Uther sat next to the bed in the small ward they had in the upper level of the west wing. There were always casualties to treat, sometimes serious, but mostly not. That was what the room with four hospital beds was for. Arthur lay in one, sleeping, although he had turned over shifting in his sleep momentarily, so his back was to Uther. Even subconsciously Arthur appeared to be rejecting him.
He didn't turn as the door slowly opened behind him. The light clicking of heels told him Morgana had entered the room. No one else had come up, probably no one else dared. Only Gaius, since he was checking on Arthur regularly. Merlin was upset but Gwaine was keeping him out of the way, Gwaine was probably keeping himself out of the way. When Gaius was operating on Arthur's wounds, with Morgana assisting, Gwaine had made his feelings quite clear, bawling Uther out. As much as he had smarted at the dressing down Gwaine had given him, Uther had to concede that some of his points were well made.
Part of Gwaine's anger was down to Merlin's reaction. At least it proved there was some connection between Arthur and Merlin, as was meant to be. It might have motivated Gwaine's anger, but also a shred of jealousy might have been worming it's way into Gwaine's righteous reaction.
Uther understood Gwaine's feelings. His own felt very similar, as he had watched Arthur with the others on the training ground. When he had slowly seemed to relax, and then Uther had come along. He had just wanted to show Arthur that the situation was serious, and maybe, a deeper part of his mind announced, get somewhere with his son. It was hard to look at Arthur, knowing that he was his own flesh and blood, and know what he had been. The evidence was there for Uther, in black and white, and full colour in the case of some of the photographs. Uther closed his eyes and tried to wipe the images from his mind, as he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He reached out and petted Morgana's hand, glancing up at her.
"He's not going to rouse for a while you know. Maybe you should get some rest," Morgana suggested.
"I can rest here."
"Then perhaps you should use one of the beds."
"No, I'm fine, I just want to wait for him, I need to be here."
Morgana patted his shoulder. It was the closest they were probably ever going to get to Uther admitting he was wrong, and only she would ever hear it.
"I will call Gwen and apologised on your behalf," Morgana said. "Hopefully I can persuade her to come back."
Uther just nodded, not entirely interested in the young woman who was their housekeeper. "Did you find anything?"
Morgana shook her head. "There was no trace of magic, nothing at all. This is not any sort of attack, Uther, this was Arthur's own doing."
"But Merlin sensed something, he could have sensed magic."
"He sensed Arthur. Arthur was in danger, even if it was from himself. I checked back on the medical records. There is no mention of something like this, but at times the records are sketchy at best."
"You think he might have done something like this before?" Uther asked, looking up at her in alarm. It wasn't Morgana's voice that answered him though.
"Yes, I have."
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Instead of simply washing Merlin's hands in the sink, Gwaine opted to undress him and get Merlin into the bath. It was usually an act that was interspersed with flirting, joking and with Gwaine eventually getting Merlin into bed. This time the process was done silently, Merlin submitting mutely, his eyes dull and confused. Gwaine bundled the clothes away to put them in the wash and then concentrated on Merlin.
Again Merlin submitted to Gwaine's attention, letting him move his limbs around into position to be able to wash him. Merlin kept his head down for the most part, now and again lifting his eyes to look at Gwaine. Every time he did Gwaine gave him a gentle smile and murmured a reassuring term of endearment. Merlin put his eyes down again, looking at his hands as Gwaine cleaned off Arthur's blood.
"There's so much of it," Merlin eventually said. It wasn't on his skin anymore. Instead it had turned the bath water a dull, sickly colour, scum sticking to the sides of the bath from the volume of soap that Gwaine had used, scrubbing Merlin off, and rinsing his own hands.
"A little goes a long way, you know that, Merlin."
Merlin nodded. He did. Gaius had been training him, as a medic, and in more scientific areas. Normally he would have got Merlin to help with the operation but Merlin was in no state to assist. Gwaine suppressed the ripple of anger he felt, and instead gently reached up to wipe away the tear that ran from Merlin's left eye. He felt greatly reassured when Merlin inclined into the touch. Gwaine's memory flickered back years, to another time, the first time he and Merlin had met, and he had left the school grounds to find a group of the older lads had cornered the new boy, who was living up at Uther Pendragon's place.
They had already given him a bit of a beating and had now pinned him down, pulling open some of his clothes to dump a colony of ants they had found nearby on him. Merlin had been squirming and whimpering, but not daring to open his mouth and yell out in case he ended up with ants in there.
