A/N:Hey all! So, so, SO sorry for the long delay. Most of this chapter was done literally a long time ago, I was just having a lot of trouble finishing it. But after reading someone's awesome akuroku fanfic, it encouraged me to work on my own. So here'e another installment of TLE!
Oh, before that. Now, I know this chapter may not be as exciting because it is just a retell of the last chapter but from Roxas' POV. It clears up a lot, and let's you know how TLE came to breakup. I know when it's been a while since something updated, I usually go back and reread the last chapter, but since this one is basically the same thing, you technically don't have to go back and read it, but if you'd like to read Axel's POV then Roxas POV, I would suggest doing so. Once again, sorry for taking so long to update. Here's a quick recap, as per usual.
Previously on TLE...
Axel went behind Roxas' back and read through his text messages to see him apparently "flirting" with Reno. At at the club Royals, Axel calls him out on it after cathing his boyfriend and Reno in quite the compromising position. However he lets slip that he went into his phone without permission, enraging Roxas to the point of walking away and not speaking to him for two weeks. They reunite at a pier after their friends plot to get them back together. It is here that Axel finds out that TLE has broken up for whatever reason, and Roxas states that he needs Axel, who doesn't protest. But what is Roxy's side of things? What in the world happened?
Roxas POV
"You guys ready to blow these paupers away!" Yuffie cheers as we're about ready to go out on stage. Riku had gotten us booked for a gig at this club called Royals, and we were five minutes away from rocking their world.
"I don't know. Most of these people are Royal regulars, they don't know about TLE," Sora says. I can see he's a little worried about whether we'll hit or miss with this new crowd. "They don't have our history."
"I'm sure some of our fans are out there tonight as well, giving us their support," Riku comforts him before I can. I smirk. Riku totally has the hots for my little twin but totally won't admit it.
"Omeg's right. And even if this was a totally new crowd, they would still fall in love with us instantly. Don't doubt our wicked skills Pan, we got this!" Yuffie hops off a spare amp that she'd been sitting on.
"We're ready for you guys," says the stage crew manager. I nod at him and we all pick up our instruments and strap them on (besides Yuffie of course).
"Any last words from our illustrious leader?" Yuffie coos.
"Yeah," I say, a glint in my eye that only comes out when we perform. "Let's rock."
We all take our positions on stage. It's still dark so no one can really see us. Yuffie hops, literally, hops over her drums and lands perfectly on her stool. How she does it, she'll never tell me.
I keep the mike on the stand for now. "We'd like to thank Royals for housing us tonight," I say to grab everyone's attention. Most people turn but we only receive a few cheers. Probably our X-regs. So I decide to put on the heat a little bit. "I am Xero," I say as sultry as possible. That gets a reaction. Good.
I nod toward Riku. "Omega," he says in a low voice. He even played a note on his bass. Nice touch Megs.
"Pandora!" Sora cheers. He plays a super quick riff that I used to hear him working on all the time in the office behind X while we were chilling.
"Crisis, the female legend!" I chuckle discreetly at Yuff's loud and energetic introduction. It was so her. Playing a drum solo that went on and on is also so like her.
As soon as I hear the cymbals crash, I snatch my mike off the stand and yell "And we are True Light's Eclipse!"
I knew the crowd would go wild as soon as we started playing this song. And as expected, when Sora played out the opening, a collective holler rose from the crowd. Now that's what I'm talking about!
It had taken us a while to decide Royals playlist. We didn't want to do anything obscure, but we also didn't want to seem basic. I forget who was the one that suggested Dirty Little Secret, but it was a fab idea, and I offered we should just make it a Fall Out Boys night, and that resonated with them. So we started off with a classic that everyone should know, and moved down the list. The last one we played was Centuries, which was personally my favorite. I actually got to play my guitar in that one!
Everyone is hype and begging for more when we are done, which is just how I like it. I give a wink and walk backstage with my friends.
"GUYS. WE TOTALLY CLEANED HOUSE TONIGHT!" Yuffie cheers, and I can't help but be just as excited.
"Excellent job you guys, you absolutely rocked out!" I congratulate.
"You too, boss," Riku says grinning.
