A/N: It's official! I suck. I kept telling myself to finish this fic ASAP, but in the end, I wanted to crush Itachi's resolve like...really badly. Because, let's be honest, he said 'no' to Sasuke for twelve years, he wouldn't give in just like that. I couldn't be happy with this story unless I did it right. Besides...I've become pretty attached. I can't believe this story is coming to and end.
BUT, fear not! The next one WILL be the last one. How do I know this? Because it's almost finished. I'll update in the next few days, if work doesn't get in the way, yes? Until then, I hope you guys enjoy this part ;)
Still un-beta'd.
Don't forget to review! Constructive criticism is always appreciated ;)
Unmei no Koe
Part III
If Itachi were to be honest with himself, the last thing he wanted after having heard the news from his brother about his night out with Naruto, was to have said clear eyed person calling him as well to ask if he could come over with breakfast. Not wanting to be the kind of person who unreasonably held grudges and resentments, he did the most mature thing he could think of – he agreed.
It wasn't his place to feel betrayed or lonely. It wasn't his place to feel jealous, or angry, or heartbroken, because it was all his fault to begin with. Still, he considered that he had the right to feel upset and resentful; a little bit regretful, too.
During an hour and a half after the phone call, he had fought an intense battle within himself as he automatically went about his morning business. Naruto was on his way home, to take a shower, and would then would stop by somewhere to get some food for them, which meant that Itachi had enough time to settle things with himself until his assistant arrived. He needed a cool head for this.
The situation might've been unpredictable at first glance, but he should've seen it coming, considering how Naruto and Sasuke were so different from each other but had similar traits that made them almost equal – albeit in a weird way – before each other and in Itachi's heart. Both were stubborn, fought avidly to achieve their goals, both had strong, dependable personalities, and both held a fire within them that could never be extinguished. They showed these traits in different ways, and that was what had attracted them to each other.
He knew he was over reacting. A kiss could mean just that – a kiss. Naruto wanted something serious, and Sasuke might or might not be up for it in spite of Itachi's incentive, and then, who knew what could happen? Naruto might just find someone else he felt attracted to. It made no difference.
Something inside of Itachi told him that Naruto would be good for Sasuke. If Naruto were the one who claimed Sasuke for himself, Itachi knew for sure that his little brother would be in good hands, and it made him…very jealous in a way that led him to feel very stupid, because he didn't know exactly towards whom his jealousy was being directed. He felt envious that someone else would take care of Sasuke for him, but at the same time, he felt jealous because Naruto – someone who, supposedly, was in love with him – had ended up being snatched away by his little brother. In the end, it came down to Itachi regretting having lost the two people dearest to him to one another.
But then…that wasn't entirely right, either, because he thought they were good for each other. Thinking about them together made his chest constrict in pain and his pants tighten in a very violent, twisted form of lust he had no idea he had possessed. He had ended up wanting both his brother and Naruto at the same time at some point. If he had dated Naruto, he could've forgotten all about Sasuke…or not. Maybe he'd still want him, no matter what happened or who he dated. Being with someone else didn't turn him into a better person, nor helped atone for the sin of loving his brother more than what was healthy and allowed by Mother Nature.
But would he have been able to forget Naruto, even if something did happen between himself and Sasuke? Would he have been able to forget the loud, cheery man now that he had carved Itachi's very soul with his radiant presence?
It was all questions he had no answer for, and probably would never have. Wanting Sasuke; wanting Naruto; none of that mattered. Being with either of them – being with anyone else – would only turn him into a much bigger hypocrite, a much bigger sinner. He understood that now.
He didn't love easily in spite of having an affinity with this or that person. That kind of heartfelt connection, that deadly empathy, need, genuine necessity of being around someone; that desire to keep them close and never let go…He'd only felt that way with Sasuke, and now, Naruto.
He had fallen hopelessly, and he knew, now, that he wouldn't feel that way for just anyone – probably ever again.
There was no escaping his fate, no escaping his own demons, and now, he was sure, he would never be able to escape the impending loneliness awaiting him. Because there was no way he could manage to stick to his ideals and still have what he wanted.
By the time Naruto arrived, Itachi was feeling a lot calmer, but still unappeased. He still felt the sadness, the longing, the loss, but he'd have to cope with it. After all, he had managed to coexist with his brother without touching him, and this was no different. The only difference was that now he was running away from two people instead of just one.
