Chapter Thirteen – Danger

I stand up to leave the room. I don't want to be here when it brings me so many memories from yesterday. Where is Emmett? I don't need to ask myself why he left – deep inside I know the answer. He only kissed me because I was down. I feel the tears in my eyes as I put my hand on the door's handle, but it opens by itself, making me jump, and for a brief moment I hope it's Emmett on the other side. But, of course, it's not. It's Four. Only now I realize this is his bedroom.

He stares at me for a while, but doesn't say a word. "I'm fine." I lie. "That's why you don't fit Candor." He says and I wait. "Is, we need to talk." I sigh. I knew something was wrong yesterday, by the look on his face when I finished my simulation; but I was sort of trying to avoid talking about it. I know that if we do talk, he'll make sure to tell me I don't belong to this faction either.

I nod and we sit on the bed. "How long do you think you were there?" Four asked, which sounded odd, why does that matter? "I don't know." I shrug. "I wasn't exactly worried to look at the clock." Four ignores my bad sarcasm and answers his own question. "Twelve minutes." I have to say, I'm surprised that twelve minutes changed everything. Four was right – the first time is always the worst. The first time I was in that simulation, I cried like I've never cried before. The first time I kissed Emmett and tried to show how much I love him, I'm left with pain. For a nanosecond my mind drives me through thoughts that make me think that there is no "worst pain" like I thought when I woke up this morning. The pain we're feeling in the moment is always the worst. That's how life works.

"Is, you still here?" Four asks, as I haven't said anything. "Yeah." He looks right into my eyes, and I know he's going to say what he was waiting to tell me all along. "What was your fear about?" He asks. "Why was the little girl there?" I ignore the second question, and answer the first one. "I was afraid of… being left alone. I don't know. It's stupid." I feel like crying again, and I forbid myself from doing it. It's time to play Isabelle – nothing can get to me.

"And the girl?" I shrug. "I don't know. She just showed up, and she calmed me down. I wasn't alone anymore." Four thinks about it for a while. "Do you that girl?" I immediately shake my head. Emmett told me who she is, but I don't know her. I never did, and I never will. "Then why was she there?" At that time I'm starting to get a little pissed off. How am I supposed to know? Wasn't he the one to put me into the simulation? But, for some reason, I think he knows the answer to his question and he just wants me to say it. I shake my head – I have no idea why did she show up in there. He stares at me, eyes locked in mine, and then he whispers to me. "Because you're Divergent."

I freeze. How does he know? What's going to happen now? "Only someone like you could change the simulation, because you are aware that any of that is real while you're in it." Now that he mentions it, I remember wishing for all of that to be over, I just didn't know what, but I knew it was possible. But then again, I wished for Emmett, why was my sister the one to show up? "Is. This is dangerous. You know that right? I saw the look on your face when I told you." I nod. "Look, I'm not telling anyone, okay? But you have to promise me you'll never do it again. You can't okay. Not in phase two. Just make it through this phase and you'll be fine, alright?" "But-" I say, not knowing how to express myself. How can I control something I didn't know I could do? "No buts. You heard what happened when someone is known to be Divergent. I don't want that to happen to you, and I'm sure neither of your friends does too." I notice in the way he says friends, like if he was giving me a tip. Does he know about Emmett? Did he make the same mistake as me? Emmett seemed fine with his simulation, though he didn't talk about it. Maybe I was too selfish to notice it.

I nod and Four stands up – our conversation finished with he's warning. "You can use the bathroom to get a shower; I'll tell Maeve to bring you some clothes. Just don't be late, that would cause more problems." "More?" I ask. "What happened?" He shrugs. "Ethan tried to beat Emmett this morning, to prove he deserved to be in the first place." I feel anger growing inside me. "Calm down! I stopped him once I realized what he was trying to do. Emmett took a few punches, but he's fine. Whatever you told him, made him too confuse to fight back." Confused? "He knows it wasn't worth it. Emmett's too kind." I stand for him. Four smiles. "Yeah, sure." He turns to the door, but I stop him. "Four? In phase two… I'll have to… You know, go through the same scene all over again?" Four turns to a serious look, that scares me, but his words calm me down. "Unless that's the only fear you have, no, not today." Then he shows me his tongue and winks at me, which makes me feel much better. He knows about the heights and the knives. I'll be fine in today, at least in what comes to simulations.