"I am so pumped right now!" Sora squeals. He's nearly jumping in his boots. Okay, now he is jumping in his boots.
"Let's go dance, dance!" I refer to one of the songs in our set, making everyone laugh.
"Oh my gosh, you're making jokes. The world must be coming to an end," Yuffie teases. I just lightly shove her in the arm.
"Let's go you goofs."
When we make it to the floor, the people in our immediate vicinity start to whoop and cheer again. Praises, congratulations, confessions of love, questions about the when and where of our next show. I'm getting hype off of all of it. Gosh I love being in a band!
And not just any band. This band. TLE. I have such awesome friends who I can talk with, hang out or rock out with, it was fantastic. I turn around to relay my love for them (which to others would be sorta creepy, but we know how it is), but the only one still with me is Riku.
"We got separated," Riku comments.
"Yeah, no biggie," I say. Now that it's just the two of us (well, besides the crowds of people surrounding us) there's something I want to ask him. "Omega…do you have the hots for my bro-bro?" I try to put it as nicely as possible, but even that makes Riku choke on air.
"What!?" he exclaims, blushing. Ah. So cute.
"Look, you know I don't have a problem with it. I'm just curious. And I also think that if you want to keep him, you need to tell him soon, cause he could get snatched up very quickly. You know my brother. Very 'go with the flow'," I point out. What I really wanted to say was that he needed to stop dicking around and man the fuck up, but I've embarrassed him enough tonight. "You stay here, I'll go get him. Actually, go wait at the bar so I know which direction to point him in!" I yell back, already walking away.
"Xero!" Riku claps his hand on my shoulder, making me spin around. "Thanks."
I grin widely at him. And he blushes. "What was that?" I ask, confused. Until I realize.
"You looked…like-"
"Right, right, we are twins," I say, waving him off. I quest back into the sea of people, debating whether I should even try to call him on his cell with all this noise. But soon enough, someone is grabbing my arm.
"Dance with me Xe!" Sora cheers, and I chuckle.
"You get one song Pan!" And as if on cue, a new song comes on. We bump and grind to Tokyo Drift, causing everyone around us to drool and watch. We used to dance together all the time. It was "cute" for the first ten years, then "scandalous" for the next five. Now it was purely just sexy. We loved how people got so riled up about it, it made us giddy.
Before it gets to my favorite part, I'm being pulled away again. "Crisis!"
"Sorry, but I need to borrow our illustrious leader," she apologizes, not really sorry, to Sora.
"Now I don't have a dance partner!" he whines, but he's smiling all the same. About ten people volunteer to take my place before Yuffie's got me halfway across the club.
"What's up Crisis?" I say. We stop walking once we get off the dance floor and outside the main crowd.
"Dude! Totally not going to believe this!" she cheers, digging in her pockets for something.
"What?" I ask. She pulls out her phone and tinkers with it a bit before handing it to me. I look at the screen and my eyes almost bulge. "WHAT?"
"RIGHT? LIKE, RIGHT?" she yells in extreme joy.
Somehow, Yuffie had gotten us a show in one of the most popular venues right outside Twighlight Town. "I…I can't even believe this…" I stutter.
"Better believe it! I worked my ass off, pulled some strings, and practically begged to get that gig. And I am not a beggar." Yuffie was not a beggar. "Who's your girl?"
"You are!" The others were going to be so excited about this!
"I was thinking we could make a little road trip out of it. They're even giving us a trailer! Our own trailer, can you believe it!"
I really couldn't. This was fantastic! "Okay, so next Thursday…wow, how'd you even get it on a Thursday?"
"Don't question my greatness, just accept it," she huffs smugly.
"I'll clear my work schedule for the weekend then." Reno could handle the store by himself for a few days. Speaking of the redhead.
"I gotta go do something real quick," I tell Yuffie. "I'll be back in later."
"Kay's," she cheers. As soon as I leave her, she's suddenly surrounded. I go over to the back exit and see Reno waiting where he said he would.
"Hey! Didn't think you'd actually come!" I say, trotting over to his side.
"'Course! If I say I'ma do sumthin, I do it," he grins. I smile and point to the door that leads outside. It will be easier to talk if I can actually hear him.
