Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Five minutes later...
In his car on the way to the Cullen house on the outskirts of Portland...
Edward's Point of View
Edward slammed the car into fifth gear. The engine whined but Edward was unforgiving. He pushed the Honda harder, shifting back down through the gears again as he approached the turnoff that led to his family's home, buried deep in the woods on the outskirts of town.
They'd lied to him.
All of them.
Even her.
Even Bella.
His hand moved fast, his feet were a perfect synchronised blur on the pedals...
...clutch, shift, gas.
That scar.
He wanted to kill the vampire that gave her that scar, but apparently his siblings had already done that.
Clutch, shift, gas.
All his instincts had kicked in when he'd seen the mark on her skin...protect, defend, attack.
As he'd instinctively bared his teeth he'd been worried he might have scared her.
He shook his head now - he needn't have been so concerned, as it turned out.
Clutch, shift, gas.
The engine whined louder. The needle of the speedometer moved into the red zone.
They'd lied to him.
All of them.
Even Bella.
He'd poured his heart out to Esme. Two nights ago he'd talked to his family, told them about the human girl who had captured his interest, and possibly his heart. He thought they should know, after all, it affected them too.
He had had the courtesy to share.
And last night, after ice-skating, when the possibly became definitely and he knew his heart was well and truly hers, he'd spoken to Carlisle privately. He'd wanted advice on telling Bella the truth about who he was. But of course, he didn't need to tell her the truth at all, did he?
She already knew.
It was him, Edward, who was in the dark.
Clutch, shift, gas.
Ahead a truck was travelling too slowly. Edward floored the Honda and only a second later the truck was behind him, not even in a dot in the rear vision mirror.
Clutch, shift, gas.
He wondered what she would have said if he'd had the chance to tell her. Would she have pretended surprise? Feigned shock? Would she have accepted him calmly and told him it didn't matter?
The most important person in his world, and his family would have let him base their relationship on a lie.
Clutch, shift, gas.
The tyres squealed and smoked as he took a bend.
He felt so foolish now. He felt like the brunt of a cruel joke.
He'd thought his feelings were his, just his, but they belonged to everyone.
The secret hopes he'd carried these last few days were old news it seemed - discussed and analysed by those around him.
Clutch, shift, gas.
Anger and hurt and betrayal pounded through his dead veins.
This wouldn't have happened if he'd been able to read their minds.
Clutch, shift, gas.
He took another bend, spraying dirt and gravel in a perfect arc behind him.
They'd lied to him.
But he had lied too. Or so Bella said. Could he believe her? Could he believe any of them?
She said she loved him.
Two hours ago he would have swept her into his arms and shouted his joy for the world to hear.
He would have told her he loved her too.
Clutch, shift, gas.
How?
How could she love him still after all he'd put her through.
After he'd lied to her, hurt her.
Clutch, shift, gas.
It had been like listening to a story about someone he didn't know. Some cruel bastard who tore out Bella's heart and shredded it in front of her eyes. He didn't know who that person was, he couldn't feel what they had felt. He couldn't understand how anyone...how he...could have done that.
He wasn't the man he'd thought he was.
Nothing was what he thought it was.
His whole world view had changed.
Everything had changed.
Clutch, shift, gas.
Edward's chest burned like he was aflame on the inside. He rubbed his fist hard over his chest but it brought no relief.
He'd felt so little for so long...and now he felt so much.
Clutch, shift, gas.
Jasper had tried to kill her. Then he, Edward, had almost ruined her life.
He cringed now as he thought of the chocolate cake and the snow globe. How could that make up for what he and his family had done?
Clutch, shift, gas.
Rain spattered over the windscreen.
The tyres tried to slide over the slick road but Edward held fast.
He was in control as he slammed down a gear.
Control.
He needed control.
But they'd taken it from him.
Clutch, shift, gas.
She'd talked about a summer they'd shared. Picnics and movies and concerts and walks.
The future he'd hoped for was already part of his past.
Clutch, shift, gas.
He was so angry. So hurt. The shock of realising she'd known him before was like nothing he'd ever felt. Or ever remembered feeling.
Her admission had derailed him, he'd been blindsided and lost.
Her story left him floundering, trying to find something to cling to, but there was nothing.
It was like his deepest part of his heart had been exposed and put on display.
Clutch, shift, gas.
He had walked away from her, into those woods, needing to find some sort of control. Some sort of understanding.
He had wanted to run, but he stayed close in case she needed him. He wouldn't leave her alone there.
His feelings had confused him - he was all at once protective of her, but so hurt by her lies.
And angry.
So angry.
He had smashed his fist into a tree, over and over, as he'd grieved for what he'd lost.
Not just the memories, but the chance to tell her gently who he was.
The chance to open up to her, to offer her something he'd never offered before...
...his love.
He grieved again now as the car screamed through hair-pin bends.
Clutch, shift, gas.
Some offering.
Clutch, shift, gas. His hand and feet blurred as they worked the gears.
She'd known.
Clutch, shift, gas.
They'd all known.
Clutch, shift, gas.
Part of him had been missing and they'd kept it from him.