Naruto sounded sober and lively, as per usual, as he entered Itachi's apartment and unceremoniously made himself at home by going to the kitchen to get breakfast ready. His aura was one of joviality and satisfaction, in a matter of seconds managing to lighten the weight that seemed to press Itachi's shoulders down. It was as if nothing had changed at all.
There was no mistaking it – he was in love with the younger man. How utterly cliché.
While he was cooking, Naruto babbled on and on about his date with Sasuke, things the writer listened to out of morbid curiosity as he smoked his cigarettes while sitting at the table, eyes staring vaguely at some point in front of him he couldn't see, even though he knew there was an empty wall there. As he listened, he felt simultaneously hollow and envious, if not a little mad, because, in the end, Naruto had claimed to have feelings for him and yet was all excited about the younger Uchiha. Was Naruto some kind of pervert? But who was Itachi to speak when he was gay, in love with his brother, and now infatuated with two people at the same time?
The lowest of the low.
He felt horribly tired, not from the lack of sleep, but from the emotional and psychological exhaustion he had put himself through.
"Don't you sleep?" Itachi asked with a sigh, rubbing his forehead as the beginning of headache made his skull throb. The air smelled of cigarettes and fried food – he could detect the scent of eggs, some vegetables and rice.
"What, aren't I supposed to work today?" Naruto inquired good-humoredly, followed by the sound of cabinets opening and the clanking of ceramic bowls.
"I was already thinking about giving you a day off." Itachi replied dryly.
"No way, I wouldn't accept that. It's my fault I didn't sleep," The younger one said dismissively. "Besides, I feel pretty invigorated today."
In spite of himself, Itachi actually rolled his eyes lightly. "I bet you do."
Naruto laughed.
"So, Sasuke told you about what happened?" he inquired casually, setting a bowl in front of Itachi, the scent of its contents invading the blind man's senses. Naruto was a good cook, and usually he did enjoy eating his food.
"Yes, he did." Itachi replied, as the chair on his right was dragged backwards and then forwards after Naruto had sat down.
"Aw, you're mad," his assistant pointed out perceptively. Itachi shrugged, picking up the chopsticks that were resting beside the bowl and adjusting them on the fingers of his right hand.
When he spoke, his voice sounded nonchalant. "Why would I be mad?"
Naruto hummed, the noise he was making indicating that he was playing with the food in his own bowl.
"Because I said I'd wait for you and then I went and kissed your brother?"
The Uchiha turned his head to Naruto's direction.
"You kissed him?"
"Yeah," the other said, followed by a movement that Itachi associated with a shrug. "I dunno, maybe? I don't know who started it, it was all pretty sudden." He placed his hand over Itachi's wrist. "Itachi, I still like you."
The older man had the sudden urge to both slap the hand away, or to touch it with his own, and yet, he did neither or those things, choosing to ignore the gesture altogether – it was upsetting for him to realize that he felt resented, but also a bit turned on by the thought of Naruto and Sasuke making out. For some reason, Naruto talking about it made it all the more exciting.
The disgust he felt towards himself seemed endless.
"And yet you told Sasuke you wanted something serious and didn't want to have sex with him," he ended up saying, looking for big chunks of whatever food Naruto had put in that bowl with the tips of his chopsticks.
Naruto was already eating, his hand still on his wrist.
"Trust me, I did, and I do want to have sex with him," the emphatic way he said it did nothing to calm down Itachi's nerves and arousal at the mental imagine.
For the first time in years, Itachi groaned. It wasn't a loud, guttural sound, but a low, angered and frustrated one.
"Are you seriously telling me this?"
"He looks like someone who'd fuck me and then never talk to me again, and I don't want that," Naruto explained, as he proceeded eating, his fingers caressing Itachi's wrist slowly, gently.
"For the first time since we've met, I don't get you at all." Itachi said.
"What don't you get?"
Itachi stared at the place where Naruto was, blinking as he made an effort to understand what was going on. He felt so utterly…
He wasn't feeling like himself at all, his thoughts were all over the place. He had figured things out already, but now that Naruto was there, touching him in that casual and familiar way, he didn't know where the hell his initial resolve had gone to.