We're off to the side of the club. It's nice to be away from the masses for a moment. "So rookie, whatcha think? Did we blow your freaking mind?"
"Uh…something like that," he comments, blocking his face with his hand.
"'Something like that'? What's that supposed to mean? That was a simple, 'you rocked my world' or 'nah, y'all sucked big time' rookie."
"You guys didn't suck!" he protests.
"Sooo…we rocked?" I ask with a small smile.
He looks down at the gravel and mutters, "You totally rocked my world." Even though he's trying so hard to hide it, I can see his face has turned as red as his hair.
"Look at you!" I squeal, excited that he liked it. If someone like Reno loved our band right off the bat, then we were gonna crush it in Hallow Bastion next week.
"I ain't say nuthin special 'bout y'all," he protests again.
"You just said we 'rocked your world'," I point out. Would I ever be able to get a straight compliment out of him, without him denying it?
"I didn't say that," he mumbles quietly, still looking at the ground.
"Yes you did, I heard you say-"
"I said you rock my world," he suddenly says strongly. Reno looks me straight in the eye, but I break my glance away.
Wait, I rock his world, like, as in myself? The first thought that goes through my head is 'that's kinda cheesy' but the next second it's 'oh god what is happening' because Reno is leaning down toward me with his eyes closed.
And as if my life couldn't get any more insane right now, before my natural reflex to punch first and ask questions later sets in, I see Axel, standing under a streetlight.
And he is charging towards us.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" he exclaims.
One second Reno was in front of me, and the next I was being jerked away from him and he was on the floor. Axel's fingers dig into my shoulder. "Axel, you're hurting me, stop!" I cry. He immediately lets go, and I hug myself. I'd never seen Axel so angry before. He tries to hug me, but I step away. I needed to explain to him what just happened.
"Axel, what-" but before I can explain that what just happened was not initiated by me, and I was half a second away from clocking him in the jaw, Reno starts yelling at Axel.
"You, that's what's wrong with me. And you need to stay the fuck away from other people's boyfriends, you conniving little-"
And it went on and on. I couldn't even get a word in, and no one was paying attention to me. It was like Reno and Axel were in their own little angry bubble. And it was ridiculous that I wasn't inside it, seeing as how this whole argument is about me.
"-you like him, and I don't care if you do. He's mine!"
Okay, as endearing as I'm sure Axel wanted that to be, all I felt like was an object. A toy that these two were fighting over. The anger is starting to bubble up a little inside myself now.
Reno is denying that he has been making moves on me. I thought so at first too, but after that near-kiss (and that's what it was, no matter how much he tried denying it) I'm starting to believe that Axel's paranoia was not faulty.
"Axel, we weren't-!" 'about to kiss, I wouldn't have let that happen, you know that!' is what I would have said if anyone would let me get a damn word in!
But this was no time to be getting angry myself, because these two are about ready to actually fight, and I'd rather not have an injured employee and boyfriend, all over a stupid misunderstanding.
"I SAID E-FUCKING-NOUGH!" I shout as loudly as I possibly can to get through their thick skulls. People had been glancing over before, but now they are all staring. But this also was no time to be caring about bystanders. "What. The fuck. Do you think. You're doing?" I say to Axel. I would expect this juvenile behavior from Reno, but Axel? He was older than me, why was I the only voice of reason here?
"I'm protecting you!" he tells me. What the fuck does he mean he's "protecting me"?
"Protecting me from what!? We were just talking! And just that. Nobody was about to kiss anybody!" No kissing was going to be happening out here on this disgusting street by people I was not dating, not by my watch.
"Then why were you guys so close to each other!?" he asks angry and accusatory.
Before I can say that he was trying, emphasis on trying to kiss me, Reno lies and says he was getting lint out of my hair. "Reno, I'll take it from here." Translation: Shut the fuck up, you're just making it worse by lying. "Reno is partly wrong for this, but just for the name-calling and the violence," and lying, but I'll explain that in a minute.
"But not unwarranted violence, seeing as how you egged him on." He looks at me agape, but I don't know why. Axel wanted to fight Reno so bad, and I don't know if it was just for this, but also for mixed in feelings about his dad. But he can't just do that, it won't solve anything. "You are the one who's most to blame for this nonsense. Which is what it is! Nonsense!"
