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Chapter 2
Han knew what was happening. He could tell from the way that Ben clutched his head. There was no meditating that could stop the voice his son heard on his head. Snoke knew.
"What do you need?" Han asked his son quickly.
"A room, an empty room." Ben gritted out.
"Come on." He whispered and helped him up. It was not easy. His son was taller than him now. He was no longer eight.
Han took him to Ben's room. Ben looked around. "You did not change it." He whispered. Han looked away. "No. I had hoped you would come back to us."
It was true. Leia had said that it would be temporary. Ben would trade with Luke for at most a year and then he would come back to them.
Han remembered that horrible night. He had accused Leia of being an absent mother. Leia had spat the same words. It was true they were shitty parents to Ben. He craved the adventure and would jump at any mission that took him away from boring meetings in Chandrila. Leia had her hands full with Ben. Sweet Ben who ran to meet him every single time he came back from missions. His kid was the happiest when daddy was home. Ben had worshipped him. He could not forget that horrible morning when his boy had looked at him like he betrayed him.
It had been a painful decision. Han insisted that he could take Ben. They had a plan, music as loud as it could play, exercise, singing the voices away. Luke shook his head. "There is too much power. He has to harness it. We have to start now." His brother in law urged them.
Han had shaken his head and refused. Leia cried and wiped her tears quickly. She sided with her brother. "He is force sensitive. We have always known."
It was true. Ben had been force sensitive from the womb. He made things float when he was a toddler. Leia sensed light, pure light and so had Luke. They told him that there was darkness too. Luke could sense it.
Ben refused to go and broke everything. Luke waved his hand and put Ben to sleep.
"We have to Han." Leia implored and cried.
Han looked at her and then his tired son. He was pale and there were tear streaks in his eyes.
Han kissed his forehead. "I want to see this place." He said gruffly.
"None of this bullshit of order and peace all year round. I want Ben to spend time with us too. He's eight. He needs his mom and dad. We are not giving away our son to you and the Jedi."
It was the worst mistake of his life. Han took them to the Falcon. Ben woke up and was scared. He assured him that he would see him in a few months. They would go around the galaxy in the Falcon. Ben perked up and seemed less scared then. "Mom will come too." He said gently.
"Yes son. She will be by our side." Han said reassuringly.
They left Ben with Luke then. Han took more and more missions; eventually smuggling once again. He could not see Leia or be in the Senate quarters. Their family was broken then. He visited Ben who looked more balanced, more centered. Leia visited as well but for some reason there was always something that prevented them from boarding the Falcon and traveling. They got two or three weeks with Ben throughout the year. It was not enough.
Leia and him grew so apart and Ben knew it as well. He was formal with them until one year when Han went to pick him up to travel in the Falcon. Ben refused, he was fourteen. "No thank you. Master Skywalker will begin my lightsaber training."
Han nodded somberly. "Very well son."
Ben nodded back and said goodbye. He cursed Luke in the Falcon. Ben was his; he should be flying the Falcon with him. He was his son and yet Luke knew him better. He probably loved Luke better by now. Ben did not even call him dad back then.
Leia and him did not see him again until he was twenty. They had gone to see him. Ben was a man then. He grew into his ears. He was tall, dressed in Jedi robes. He wore the padawan braid and greeted them formally. Luke reported that Ben was an excellent apprentice. Leia beamed with pride. Han and nodded gruffly. By the following summer Ben had become the Jedi killer and Luke disappeared from the galaxy.
Ben pulled him away from his musings. "The scavenger is right. You need to leave me at a planet. He will know about the resistance headquarters. He senses me."
His son tapped his forehead. Han remembered the music. "You need music. Just concentrate on the music." Han ran out of the quarters and reached the cockpit. He looked for the cylinders. "You know what to do." He told Chewie. "Start with the loud ones first."
His friend nodded and grabbed the cylinders. Han heard the first notes and sighed. Ben loved them. He liked them a lot too.
"Ah-ah, ah!
Ah-ah, ah!
We come from the land of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun, where the hot springs flow
The hammer of the gods
W'ell drive our ships to new lands
To fight the horde, and sing and cry
Valhalla, I am coming!