Was Naruto serious about Sasuke, or was it something else?
Get yourself together…
"Listen," Itachi said, mentaly patting himself on the back for keeping his voice cool and firm. "I don't care about what you and Sasuke do, I just don't want you using him as a replacement for me."
Naruto made a sound as if he had just prevented himself from spitting out his food before Itachi felt his intense gaze on him.
"Ah, man, I never pegged you for a conceited kind of guy!" he exclaimed, chewing and then swallowing his food. "You got it wrong. I do still have feelings for you, but I like him, too. He's a bastard, but we click in just the right things. I mean, we clicked…hard. And I'm sure he knows it. I want to know him better, I really do."
Itachi bit his lip, unsure of how that made him feel, but knowing he felt jealous thathis Naruto felt that way towards Sasuke, and jealous because Sasuke was receiving that kind of attention from someone that wasn't him.
He shook Naruto's hand off his wrist and set the chopsticks down, his food untouched. In silence, he felt the surface of the table in search for his cigarettes and lighter.
"Hey, what do you want me to do, Itachi?" Naruto inquired with renewed softness, sliding the pack towards Itachi's grasp. "You still have a chance with me, you know? But that click with Sasuke isn't just something I can ignore now that it's here. If I could have you both, I..."
"Stop it," Itachi snapped icily, causing Naruto to flinch as he easily fished a cigarette and lit it.
"Itachi..."
"I can't do it, I already told you that," the writer hissed, slamming the lighter down on the table. "Sasuke must...if you like him then go for it. You both are precious to me, so nothing would make me happier than to see you fulfilled. That's all I want. End of story."
"You're a lousy liar," Naruto mumbled, after a short pause. "That's not what you want at all."
"You don't know what I want," Itachi snarled. "If I could just have what I want, my life would be a lot easier."
"Why can't you have it?" Naruto asked, sounding hurt, mad and confused at his tone. "What's stopping you? That I want a relationship? I can be your fuck buddy,and Sasuke's fuck buddy. That way, there are no strings attached and I won't be betraying either of you. Sex is sex, and without ties, I can fuck whomever I want. If that's what it takes for me to have you both, then fine, I'll do it."
Hearing those words, Itachi felt his anger being gently blown away to be replaced by complacence as he realized that Naruto was just as confused and overwhelmed as Sasuke and Itachi themselves were - he had been caught up in that emotional trap, too.
Itachi bit his lip, closing his eyes.
How could he blame anyone, really? No one was immune to feeling attraction towards someone unexpected.
After a moan, Itachi sighed. "That's not who you are, Naruto."
"Then what do you want me to do?" Naruto snapped. "You refuse me, and still you look angry and hurt and I…I don't want to hurt you. I never did."
Of course Naruto wouldn't understand. How could he? He didn't know about his love for Sasuke, didn't know that things weren't that simple for him. He didn't understand that Itachi's love for Naruto would never be greater than his devotion towards who he really was – the person whose voice had called out to him and charged his life with light. He could never allow Naruto to betray himself for the sake of his whims.
"If you're serious about him, just don't hurt him," Itachi said, dispassionately, opening his eyes to focus once more on the spot where his assistant was. "I won't forgive you."
Naruto made a frustrated sound between clenched teeth.
"Tsk. Are you sure you're saying that to the right person?" he mumbled accusingly. "I would never hurt him. All I want is for him to be happy. For you to be happy. I…know that you both need that happiness, I can feel it. I just…don't know how to make it all work so that it's possible."
Itachi didn't blink. That young man was too perceptive for his own good. To understand that about Itachi was one thing, but to have seen it in Sasuke as well…whatever it was, that wonderful, stubborn and surreal creature had forged quite the strong bond with both him and Sasuke. What kind of twisted prank was fate pulling, causing three people to feel that way towards each other?
In the back of Itachi's mind, fascination for the absurdity of it all shone brighter than any rational thought. For one fleeting moment, he wondered what it would be like for the three of them to venture into that unknown, forbidden path. Would they even work? Wouldn't jealousy and possessiveness be more powerful than love? Naruto couldn't split his attention and be with two people at the same time. Besides, it wasn't just about Naruto, but about Sasuke, too. There would always be Sasuke between them, just like Itachi would always be there between Naruto and Sasuke.