Gwaine wasn't even certain what motivated himself to suddenly intervene. As much as he could handle himself the workings of the people around him just never touched him. But something about the scene, and Merlin, suddenly galvanised him into action. He saw the bullies off in less than a minute, and was left with Merlin, desperately trying to dress himself and brush all the ants off.
That had made their initial meeting rather interesting as Gwaine got a shell-shocked, twitching Merlin back to his house, which was only a few streets away, and nearer than Uther's mansion, got his uniform off and into the washing machine and dumped Merlin in the bath. Drowning any remaining ants seemed like the best option. Merlin had just sat in the bath looking miserable and self-conscious, until Gwaine had finally coaxed out his name, a little bit of background and a smile.
Two and a half hours later he deposited a washed, dressed and ant free Merlin back at Uther's and left him there. Next morning Gwaine had waited near enough to the house so when Merlin slunk out to school, having not told Uther, or Gaius, of the incident, he had stared at Gwaine stunned before falling into step with him.
Four days later Gwaine had got himself suspended for hammering the lead bully, again; when he had caught him stealing Merlin's money. That however, hadn't stopped Gwaine still being there to get Merlin to school in the morning, and home again at the end of the day. It left Merlin vulnerable during the day, but Gwaine's lingering presence put even the bravest of them off, and Merlin was essentially left alone. Even when he had been questioned Gwaine couldn't honestly answer why he had reacted so violently. There was just something in Merlin that drew him. If Gwaine couldn't work it out, then no one else was likely to. Instead he had just gone with the feeling.
The only person that didn't seem to disapprove of his actions was Uther Pendragon. Who, when he found Gwaine waiting outside the house once, simply let him in and told him where Merlin was.
Gwaine didn't even end up feeling very surprised when he learnt of Merlin's talent, and very slowly Gwaine shifted himself into the role of Merlin's bodyguard. He certainly needed it. On a day to day basis he couldn't always use magic to defend himself, Merlin needed something else. Gwaine became it.
Now he didn't feel like he was doing a very good job. Arthur's actions had caused it, but he certainly couldn't be blamed. Uther had just pushed too far. Poor Merlin was paying part of the price, for no other reason than he would blame himself.
"I'm supposed to be looking after him," Merlin said, as Gwaine pulled the plug out and got up to get a towel.
"You are Merlin," Gwaine said as he put the towel over his shoulder and got Merlin up and out of the bath. "There could only be one reason you went up at that time, swearing at me when you went, I might add. You felt something happening and you were there in time."
Gwaine started to dry Merlin off, gently rubbing Merlin's skin, feeling his body respond to touching Merlin. Even when he had done the same to a twelve year old Merlin, himself being seventeen, that feeling had surged through him. From that first meeting he had wanted Merlin. The wait had been worth it. He wrapped Merlin up in the towel and waited.
"I thought I was getting somewhere," Merlin said. "And he seemed all right today."
"He was, until Uther showed his ugly face," Gwaine said. "He's the one that pushed this. Arthur's survived behind a veneer of toughness, without having anything to really back it up. Having that pointed out to him won't help him, he couldn't even protect Gwen. Uther just can't do this."
"Neither can I," Merlin said, and felt himself being shaken, only gently but enough for Gwaine to make a point. Merlin stared at him in shock.
"Yes, you can," Gwaine said, cupping Merlin's chin and gently kissing him on the lips, before pulling him back again to look at Merlin.
"You are doing, Merlin. Arthur's going to be fine, if we need to ban Uther from his presence then we will do."
"I doubt we'll manage that."
"Like you said, in many ways Arthur is your responsibility, I think you can. I know you can," Gwaine said before drawing Merlin back for another gentle kiss and then hugging Merlin's still slightly damp body to him. The towel dropped to the floor, and Merlin, as he brushed his cheek against Gwaine's huffed with laughter.
"Is that your answer to everything?"
"It seems to work," Gwaine said stroking his fingertips up and down the bare skin of Merlin's back. "But my main aim is to distract you by snuggling up in bed with you. For one thing, I know you're tired, and Arthur's probably going to sleep for a while, you're better off not fretting. You can't do anything for him until he wakes."
"Maybe I should just be there," Merlin said.
"Uther's doing that, leave him there for a while. Gaius and Morgana can make sure he doesn't upset Arthur."
Merlin gave a long heavy sigh, which Gwaine knew was him conceding the point. Gwaine led Merlin from the bathroom to the bedroom and got them both tucked up in the sheets, letting Merlin cling to him.