"Nonsense?" he repeats angrily. "You think worrying about my boyfriend being taken away is nonsense!? Don't think I don't know! About the flirting, about the secrets, about the going behind my back."
What was he on now? "Axel, what the hell are you talking about?" He's accusing me of talking and acting with Reno in an unsavory fashion for someone who has a boyfriend. I honestly don't believe so, but Reno has obviously fallen for me, so maybe he was slightly right. But it's not like I was trying, it was unintentional! "Look Axel, I'm sorry if I'm really friendly with him, and it looks wrong or whatever, but it's not. If it makes you this uncomfortable, I'll ease up." If Reno just fell for my natural charm, I didn't know how I was supposed to stop being myself. The best I could do is not hang around him, but for god's sake, I work with the man! And I point that out to him, that I have to talk to him while we're at work, he was my employee.
"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TEXT HIM WINKY FACES, I KNOW THAT AT LEAST!"
…wait…what? How does he know what I have or haven't been texting Reno. Unless… "You…have you been going through my messages?" There's no way. There's no way that Axel would do something like that. He wasn't that type of person. He trusted me didn't he? He wouldn't lie to me. He…
…was also not denying it.
"Roxas…" he starts, looking guilty as all hell, but I have to know. I have to know. "You went into my phone, without my permission, and didn't tell me, and read through my messages, because you think I'm cheating on you? With Reno?" I wait for him to answer, to deny it, to not look guilty and sorry and pathetic.
"Roxas, no, listen, I-"
And that's when I'm done. Done being the voice of reason, staying as calm as possible under the circumstances, trying to explain myself.
"No, you listen. I. Am not. Fucking. Cheating on you. I'm not flirting with Reno behind your back, or at all. I can't even believe I'm having this conversation! And you had the nerve. The nerve. To say I was going behind your back? You went through my phone like I was some sort of cheating man-whore, having an affair, that you were so positive was real, when in reality, it wasn't. It was all just something you made up in your head. I-OOOH, I AM SO FUCKING MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU!" I stomp away before I do or say something I'll regret later. But once again tonight, I am being grabbed by my arm.
"Roxas, I'm sorry!"
I didn't want to hear "I'm sorry"! I wanted to hear "It's not true, I'd never do that, I trust you Roxas, you're my boyfriend and I know you love me, and I love you so much" not fucking "I'm sorry"! "I'm sorry" made the whole thing real. "I'm sorry" is the proof that Axel doesn't trust me. "I'm sorry" is the knife to my heart saying he doesn't love me as much as I thought.
I'm too worked up to think clearly anymore, and I'll be damned if I let either of these two see me cry. "Don't fucking touch me, don't apologize to me, and don't fucking TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW!"
I know nothing I'm saying is making this situation better, but there's nothing he could say to me right now to make it better either. So I walk off down the street. Riku was my ride, but I just can't bear to walk back into that club. Not with my tears running and my heart bleeding.
…
Waking up was a nightmare on Sunday. I didn't have work scheduled starting Friday because I figured it was going to be a long night after the concert. How right I was.
Slinking out of bed, I stumble over to the bathroom, aching from head to toe. I walked all the way home that night, which was hell, and Cloud and Leon were concerned when they saw me, but I was too tired to explain. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I probably look ten times worse since that night. I've hardly been sleeping, or have been over sleeping, and it shows. I am still in the same clothes from the concert because I haven't really gotten out of my bed much. Just to eat and use the bathroom.
I've gotten no contact from Axel since then. I know I told him not to talk to me, but I honestly wasn't expecting him to actually listen to me. I don't even know if I'm ready to listen to him, but it would at least be nice to know he cares about this at all. I guess not…
When I get to the living room, Cloud's on the couch watching TV.
"Morning," I mutter. He turns and looks at me, shocked.
"Roxas, it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon already," he says. I look at the cable box and see that it is indeed not morning anymore. Makes sense because I'm pretty sure I didn't fall asleep until 5am. "Roxas." I wonder how Axel is feeling, and it's pissing me off that I still even care about him right now. "ROXAS."
"Yes?" I answer.
"Shower. Now," he states sternly, pointing towards the bathroom.