No, there was no way that something like that was possible.
"We can't have everything we want, Naruto," Itachi ended up saying, feeling his features relax in fatigue. "If you want to make me happy, then make him happy. That's all I need. He might be a hard stone to crack, but he'll be everything you want and more once you get under his skin."
Naruto was silent for a while. Itachi could hear him inhaling and exhaling sharply, his eyes staring daggers at his unseeing ones.
He eventually let out a long, heavy breath. "You don't have to tell me he's worth it, I already knew that. After all, he's your precious person, isn't he?"
There was no hidden meaning in his words, so Itachi didn't bother to answer. Naruto was also his precious person, but saying so out loud would only serve to hurt Naruto more.
Naruto snatched the cigarette from Itachi's fingers and smashed it on the nearest ashtray he could find.
"I went through the trouble of cooking for you, the least you could do is not make yourself sick and eat it," he said, firmly but not in an aggressive way. "Come on, we still have a working day ahead of us."
Itachi still didn't feel like eating. In fact, he didn't feel like working at all, which was saying a lot considering he was always up for writing, even when he was feeling down. More than that, he didn't feel like spending the whole day with Naruto, not because he was mad – that had vanished to leave space for yet more emptiness inside his heart – but because he needed time to come to terms with himself.
Nevertheless, his pride didn't allow him to curl up and mope, so he all but nodded, slowly, and picked up his chopsticks, willing the food he was about to ingest to give him enough strength to go through that long day without any more emotional bruises.
oOo
Naruto and Sasuke's relationship didn't progress as quickly as Itachi had expected. He was aware that they saw each other every day, but he guessed that they might have needed time to find the balance needed between them for something more to happen. They complained loudly about each other to Itachi – who, once more, posed as a confident for both of them – but the affectionate undertone he could identify coming from both was undeniable, and it made him happy in a sour way. Naruto was warming his way to Sasuke's heart, showing him that friendship and trust was something important between two people who wanted to become intimate.
Sasuke was having a hard time accommodating to this new colorful friendship with him, even though he admitted he enjoyed spending time with the loud idiot. It wasn't like Itachi's younger brother had many friends, since he was far more reserved than Itachi ever was in spite of having people following him around, admiring him, wanting to be friends with him. But he wasn't someone particularly fond of the human race in general – he got bored of people easily. Most of his 'friends' were people he kept by his side only because they were connections that might be useful to him in some way. Considering this, it was obvious that this whole bonding thing was an awkward experience for the young Uchiha.
Even if there wasn't sex between them, Sasuke's and Naruto's tales of their dates indicated that they did kiss – heatedly so – and did other things associated with the whole making out process, which might've helped the attraction to grow.
Only a few weeks after they had first kissed did Naruto tell Itachi that he was going to suggest to Sasuke that they become a real couple. Sasuke took a few days to consider, panic and excitement making him hesitate. He had never been genuinely infatuated with another person besides Itachi. He had always been independent, and sex was something easy for him to obtain in times of need with no strings attached and no feelings of remorse. But if he started something serious with Naruto, that would mean that his current, conflicting feelings for the other would be involved in the upcoming sex, which meant…emotional sex. He had no idea what it was like and how vulnerable that'd make him in Naruto's eyes, and he didn't want to be seen that way. Giving more than his body to someone else seemed like such a big deal in his mind, but Itachi could understand him. Like Sasuke, he didn't know what it felt like to fuck someone out of love, but he did know that simply thinking about fucking either Naruto or Sasuke gave him a rush like nothing else before.
Even so, if there was someone Itachi trusted was Naruto, and he knew the young man would know what to do, how to act to reassure Sasuke that things would be fine, and that's exactly what he said to his brother to help him make up his mind. In the end, Sasuke gave in, and Naruto's happiness was evident. They had grown to care for each other for reasons that went beyond their mutual connection to Itachi, and for that, the writer was glad. He was sure they'd manage to make it work just fine. After all, their chemistry was a strong, powerful thing. Every time he was (un)fortunate enough to be in the same place as the two of them, he could swear the air became so thick that it was as if they were surrounded by electricity. It was intoxicating for the writer as well, who wanted nothing more than to be caught up in that mesmerizing wave of want, and yet, he kept his cool, detached appearance as if he felt nothing of the obvious, afraid that he might lose himself in that impending turmoil of lust. It was horrifying how much they pulled him in just by being together.
