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Chapter 8

Rey could not sleep; she had the picture of a young Ben Solo in her mind. She had felt his fears, the depth of his feelings when he was a youngling. He'd been just as alone as she was. Rey felt terrible for all the times she thought him entitled. She tried to put herself in his shoes. Rey did not know if she would have fared any better. He'd been in her room but really he had not been there.

She was ashamed the next morning. Rey had not taken her lightsaber with her.

Ben sat down with a book in his hands. "Good morning."

Rey sat in front of him. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday."

He did not meet her eyes and continued to look at his book, "I should be apologizing too. I saw things too."

Rey shook her head, "it was nothing. I am apologizing for being rude to you."

Ben shrugged. Rey felt anger again and then remembered the crying boy. "Do not give that pitying look." He hissed.

"I am not." She defended.

"You are and I don't need it. It's in the past, it's all behind." He continued and raised his voice a little.

Rey was not deterred, "but it hurts you. It still does."

Ben frowned, "as it hurts that they will not come back for you." He said spitefully.

Rey's eyes watered. He looked as sad, "I did not mean to."

"But you did." She said and wiped some tears.

"It's done. What are we learning today?" She would not let him get to her. Rey would be the bigger person.

"Nothing. We will no longer meet in the mornings." He said clearly.

Rey was more than annoyed now, "I apologized already. It was a mistake. It will not happen again. I still have a lot to learn, I know it so."

He did not say anything for a long while. "Please, I have to keep training." She continued.

"I cannot teach you anymore history of the Jedi. I have taught you all that was worthwhile. Rey. You have all the texts and we've discussed them until we are both tired of speaking." He said lightly.

Rey frowned, "So what are we to do?"

Ben arched an eyebrow at her, "We will train in the afternoons as we have been doing but your mornings are yours once more."

She blinked at him, "thank you." Rey left the convoy and went to see Finn who worked with Poe on the ships.

"Hey Peanut!" He yelled.

"Morning sunshine." Poe also yelled.

She smiled despite herself. "What are you two doing?" BB8 tolled around and handed them tools.

"Fixing her." Poe replied.

"Question is why are you here? Why are you not training with tall, dark and sullen?" Poe said with a smile.

Rey frowned, "his name is Ben."

"I would not know since he's never even said a word to anyone that is not you or his parents." Poe said with annoyance.

Finn rolled his eyes. Poe wanted everyone to be his friend and Ben Solo had not been the exception. Only problem was that Ben was not interested and did not make himself available.

"He's reserved." She said and then ignored Poe. She helped Finn with some engines and then ate lunch with them. Rey noticed two girls making eyes at Poe. She shrugged when they glared at her.

She was keyed up when she went to their training space. Ben was there already he handed her a staff and they began their training. It was tiring but at least she did not have to run afterwards. She had been "in shape" for two weeks now.

Ben gave her no quarter and seemed to be even more aggressive without the lightsabers. He was sweaty and so was she. Ben broke her staff and knocked the wind out of her with a single strike.

She gasped and kicked his knee. He fell but then he used the force to throw her off. Rey fell to the ground. He rushed to her as did Poe who happened to be walking to base.

"Get away from her you animal." Her friend yelled. He helped her to a sitting position. Poe fretted over her but she looked at Ben. He looked sick with himself.

"Are you ok?" Ben rushed out.

"Yes, I am." She said and stood up with Poe's help.

"We have to get to the medical bay." Poe said and helped her walk.

Ben did not follow them. "I am fine; it was just our training."

Poe laughed mockingly, "no, he punched you on the stomach and then threw you with the force. I may not be force sensitive but I have common sense and that is violence. Wait until I tell Finn about this. Solo may have the force but Finn and I could take him." There was no hint of playfulness in his voice.

The bot finished working on her side, "don't be stupid. He did not hurt me. I already told you; it is part of my training."

"I care for you Rey. I don't want you to go back to training with him. I have seen you fight. You are good, skilled and you have the force. You don't have to train anymore." Her pilot friend said with a smile and caressed her face.

"You do not understand." She said and got out of the bed.

She could see Finn hurting to her side, "Peanut, are you ok?" He said and hugged her gently.

"I'm fine Finn." Rey welcomed the hug. Finn kissed her forehead. "What happened?"

Rey explained and then Poe gave his account of events. The girl frowned throughout, "untrue, I know how to take care of myself." She said hotly.

Finn looked at her, "I believe you but Poe is right. You cannot let him hurt you so. The training has to stop now."

Rey was angry. They did not understand that it had been an accident. She shook them away and left the bay. She had to find Ben.

She looked for him in the convoy and then asked around base. No one had seen him. Rey closed her eyes and tried to find his signature within the force. She could not find him. Rey spent hours trying to reach him. She meditated and fell into a fitful sleep.

Rey found him in her dreams. She knew that it was the force.

He was sitting on his bed. Rey sat up on hers as well.

"It was not your fault." She said harshly.

"It was. I thought I could but it's bigger than me. I cannot pretend that it is not there. I like hurting people. I always have." He said and his eyes were sad.

"That's not true." Rey said and she was convinced. Anyone who left such pain at the idea of hurting others was not truly evil. She came closer and sat next to him.

Ben looked at her and caressed her face. Rey felt electricity. They'd never touched like this. She realized; he never touched her. Rey leaned into him. It was as if she were starved for him.

"I can feel all of you." He said and traced her left cheek.

"You are not alone." He said and hugged her.

Rey hugged him back and nuzzled his cheek. "Neither are you Ben." They hugged until it was time for bed. "You have to go back to your bed." He pulled away from her.

"In a minute." She said and held on. Eventually they laid on his bed. It was obvious that Ben was massive compared to her. She occupied a small space between the wall and his chest.

Rey slept easy that night. She woke up alone in her bed. She thought it has surely been a dream but realized that she could taste and feel purple.