After taking my shower I and Maeve got to the dark hall right on time. Emmett was sitting right next to Lucas and didn't even look at me when I got there. I tried to see how much damage Ethan caused to him, but it was dark, and he wasn't looking at me… I wanted to leave and go cry somewhere where no one could see me, but instead I sat on the ground, and decided I would keep the tears inside for now – still playing Isabelle.

Most of us took less time today, though some took more time. I'm guessing today was their bad simulation day. Mine was easy – heights. I took my time to convince myself I had to jump, just like in the Choosing Ceremony day. In fact, I pretended it was just like that day – I pretended Emmett would be down there waiting for me, to catch me from the net and put his arm around my waist, showing everyone I was his. The hardest part today was to wake up, actually. I took eight minutes, and for those eight minutes I wasn't thinking about Emmett's rejection. I thought about that word after Four told me "Good job, Is" and sent the data to the Dauntless headmasters. That word crashed me, and once I crossed the door, I ran from there and found a dark place to cry. I didn't know what was going on with me, all I knew is that I wouldn't last longer without feeling Emmett's arms around me and his lips pressed against mine.

By the time I convinced myself to stand up, and face people, lunch time had passed for a couple hours, so I went to the first place I thought about – the tattoos' store. I think I was hoping to find Owen there, but instead I found Ethan. He was cleaning, so I guessed Four put him in detention. He faced me, as if he was waiting for me to make fun of him, but I didn't. All I wanted was to punch him for Emmett, but then, what for really? For someone who didn't even look at me this morning?

As I didn't say a word, Ethan felt free to make fun of me. "Thought you lost your mute mode! I have to say, even I missed it!" "Do you want extra hours?" Tori asked, when she saw he was making fun of me. He lowered his head and kept cleaning. I made my third tattoo – the Candor symbol. This time, not because I owed it, but because I learned how powerful the truth is. I decided to put it on my right arm, right next to the Erudite symbol, because I thought those two faction are sort of alike. Looking for knowledge is somehow the same as looking for the truth, and vice-versa. Besides, I hate both.

Now I'm back in some dark hall. My arm hurts from the tattoo, but I don't care. I look at the tattoos, I have an eye and scales on my right arm (I can't see the scales because of the bandage, but I know they're there), and fire on my right and stronger arm. For some weird reason, this special fire – the Dauntless symbol – doesn't remind me of my fear, it simply reminds me of the faction I chose - of home.

I'm not crying, actually, I'm trying to remember which hall is this. I think I've been here once. And I think I was in a big group. Maybe my first day, maybe this is near the jumping entrance. I don't really know, but I hear some noise that my brain doesn't process, and a lot of people pass through here. But as I'm sitting on the ground, on the middle of two blue lights, in a point that there's no light, so no one can see me.

I don't have a wrist watch, so I stand up when I think it's about dinner time – I haven't eaten today, and I think I should. I hear steps at the end of the hall, and I think about hiding again in the dark when someone calls me. "Is! There you are!" Owen is running towards me, he looks smiley, but when he looks at my expression he stops smiling. "You okay?" He asks. I strain to give him a smile, obviously failing, but I don't want to feel guilty for taking his smile back. "Yeah, I'm good." He doesn't insist. "Would you like to do something dangerous?" He says, with a tricky smile on his face. And I see why I was hoping to find Owen at the tattoo's store. "How is that even a question?" I ask, giving him a tricky smile as well. And I really mean it. Maybe I'm being stupid, but I feel like danger is the only thing capable of taking me out of my melancholic state.

The rest of the group meets us, and I see it's mostly composed by older members – including Lauren. "You coming or not? We don't have all day to wait for you, show-off." They start arguing as they walk and I follow them, not really paying attention to their fight. I'm surprise to see that we're near the train, but then I remember I heard a lot of noise before and now I see why. But what mostly surprises me is that we're going out of the Dauntless headquarters. I ask Owen why isn't Maeve with him, and he says she doesn't like to go out of the Dauntless headquarters that much. His exact words were: she's too homely.