"But-"
"NOW."
I don't argue because he does pay for most of this place, and he's my big brother. I don't even squabble as I go the bathroom and run hot shower water over my face.
Why hasn't Axel called me? He's nothing if not persistent. I know that. Yet it's been two whole days. We've never even gone half a day without talking. I guess he's given up. I guess I'm not worth it.
By the time I slap myself from these negative thoughts, my skin is turning prune-y. How long have I been in here? I turn off the water and walk back to my room in just a towel. I slip on a loose shirt and some shorts. I can't be bothered to dry my hair, or do anything with it. My phone sits idly on my bed in my room once I get there, but the small light at the top of the screen is blinking. I have a message.
It's weird, I wanted to hear from him so bad, yet now I'm too scared to even unlock my phone. I smack myself lightly with both hands. You can do this. I go into my phone and see I have five texts and two voicemails. All from Axel.
Axel: Roxas, I am so sorry, please, let me talk to you and explain.
Nothing on how or why he didn't contact me for two whole days?
Axel: I shouldn't have done what I did, I was just so jealous, I realize that now, a bit too late albeit.
Trying to make jokes. So Axel like. God, I missed him. But I didn't know if I was ready to forgive him yet.
Axel: Please text me back, I'm so sorry, please, just let me talk to you.
Axel: I'm so sorry.
Axel: Roxas, please, pick up your phone
He must have made the calls before the last message he sent. With shaking hands, I dial my voicemail.
You have 2 new voice messages and three saved messages. First unheard message: …Roxas.
My heart stops.
Please call me back when you get this message. Please. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry for going through your phone. I'm a jealous buffoon who doesn't deserve to be forgiven, but please hear me out. Please. Roxas…I miss you. I…
And that was it.
Next message-
I chuck my phone against the wall before the answering machine can say anymore.
I couldn't. I still couldn't forgive him for some reason. I don't know what I wanted him to say, what I needed him to say, but it wasn't any of what he said.
And I just can't bear to listen to anymore of his voice.
"Everything all right in here?" Leon says from the door. "I heard a loud crash. Roxas, are you okay!?"
I was currently crumpled on the floor. I didn't even realize I was down here. Last thing I remember I was standing near my bed, and now I'm…I'm…
I'm crying uncontrollably.
Leon dashes over and holds me. I hug him tightly, crying into his broad chest. I hear him yell for Cloud, and almost immediately I am being transferred into his arms. He rocks me back and forth, rubbing my head soothingly, whispering it's okay, over and over. Even though it's not.
…
"I brought you some apple turnovers, I know you really like them. You wanna eat some?" Sora asks, for the fifth time since he's come over.
I shake my head no, and go back to staring at the ceiling. By now, I have memorized every inch of my room from how many long hours I've spent just lying in bed every day. I no longer over-sleep. It's just a few hours a day and then for the rest I'm curled up into myself, ignoring my grumbling stomach.
"Your tummy's making the rumblies that only Sora's super special apple turnovers can satisfy," Sora says. I smile weakly at that, and he grins back, sadly.
"Maybe later…" I sigh. My throat is hoarse.
"You want some water now?" I nod slightly and Sora lights up and bounds out of my room. I sigh again and return to inspecting the ceiling.
"Did you get him to eat something?" I hear someone murmur outside my ajar door. Cloud.
"No. But I got him water, he said he wanted a drink," Sora replies not as quietly.
"I don't think I've seen him eat anything since he really broke down…"
"It's okay, I'm sure he'll be better soon. I'm hoping the smell of my baked goods will get him to eat. But at least he's drinking water right now, right? First step." Oh Sora. Always remaining positive.
I sit up for once because I won't be able to drink lying down. They stop talking so I guess they heard me moving around.
"Got you a nice tall glass of the finest water in the city! Only the best for my bro-bro," Sora says, waltzing in with a mighty tall glass. There was no way I could drink all that right now. He hands it to me and I take a few slow sips before placing it on my bedside dresser. "Feel a little better?"
"You mean my throat, or my heart?" I joke, but he doesn't laugh. It wasn't very funny to me either.
"We're all just worried about you Roxy," Sora says softly.
"Mm."
"Yuffie and Riku too."