"I could feel him," Merlin eventually said, breaking the peaceful silence. "He just wanted to go, and I didn't let him."
"You couldn't have," Gwaine said. "As bad as he feels, it is not really an answer. You know that. It's not just that we can't afford to lose him, not now we've found him. No one deserves to feel that bad that they feel it's their only option."
"I know," Merlin said, clinging to Gwaine, wanting to feel comforted by his presence. Gwaine let him, stroking Merlin and murmuring endearments, feeling Merlin relax and then respond.
On the far side of the house, Arthur stirred in his sleep.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
"I used pills though," Arthur added. He wasn't sure if that was for shock value or just to fill in the blanks.
Both Uther and Morgana jumped as Arthur, who had been quietly listening to the conversation, decided to answer. He heard the chair legs scrape on the floor and sensed movement. Morgana squeezed Uther's arm and then her heels clicked across the floor.
"I'll get Gaius," she announced, the intention of that clear. She would leave them alone, but it wouldn't be for long. Arthur would have back up if he needed it. He didn't say anything to object to her intention, and neither did Uther. She opened the door and walked away. Uther would have no intention of hurting Arthur, but they were certainly not able to reconcile the animosity they had between them so simply.
Arthur sensed Uther hovering, he stared at the blank light blue wall he was facing. It wasn't a wall he recognised, at least turning round would give him some indication of where he was. But then he'd have to face Uther. He wasn't entirely sure finding out what room he was in was worth it.
He didn't get much choice in the matter in the end. There was a few seconds pause before he felt Uther's hand on his arm.
"Arthur?"
Uther's voice was low, a trace of demand in it, but it didn't sound quite as arrogant as usual. Arthur let himself be turned over, his gaze moving across the room, which looked like a hospital ward. He had seen a few of them throughout his life. This one looked nicer than most but it was still exactly what it looked like. Arthur glanced up at Uther, who was staring down at him with an unreadable expression.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Uther asked, his tone was soft, there was no accusation within it. Arthur blinked, sitting up so he could move back away from Uther, he couldn't get very far, Uther's hand stayed on his arm. Arthur gave a shrug, he couldn't really explain himself, except it just felt like the only thing he could do. He had just felt so angry, at himself, at Uther, at the stupid scenario around him that seemed to make no sense, even though it was slowly starting to dawn on him that it was real. Plus he was having a little issue coping with how allegedly important he was.
Uther looked despairing at his rather ineffectual answer. The hand moved from Arthur's arm to the back of his neck. Arthur tensed a little, unsure what Uther would do next, and Arthur was too shocked to resist as Uther gathered him up and hugged him hard. Arthur didn't respond, but he carefully held himself in check, he felt too tired to fight Uther off, and he waited for the inevitable.
He waited for the hand on his back, or the one in his hair to move. Arthur waited for the shift, when one hand would drift a little too low, or move too intimately. It was something he was entirely used to, it was what people did. That sort of thing always happened, and Arthur knew there was no avoiding it.
And he carried on waiting. Uther tightened his grip, hands moving to gain a greater purchase and Arthur's eyes narrowed as Uther's face pressed against the top of his head. Then there was nothing more, Arthur's body remained relaxed but his mind was seething with tension, it was automatic, his inner reflexes coiled ready for the moment he would need them.
Yet, it never came. Uther made no further move, he just clung onto Arthur tightly. He could feel Uther's breath against his scalp and the arms tight around him. Arthur closed his eyes, trying to get his mind to relax, following his body. He felt weak, which he guessed was something to do with the blood loss, but probably more to do with his state of mind.
"You foolish boy," Uther murmured gently.
Arthur frowned, that was not quite what he was expecting and he didn't really get much time to think about it as the door latch clicked and Gaius shuffled into the room. Uther carefully let Arthur go, settling him back down on the bedding, and even that didn't happen with anything inappropriate. Arthur reminded himself that Uther was his father, but from what he had learnt from a few other people that didn't necessarily mean anything.
"Right, let's get you checked over, and if you feel up to it Merlin would probably like to see you."
Arthur nodded, looking down realising he was wearing a hospital gown, and he bit his lip as he looked at the bandages around both his wrists.
"How did you…?"
"Merlin got a sense of it, he got to you in time," Gaius said as he checked Arthur's heart rate. "We got you stitched up and gave you a blood transfusion, you and your father have the same blood group."
Arthur risked a glance up at Uther who reached up to brush some of Arthur's hair off his forehead.
"At least we have one thing in common," Uther mused cynically. Gaius huffed in disapproval. Uther stopped fiddling with Arthur's hair, realising his son was finding it slightly disturbing.