On we sweep with threshing oar
Our only goal will be the western shore
Ah-ah, ah!
Ah-ah, ah!"
Han made his way into the quarters and saw as Ben tapped his foot. He needed the noise. It would tune out or at least garble the noises inside his head.
Han was scared shitless the first time that it happened. Ben had been six. Leia took him to the Senate for some meetings. Ben had screamed that there was a voice in his head.
"Make it stop. Make it stop." His boy had yelled.
Leia tried to sooth her son but Ben would stay away from him. Hand was out of depth as so was Leia. He thought of noise. There were some cylinders in the Falcon. He found them a few years before he met Luke and Kenobi. He ran out the room and brought them back to the quarters.
Leia was crying profusely. "I thought you were gone."
Han frowned but went to Ben. He found the sound system and cranked it up. "Listen to the music Ben."
His young son had. He was overtired after five songs. He fell asleep from exhaustion.
Han was back to seeing his son; only this time Ben knew every single word of at least five hundred songs. Ben's fits continued for two years. They became more frequent and longer until he went to train with Luke.
"We come from the land of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow
How soft your fields so green
Can whisper tales of gore
Of how we calmed the tides of war
We are your overlords
On we sweep with threshing oar
Our only goal will be the western shore
So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh."
Han saw Ben clutch his head and sing softly to the lyrics. They helped him. Han went back to the cockpit.
He needed to make sure that Rey and Finn found their quarters. There would be a slight difficulty since there were no rooms left.
"Rey, go to bed." He said and led her to his quarters. The girl stiffened.
Finn jumped. "Where are you taking her?" The boy cared deeply for the girl.
"She was tortured and needs to rest. As it happens there is only one bed. She sleeps in that room and you and I will bunk in the cockpit."
Rey looked grateful. "What are those songs?" She asked.
"Don't you worry about that." He said gruffly.
Finn looked tired. "I don't suppose you have a fresher" He said over the loud music.
"Left corner make to rights." Han said.
The second song started then,
"Back in black
I hit the sack
I've been too long I'm glad to be back
Yes, I'm let loose
From the noose
That's kept me hanging about
I've been looking at the sky
'Cause it's gettin' me high
Forget the hearse 'cause I never die
I got nine lives
Cat's eyes
Abusin' every one of them and running wild
'Cause I'm back
Yes, I'm back
Well, I'm back
Yes, I'm back
Well, I'm back, back
Well, I'm back in black
Yes, I'm back in black
Back in the back
Of a Cadillac
Number one with a bullet, I'm a power pack
Yes, I'm in a bang
With a gang
They've got to catch me if they want me to hang
'Cause I'm back on the track
And I'm beatin' the flack
Nobody's gonna get me on another rap
So look at me now
I'm just makin' my play
Don't try to push your luck, just get out of my way
'Cause I'm back
Yes, I'm back
Well, I'm back
Yes, I'm back
Well, I'm back, back
Well, I'm back in black
Yes, I'm back in black
Well, I'm back, yes I'm back
Well, I'm back, yes I'm back
Well, I'm back, back
Well I'm back in black
Yes I'm back in black
Ho yeah
Oh yeah
Yes I am
Oh yeah, yeah oh yeah
Back in now
Well I'm back, I'm back
Back, (I'm back)
Back, (I'm back)
Back, (I'm back)
Back, (I'm back)
Back
Back in black
Yes I'm back in black
Out of the sight"
Han piloted the Falcon for a few more songs. He would check on Ben after a few songs.
His son paced up and down the quarters. He had undone the constricted black robes. He was sweaty. He kicked and moved as if having a lightsaber. He sang loudly. There was something about sleep that came from exhaustion. Not even Snoke could reach him when he was overstimulated and exhausted.
Han Solo saw his son's back, the patterns of torture and felt guilty and sad. He heard as his on cried through more songs.
He clutched his head and paced. He was down to his pants. Han did not reach out to comfort. It was too soon. He could not forget that Ben was almost thirty years old. He would not appreciate his father's harassment.
"Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over-bored and self-assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey
I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey
And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, never mind
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial
A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial."
Leia had hated that one. Ben loved it. Han remained outside Ben's door in case he needed anything.