Dislaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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I am paralysed with panic.

Edward glares at the scar on my wrist. His thumb trembles as it traces softly over the marred skin.

He knows what this is. He knows this is the mark of another vampire.

He's on alert.

His instincts have kicked in.

I watch his lip curl back slowly over his teeth.

I want to pull my arm away, try to hide the evidence, but I can't. Though Edward's grip isn't hard, it's fast.

His touch is icy. He lifts his gaze and his black eyes glare. He's angry. At me? At who left this mark? I can't tell.

"How did it happen?" he asks. His eyes are hypnotic, holding me, I can't look away, can't move, I can barely breathe.

But my mind races.

What do I say? What do I do? I can't lie, he'll see through it...he knows what this is. Where is Alice right now? Has she seen this? Does she know? My heart is pounding in my chest, it's beat thunders in my ears. I pray for my phone to ring, for her or Carlisle to call me...but my phone stays silent.

"How?" Edward asks again. His voice is so soft, so low...there's no menace, but there is...something.

He is waiting for an answer. Do I tell him the scar has always been there and I can't remember how I got it?

Suddenly his eyes flare, he lets go of my arm carefully and steps back slowly, away from me.

"You didn't offer me cake," he murmurs. His cryptic statement throws me for a second, but understanding comes quickly…he's talking about the birthday cake he bought me... he's just realised that I know what he is.

My stomach drops like a rock and my heart falls with it. It wasn't supposed to happen like this...he was supposed to tell me himself, when he was ready.

"Edward, I'm so sorry…" I pull down my sleeve quickly and step towards him but he holds up his hands, keeping me at bay and I stop, rocking back on my heels. His face, oh dear Lord, his anguished face...

"You know what I am," he whispers. "You've known all along. Every time we've talked, every moment I've been with you…"

I can't deny it. He knows.

"Yes. Edward, I'm sorry..."

Suddenly his face is cold, unreadable. Oh, what is going through his mind right now as he stares at me? Panic, barely-suppressed, crawls over my skin. I try to guess at his thoughts, try to imagine what he's feeling. I bite my lip against tears as I realise I'm no longer the girl he took ice-skating. I'm not the girl with the red ribbon in her hair...now I'm the human who could expose him.

I'm a danger. A threat.

But I want to be the girl with the red ribbon again. I want to go back to the jazz festival. I want him to flick my hood over my face and buy me a hotdog. Five minutes ago he was laughing, telling me my cheeks were pink.

I want him to tell me jokes.

He tilts his head, takes a couple of slow steps around me. I move too, turning on the spot, following him, watching him as he watches me. My heart is slamming against my ribs. What do I say now? Do I tell him everything? Who I am and what we meant to each other? Or do I lie and tell him it's a coincidence that I've encountered two vampires in my life? I try to gauge his state of mind but it's impossible.

I have never seen Edward more like a vampire than right now...his posture, his face, his voice. His eyes.

He takes some more steps, circling me slowly.

"You know what I am, and you've encountered my kind before." His eyes slide quickly to my hand that is poking out of my sleeve, then back to my face. "You've been bitten, but you're still human. You're still alive."

Slowly he tilts his head to the other side.

I begin to shake and wrap my arms around myself, holding myself together because right now I feel like I am going to fall apart. I don't know what to do. How much do I tell him? His eyes drift to my hand again.

"That bite wasn't meant to kill you, it was to change you. But the change didn't work…" Edward's voice trails off and now I stare with my mouth open and watch, horrified, as betrayal flashes vividly through his eyes.

"That's what you want from me..." he hisses. "Your first attempt failed so you want to try again, for immortality."

"NO!" I cry, reaching for him. He thinks I've been using him? The thought is unbearable. "No, it's not that! Edward, no..." And now the truth comes rushing out, I'm almost incoherent in my desperation to explain. "I was attacked, bitten...but the...the venom was sucked out...by you."

He takes a sharp step backward. His eyes blaze with new, raw shock. A very long moment passes and neither of us is breathing. I wait. And wait. And wait, taking my cues from him.

"You know me?" he finally whispers.

"Yes."

My heart is almost deafening as it pounds. I watch the shock leave Edward's face as the shutters come down, fast. He's locked me out.

"Then you have me at a disadvantage." His voice is clipped and sharp. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

Though he's very still his hands fist over and over at his sides and I know right now this is agony for him. I gulp some breaths. My chest hurts, I think my heart has pounded out a life's worth of beats in these last ten minutes. I just want to go back in time, but I can't, and now I've started telling the truth I have to keep going.

"I knew you…we knew each other…in Forks."

"Forks?" The façade slips a little, his eyes widen fractionally.

