Chapter Twenty-Four

Carol made a grumbling noise as she fought her way past the veil back into the land of consciousness. She'd dreamed ceaselessly throughout the night, one disturbing world after another. In one, Sophia had been lost and no matter how much Daryl and Merle had searched for her, they'd never been able to find her. Then it had been her who'd been lost, always searching for a way back to Daryl. Just as she'd had hope, when her hand had been there to grasp his, she'd been yanked away, first by Ed, then later by walkers. When she'd thought she was doomed to eternal damnation, the dreams had changed. When she'd been ready to give up and succumb to despair, he'd come for her.

Daryl had come for her and the dreams had changed again. She could feel the blood rush to flood her face as she recalled the sweet heat of his kiss. It had seemed so real, his soft hair sliding through her fingers, his slightly chapped lips fitting so perfectly with hers, the gentle nip of his teeth and the hot slide of his tongue … She could recall every minute detail with crystal clarity. After the demons chasing her through her nightmares, his amorous attentions had been just what she'd needed.

She groaned. How was she ever going to face him without a shit-ton of guilt evident in her eyes? Weren't dreams supposed to be an extension of one's innermost desires? If that were true, she wasn't going to be able to deny it any longer. She wanted more, though she wasn't sure she'd be able to have it. It was no longer enough for him to just be her friend and protector. She wanted a chance to love him.

Carol felt the sting of unshed tears behind her eyes. Daryl didn't want her that way – leastways not when he was sober – and it was going to be unbearable to feel so deeply for him and not have him return those feelings. And what if the things Ed had done to her had left her scarred where she couldn't have a physical relationship with Daryl? What a coil. She pried her eyes open and sniffed quietly. Sophia slept to her right, sprawled across the mattress with her head buried beneath the pillow, and Carol was turned facing her. Her brow scrunched. This wasn't usually how she woke in the mornings. Normally, she'd find herself plastered, like a second skin, to Daryl's back, her face buried in the warm flesh of his neck, hand over his heart.

Carol glanced down at herself as she took stock of her limbs. Oh! This is new … Her head was pillowed on his outstretched arm, and he'd molded himself to her back. She lifted her head to peer at him over her shoulder and shivered as his scruff abraded the sensitive spot beneath her left ear. Another mental image of her dream chose that moment to reassert itself, and she felt it all the way to her core. She wanted to press her thighs together to relieve some of the tension building within her, but his legs were too entangled with hers. She would never be able to escape his grasp without waking him. Did she really want to see him rebuild his walls to hide from her again?

Carol tried to relax back into his embrace, to enjoy the intimacy of his touch for a little longer. She knew she should wake him, but when might she get another chance to have him hold her like this? It felt exquisitely good to be so close to him, to have his bare chest pressed into her back. It was then she noticed her tank top had ridden up to just beneath her breasts, and his hot hand was splayed against the smooth skin of her belly. Her pearly teeth sank into her lower lip, but she wasn't able to quell the tiny whimper which made its way up and out of her throat.

His hand rubbed absently, causing her back to arch and her hips to roll. She could feel him harden where his cock was nestled against the cleft of her ass. Oh, this was a dangerous game she was playing, but it was one she wanted to win. But how could she if no one would tell her the rules?

Daryl growled lowly against her ear and she let out a shuddering breath. Was he awake? she wondered. He rubbed his scruff against her shoulder and sighed, his hot breath sending a wave of goosebumps erupting over her arms. His forearm tightened around her waist and his chest rumbled again as he pulled her back into him.

Lower …Lower …Lower …For the love of Christ, let him move that hand just a little lower! She was going to spontaneously combust at any second … Her eyes grew incredibly huge as they flew open to find her daughter staring back at her with a curious look of askance.

"What're y'all doing over there?" Sophia asked in a sleepy tone.

Thank god they were under their own blanket, Carol thought as she blushed a startling shade of puce. "Nothing," Carol mumbled.

Daryl took one look at Sophia's knowing gaze and Carol's guilt-ridden expression and yanked the covers over his head. There was no way he could retreat to the bathroom and have the girl get a view of his raging hard on. Why had he only worn his boxers to bed after his shower?

Sophia didn't look convinced. "Uh huh … that what you're goin' with?" She shook her head and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was nearly seven. "I'll go start pulling stuff for breakfast while you two decide … whatever."

"Sophia!" Carol gasped.

She crawled out of bed and pulled a cardigan on over her pajamas. "What?"

"Y' sure that ain't Merle?" came Daryl's muffled retort. "She sounds jus' like th' fucker."