"Mm."
I'm actually pretty sure they're pissed with me. We were supposed to be practicing every day since Royals for our show in Hallow Bastion this coming Thursday. They gave me the weekend after I told them what happened, but now it's Wednesday and I still haven't even left my house. I broke my phone and haven't replaced it yet, so I don't know if they've been calling me or not. Sora's been too nice to say anything about it to me, but I know he too is concerned about the concert. But…I can't. I don't have the energy or the heart to perform right now.
"Has Yuffie called you?" I ask him suddenly, making him flinch.
"Uh…yeah. She was wondering-"
"I'm not doing the Hallow Bastion concert," I say abruptly. "Can you tell her that?"
Sora stares at me for a few moments before sighing. "Roxas-"
"I'm not doing it."
"Don't you think you should at least try?" he asks. "Or at least think you should tell Yuffie yourself?"
"If I try and tell her she won't listen. And even if I gathered up the energy to go, I wouldn't perform well. There'd be no point in my going." I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my forehead on my knees. It breaks my heart to say this, but it's only fair. "You guys…you guys could-"
"We're not playing without you Xero," Sora interrupts.
I sigh. "Yuffie's going to fucking kill me…"
Sora smiles sadly. "I'm sure she'll understand."
"I'm sure she won't."
We both stay silent for a while. "Well, what's bothering you? Maybe we can fix it."
I look at him incredulously. "Are you seriously asking me what's wrong?"
"Look, I know Axel made you sad, but he said he was sorry, didn't he?"
"I don't care if he's sorry."
"Then what do you want?" he asks seriously.
"…I don't know," I answer. I honestly didn't know what I wanted from Axel. And I haven't heard from him since the voicemail…
I knew I was being difficult, but maybe I just wanted to wallow in my misery. Couldn't everyone just let me do that?
I hear shuffling from outside the door and sigh. "Cloud, I know you're out there. You can come and be a worry-wart in here instead of out there," I say as loudly as my voice will let me right now, which isn't very loud. He peeks his head from around my door frame and slinks in, plopping down next to me so I'm in the middle.
"Hey. You feeling any better now?" he asks.
"Mm."
"Feel up to eating anything?"
"I'm not hungry." My stomach ceased it's grumbling after it realized I wasn't feeding it any time soon.
"Even just a couple bites would be better than nothing," he presses, motioning for Sora to give him the treats I was smelling.
"I really don't feel like eating right now." Yet Cloud proceeds to take an apple turnover out anyway.
"Mom's gonna get worried and demand you come home if she knows you're not eating," Sora points out.
"I won't be able to eat it," I sigh again. They look at me, worry written clearer on their face than before.
"Are you sick? Like, actually sick?" Cloud asks. Before I can stop him, he puts his hand to my forehead. "Mm. You do feel a little warm."
"Everybody is warm," I argue back. Tired of sitting up, I crawl to the front of my bed and lay down. "Look, I'm tired, I'm going to sleep."
I can't see them, but I'm sure Cloud and Sora are giving each other looks.
"Well, I gotta go and meet up with the guys…" Sora says. He gets up off my bed, but not before tackling me with a hug. "Feel better bro-bro."
"Thanks Sora. Sorry to put you in the middle of things." I knew Yuffie was gonna chew him a new one about not dragging me to practice.
"I'll let you sleep, but when you wake up, you have to promise to eat something, alright?" Cloud says pointing at me.
"Okay." I'd try at least.
They both walk out my room, but before closing my door, Cloud calls back to me. "Yes Cloud?"
"Leon found out you helped me pick-out that ring," he says. I can hear the smile in his voice. "He's probably gonna come thank you when he gets back from work."
"Oh, okay." Cloud had texted me that night I was watching movies with Axel that he needed help picking out the design for Leon's ring. Arianna had given me a ride and I met Cloud outside on the other side of the strip mall. The ring itself was already in Jay's Jewels, we just had to decide on the design. I'm glad Leon likes it.
I turn over in my bed so I'm facing the door. Thinking about Cloud and Leon got me thinking about my own relationship. What was I doing? Being a brat, that's what. Why couldn't I…why couldn't I just forgive him? I mean, obviously he was super sorry, but what he had done was inexcusable and had rubbed me the wrong way. How could I trust that the same thing wouldn't happen again? Would I have to cut off all communication with all the men I spoke with?