I nod and try smiling but my mouth is dry and my lips stick against my teeth. I swallow and try again.

"We met at high school. We, um, dated."

I know 'dated' doesn't even cover it, but it will have to do for now. I hold up my scarred wrist.

"This was from another vampire, a nomad, passing through. He bit me, but you sucked the venom out to save me. Alice, Jasper and Emmett killed him."

His mouth drops open...and the facade shatters.

"This is true?" he gasps.

"Yes."

His hands fly to his head, fisting in his hair as he gapes at me and I know his whole world has just been pulled out from under him. I want to hold him so badly, but I shift from foot to foot, twisting my fingers and biting my lip.

"Why didn't you say something?" he gasps. There's devastation in his face and anguish in is voice.. "Why didn't you tell me….?"

I start to cry. "I wanted to, I really did, but…"

"But what?"

"But Carlisle told me it could do you more harm than good. Edward I'm so sorry…"

It's like I've slapped him across the face. He blanches, his pale face becomes ashen.

"Carlisle spoke to you? When was this?"

I wipe my arm across my face to try and soak up the tears.

"That first night I saw you. When I got back home from the library. He and Alice came…"

"Alice too?"

"She saw…"

He waves his hand sharply, cutting off the rest of my explanation. He shakes his head and drops it into his hands.

There's a horrible, heavy silence, I can't bear it - I don't know what to do, but I've started talking so I keep going - he needs to know.

He's been lied to long enough.

"They told me about Victoria and what happened in the woods and how you'd lost part of your memory. And your mind reading…"

His head snaps up. He's glaring at me and I stop. Crap, have I said too much? Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the mind-reading.

When I don't say anything more he gives a slow nod of his head.

"Go on," he murmurs. "Tell me what they told you." His glare is icy.

"They…they told me that you'd shut me out. Carlisle thinks the memories were too painful so you just locked away anything to do with me. He thinks that explains the mind reading too – you didn't want to see me in other people's thoughts. He thinks it was a type of self-preservation."

His eyes stay on me. He's trying to process all this, trying to take this in and now the facade is back. I can't keep up with him, I feel like I'm teetering on a cliff top wondering if I'm going to fall or not.

"So you were important to me," he says after a moment. His words are slow and measured, as though he's weighing each one before he speaks. "Important enough that I formed an attachment to you, but my family decided I didn't need to be reminded of that. I didn't need to know."

"No, Edward, it wasn't like that," I try to convince him. "They were worried, you'd been through so much and they were worried it would hurt you all over again if they told you. Carlisle said you had to remember in your own time…when your subconscious was ready to handle it."

"Handle what, exactly?"

"Me…our break-up. It was a bad one."

He blinks, it's a small chink in his armour, but then his face is like stone again. Oh, Edward, please let me in.

My legs feel weak and wobbly, I want to sit down before I fall down, but somehow I stay standing.

"Carlisle meant well," I continue. "He thought not telling you was for the best."

"The best? The best?" Edward is incredulous. He actually laughs, it's a harsh sound, and he takes some more steps, turning away from and then whirling back again sharply.

"Oh, believe me, Bella, I can think of a lot of things better than being lied to by people I trust. Better than being kept in the dark about my own life!"

"But his intentions were…"

"Good? His intentions were good? Is that what you were going to say?" He's yelling now, stalking back and forth as he speaks.

"Edward…"

"So the lies were for my benefit were they?" He turns sharply, glaring, his mouth curved in a mocking smile. "For my own good?"

"Edward…"

"You all thought you knew what was best for me?"

"Edward…"

"So you've all been watching me fumble and fight my way through feelings I thought were new, but apparently were not."

Oh, Edward...

Hot tears burn over my cheeks. "Edward, I'm so sorry. Nobody wanted to hurt you, everyone thought..."

"Everyone thought they'd lie to me!"

Oh, this is too much for him. The betrayal in his face and his voice slices through my heart. He's beyond hurt...this has shattered him.

I hold out my hands to him.

"Edward, I'm sorry, so sorry, but please, you can't..."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!" he roars. I stumble back. I've heard him yell before, but never like this. "I know exactly what I can't do," he hisses now. "I can't read minds…and I can't remember!"

I can't bear to see him like this, in so much pain. My tears come freely. He groans and drops his head into his hands. I reach for him, but my arms fall empty to my sides.

"I thought..." he whispers as he lifts his eyes. "I thought you...we...I thought maybe..." He shakes his head and my tears become sobs at his devastation. "But you've been lying to me all along..." His voice breaks. He closes his eyes and drags his hands through his hair again. And then, swiftly, his posture changes again and his voice is hard as his eyes look squarely into mine.

"So tell me, have I repeated myself, Bella? Have we had the Christmas conversation before?"