Sophia giggled as she slipped out of the room to start the morning meal and find Carl to keep her company. She couldn't wait to find out what Daryl would have her doing that day and she wanted an early start. She gave them one last annoyed look and shook her head, wondering if they'd ever stop being so stubborn and admit they loved each other.

Carol closed her eyes, the breath catching painfully in her chest as the door closed behind her daughter. Now that they were alone, she fully expected Daryl to run from her … in every way possible. He'd retreat from her physically and especially emotionally. He was going to pull away and all the progress they'd made so far in their relationship would have to begin again. It was all she could do not to weep for the loss. He would … yank her back under the blankets with him and cover her with his deliciously warm body. Wait! What!?

"Let's go back t' sleep," he mumbled against the crook of her neck. "We was sleepin' good before th' little minx decided it was time t' get up. Let somebody else cook breakfast and babysit th' moron twins."

He's not running! A hysterical giggle bubbled out of her throat. "You want to shirk our duty to do what exactly?" she whispered nervously. She still hadn't a clue as to what was going on, and he was avoiding eye contact like the plague. "Daryl?"

He sighed as she trailed her hand over his arm from shoulder to wrist. She had no idea the effect she had on him. He wondered what would happen if he pushed the envelope. "Jus' lay here an' snuggle with m' wife," he chuckled with a teasing smirk.

She mustered up what she hoped was a convincing smile. "Would you be serious?"

He buried his face deeper into the curve of her neck, so she couldn't see the disappointment prevalent in his eyes. "We've had so much shit thrown at us lately, don't know which way is up." He tightened his arms around her. "S'this ok?"

"I like it," she assured him a little breathlessly, stunned he was giving so much of himself. "I … I'm not used to a soft touch, Daryl. You know that."

"I'm not either, but I like th' way y' feel against me," he admitted. It was so much easier talking to her when he didn't have to look in her eyes. He didn't have to be afraid she'd reject him if he didn't have to see it. He knew it was ridiculous to think that way, but love, kindness, tenderness … Those feelings had been beaten out of him at a young age. And though he longed to feel them again, he was afraid. He just knew he couldn't let her - like so many things he'd once cared for in his life - slip through his fingers. "I ain't gonna hurt y', woman. I'm not Ed."

Carol eased back so she could catch his eye, still wary, still waiting for it to be a big joke. How many times had she had to listen to Ed tell her no one would ever want her? His smoky blue gaze was fraught with anxiety, but she could see his need to have her accept him. "I know you're nothing like him. I … What do you want from me, Daryl?" she whispered desperately, confusion darkening her features.

His heart ached for her. How could she have suffered more than he had under Jackson's cruel hand? To be so damaged and still the loveliest soul he'd ever met? "Jus' you. Don't want nothing y' ain't already given me, woman. And I ain't gonna lie t' y'. I like this here," he nodded to their entwined limbs. "I like knowin' y' gonna be all soft and sweet after a bad day. I like knowin' y' gonna be there if I have a nightmare. And y' know I'll be here for y' too. But I think what I like best is when y' kiss me in your sleep."

Carol gasped, her fingertips pressing hard against her lips. "I did no such thing!"

He gave her a sideways glance. "Did too! 'Bout ripped my hair out an' stuck your tongue down m' throat."

"I didn't … I promise I didn't! It was a dream," she breathed, mortified by his claim. The dream had been as vivid as the ones to precede it, but that's all it had been … a dream. "Oh, god!"

"Y' really don't remember? Or y' just don't wanna think y' stooped low enough t' kiss a filthy Dixon?" he asked bitterly. What else was he to think from her horrified expression? She didn't want him. He was crazy to have even thought …

Her arms wound around his neck, pulling him back into her as her lips found his. She trembled, having him so close, his lean lines pressing into her soft womanly curves. He was unresponsive at first, not wanting to scare her with the wealth of emotion coursing through him. No one had ever made him feel like that before. But then he couldn't hold back any longer and let his tongue trace over the seam of her petal soft mouth, light as a feather until she opened for him. Just a taste before he pulled away to judge her reaction.

His heart sank. Her lip trembled, her eyes were misty, and her nose was red. Great job, asshole, he berated himself. "I'm sorry!"

"Daryl, no!" Carol reached for him as he shot up out of the bed and hastily grabbed up his clothes. "Daryl!" She called after him again, but he wouldn't stop, stomping out of the room without a backward glance, his face engulfed in flames of shame. "Daryl, wait!"

