Chapter 7: The beginning of the end Daniel: Amanda a package came for you! Me: It must be those vases I ordered! Daniel: Cool. Me: Yeah look how pretty they are! I thought they would make very pretty vases! Daniel: Oh okay… All of a sudden the police were banging on the door. Me: Who is it? Officer: It's the police open up! Me: Gasp they must want to steal my pretty vases! - I said as I threw them out my window. Officer: Oh the doors not locked. I guess I'll just let myself in. Me: What seems to be the problem officer? Officer: We've heard several complaints from the neighbors of you talking loudly in the middle of the night, is this true? Me: Well you see officer I wasn't talking I was just yelling at the TV during gossip girl. CAN YOU BELIVE SERENA HAD THE AUDACITY TO… Officer: Ms. Bynes the problem is you can't be making loud noises in the middle of the night. Me: How about 3 quarters into the night. Officer: No you can't make loud noises after 10:00 pm. Me: I'm terribly sorry I just get so involved in the program. Officer: It's okay this is just a warning, just don't let it happen again, understood. Me: Understood. Officer: Okay you have a nice day. The officer left and I quickly jumped to my window. Me: Ugh the pretty vases broke on the pavement. Daniel: Amanda you do know it is against the law to throw things out of a 3rd story window… You could have seriously hurt someone. Me: Daniel shut up and go clean the mess downstairs… Daniel: On it. A couple of hours later the police came back. Me: Who is it? Officer: It's the police, again. Me: Oh I sorry Amanda no here i just Consuela cleaning lady, GO AWAY! – I said trying to imitate Consuela's accent. Officer: Were coming in. – He said as he opened the door. Me: What seems to be the problem officer and might i say you're looking very handsome. Officer: We have several reports of you throwing what seems to be a vase out of your 3rd story apartment. Me: That's not true. Officer: We have the broken pieces of glass in this baggy. Me: That's not mine. Officer: There was a shipping label we found in the broken pieces. Me: Let me see that. Label: Ship to Amanda Bynes, New New York apartment 37 b. Me: Daniel i thought i told you to go clean that up! Daniel: Woops must have slipped my mind. Me: Oh officer I'm terribly sorry. Officer: Why did you do it? Why did you throw it out of the window when i came in? Me: Oh officer i was afraid you might touch it with your fat greasy hands since it was just so pretty. Please I'll never do it again. Officer: I'm sorry I'm going to have to take you in. You are here by arrested for public endangerment and littering. You may remain silent, everything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Get your greasy hands of me government slave! You're all ugly and i hate you! Especially that fat officer, what is your problem you keep eating and eating go on a diet you fat monster! – I said as they pulled me away from my apartment. Officer: Please just get in the car. Me: Fine but you can't say i resisted arrest. I watch cops on g4 and i know what you guys do. Officer: Of course Amanda we'll say you didn't resist arrest. Me: Oh and say i was arrested in the most graceful way possible. Say that i flew in a pink smoke to the cop car. Officer: ... Me: Oh and say that my hair looked great and i was without makeup but i still looked good. Officer: ... Back at Amanda's apartment: Daniel: Oh god they took Amanda. I feel like a 1950s house wife with no husband to clean after. What will i do now? – Daniel said bursting into tears. Daniel: I hope she's okay... Consuela: New maid open the door! – She said while knocking. Daniel: Who is it? Consuela: It's me, Consuela, Amanda's old cleaning lady! Daniel: The Consuela Estevez?! You're a legend, come in! Consuela: So i hear Amanda got arrested? Daniel: Yeah she did... I feel so empty without her around. Consuela: Ha! That little mother deserves it! But that's not why i came here. Daniel: Well why did you come here? Consuela: I came here for this- she said as she showed Daniel a wad of money. Daniel: Where did you get all that money from? Consuela: You see years ago Amanda gave me a birthday present. It was this teddy bear. When i quit my job here i was so angry that i ripped the bear apart. What i found inside was this money and a note that said: "Bail money, If Amanda was to get arrested for whatever reason, use this money to bail her out. Daniel: Wow how much money was in there? Consuela: About 250,000 grand. Daniel: Damn that's a lot of money, how come when you found it you didn't spend it. Consuela: Well i respect Amanda too much to steal from her. Daniel: So are you going to bail her out? Consuela: Yes but i need your help. Daniel: What do you need, my super black strength, my good looks, you want me to sweet talk the guard? – He said in a cocky voice. Consuela: No i need you to drive me there since i don't have a car. Daniel: Oh... Okay well then I'll go get there car... Consuela: Thank you. Daniel: Just get in the car... Back at the police station: Me: Ugh why can't i use my phone? Officer: We can't let you use your phone for security reasons. Me: Ugh Consuela: Amanda! Me: Consuela? YOU CAME TO RESCUE ME! Consuela: Yes Amanda i just have to talk to the police and you'll be out. Me: Hurray! Consuela: Okay you're out for now. The trial is on the 15 so you have a week of freedom. Me: Hurray! Take me home baby!