.

'So you are still having suicidal thoughts, correct?'

Kurt huffed again. 'Yes.' His tone was tight and his eyes shone as the irritation grew within him. He hated being questioned on this issue. He had nearly spilled his guts to the man last time, and his dreams had come back twice as bad as a result- though not nearly as bad as after he'd told Blaine...

'So...' Ross said, drawing out the vowel in an almost whistle. 'Wanna actually tell me what these thoughts are...get some of it off your chest. Not to be pushy but I could do so much more to help you if I had just a little more to go on...'i wanna die' is pretty vague if I'm honest.' The doctor attempted a joke there, nudging at Kurt's bed and smiling. At the lack of verbal response and the daggers Kurt shot from his eyes the smile dropped and he quickly returned to staring at his notes. 'So...umm...yes, wanna umm...let anything out?'

Kurt remained silent.

'Kurt?'

'I'm good.'

The doctor tutted. 'Well, if 'I wanna die' is any indication, I'd say you aren't'

Kurt didn't answer.

'Come on Kurt. You're only hurting yourself here.'

'Hurting myself is kind of the point in case you hadn't guessed already.'

'I just want to help you-'

'Well maybe I don't want your help.'

At this the doctor lowered his pad and looked at Kurt, his gaze softening.

'You do Kurt, otherwise you wouldn't have requested to talk to me.'

Kurt stayed silent.

'If you're going to be like this I could always get your dad in here-'

'I may be a minor but you still need my consent to inform my relatives of anything. Patient confidentiality remember? Did they not teach you anything at med school?'

Ross laughed and shook his head. 'You know your stuff I see.'

'I know enough to make sure my dad doesn't know I'm seeing a shrink, yeah.'

'I'm hardly a shrink Kurt-'

'Same difference.'

The doctor coughed. 'Regardless, are you going to say anything to me or are we just going to sit here all day, I do have other patients you know.'

Kurt paused for a second, looking down at his lap, brow furrowed. 'It's not worth my while.' He said eventually. 'All it will do is make the nightmares worse and then where do we end up, right back where we bloomin' started.'

'Nightmares?' Ross questioned.

Kurt looked unimpressed. 'I screamed every night for a week, so loud they had to move me to a different area of the hospital. I'm sure you're aware I have nightmares.'

'Well...now you have to explain.' Ross retorted. 'If you nightmares are directly related to how you reference the events whilst conscious then...' he trailed off. 'You really should talk about these things Kurt. I can recommend so much help for you and honestly your recovery could be so much quicker...you'd stop having these thoughts eventually and could go back to how things were-'

Kurt cut him off with a loud growl

'I can't go back to how things were.' Kurt spat. 'Everything is different now, everything. Nothing will be the same and I hate that so much. I hate it with more passion than I feel for almost anything else, and all talking will do is bring up the pain, and make it even worse for me now.'

Ross sighed. 'But isn't a little pain now, worth so much less in the future?'

Kurt didn't reply.

The pair were silent for nearly 5 minutes; Ross flicking through pages of his note book whilst Kurt stared at the opposite wall if the room, where a pastel portrait of a cow was hanging lopsidedly off the wall. A gentle ticking of the rooms generic white plastic clock and the slow breaths of both men was all that could be heard within the room, that was, until Kurt eventually spoke up.

'How about this then?' Kurt said as he straightened up and turned to face Ross. 'You promise to give me whatever I ask for, i.e. a medication, drug, whatever, I'm not fussy at this point, that will guarantee I don't dream when it knocks me out...then I'll tell you what I'm feeling and about the nightmares. How does that sound?'

The doctor looked at Kurt, sympathy in his eyes. 'Kurt, you know very well I cannot guarantee anything, it goes against my entire code of practice and-'

'Screw your code of practice ' Kurt hissed. 'You either take the deal or you leave right now.'

'But-'

'...or leave.' Kurt hissed again, his eyes like slits beneath his floppy fringe.

The doctor swallowed and closed his eyes. 'Fine' he muttered. ' You know what, fine...if it will get you to finally admit what's wrong...and actually take a step towards recovery then fine, I'll do my best.'

'That's what I like to hear' Kurt said, but there was no smile on his face.

It had taken another half hour before anything happened. Ross had left the room to find one of the nurses that would be dealing with Kurt for the night shift, assuring them that a particularly string painkiller was allowed for this night, and this night alone. She had looked sceptical, but had agreed when he had sought clearance from the main doctor on Kurt's case.

He had returned to Kurt's room to find the boy once again blissed out listening to his music, his head lolled to one side against his pillow as he mouthed along to the lyrics.

He walked over and tapped on the boys forehead – not daring to touch his still healing shoulders.

'Up and at 'em' he said, a chipper look in his eyes. Kurt's disgruntled and rather apprehensive expression was at a complete contrast to the man and at the sight of him, the mood in the room visibly lowered, a sombre feel over taking the small space and making the doctor rather uneasy.

'So...you wanna know what's up in here then?' Kurt said, tapping one long finger against his temple. 'And you've got whatever dreamless sleep concoction all lined up for tonight?'

The doctor nodded.

'Good..umm...great. Right then. ' he paused and watched as the doctor pulled out that hideous notepad and a pen and just sits there, waiting for Kurt to begin.

'Well...you already know it's bad.' Kurt said, a mock laugh in his tone. 'I mean, you're the only one I'll talk to about anything anymore, that has to say something. I don't even know why I talk to you if I'm honest...I just ...do.'