Carol beat her fists against the cool sheets and snarled out a curse of frustration. This is what she'd been afraid of all along. Why was nothing ever easy for them? Well she wasn't going to let him run this time. She didn't even bother with dressing, but simply pulled one of his button ups - thankfully there were a few left which he hadn't ripped off the sleeves - over her pajamas, and bolted out the door.

A chorus of 'good morning' greeted her, but it only grated on her already frazzled nerves. At least Lori had stepped in to help Sophia with breakfast and Andrea was fiddling with the coffee maker. "Hey, sleepyhead, have some coffee," her friend said with a wide smile. "Breakfast will be ready soon."

"Did you see where Daryl went?" she snapped.

Andrea's brows shot up at Carol's tone. "Trouble in paradise? He didn't look too happy when he stormed through here."

Lori glared at the blonde. "He went up on the roof with Rick. Carol, honey, are you ok?"

"Fine! Just need to clear up a little misunderstanding," she explained quickly.

"You want me to go get him?" Sophia offered.

"No, baby," Carol shook her head. "I doubt he'll come down for either of us, but I need to try."

"But the hatch!"

*.*.*

"You sure you're ok?" Rick asked for the third time.

"I swear y' ask me that one more time, Grimes, and I'ma put a bolt in yer ass!" Daryl snarled as he continued to pace the perimeter of the roof. He had enough going on in his head without needing to hear well-meaning advice from Officer Friendly. He knew Rick was trying to help, but Daryl was just too pissed off to listen.

He'd fucked up. He hadn't even been trying to mess things up and he'd done it anyway. He'd made her cry … Something he'd sworn never to do if he could help it. Was he really that bad at kissing? Granted, he'd never really had that much practice. Gawd! Everything had been fine. UNTIL! He'd decided to get drunk. UNTIL! He'd realized how much he'd come to care for her. UNTIL! He'd decided he wanted to take a chance on his feelings and let her in. Fuckkkkk!

He was already in too deep. He'd just have to suffer and let her go, to accept they'd never be more than friends. AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO, DAMNIT! He gnawed on the rough skin around his thumb nail and fought the urge to toss his crossbow over the edge of the roof.

"I wanted to ask … since the owners are friends of yours …"

Daryl whirled around to spear Rick with his piercing gaze. "For fuck's sake, man, spit it out!"

Rick shoved his hands in his pockets and frowned. "Look, I know we got off to a bad start -"

The redneck snorted. "Y' left m'brother for dead. Sorry if that don't inspire th' warm an' fuzzies in me. Y' want us t' sit around th' campfire makin' s'mores and maybe sing Kumbayah?"

"No, of course not, but you didn't have to stick with the group."

Daryl turned his back on him. "Didn't do it for y'."

"I know," Rick said. "You did it for Carol and Sophia, but regardless, I want you to know I'm grateful, and I'm hoping we can maybe try a little better to get along."

Daryl huffed a bitter laugh. "An' it don't hurt none that I got supplies th' group needs t' get us t' Benning, right?"

Rick smiled. "For the good of the group."

"After lunch we can see what we can use outta th' showroom. Ain't gonna do nobody no good rottin' away locked in the store I guess."

He turned back to look out over the main road. The town was deserted, not a sign of the living or the dead. Even before the outbreak, it had been a piece of shit town. Now it was as if God had wiped it completely from the map. "Y' know we cain't stay here for long, right?"

Rick nodded. "A few days at most. There wasn't much to see when we drove in."

"The old man wasn't thinkin' when he chose this place. Yeah, th' bunker is secure, but what happens when y' run out of supplies? We're too close t' Atlanta. Instead of it bein' the perfect place t' scavenge, it's overrun with walkers. When th' food source runs out for 'em, it's gonna be jus' like th' quarry all over again. The smaller towns'll get taken an' be useless. Soon fuel will be scarce. See where I'm goin' with this?"

"We need some place we can fortify, and it needs to be centralized with access to supplies," Rick added.

Daryl fidgeted with the strap on his bow. "Eventually, if we can pull this off, we'll have t' be self-sustainable. Y' really think we'll be able t' find someplace we can build up?"

Rick let his gaze follow the road out of town before looking at Daryl. "I have to believe there's hope for us out there. We just all need to stick together and make it work."

Daryl grunted. "Might wanna tell yer boy Shane that."

"Daryl Dixon, are you up there?!"

Rick grinned as he heard Carol's voice come out in stereo through the hatch. Daryl glowered at him. "Y' going to answer her?"

"No," the former deputy said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Daryl, we were NOT done with our conversation," she called. "Please come down so we can talk."

Rick nodded awkwardly towards the hatch. "You want me to … um … tell her you're not up here?"