We take a train that leads us to a part of the city I've never been. It's empty, even from factionless people, and it's mostly made from old buildings. We get in an antique garage and I smile when I see what we're driving – motorcycles.

Owen drives me to a sophisticated dark one. "This one is mine. What do you think?" I don't have time to answer because Lauren approaches to us. "I think you mean ours." She laughs, and lends me a red helmet. "Thanks." I say. "And I thought you were going on your boyfriend's bike." Owen says, mad with his sister. She turns red. "He's not my boyfriend." And then she leaves us, to join a handsome olive skinned boy.

Owen sits on his bike and then put his black helmet on. "What are you waiting for?" He asks, laughing at my expression. "Come on, I don't bite." I put my helmet on as well, and climb to the bike, putting my arms around his waist. He turns the bike on and I can almost see the smile on his face. "Hold tight." He makes a pause, so that he can be sure I'm holding tight. "Ready?" He shouts when the first bikes start to leave the garage. "Ready!" I say, and he speeds up.

I've never been on a bike before – the closest I was to a vehicle was when I went to school by bus, and it can't be compared to this. Riding a motorcycle is like flying. It goes so fast you can't really feel the road below you. I ask Owen to trade with me, and let me drive. We pull off, change places, and once I have the wheel on my hands and I speed up, I feel free. I think that's another of the reasons I chose Dauntless, there's no way I would feel such adrenaline in any of the other factions. Dauntless might be full of show-offs, but it's for sure the best of all the five factions.

At some point, it starts raining, and Owen tells me to pull off. I don't want to, but I do as he says. "Let's wait for the rain to pass, or at least become less strong." I nod, not really understanding the point. We're getting all wheat from the rain, when we could be driving back to the garage. "It's funny you know? This is the first time we're really alone, just the two of us." I look at him, but don't say word, wondering where this conversation is leading us. He laughs, but like a nervous laugh. "There's something I always wanted to do." And then he moves closer to kiss me. I know he's going to kiss me, and I don't stop him. I think I'm expecting to feel what I felt when Emmett kissed me. And when Owen presses his lips against mine, and I press mine against his, all I'm thinking is: How romantic, a kiss in the rain.

Eventually I pull back, because it's not right. I know I did wrong, for even letting him, but I wished for having strong arms around me, and soft lips pressed against mine all day. But these aren't soft lips – not for me – and even though his arms are strong, they're not the type of holding tight but shyly arms, like Emmett's. He looks down, but then he faces me again, with a smile. "At least, I tried." He says. He's not mad, or anything. "I'm sorry." I say, and I really mean it, because what is there not to like in Owen? But I don't. Maybe there's something wrong with me, I don't know. He keeps smiling, and cares me in the cheek. "It's okay, Is. You love Emmett. I just thought, you know, you two never showed signs of being dating, even though you love each other, and I thought that maybe you just didn't want to ruin such a strong friendship." He pauses, and I think about his words. You love each other. And all I want to now is come back home and tell that to Emmett. We love each other, we do. And we should be together. "Or… you know, you could just pretend you like me, and make me happy." Owen says, waking me up. I laugh and softly push him. "Let's just get in the bike Owen."

We spent the whole night out, and it's almost time to "phase two" when we get to the Dauntless headquarters. I run to the dorms to get dry clothes, change, and then run to the dining hall to get something to eat. I take a muffin and walk as fast as can towards the simulation room, as I eat my muffin. Owen meets me in the way there, with two muffins on one hand, and a third one half eaten. I roll my eyes to him – "boys".

Of course the first person I look for when I get to the dark corridor is Emmett, but he's coming in the simulation room when I get there. He stops when he sees me, but then he looks at Owen and goes inside. I sigh. Why does it always have to be so complicated to show what we really feel?

I strain to be calm and patient as I wait for my turn, but thinking that I'm losing my time, just to go through fifteen minutes of pure panic makes everything harder. Somehow I manage to wait three hours without trying to crash the door. Today's simulation only takes two and half minutes. I'm more concerned with facing Emmett that the whole simulation looks like bad cartoons to me. Of course Four gives me a silent sermon saying that being too fast is a sign of Divergence. But I don't really care; I just say Emmett's name, he rolls his eyes and I leave the room.