Itachi was sure that he had made the right choice in letting go of Naruto so that Sasuke could be happy. It had always been about Sasuke, about his safety, about what was best for him, and about his happiness.
For Sasuke, he'd endure everything. There might be pain, but never regret. And Itachi was focused on never looking back.
oOo
"So, you have this TV show in a few days," Naruto was saying, pacing in front of Itachi's desk as he browsed through his agenda. "They're going to e-mail me the questions they're going to ask you, so I think we'll have time to study what is and isn't wise to tell them."
"We should contact Kisame," Itachi said with a thoughtful nod. "He always knows how to deal with these kinds of interviews."
"Sure thing," Naruto agreed, and Itachi heard him scribble down something on the agenda with a pen. "Hopefully it'll last less than twenty minutes, since it's a talk show."
"I honestly hate TV shows," Itachi admitted, running a hand over his tied hair. "It hard to pretend that I'm able to see."
Not everyone knew Itachi was blind. Most people didn't really notice it, and even though he didn't hide the fact from the media, it wasn't like he had any intention of making it public. He was a writer, not some movie star.
Naruto stopped his pacing to look at him. "It's not hard at all. I can assure you, when you look at me, you always stare at my eyes, just like now. If I didn't know better, I'd say you could see me."
"Unfortunately, I can't," Itachi said, with a small smile. "But I do see you in a different way. I don't feel like I'm missing out at all."
Naruto's mouth made a weird sound, giving away the fact that it was currently hanging open, and Itachi could bet that Naruto was blushing, even though there was no hidden meaning behind his words.
Naruto was going to say something when the door of the office swung open violently, slamming dramatically against the wall and startling both occupants. The air conditioner was working, and that combined with the air draft coming from outside brought a familiar scent to Itachi's nose – Sasuke's expensive cologne. For a moment, his heart skipped a pleasant beat. He had always loved the way Sasuke smelled.
"What the fuck is taking you so long?" the younger Uchiha hissed from the threshold, the question directed at Naruto. "It's seven in the afternoon; didn't you get off at six?"
"Hello to you, too," Itachi greeted, bemused. "Glad to know you're in a good mood."
He felt his brother turn to him sharply. "I've been waiting for this dumbass for a whole hour, Itachi!"
"I texted you!" Naruto exclaimed. "I told you we had to go through his agenda before the weekend because the next couple of weeks are going to be a complete chaos!"
"I didn't get any text messages from you," Sasuke hissed. "Now hurry the fuck up, we still have to drop by Obito's."
"It's fine, Naruto," Itachi interrupted, sensing his assistant's upcoming outburst. "We have basically everything covered, so don't worry."
"But…"
"We can go through it again on Monday morning," Itachi insisted calmly, aligning the sheaf of papers in front of him elegantly. "Now get out of here before Sasuke burns my office down with his evil glare."
Naruto chuckled and started to hurriedly clean up the office of the usual mess of papers and technological devices.
"Aha, very funny," Sasuke muttered, in a bad mood. "You need a ride?"
"My place is in the opposite direction of Obito's," Itachi said. "Now that I think about it, has something happened? It's been a while since you've last visited him."
"I'm borrowing his house in Kyoto for the weekend," Sasuke explained plainly. "I still have to get the keys, though. We can still drop you off if you want."
"That will just delay your journey," Itachi dismissed easily. "Don't worry about me and go have fun."
"Suit yourself, then," Sasuke said, with light shrug, turning to Naruto. "I'll be waiting downstairs, so don't keep me waiting."
"Yeah, yeah, you're so moody all the time," Naruto said, but with evident affection in his tone. "And you didn't greet me at all, asshole, so get your ass over here."
Sasuke made an annoyed clacking sound with his tongue, but still took a few steps towards his boyfriend. Itachi heard them peck once, then Naruto giggled a bit, and then the second peck arrived. After that, the distinct sound of mouths joining and sliding over each other filled his ears, followed but the meeting of tongues in little slurping, wet noises.