The doctor nodded and started to note things down. Kurt glard over at the paper for a moment, his eyes scanning for any words he recognised, but the fact it all appeared upside down didn't help. He cleared his throat, looking away and over towards the window, trying to guess what was happening behind the blind.

'So I've been having nightmares for ages, back before all this happened.' Kurt continued, letting himself just...speak. 'They weren't so bad, and only once a month or so, but they were there...these ones...' he squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a shaky breath. 'They're every night. I can see and smell and taste everything, like I'm back there right now and having it all happen again...and he's there...and he's doing those things and he's taunting me, and then people I know come in, people I thought were my friends, and people I thought cared about me, and they just tell me how awful I am and how I should die. And then he keeps talking about completing the circuit, about finishing what he started and joining him in his twisted hell he 'made' for me, and I can't make myself wake up, and he keeps saying these things... and I don't-'

There was a pause, and Ross looked up from where his pen scratched at the paper, his eyes latching onto Kurt, who's incredibly sudden emotional spill seemed to be catching up with him.

'I just.' Kurt's breath hitched. 'I just don't know anymore. I don't know what's real and what's just a dream and it's killing me.' He coughs a little, clearing his throat. 'I keep having these...flashbacks? God, I don't even know anymore, of him... touching me and doing...things... to me and it's all I can feel and god when I wake up I can still feel his grip and there's this taste in my mouth and I just want to die. And half the time I'm convinced that it was real and I just scream because he's destroying me, he's breaking me and I can't stop it. I can't make him leave and I can't fix what he left behind.'

Kurt mopped at his brow with one sleeve of his hospital gown. When had he started sweating?

'I have this...this, just this sense...that he took something from me. And I don't know what it was...whether it was just my dignity or something else. I remember him...touching me...there-' he nods down at his lap. '-and my heart wants to explode because half the time I'm almost convinced that he took my...my...virginity.' the word is whispered in a choked sob. Kurt isn't crying but the doctor can see the distress in his eyes, and the distance. As if he isn't in the room but rather trapped back within the dark vestiges of his memories.

'But I can't remember it happening. I know he...r...' a breath. '- raped me...because I never consented to him. Not once would I ever...but he carried on...what bothers me most is that I...I don't know if he went...all the way- fuck why am I even saying this?'

Kurt shook his head, and made to put his headphones in and roll over, but the doctor snatched a hand out to stop him once more.

'No.' He cried, then, catching himself, continued, in a more calm and collected tone. 'Please...just, finish this train of thought. After that you can stop, but just let this one finish – you'll feel better because of it, honest.'

'pfft, tell that to the nightmare after I spoke to bla-' Kurt cut off his muttering and sucked in along drawn out breath.

'Fine' he said at last, not looking up to the doctor. 'I'll cut to the chase because I am already feeling sick to my stomach here and my voice is beginning to hurt.' The doctor nods, but Kurt doesn't see.
'Right now, I don't think he actually...raped raped me.' He said, his voice sounding thick and heavy, his body physically convulsing as he says the words. 'there would be damage if he had...and for some reason, I just think I would remember...no matter what...I've remembered most of the rest...this seems like something I'd know...besides...even if I forgot the act, I'd remember the pain as an aftermath. I know how it all works, I've seen...those movies...you need prep and- oh fuck no.'

Kurt flushed deep red, realising he has just confessed to watching porn, but the doctor ignored his sudden announcement as if nothing is wrong, so Kurt let it slide and continued.

'When I got back the report on what happened to me there didn't seem to be any signs of actual...penetration. Yes, there were...other things, but no actual muscle damage, which makes me think he didn't. But every night he's there, whispering about what he did and what he should have done and it kills me.'

'Have you tried telling anyone-' Ross began but Kurt cut him off.

'OF COURSE I HAVEN'T' Kurt cried, snapping his head round to face the other man. 'I have told you this, how many times. I won't talk to anyone. Don't you see. I'm not going to talk about this to anyone, because it is none of their goddamn business.'

'They're your family, Kurt. They just want to help.'

'Well i don't want them too. My father had a heart attack, doctor. A freaking heart attack, now if you think, after months of making him exercise and eat healthy and do damn near anything to get him back on track, that I'm just going to spring this on him and fuck it all up again, then you are very much mistaken. Besides, it's not like they would understand. They weren't there. They wouldn't know what it was like. They couldn't understand. And all these false,' you'll be fines' and 'you'll get betters' make me want to barf. So kindly tell my family, if you ever get to speak to them, to mind their own business and keep out of mine. They want to talk? Fine, but if they ask how I'm doing or want to know what happened then they can just get up and leave again, because right now it is still far to fresh to talk about, regardless of their intentions.'

Kurt was almost panting by this point and stopped momentarily to regain control of his breathing. His Adams apple bobbed as he swallowed and he looked over to the doctor with his eyebrows low .

'Now would you kindly leave me be. I want to go to sleep and I would rather not have the man I just spilled my guts to watching my every move and judging me. Have the nurse attach whatever you arranged to my drip. Good night Doctor Ross.'

With that, Kurt rolled over, putting his earphones back in and turning on his music.

All the doctor could hear as he got up to leave was the tinny echo of a bass line and staccato breaths from the young boy in the bed who was trying not to cry

A/N: Hope this wasn't too bad

I didn't get much feedback last chapter, and thus my motivation was pretty low again, thus this took a long time to get out, so sorry bout that.

I am doing a Fault in Our Stars audio book giveaway over on my tumblr atm, and I've just tried my hand at fanart, may take requests if people want. Let me know what you think – my url- Backwardsmuffin.

Until next time :3

TTFN