Once I'm out I start to panic. What now? It's like I know exactly what to do, but thinking about actually doing it… Well, I'm not sure if I can do it. I take a deep breath and walk towards the dining hall. It's lunch time, so it's what I'm supposed to do, right? I find Maeve there, sitting on an empty table. She looks lonely, so I take my tray and some food and sit with her – Emmett is not there yet. I feel nervous by having my back turned to the door – now if Emmett comes in, I won't see him -, but I don't say a word. Maeve smiles. "So, did you like riding?" I smile too. "It was awesome!" We don't have time to say more as Owen show up behind me and hugs me from behind, pulling me back to the ground, but never letting me fall.

"Owen!" I say, feeling sort of uncomfortable for having him touching me like that after yesterday, but I know it was just a joke. Probably, if Maeve was in my place and I was on hers, she would have been the victim. "Don't ever do that again!" He laughs, along with Maeve. "Wow. You really made her mad!" Maeve says, laughing. "Oh, that's not what she's mad about. It was just one kiss, Is!" Maeve opens her mouth, ready to some gossip. "Wait, what?" But I don't join them. Emmett places his full tray on an empty table – with too much strength, causing a huge noise – and leaves the hall, nearly running. Damn, he heard Owen.

I stand up immediately, and run after him. Luckily I can see him at the end of the dark hall. "Emmett, wait! It's not what you think." I'm not running, but I'm still walking towards him. "It's not? Let me see, what I'm thinking is, you kissed me, the next day you kiss Owen. Who are you going to kiss today, Four?" I freeze, and I feel tears in my eyes. But I hold them inside for a few more seconds, until I can't do it anymore. "Is that- Is that what you really think of me?" I'm losing my strength like when I passed out, but I'm pretty sure I won't pass out now. I'm just breaking apart. I heard stories of what love can do to a person, but I never thought it would be like this. I hear steps, or maybe I'm just imagining them – I can't see anything with the tears in my eyes. But, no, I didn't imagine it. I feel Emmett's arms in around me, and I pull him closer, leaning against his chest. Now I see: the love stories are real. No matter how many times someone you love hurts you; you'll still want them by your side.

He pulls me closer to him too. "Shh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." And he just keeps on saying I'm sorry until I calm down. I try not to think of his words, and I wonder how we look for someone that passes through the dark corridor. I'm sitting on the ground with Emmett arms and legs around me, and crying against his chest. And now I remember when was the last time I saw Owen's "I can't believe it" expression. It was that time I was crying on Emmett's arms, when Eric threw a knife at me. Emmett said something like "you took your time too… you know" and now I see what Emmett thought, and I feel embarrassed for it. He thought I'd been with Emmett, together… in an intimate way.

"I was stupid." Emmett wakes me up. "I'm sorry. I've been acting stupid. It's just that, while I watched you sleep that night, I thought- I though you only kissed me because you were feeling down. It's stupid, I'm sorry. I don't know how I could even think that. But today I realized you would never do that, until…" "Until you heard Owen saying what he said." He nods. "I'm sorry." I shake my head. "Don't be. I let him kiss me. Maybe I'm exactly what you think." My eyes are locked on a blue light, in the opposite side of the hall. He puts his fingers under my chin, and makes me look up to him. "You're not." And then he presses his lips against mine, and I can finally say I'm okay.

More than that, I am happy. I know dating Emmett is dangerous, both for me and for him. We're Divergent and we're inconstant because of our skill possession. But when I chose Dauntless that's what I was applying for, wasn't it? For danger. Getting into a relationship at this age is something I never thought I would do, and I don't know how to do it. And maybe it's not just one, so far I have experienced so many and different types of relationships, some good and some bad. But I've been managing to keep things right at the end of the day. And well, I'm Dauntless, dating Emmett is just another challenge. A challenge I want to never end, and the best challenge I'll ever take.

And now, looking back, maybe I do belong here.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews and PM's from the last chapter :') And here is the next one! Some reviews would be great!

Best, Is.