"I'll fetch Merlin," Uther said before sweeping from the room, leaving Arthur even more baffled.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Two days later Gaius let Arthur get up, he felt a little tired and weakened but well enough, although he didn't really feel like anyone's company, and despite the fact that the weather had warmed up a little Arthur wore long sleeves, to cover up the bandages.
"Arthur?" Merlin said, seeking him out and eventually finding him in the library, surrounded by boxes of folders and papers. Arthur was flicking through them, reading some bits and discarding others.
"What?" Arthur asked, only glancing up momentarily before going back to the information in front of him. Merlin slid into a nearby seat and watched him.
"What are you doing?" Merlin asked.
"Just… looking at stuff," Arthur said frowning as he read something and then flipped on before putting it in one of the piles he was generating.
"Can I help?" Merlin offered.
"No, not really," Arthur said.
Merlin shuffled a few papers in one pile about, messing them up, and then straightening them again, looking at what he was doing before glancing up at Arthur.
"Why not?" Merlin asked.
"Because," Arthur drawled, pausing as he turned a folder to read the spine before putting it back in the box. "I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Oh," Merlin said in surprise. Arthur paused and looked up at him.
"Well, I know what I'm looking for, but I kind of don't know, I'll know when I find it."
"Oh."
There was a pause, Merlin watched for a little longer. "Do you want some lunch, or something?"
"Gaius said he'd bring me something in a bit," Arthur said.
"You could stop and have it outside, on the terrace, with us," Merlin said.
Arthur was reaching into a box but he paused and looked at Merlin. What he was doing was obvious; especially as Arthur reaching into the box had made his sleeve ride up exposing the gauze on his arm. Merlin's eyes drifted to it and Arthur yanked his arm back putting it under the table top, pulling the sleeve down to hide it again.
"No, Merlin, I'm fine. I don't feel very sociable at the moment. I'll be fine," he said, seeing the concern on Merlin's face. "I just can't handle anyone at the moment."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Merlin asked.
Arthur shook his head. "No, definitely not. Look I'm not going to do it again, but I really just don't want to rake over…. Thanks anyway, for getting up there."
Merlin shrugged. "I'm supposed to be looking after you." Merlin rubbed the edge of the tabletop with his fingertip, eyes fixed on what he was doing.
"I'm not sure that's entirely true," Arthur said, voice slightly distracted as he went back to rummaging. Then he paused again looking at Merlin's distressed face.
"Merlin, I'm fine okay, I'm not going to put in a repeat performance, and my idiocy is not your fault."
"You're not an idiot Arthur," Merlin said. "I guess we really haven't handled this right. Any of us."
Arthur paused his intensive rummaging and looked at Merlin.
"It probably doesn't help you are dealing with someone who is more than a little screwed up, and I'm used to dealing with these things on my own. I've got to do it like that."
"You don't have to," Merlin said.
"For now I do. I'll get over these things, I always do."
"If you did, you wouldn't do them again would you?" Merlin said, then as Arthur looked at him sharply Merlin bit down on his lip, his eyes widening a fraction. Arthur stilled the surge of temper that rose in him. He could hardly blame Merlin for pointing out a fact.
"Sorry," Merlin said.
"You're probably right," Arthur told him. "But I'm all right, I just want to get on with something and... well, forget about it."
Unsurprisingly Merlin didn't look too convinced but he nodded, slowly standing up, accepting the fact he was going to have to give in for the time being.
"You know where we are though, if you change your mind," Merlin said.
Arthur looked up, managing something of a genuine smile. "I know."
XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
In the middle of the afternoon, after spending several hours reading through what he had found, Arthur steeled himself to invade Uther's study. The man in question looked up from what he was reading to stare at Arthur in surprise. He hadn't been expecting his son to seek him out, by the look on his face Arthur hadn't expected to actually do it. He looked around the small but neatly laid out study and Arthur's eyes lingered on a corner of the desk where the reading lamp was situated, and propped against the stand was the school picture that had been taken when he was first in school.
"Arthur?" Uther made it a greeting and a subtle question. Arthur hesitated a moment before sidling forward and sitting on the chair that was on the other side of the desk to Uther. Uther watched him, pushing away the papers to concentrate on Arthur. Arthur gnawed on his lower lip for a moment, eyes again straying to the photograph that Uther clearly wanted to keep, before focusing back on his father.
And Arthur blurted out what he wanted to ask before his courage could fail him completely.
"What happened to Gwen's mother?"