"No. Edward, please..."

"Have we already discussed Douglas Adams? How many jazz festivals have we been to?"

"Please listen..."

"How many times did I take you ice-skating?"

"Edward..."

"Did you snicker quietly to yourself last night when I pretended to fall so I got my hands wet?"

"No...!"

"Did you call my family and report in after I said goodnight...?"

"No...stop it, Edward...!"

"Did I ..."

"NO! STOP IT, EDWARD! JUST STOP!"

My outburst surprises us both, and Edward stops.

"It wasn't like that!" I yell at him, waving my arms at him. Suddenly, all the stress of the last few weeks, maybe the last two years, comes pouring out and I'm stalking towards him as he backs away, stunned.

"All those things were firsts! All of them! And I never reported in to anyone, I deliberately kept my distance! And okay, I lied, your family lied, but it was never to hurt you! No-one sat around trying to think up ways to upset you! Sometimes people lie because they think the truth is too painful, sometimes they believe the lie is the better option. You should know, you've done it yourself!"

He blanches. "What are you talking about?" He stops backing away.

"You!" I point with a sharp jab towards his chest. "When we broke up! You thought you were too dangerous to be around and you lied so I'd let you go! You told me I wasn't good for you. You played on my insecurities, you said I'd been a distraction!" I'm still yelling, I'm on an angry roll but I'm not sure now if I'm angry with Edward, or myself, or his family for choosing to keep him in the dark. I don't know if this is about now in Portland, or two years ago in Forks. He stares at me, shocked anew.

"I don't...I..." His eyes are wide and frantic, he stumbles for words. My anger begins to dull in the face of his confusion. I heave a deep breath and shake my head.

"You don't remember, I know," I say more calmly, panting now from my outburst. "But Edward, you lied to me because you thought it was best and I believed what you said and I've believed it for more than two years. My life has revolved around your lie and it wasn't till a few weeks ago Alice told me the truth." I pause for more breath. "I don't like what you did, but I kind of understand why you did it. You thought you were protecting me. Carlisle, your family, all thought they were protecting you."

He's glaring again, and his breathing is fast and shallow. I wipe my hand over my face, sniffing back tears. I feel older than Edward right now. Older than Carlisle, even.

Suddenly Edward turns and stalks away across the clearing, into the woods.

"Edward!" I call and run a few steps after him, but then I stop. I know I won't catch him - he won't let me. He needs time and space. He needs to digest this. And so do I. I drop onto the ground and hug my knees and don't care about the damp seeping through my jeans.

I don't know how long I sit - it feels like many hours but it's probably no more than fifteen minutes. My breathing calms and my heart slows but I feel broken and bruised. I wonder what will happen now, if Edward will ever forgive me, or his family. I wonder if Carlisle will be angry with me. What if he was right, and telling Edward the truth does more harm than good. What if Edward never gets over this...the betrayal and the lies.

I can't even think about it.

I don't hear Edward return but suddenly he's beside me, sitting on the grass, mirroring my pose with his knees pulled up tight.

His eyes are not so dark now, but they're sad. He's so lost and I just want to hold him but I know I can't. He won't let me, not yet. I wonder if he ever will.

"I apologise for my behaviour," he says calmly. "I hope I didn't scare you."

I shake my head slowly, trying to assess his mood. He's coolly polite, and I don't like it.

"No, you didn't scare me. And I'm sorry too, Edward, so sorry..."

He nods and looks away towards the trees. "So you're Chief Swan's daughter?"

"Yes."

He nods again.

"Will you tell me everything?" he asks gently. "From the beginning? Please?"

He doesn't look at me as I begin. As I speak I wonder about the wisdom of what I'm doing, but what else can I do? I've already told him the basics...and I think again that the truth has been kept from him long enough.

So I talk. And he listens, still staring at the trees. I start with the cafeteria on my first day, how he couldn't read my mind. I tell him about biology and my wrecking-ball scent, his black eyes and how he'd looked at me like he hated me. I tell him about Tyler's van, the blood typing, Jacob's scary story, Port Angeles and the meadow...

I tell him everything...baseball, James and Victoria and Laurent, Phoenix, prom.

The sky begins to darken. Edward stays silent, knees still hugged to his chest. He doesn't move, just stares at the trees and never speaks. He's so still it's unnerving...only the occasional clench of his jaw tells me he's real and listening and I begin to watch for that subtle roll of muscles beneath his skin. I expected him to ask questions, maybe even yell some more, but not this. Not this unnatural calm, not this uneasy quiet.

I move on to our perfect summer...the picnics, the walks, going to movies, listening to music in his room. The drives to Seattle to see exhibitions and concerts. The day he picked flowers for me.

