I don't own Star Wars

Chapter 12

Han could not sleep. Leia finally understood the finality and determination in Ben's words. His wife was anxious, afraid for their child.

She paced after the girl left. "He is not strong enough. Ben simply cannot face him." Leia said with big sad brown eyes.

Han tried to reassure her, "the same could have been said about Luke. He was only a farmer when he faced Vader."

Leia shook her head, "that was different. He had us."

Han took her hands and led her to the couch. "Who says it has to be him? Why does it have to be our son? We continue fighting as we are."

Leia looked at him and caressed his face, "you know it. I can tell." She whispered.

Of course he did. Han had known Ben would be forced to sacrifice himself. It would have to be him and Luke against Snoke. Han gave up on sleep and stood up. Leia had finally managed to sleep.

Han went to the living room and walked around. He looked at Leia's bookstands. She had dozens of history books. Han found what he looked for. An ancient looking book. Han shook his head; his wife had hated Holopads. She preferred printed pictures. Everyone mocked her; but Han loved it.

The pictures were in order. There was one of them after the Battle of Endor. They were side by side grinning. That had been a good day. Leia and him had made love for the first time that night. Han remembered how shy she'd been. Leia was not a virgin but she was inexperienced. Han was certainly experienced but he'd been nervous. He was scared of not measuring up to the princess of Aldeeran. He remembered feeling happy when she responded to his every touch.

Han turned the page to more pictures of them. Leia and him with Chewie and Luke. Leia in her wedding dress. Them kissing, then dancing and looking so young and so in love. He proposed after a huge fight. He remembered it clearly. He'd been traveling out to Corellia and came back to a cranky Leia. She had been a pest and then away with the Senate.

Han called her out for not caring that he was back. Leia spat that he was like a street dog who could never be an inside dog. Han raised his voice and they fought. He blamed her for not spending time with him. "All you do is work." He yelled.

"All you do is run away." She yelled back. "As if you have nothing to come back to."

Han laughed, "maybe I don't."

Leia was hurt. "Leave now." She said.

"I'm not going anywhere. This is my home and you are..." Han realized that he was too old to call her his girlfriend.

"I'm your what?" Leia asked exasperatedly.

Han came closer, "my princess." He smiled at her tenderly.

Leia's eyes softened, "you will not convince me. I am upset."

"I love you. Marry me." He said simply.

"What?" She asked.

Han grinned openly, "marry me."

Han badgered her for three weeks before she accepted. They spent their honeymoon naked and away. Leia and him were holed up for a week in a faraway planet in the outer rim.

There were more pictures of them and then of a pregnant Leia smiling at him. They were at the pools in Chandrila. Han remembered those months. They actually planned Ben. They tried for two years and just when they were about to give up Leia surprised him with a full Corellian dinner. "I felt something different today." She said over some pomegranate juice. Han drank his wine.

"What sweetheart?" He asked distracted by the amazing food in front of him.

"Our baby." She grinned ear to ear. Han stood up and spilled his wine on the expensive tablecloth.

He laughed and hugged her tight. Han had been so excited. They were over the moon when they heard Ben's strong heartbeat. The doctor told them to be cautious for the first three months. Han had watched over Leia like a hawk. He removed work and threatened half the Senate when they called.

The older man traced another picture. Leia holding her belly and distracted. She had been terrified when she felt Ben's tiny force signature inside her belly. The baby made himself known since the fifth month. Leia had of course felt life inside of her but not a signature. She had come crying to the Falcon clutching her belly.

Han had almost turned green when he thought she was losing their baby. "Sweetheart, please stop crying and tell me what's the matter." He said when he did not see blood.

"He has the force." She cried.

"Who has the force?" Han was about to call Luke.

"The baby. I can feel it. He's strong." She said after some sobbing.

Han held her tight and then asked her what she felt when she calmed down. "How does he feel like?"

He'd been curious. Leia nuzzled into him, "light, happy and just innocent."

"It will be fine Leia. He will be fine. Don't cry." He'd said and smiled at her.

"Yes, I mean, he could be whatever he wants when he grows up." Han reassured; a small but insistent part of him knew he was mistaken.

Han sighed and continued to look through the pictures. This one he had on the Falcon by the main console. It was of the three of them. Ben was two hours old. Leia looked beautiful. She held Ben while he held them. Han remembered how wonderful it was to meet Ben. Leia went through twenty hours of labor to birth their baby boy. They were both in love with the baby.

"What do we name him?" Han asked Leia after the nurse left them alone.

"I thought of Bail after my father but he does not look like a Bail. What about your father?" She asked as the baby wrinkled his face.

"Not many good memories." Han said.

Leia cried, "I'm sorry, I am thoughtless, of course you told me. Han, I..." The man kissed her forehead. "Nothing that you do will anger me for a quite a while sweetheart. You have given me the world today." He said and kissed her mouth lovingly.

"What about Ben?" Han said after some time. "We would not have met if it weren't for him."

Leia smiled, "not Obie wan or just Ben. Benjamin, an old name. I think he has old eyes, wise eyes."

Han laughed, "Benjamin Solo." He said proudly.

There were at least five pages' worth of baby Ben pictures. Han smiled when he found one of the two of them. Leia was on a meeting that ran longer than expected. She came home really late and took a picture of him with a sleeping Ben on his chest. They were out like lights, both had the same crease on their foreheads.

Han kept looking through the book and found more pictures of them. Leia with Ben in the Senate. The three of them and Chewie during Ben's third birthday. His son had a face full of blue frosting. His smile was wide; it had been a good day.

The pictures continued there were some with Ben smiling, but they were fewer. Ben when he was six. He looked tired but had a bright smile. Han took him in the Falcon and let him play first mate. Ben was all ears and nose. Han smiled, there was another one of them two grinning to Leia. It was the last picture of them smiling. Ben would be sent away the following month.

Han turned the page and felt dread. There were more pictures of his son but only this time he wore padawan wear and that blasted little braid. Han would have given the world to have Ben wear the Alderaan braids instead. Let him be a politician like Leia. Luke took these to appease them. They did nothing. Han grew increasingly frustrated with Leia. He wanted Ben back to them after three months. Their son had not had any episodes, surely, he was better now.

Luke shook his head. Ben would be a Jedi; it was in his blood; it was the Skywalker legacy. Han took missions and spent more time away from Leia.

Han turned to the last pages. This was the last of the three of them. Ben was a teenager; not older than fifteen. This was Leia's idea. They looked forced; Ben did not smile; he was sullen. Leia was stiff by their son's side. Ben was a head shorter than him. He had not stopped growing until he was nineteen.

"I don't like to look at those last pictures. They are too painful." His wife said and sat by his side.

Han closed the book. "Why do you keep them?" He asked bitterly.

"They are of him. I cannot get rid of them." She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm scared Han. We just got him back." She said weakly.

Han held her close. "We'll lose him if we push him."

Leia sighed, "Luke should be here. He would know how to help Ben."

He kissed her hand, "We are walking in circles Princess. We did this last time and see how it turned out. Ben gave into the darkness."

Leia's voice was very small, "what if he gives in again?"

Han shook his head, "he will not." He was convinced of it.

Leia rested her head on his shoulder. "I have this feeling that we will lose him again."

He sighed and kissed her gently. "Let's get back to bed."