The kiss had quickly escalated from innocent to intense, and through it, Itachi pretended to ignore them while he now re-aligned the sheaf of papers and rearranged things on his desk. But it was impossible to ignore just how erotic his body thought the act taking place in front of him was. He couldn't see it, but his accurate earing told him exactly the moment when Sasuke nipped at Naruto's lower lip, or when Naruto's hands moved to grab hold of his ass firmly.
The exchange only lasted for a few seconds, but to Itachi, it felt like a long unworldly experience that made his body feel like it was on fire.
The two drew apart with a light suckling smack before Sasuke cleared his throat, said "Bye, Itachi" and left, closing the door behind him with as much force as he had used to open it.
Naruto kept doing whatever it was that he was still doing – Itachi didn't really care since he was too focused on forcing himself to look collected and unshaken.
Once he considered that his hard on wasn't embarrassingly visible anymore, he got up, intent on getting ready to leave, as well. By the sound of it, Naruto was putting on his jacket, and just as Itachi was going to walk around his desk to go grab his own jacket from the coat hanger nearby, he felt the sudden overpowering presence of the clear eyed young man in front of him, and the next thing he knew, hands were fisting the collar of his sweater and a mouth was being pressed against his with such intensity it was painfully breathtaking.
Naruto didn't waste time with courtesies such as allowing Itachi to recover from the shock; he didn't feel like letting either of them adapt to the unknown territory of each other's mouths either, instead, literally forcing Itachi's lips apart with the persistence of his own and unceremoniously shoving his tongue inside. The older man barely managed to gasp in confusion – he couldn't really manage to wrap his mind around the fact that he was being kissed by Naruto and that said kiss was not exactly far from what he had envisioned in his fantasies.
Romantic though as he might seem, Naruto was also an impulsive person, much like Sasuke himself, so more than being thoughtful of tactful, he acted on instinct alone, and that's exactly what he was doing now. There was nothing sensual about it, nothing that resembled practiced experience, and yet, there was such passion, such a strong demanding in that kiss that Itachi couldn't think beyond how utterly insane and dramatically good those lips felt, even as his hands cutched the fabric on Naruto's shoulders with the failed intention of pushing him away. His kiss was a faithful portrait of his personality. Naruto tasted of the minty candy he had been sucking on earlier, a pleasant, refreshing flavor Itachi was instantly drawn to. Itachi's whole existence shivered in pleasure. What made him lose whatever control he had possessed, though, was that other flavor lingering on that silky tongue, a flavor he could identify even after all those years – Sasuke's flavor.
Sasuke's taste on Naruto's mouth, his essence mixed with Naruto's but recognizable. Another surprised, undignified gasp left Itachi's lungs and he moaned, sounding desperate and pathetic even to himself.
Maybe it was the ideology of it all, maybe it was his lust filled brain, or maybe he just needed to indulge just once and forget that he didn't belong there, that that scene didn't belong to him. Whatever it was, he wanted it all because it felt amazing, and truth was, his arms surrounded the younger and slightly shorter man's neck and urgently kissed back, lips relaxing and parting to welcome Naruto's, his own tongue darting out to seek Naruto's hungrily, searching for more of Sasuke there, in middle of the raging frenzy of Naruto's own pace. It felt too good. He wanted more – wanted them. His muses, the beautiful monsters that had stolen his soul and were now the center of his dreams and most vivid fantasies.
He felt such a strong surge of longing…
But it ended far too soon. Naruto pulled away abruptly, gasping for air and swallowing hard as Itachi tried not to grunt like a beast in heat at the lack of contact.
"Holy shit…" was all Naruto said in between short, quick breaths.
They stood there, panting, bodies too close for comfort. The seconds went by as bliss turned into realization and the writer came to his senses and truly comprehended that he had just torn down his own barriers and crossed his own imaginary lines to not only respond to his brother's boyfriend's kiss, but to also allow himself to give in on his need to taste Sasuke again.
Naruto seemed to calm down considerably, while Itachi was still shaking.
For the first time in a long time, he felt so hopelessly vulnerable he felt ashamed of himself. He should have pushed Naruto away, shouldn't have allowed himself to indulge. He had opened the gates of his own personal hell.
"Why did you do this?" he asked in whisper, afraid that his voice might crack, too amazed and horrified to feel angry. He couldn't even find the right strength to move.
He felt Naruto releasing the fabric of his sweater before licking his lips and sighing, his hands moving to Itachi's arms, carefully removing them from around his neck.
