Chapter Two – Not alone

Even though I left that test room about an hour ago, every word that my evaluator told me after the test is still resounding in my head. "You've shown to possess skills to almost every faction"; "Yes, all but Amity"; "You're a Divergent."

Even the way she said it scares me. I know Divergent people don't survive for a long time in here. We're not supposed to know about them but I heard some stories – Candors are not very good at keeping their mouth quiet. Stories about torture and death, which are mostly caused by Erudite members. I'm pretty sure my mom said something about them being jealous of Divergent people. At the time I agreed with her – in my mind obviously, I don't talk much at home. Not that I talk much out of there – but now I don't see why any Erudite would be jealous of me.

I'm now at my street. I decided not to come by bus so I would have time to think. Everyone went to the dining hall after the test to celebrate our last day as students. Personally I don't know how they can celebrate after a test like that. But I think I was probably the only one to see Emmett on my test, that's the part that really shocked me. I lied. I lied to protect Emmett.

I keep walking without notice what is in my way. My parents aren't at home yet so I can go there and be alone.

My plans are ruined when I see someone sitting on the stairs of my porch. I can't tell who it is because of the sun, which is coming from the front and hits me right in the eyes.

When I finally get there and see who's waiting for me I just want to find a hole and hide inside it. It's Emmett.

Why isn't he celebrating with the others? Why isn't Kate with him? Why is he on my porch? Is it possible that someone told him he was on my test?

"Hey." He says. I'm still not used to hear is voice outside the classroom.

I don't answer, instead I observe him. He's shaking, just as I was a minute ago. Now I'm relaxed, for some reason, I feel safe. He's not looking at me, his eyes are focused somewhere in the floor. I can see that his muscles are tense, and he took off his jacket. As always we're combining. Black jeans and white shirt. That's how all the candors dress up. According to our faction truth is as clear as black and white. Though girls use to like dresses, I stick to boys' clothes, as I call them.

I sit in the porch right next to him.

"You okay?" I ask.

He nods but still not looking at me. I feel relieve inside of me. He doesn't know anything about my test. If he did, he would have mentioned it already.

We're not allowed to ask about other people's tests so I don't ask him. I look at the floor just as he's doing, thinking about my own test. Thinking about Emmett. Thinking about the choice I'll have to make this night, or tomorrow morning. I just know that I have to decide before the ceremony.

After a few minutes I can't hold the silence anymore.

"Emmett have you –" Without me expecting it, he looks at me when I say his name as if it was the first time I said it. And then I realize: it is. "Never mind." I say, embarrassed.

His blue eyes stare at me for the first time after the test. He keeps staring for minutes, maybe hours. I don't know. I can only tell that I don't feel comfortable with it, but at the same time I don't want him to stare at the floor again. He looked… sad before.

"It's okay. You can ask." He says with a smile. Again, even with the smile, I can tell he's sad. And suddenly I hate the damn test. I hate it for not giving me answers, I hate it because it will decide our lives and, more than everything, I hate it because it made him sad.

"Have you ever lied?" The words come out of my mind as a murmur, but I know he heard. He has too, I'm too scared to ask it again.

For a brief moment I can see he's surprised but that only lasts for a second, then he hides is feelings, just as he has done all his life. I'm looking right in his eyes and I can feel my heart beating faster than I thought it was possible, but still I don't look away. I don't try to avoid him and I don't regret my question.

"Yes." He whispers.

I look down, not knowing what to say. His answer surprised me, just as my question surprised him. Even not looking at him, I can tell that he's looking around to see if there's anybody else on the street. I wonder if he regrets confessing me what he did, but then he surprises me even more with another question.

"Do you ever feel guilty by wanting to change faction? I mean, because of your family."

I feel my eyes meeting his eyes and my heart skipping a beat before I know what I'm doing.

"How –" I shake my head, forcing myself to think straight. "How do you know I want to leave?"

He opens his mouth to answer me, but he never gets to do it.

"There you are! I've been looking for you two!" Kate is running toward us from the other side of the street - same direction as the bus station - and only stops when she reaches us.

Both me and Emmett stare at Kate, to uncomfortable to say something.

"Why did you two come home without telling me?" She looks at us - sitting in my porch side by side, almost touching each other - with a suspicious look. "I had to come by bus alone."

What and horrible thing. I think. Can't imagine spending ten minutes on bus without having anyone to talk to.

I stand up and I can feel Emmett's eyes staring at me, but I avoid them.

"I have to make dinner." I explain and get in my house.

After dinner I went right to bed. My parents didn't think that was weird, as I lock myself in my bedroom every time they don't force me to be downstairs with them.

I'm looking at the ceiling and thinking about Emmett's last words. Actually I thought about them every single minute I spend at the table, pretending I was eating. Eventually I got to a conclusion. No. I don't feel guilty. I wish I could answer him now. It would probably make him feel better. I think about Emmett and Kate in their house. I bet Kate told him everything about her test, even though it's forbidden. She just can't keep her mouth shut. I can even see her in my mind, trying to force him to tell how his test went. And he won't tell, or he'll lie.

I'm not shocked that he lied anymore; I think I've always known. I mean, how can you live with Kate and always tell truth? You can't. Emmett lied, and that's okay, because he doesn't belong here. And neither do I. I'm wondering what Emmett is going to choose tomorrow.

Thinking about tomorrow makes me feel sick. Divergent. What am I going to do with that? What am I going to choose?

At least I know Amity is not an option, but what about the rest? Not Candor, I lied. Abnegation, maybe. I think if I tried really hard I could fit there, but then I remember what I thought right after Kate arrived. Abnegation is crossed too. What's left? Dauntless and Erudite. Both factions I dislike. It's not that I have something against Erudite, it's probably where Emmett is going, he's very smart, but I'm not, and that's what I dislike about Erudite members. They're clever than me.

And that's when we come to the last faction: Dauntless. I'm definitely not going there. I won't become a show off, full of tattoos and piercings. I don't think I would like to carry a piece of medal threaded in my nose. And so I come to the same point I was this morning. I don't know why they force us to do this stupid test if it doesn't provide us answers.

I keep thinking about the test and know this is going to be a long night. Hours later, when I think I can't stand my headache anymore, I stand up, alert, with something I just remembered and I feel so stupid for not noticing that before.

"Second time in the same day. This will definitely call attentions. (…)"

Second time.

Second person.

Another person.

Someone like me, in my faction.

I'm not alone.

There's another… Divergent.

It doesn't take me anytime to understand who that person is. And a bunch of feelings pass through me, but only three that I recognize. Shock. Then relieve. And at last fear. Not for me. Now, thus I never thought I would feel this again, I feel safe to know that have someone so close to me that understands. No, I fear for the boy who has always been there. For my best friend.

I fear for Emmett.