And what about me? Had I asked for this to happen? Was all of this a result of my own actions? I don't even know. I don't know what I'm mad at, or who I'm blaming for this stupid fight, and it's making me depressed and exhausted just thinking about it any longer. Sleep. Just sleep. You're tired. Just sleep.
...
I wake to the sound of muffled murmuring. It's still dark outside, so I assume it's night, but a quick glance at the digital display of my clock tells me it's actually early morning. The muffles are getting louder, and soon I hear people stomping up the stairs. I sit up as my door is being thrown open.
"Roxas! It's time to rise and mother fucking shine!" Yuffie and Riku are standing in my doorway with a frazzled Sora behind them.
"Guys, my cousin is still asleep, could you please keep it down?" Sora says lowly.
"I wouldn't hafta yell if you're brother wasn't being such an idiot! Not Strife, this one here," she states pointing at me. I don't respond.
"Rox, we're going to need you to not be a zombie," Riku says.
Before I can decide to defend myself, Sora steps between them and me. "Hey come on, he's been going through a rough patch. Be nice."
"Oh, I have been nice," Yuffie huffs. "I've been giving him his space to cry it all out and be a love sick bloody teenager, but now we have bigger things to do. So I'm going to need you to hop out of bed, put on your big boy pants, and get this show on the road." What was she talking about?
Riku, noticing my slight confusion, sighs heavily. "Did you forget?"
"How could he possibly have forgotten? I had to bust ass to make this possible!" Yuffie angrily states.
"Yuff, Cloud remember? He's still sleeping?" Sora pleads.
I think about if there's anything I was supposed to be doing today when it hits me like a stack of bricks. The show Hallow Bastion.
"Sora, I thought you told her?" I finally speak up.
"Told me what?" Yuffie asks, still angry.
"I told you that you should tell her," Sora responds.
"TELL ME WHAT?" Yuffie repeats, boiling.
"I'm not-"
"Don't you even dare say you're not doing the show, because that is not an option here. We are going. Like, now. It's gonna take a couple hours to drive over, and they're lending us some space to rehearse before the show, since we didn't get any of it done this past week because of you."
I understood why Yuffie was boiling. She had every right to. TLE was as important to her as it was to me. But her anger and not understanding that I feel horrible right now and am just not up to doing this is making me angrier.
I get up out of my bed shakily, barely able to stand. Sora rushes over to help me, but I wave him off. I needed my own leverage to let her know exactly how I was feeling.
"Yuffie-"
"Unless the next words out of your mouth are 'I'm sorry for being a fuckface, let me just get my things ready and we can leave' then shut up and just get your things ready so we can leave. We should have been driving over like, half an hour ago. We need as much practice time as possible since someone-"
"Enough!" I yell. Yuffie takes a step back after hearing me speak so loudly after so long. "Listen to me carefully, and let me finish my god damn sentence for once. I'm. Not. Going."
"Yes you are," she immediately responds.
"Well then, you'll have to drag me then, which I'm sure you could do, but you definitely can't make me play." I cross my arms for effect.
"Why are you doing this? Why do you hate the band?" Riku says.
"I don't hate the band! How could I hate my own band?! I just hate how you guys are treating me right now! I just want to be left alone!" I scream. All of this was exhausting, I didn't have the energy to do all this.
"Roxas." I look Yuffie in the eyes. Right now, they're cold and hard. She's being completely serious. "This show could change us forever. Blast us into places we never thought possible. If we don't do this…if you prevent us from doing this…I don't think I could ever let it go."
"Please just leave me alone," I whisper.
"Decide right now! Either you do the show, or it's over!" She stomps, her eyes shining bright with tears refusing to shed. I shake my head, looking down at the ground since my eyes are reflecting hers.
There is silence for a few seconds. Then, I hear movement. I look up and Yuffie has relaxed her muscles, falling into a state of defeat. "That's your answer then. True Light's Eclipse is through. We're through. Goodbye Stryker." She turns, but not before I can see one of her tears fall down her face.