"You think you're such a good actor, but I can tell you've been feeling really down lately," he said simply, grabbing Itachi's wrists gently. "You looked so lonely when Sasuke and I were kissing. I thought I might cheer you up a bit, and let you know just how amazing he tastes."
Itachi couldn't really reply to something like that. Realizing just how obvious he was made him feel sick. Knowing he was transmitting that weakness to Naruto – and probably Sasuke – felt like a violent slap in the face, when all he wanted was for them to be happy together and not worry about him.
Panic clawed at his chest. Did Naruto know about him and Sasuke, or was he just taking guesses to see if he figured out what really was upsetting him?
Whatever it was, what were Naruto's intentions in doing, and saying, such things to him? What was he trying to prove, to accomplish?
Things weren't going as planned at all. Was Itachi ruining everything he had been struggling to build? Was he burying himself in an even deeper hole?
"You…are with Sasuke." Itachi said, regaining some semblance of control and taking a step backwards, his lower back colliding with his desk as Naruto let go of his wrists.
"Yes, I am." the other agreed, the sound of clothing letting Itachi know he was fixing his jacket.
Itachi swallowed hard. "Don't hurt him."
He could swear he heard Naruto's eyebrows rise before letting out a dry cackle.
"This may sound weird to you, Itachi, but I love him," Naruto said bluntly, sounding lightly offended, and Itachi was sure he was frowning at him. "We may not know each other that long, but in our own way, we understand each other perfectly. I thought I had that kind of connection with you as well, but apparently you don't want to acknowledge it." Itachi bit his lip, something sharp stinging his heart. "I kissed you because I love you, too, and it breaks my heart to see you like this. But since it means so much to the both of us, I want you to know that I have decided to do whatever it takes to make Sasuke happy. I mean it, too."
Itachi all but nodded, unsure of what to do with himself and the things being thrown in his face. "I know you do."
"Good," Naruto said. "I'm leaving. Will you be alright?"
"Yes," the lie came out easily, but unforgivingly dishonest.
"Okay," Naruto mumbled, clearly not buying it. "See you on Monday, then."
Without saying a word, Itachi listened to Naruto gathering the rest of his things and then leaving.
The sudden silence was deafening, but not as deafening and the immense, endless void residing inside him.
oOo
Itachi had been writing a lot of porn recently. Not ordinary plots with a few love-making scenes here and there, but real sex driven stories, sometimes with homosexual pairings, other times with heterosexual pairings, and sometimes – when he was feeling particularly decadent – he'd write threesomes, foursomes or even orgies. Naruto made fun of him all the time, saying that he needed to get laid badly, but that he might really become even more popular now that he was so focused on being so 'openly and brilliantly depraved'. You're awakening your inner Marquis de Sade, he would say.
Itachi didn't bother to correct Naruto's assumption on the getting laid part, because it was painfully true, especially after that particular incident. He had the strangest feeling that his assistant liked to torture him, if the number of times he offered innuendos about his sexual activities with Sasuke was any indication.
Life hadn't changed all that much, thankfully, and the routine was the same as always. Sasuke still visited him at his apartment – sometimes accompanied by Naruto –, just like Itachi still visited his brother, even if not as frequently because he was afraid he might stumble upon something awkward, since Naruto had gained the habit of sleeping over at Sasuke's. Nothing had changed apart from the fact that Itachi's heart, mind, body and soul were all a mess.
Even though Itachi didn't want to show his weak side, he avoided those two as much as he could. Saying he couldn't work two jobs and still have time for Sasuke and his general social life, Naruto had quit his job at the restaurant, asking him if he could work more hours, but Itachi had offered him a raise without demanding more work from him. Money wasn't the issue, and Naruto already did more than enough. Besides, it made him happy that he wanted to dedicate more time to his brother.
In spite of everything, Itachi had the feeling that fate was out to get him. Of course, 'fate' was just a poetic word to describe Sasuke's own personal and very devilish interference. He didn't know if his brother was aware of Naruto kissing him or not. He didn't know how much Sasuke's and Naruto's claimed feelings for him affected their relationship as a couple. It wasn't like Itachi had expected for them to forget about him altogether, but he had intended for them to be together and belong to each other without their attachment to him to bind them.