He cast a look of disgust at the open hatch. "No! Then she'll be badgerin' everybody wantin' t' know where I went. Damn stubborn woman," he growled.

Rick patted him on the shoulder and made his way to peer down into the darkness. Carol smiled up at him in relief.

"Hi, Rick. Is Daryl up there with you?"

Rick glanced back over his shoulder at the archer and grimaced. "He's a little busy right now, Carol."

"Bullshit! Tell him I need to speak with him. He's being a coward and I'm not going to stand for it this time," she hissed.

"I'm not a fuckin' coward, woman!" he yelled back as his face appeared above the hatch. "I jus' don't feel like talkin' right now. Ain't y' got some motherin' t' do? One o' them hens is prob'ly breakin' a nail while yer standin' there jawin' at me!"

Rick winced and pulled Daryl away from the hatch. "Man, are you crazy? You don't EVER send the little woman back to the kitchen. It just ain't done!"

"I didn't send 'er -"

"Not in so many words, but yeah you did." Rick shook his head when Daryl shot him a puzzled look. "Women are sensitive about that kinda stuff."

Daryl chewed on his thumb again. "I didn't lie, though. She's always motherin' somebody."

Oh, boy! Rick groaned. "It don't matter. You don't tell your woman stuff like that. She'll have you eating sardines and crackers for a week straight."

"I like sardines."

Rick threw his hands up in the air and then swiped one over his face. The man really had no clue. That little woman was going to eat him alive!

"Daryl, are you coming down? Daryl!"

The redneck looked at Rick. "What do I do? I don't wanna talk t' her right now."

Rick shrugged helplessly. "You're going to have to decide what you want more, and you've only got two choices. You can talk to her or send her away. You can make her happy or miserable … In which case everyone's miserable. Trust me, I know."

"Are you really going to make me come up there?" Carol yelled, and he could hear the quaver of fear in her voice.

The little devil on his shoulder made him do it. "Y' wanna talk, y' gonna have t' come up here. I can't leave when I'm on watch an' y' know it."

"You know this isn't even your watch." Rick shook his head and winced. "Good luck."

"Where th' hell y' goin'?"

He pointed. "I'll be way over there. Can't exactly leave you two up here alone."

"Yeah, why's that?"

"Because when she tosses you off the roof, somebody's gonna need to cart your ass back inside."

*.*.*

Carol gnashed her teeth and stared menacingly at the wrought iron ladder. If looks could kill. She couldn't believe her best friend in the world, the man she was slowly coming to love and with whom she'd shared so much of her painful past was being a complete jackass. All because she'd been slow to respond to their kiss? Or was it something more? It had been so beautiful, it had moved her to tears. Ed's kisses had always been so rough, most times just a mashup of her lips against the sharp edges of her teeth. Another lesson in pain to make her know her place. She'd been unprepared for the softness of Daryl's lips on hers or the sweet tenderness of his tongue as he'd dipped in to taste her.

And now he wouldn't talk to her. To hell with that. They'd come too far to let some misunderstanding come between them. She took a step into the tiny shaft and looked up into the sunlight beaming down through the hatch. It didn't seem as bad as it had been before, she told herself. She wasn't going to let her fear hold her back. "Stubborn man," she hissed angrily, her fear goading her into taking that first step on the bottom rung. "Just you wait 'til I get up there, Daryl Dixon!"

Daryl peered down into the hatch, having heard her mumbling to herself. "Th' hell are y' doin', woman?!"

"Facing my fears," she growled through clenched teeth, pulling herself up hand over hand with renewed determination.

The redneck began to look worried and paced back and forth, bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet with panther-like grace. "You're gonna get stuck an' then I'ma have t' come get y'."

"Well if you weren't being a stubborn asshole, I wouldn't have to climb up this miserable ladder, now would I?"

He gaped at her use of profanity. His woman wasn't one for foul language and it sent a curl of heat all the way to his toes. God, how he loved her fire. She'd come so far from the mousy little woman she'd been when he'd first met her. "Why cain't y' jus' gimme some space t' think?"

Some of her anger dissipated as her head cleared the hatch. "You just ran off all upset and I don't want you to be mad at me. I don't even know why you're angry, and I don't want it to fester where we're both hating each other!"

Daryl had a sneaking suspicion he looked like an idiot as he tried to follow her line of reasoning. "What?"

She glanced over her shoulder to find Rick tucked into the farthest corner of the roof. "Does he have to be here?"

Daryl took her hand and pulled her over to sit on the wide ledge. "He thinks y' might try t' toss me over an' I'll need him t' get me back inside," he scoffed.