Riku stares me down like a rock until I look away. I couldn't take the scrutiny. The hurt behind his eyes. He turns and leaves wordlessly. I know Sora is still hear. He hasn't said anything this whole time. He cares about me, but I also know he cares about the band.
"Leave Sora." He doesn't move, nor does he say anything. "LEAVE!" I shout, making him flinch. After I hear my door close softly behind him, I slump to the floor.
What had I done?
…
"Thanks for coming with me to get my car fixed," Cloud says glancing over, before returning his eyes to the road.
I had agreed to come since I hadn't left the house in four days. I was going to lose my job, but who cares? I've already lost so much else.
"It's probably going to take a while for them to finish, and you don't have to wait with me there. Why don't you go in a café, chill for a bit. Maybe get something to eat?"
I nod absently. I decided to stop objecting others trying to help me. Too little too late since everyone was gone now. The only people who were still looking out for me were Cloud and Leon. Even Sora had disappeared, probably fed up with my shit. I wouldn't blame him. I don't blame anyone but myself.
It takes me a minute to realize that the car has stopped. Cloud parked off on the side of the street in front of the café.
"See you in a little while?" he says. His eyes dart towards the café window for a second.
"Sure." I climb out the car and wait for him to drive off before I let out a breath of air. I turn towards the doors of the café, but not before seeing a flash of red. I quickly turn away, not wanting to know where it came from. I hadn't addressed the issue of him yet in my mind since Thursday…
I shake my head, trying to remove all thoughts from my brain. I pull my earphones out of my pocket as I walk away from the café and across the street. Looking down through the trees, I can see a pier just over the water. Slowly, I walk down the steps. Hearing my footsteps echo of the wooden planks into the quietness of the morning has a sort of soothing effect. Once I reach the edge I plop down, almost falling in. My sense of balance has been trash since I'd been eating a lot less, and nothing right after the fight with him. Every time I try to eat…my throat just locks up. Like it was doing right now.
Finally putting my earphones in, I play the first song on the playlist I created. Listening to the intro, I pull my knees into myself, and absently mumble along the words. Aerials was easily my favorite System of the Down song. On a normal day I'd be able to hit the high notes. But I'm not nor can I put the energy into doing so. I can feel my voice cracking until it's merely a whisper. As the song plays out to its end, I feel someone come onto the pier as the boards vibrate. It even sounds like…they said my name.
Quickly spinning around, in the hopes of seeing one of my TLE members, I am immediately shocked. It's not Yuffie, Riku or Sora.
But him.
I can't think of what to even say so I put my mouth in control "Oh. It's you." Okay, maybe not a good idea to put my mouth in charge.
"Yeah. It's me."
I wasn't ready for this encounter. Seeing his red mane, his emerald eyes, the softness in his face, I wasn't prepared to face any of this. I try to run, but the only way to go is around him. Upon getting up, my eyesight darkens for a bit. I hadn't eaten yet this morning, so I was a little dizzy.
Before I know it, he's touching me, holding my arm to keep me steady. "You alright?" Oh, his velvety voice, his scent that can only be defined as…Axel.
Axel. Axel. Axel.
And like that, it all came pouring out of me. Everything that I had bottled up for the past two weeks. "Axel, why is all of this happening? I never expected …never wanted things to turn out this way. I don't even know what's happening between us right now, and… the breakup."
"W-what?" he responds. I finally look up into his eyes and see the sadness and pain…that I put there.
"We broke up." I can see the confusion on his face. I try to say the words I realize I haven't been able to utter out loud since it happened. But I finally choke it out.
"The band. True Light's Eclipse. We broke up." After saying it, the reality of my mistakes and loneliness finally hit me. "And I don't know how to handle anything right now. And I'm still pissed with you but…for right now…at least for right now…I need you, Axel. Please." I can't even finish. I can't apologize or yell or anything.
But I started dating Axel for a reason. He gets me, even when I'm choking.
I am engulfed in his arms once again. And it feels like I never left.
So there you have it, Roxas' side of things! I will be working on the next installment soon, and hope it will be up and done just as quickly. Thanks for sticking it out with me guys, I appreciate it. Review if you like, and look forward to more!
Loves and stuff~
The Chriss-Meister