I move on to my birthday. The party, the paper cut. Jasper's attack. I tell him about the walk in the woods, his words, his lie. The missing birthday gifts.

Still, Edward doesn't speak, doesn't react, doesn't move, except for the subtle clench and flex of his jaw.

I end with the wolf pack, and Victoria. My voice is hoarse from talking.

"That's about it," I whisper. "Until I saw you outside the library."

After the heaviness of his silence the sound of Edward's voice startles me.

"Bella, that bookmark...is it yours?"

"Er, yes."

He gives one small nod towards the trees, but that is all.

The sky is dark now, there are stars twinkling silver against the black - it would be pretty on any other night.

Edward turns his head slowly and looks at me at last, but in the dark I can't read his eyes or his expression clearly. I wait, hoping he'll say something...anything.

"It's as though you're telling me about characters in a book, or a film," he says softly. "I don't know who they are, they might not even be real."

Oh, Edward...

My eyes burn and so does my heart.

"They're real," I whisper.

He unfolds from his defensive posture slowly and sighs, sitting cross-legged now as he watches me, his hands are loose fists in his lap.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" he asks. His voice is calm, but it doesn't tell me anything. He could be asking about the weather.

"Carlisle wanted you to remember on your own, but I know I couldn't have lied to you much longer. It never felt like I was doing the right thing. It's been...difficult."

"You slipped last night didn't you? The fast cars you spoke about...that was me."

"Yes."

His hair has flopped over his eyes. I watch his long fingers push it out of the way and wish I could do it for him. The hair falls straight back again when he tilts his head.

"Bella, if you were exposed to such danger with me, if I treated you so badly, why would you want to be with me again?"

My answer falls simply and honestly from my lips.

"Because I love you. I never stopped. I never will. And I was hoping we'd have another chance."

He stares at me and it's like he hasn't understood what I've said. New pain, raw and real, shoots through me. In the darkness it's so hard to read his eyes.

I reach over to touch him. My fingers brush gently over his and he doesn't pull away, and that's good, but he doesn't respond either. His skin is cold, his hand is still. I withdraw and hug my knees again.

"Come on, we'd better go," he says suddenly and stands before I've had time to blink. He holds out his hand and helps me to my feet. My legs feel wobbly but once I'm steady Edward lets go. He shoves his hands in his pockets and walks.

As we head back to the car he holds branches for me, he helps me over tree roots and fallen logs, but he never speaks. Though his face is calm his pain is almost tangible, but I don't know what to say or do.

The drive home is silent too. Edward doesn't turn the music on. He speeds. His hands curl tight around the steering wheel and the gearstick, gripping them till his knuckles almost poke through his skin, and it is this that belies the smooth, impassive expression.

But I can't sit still. I fidget in my seat and bite my nails. I tuck my hair behind my ears and my leg jiggles and bounces. I wonder if this is the end, if he's been hurt too much to try again.

I feel hollow as we pull up outside my building.

Edward reaches behind to the back seat, to his satchel that still lies there.

"Here," he says and holds out my bookmark. "I've had it long enough."

My heart crashes. "Edward, no..." I whisper hoarsely. But when I refuse to take it from him he just slips it into the pocket of my jacket. Then he opens his door and comes to open mine. I'm shaking as he helps me onto the footpath.

"I'm very sorry the afternoon has ended this way," he says. "But thank you for telling me the truth."

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry too."

He nods and looks away. He's so hurt, so angry still, I can feel it, it's like a wall between us.

"Please don't go. Come in and we'll talk...please..."

"I don't think I'd be very good company right now," he answers. "But thank you for the offer. Perhaps another time."

My head drops and defeat washes over me like a wave, pulling me under.

"Edward, this doesn't have to end badly. I've told you how I feel, and if you still have feelings for me too then I know we can work through this."

He's silent, watching me and I hope he's considering my words. In the ghostly glow from the street light he looks a little unreal.

"What will you do now?" I ask and he lets out a long breath.

"Right now I'm going to talk to my family, and after that..." He shrugs. "I don't know."

He gives me a sad, wistful smile and suddenly his eyes are the most tender I've seen since I pushed up my sleeves in the woods. He lifts his hand and the backs of his knuckles just barely graze my cheek.

"I am so very sorry I hurt you, Bella. More sorry than you will ever know."

My tears begin again and I reach up to touch his face too, but he swiftly takes his fingers from my cheek and is suddenly walking back to the car. My hand is still in mid-air as he climbs into his seat and as he drives out of sight I wonder if this is nature taking its course.

And then I remember that sometimes nature can be cruel.

A/N: Thank you all for the amazing support this story is receiving, for your reviews and feedback, I appreciate it all so much :)

Next chapter...coming right up...