Carol's eyes narrowed. "It would serve you right for making me come up that ladder."

"I didn't make y' do nothin'!"

"Oh, so you were going to come down, so we could talk?"

"No!"

She gave him a pointed look. He dropped his gaze to his hands and began picking at his cuticle. She reached out and folded his hand in hers to prevent him from scratching it bloody. "Daryl, why did you leave? Did I do something wrong?"

"No … Yeah … fuck, I don't know. It was me. I made y' cry, Carol. I toldja when y' came t' stay with me I'd make y' happy, I'd take care o' y' an' show y' things could be better, an' I already fucked it up," he said bitterly, trying his best to ignore Rick's silent presence across the roof.

Carol pressed her lips into a thin line of displeasure, but her thumb continued to trace small soothing circles over the back of his hand. Despite her anger with him, she still valued the fact she could talk to him calmly without having to fear him becoming physically violent. "Yes, you messed up … by running away, and then by insulting me with your sexist bullshit. Why!? Why would you do that?"

Daryl ran his free hand through his hair and then dropped his head into his palm. "I … Damnit, woman, I suck at this. I don't know what I'm doing." He jerked his gaze up, a panicked gleam in his eyes. "Oh, an' while we're sittin' here hashin' out what a fuck up I am … I lied t' y' too!"

Her nails dug into his palm as she gaped at him. "What?"

"Yeah, th' other night at the CDC when I got drunk … I remembered. I lied an' toldja I didn't so I wouldn't have t' face what I'd done. I lied an' then I made y' cry." His breath was coming in shallow pants now and his body was tensed, braced as if he were just waiting for her to strike him. He was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack and Carol was afraid. She'd never seen him like this before. Angry, drunk, maybe a little jealous … but not scared.

Her heart felt as if it were breaking. He was always so strong for her - her fierce protector - she sometimes forgot just how vulnerable he could be. He flinched as she lifted her hand to rest against his cheek, but she needed to show him she wouldn't hurt him. "Look at me," she commanded gently. She waited patiently while he brought himself in check and finally raised his eyes to meet hers. "If you had stayed, I would have explained."

"What's t' explain? Y' don't like me like that an' -"

Her lips cut him off as she claimed his mouth in a tender kiss. He frowned as she pulled away, his brow puckered in confusion. "I told you all I've ever known is pain, Daryl. Even something so simple as a kiss was a lesson with Ed." Her thumb ghosted over his full lower lip. "When we kissed, it was beautiful. It made me feel so many things, a lot of which I didn't think possible. It was more than I could contain, Daryl."

He still looked doubtful. "Y' were cryin' because y' were -"

"Happy," she finished for him. "It felt good, and I wasn't prepared for that."

A strangled little squeak escaped her throat as he lifted her and brought her down on his lap, his arms tight around her waist as he buried his face against her throat. "I'm sorry. I thought I'd ruined everything and I didn't know how t' fix us."

Carol wrapped her arms about his broad shoulders and absently carded her fingers through his hair, her go-to move when he needed comfort. "Do you want more than friendship, Daryl?" she asked, trying to bury Ed's vicious taunts in the back of her mind. Since the shower episode, she'd suspected Daryl wanted more, but she needed to hear him say the words.

"I want y', Carol … t' be mine in whatever way y' want. We can go slow if'n y' want. Slow is good," he mumbled against her throat. He rubbed his sweaty palms against her shorts, noticing for the first time she wasn't dressed to be outdoors. "I don't wanna just take care of y' neither. I want y' t' be my partner. I want y' to keep bein' my best friend, an' see what happens."

Carol ran her nails over the scruff on his jaw and smiled when he shivered. "I think I'd like that very much … on one condition."

"What's that?" he asked, sure he was going to mess up whatever it was she wanted.

She pressed her brow to his, reveling in their renewed connection. "No more running. It's ok to be scared, Daryl, and it's ok to screw up. Just talk to me about what's upsetting you. You expect the same from me, don't you?"

He nodded. "Of course. How can I protect y' if I don't know what y' need?"

"Well it goes both ways. I need you to confide in me too. And you're going to have to be patient with me. Eventually, I'll be able to relearn touch, Daryl, but it might take time." She blushed, leaning close to whisper in his ear. "I do want to be with you like that. I want to try."

"I ain't going nowhere," he assured her. "Except t' take y' back downstairs. I'm sorry I made y' come up here."

"I'm not. We wouldn't be sitting here now like this if I hadn't faced my fears."

"I was still an asshole," he grumbled.

Carol shrugged. "Yeah, but you're mine, and at least now I know it."