On a Saturday night, his little brother had called him. Itachi had been in bed already, the fact that he was constantly on edge not allowing him to sleep, his fingers traveling over the protrusions on the pages of a book when the phone rang with the familiar ringtone. He picked it up with automatic ease even though he wasn't particularly keen on talking to him, and offered the usual greet, meeting nothing but a small background noise. He called out Sasuke's name in confusion, only to be greeted back by a low, pleasurable moan followed by a grunt. The next thing he knew, he was being witness to the distinct sound of lips crashing and moving noisily against each other, tongues clashing wetly.
It didn't take Itachi much to know what Sasuke was doing and what was happening. He could hear the shuffling of clothes being removed and Naruto's urgent pleas. He could hear Sasuke's naturally husky voice humming his approval, distinctly low in the haze of lust.
For a few moments, Itachi was immobile, clutching the phone in his slightly shaky hand, his heart beating violently in his chest as his body reacted quickly to the sounds provided. His mind worked fast but clumsily, a part of him furious at Sasuke's nerve, screaming at him to hang up the phone call at once, but another part of him desperately wanting to hold on to the chance.
Itachi had closed his eyes, inhaling sharply and noiselessly. The powerful surge of emotions made him feel like he wanted to die. Wave after wave of lust ran thought his blood as he listened to them.
For a fleeting moment, he had wondered if Sasuke was conscious of what he was doing to him, of how much he was forcing Itachi to break.
He didn't know how much more he could take from those two. His resolve had been shattered, over and over again over the past few weeks and it was becoming increasingly harder to look the other way and betray his own feelings.
Even if he wasn't there with them, he wished to take part in what was happening, wanted to listen to their voices, to be there, somehow. He didn't know if Naruto had any idea of Sasuke's evil scheme, but it didn't really matter because just knowing that Sasuke himself knew Itachi was listening was probably the hugest turn on of his life.
It probably was a huge turn on for Sasuke, too, and knowing that he could provide such a rush was reason enough for Itachi to ignore the tiny voice in his head that screamed that it was a bad idea and that he should walk away.
But Itachi was tired of being played, tired of knowing he was wanted and still feeling lonely, even if that was the path he had built for himself. He couldn't have them, but he could have a bit of them, and even if just for a moment, he wanted to take as much as he could get.
Itachi had set the book aside and made himself comfortable on the bed. He could hear Sasuke chuckling around a mouthful of something and Naruto panting in urgent demands between curses. Sometimes their words were incomprehensible, but they weren't necessary for Itachi to imagine exactly what they were doing based on the noises they made. He could picture it all clearly – Sasuke's head between Naruto's legs, that would spread further open as the pleasure increased, fingers gripping firmly locks of ebony hair; Sasuke moving away slightly, offering a few words of teasing to reply to Naruto's protest as he languidly brought two fingers to his mouth and licked them. Naruto's impatient growl as said fingers pressed into him deep.
Mouths meeting and devouring each other with a hunger that seemed insatiable. Sasuke's hiss as Naruto stroked him, urging him on.
When Naruto moaned an angry and needy "Holy shit, just fuck me already, Sasuke!" Itachi couldn't control the burning heat running through his body anymore. Something inside of him snapped with the overwhelming need to give in to his most animalistic instincts as, all of a sudden, the memory of Naruto's Sasuke-flavored kiss assaulted him.
Before he could stop himself, he was clinging to every word, every sound, every moan, and every pant coming from his two precious people. With his teeth sunk in his lower lip and his right hand around his painfully erect cock, he listened to his brother fucking Naruto like there was no tomorrow. It had helped him reach the best orgasm he had had so far.
When he came to his senses, he didn't know if he should fall in love with Sasuke all over again or hate him like he'd never hated anyone before. Still, in the next few weeks, every time the younger Uchiha called so Itachi could listen to them fuck each other senseless, it was impossible to ignore the need burning in him, so he indulged, losing himself a little more because he had nothing else to quell the lust and love that threatened to consume everything he was.
Sasuke didn't talk about these things with him. In fact, Sasuke barely talked aboutthem at all anymore. It provided a nice sense of achievement and sadness for Itachi – he didn't feel like he was ready to deal with that loss, after all.
Things were quickly turning against him, and he didn't know how much longer he could pretend to be immune.
TBC...