Clutch, shift, gas.
The speedometer needle had gone as far as it would go. The car began to shake. Edward lifted his foot off the gas. When the needle began to drop back he slammed it down again.
Clutch, shift, gas.
The road straightened out again.
He remembered how it had been after Victoria was dead. He'd opened his eyes to his family's anxious faces and silent minds. He'd grabbed at Carlisle, frantically...
"Why can't I hear you?" he had yelled. "Why can't I hear you?"
There had been anger then too. Anger and rage and frustration.
Paranoia.
It had gone on for months, he'd felt less, broken...wrong.
The lost memories didn't bother him - Forks was not even a blip on his radar.
He'd thought it was his missing gift that had him so distraught - he wondered now if it was really Bella he was missing
Clutch, shift, gas.
The golden, gifted first-born son was gifted no more.
They could lie to him now.
They had lied to him.
In the months after his accident they had walked around on egg-shells, treated him like he was made of glass. Treated him like there was something wrong with him.
Don't upset Edward.
Don't tell him the truth.
Only Kate had treated him like he was normal.
Kate.
He had almost...
He slammed his foot down again.
Clutch, shift, gas.
The car swept into the driveway. It roared along the gravel, swerving to a hand-brake stop and sending stones flying.
On the wide porch of the grand two-storey house Edward's family had begun to gather. Carlisle, Alice and Esme.
Alice had obviously seen what happened, or perhaps Bella had called - Edward didn't know. He got out of the car and slammed the door.
"Edward..." Carlisle began, holding up his hands for calm.
"You lied to me..." Edward growled. "And you made her lie to me!" He stalked towards the house, his head snapped towards Alice. "You saw? You saw what happened this afternoon?"
She nodded slowly, her hands at her mouth, eyes wide and fearful.
"Edward I'm so sorry..."
"Are you?" he snapped.
Carlisle stepped forward. "Edward, son, I understand..."
The screen door opened and Jasper appeared. In one blinding move Edward sprang, lunging for Jasper, crashing him into the wall of the house and pinning him there, his forearm across Jasper's throat. The house groaned and shook. Wood and plaster crumbled around them as Alice screamed, she hadn't seen this coming. Esme cried out...
"Edward, no!"
Jasper didn't fight back, he hung his head and accepted Edward's wrath. Alice hung off Edward's arm, Carlisle grabbed the other, but Edward's anger had made him strong.
"A paper cut!" Edward snarled into his brother's face. "You tried to kill her over a fucking paper cut!"
Emmett and Rose came running from inside and Emmett pulled Alice aside as he wrapped his hand around Edward's arm.
But now Edward shook off his father and brother. He stepped back, holding up his hands and backing away down the steps of the porch. Alice rushed to her husband but Jasper shook his head, he didn't want her to fuss.
"It's okay," he soothed her.
Down on the lawn Edward watched them...his family and their anxious faces. Their betrayal of his trust twisted and burned inside him.
"Edward..." Carlisle made to move off the porch but Edward took another step back. Carlisle stopped.
"Son, I promise you, we never wanted to hurt you. At the time we thought...I thought..."
"It was for the best..." Edward interrupted sharply, contempt in every word. "You thought you would make that decision for me? You thought something as important as this, as important as...as her, Bella...should be kept from me?" He shook his head, pulling his hands through his hair as he took some more steps backwards. "Do you still think it's for the best, now?"
Carlisle bowed his head but didn't answer. There was nothing he could say, not right now.
"Edward, please, come inside and talk." Esme implored. She held out her hand but Edward shook his head. He couldn't. It was too soon. The shock and the hurt were too fresh.
"Is there anything else I should know?" he asked and Carlisle winced at the bitterness in his son's voice.
"No." Alice answered, biting her lip. "I'm so sorry, Edward."
He nodded sharply, turned and got back in his car.
"Edward!" Esme called out to him but he was already roaring back down the driveway.
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That same night... In Bella's apartment...
Bella's Point of View
I'm not sure how long I cry, but it feels like forever.
Curled up in the middle of my bed, clutching my pillow to my chest, I wonder if there will ever be a time I don't cry over Edward Cullen.
Will I ever be done?
Will there ever come a day when I say this is enough now?
My heart says no, but my mind says I might have to accept that we were never meant to be. Maybe we'll never get past what we are. But then I remember that tonight wasn't about him being a vampire and me being human; it was about the lie.
I groan and squeeze the pillow tight.
His face...His anguished, angonised face.
And then his cold, impassive eyes.
His hurt. His anger.
The quiet fury that I know was brewing beneath the calm.
My body shudders.
My bedside clock ticks, marking the minutes since Edward drove away.
When I hear the knock at the door I instantly think it's him...hope it's him.
But it's not.
It's Alice and Carlisle standing on my doorstep. Their beautiful faces are drawn and sad. Carlisle almost looks haggard. I'm not sure how I feel about seeing them, part of me is angry - they've brought this upon us all; part of me wants to hug them - they're hurting too; but mostly I hope they have news of Edward.
They don't.
"We've come to see if you're alright," Alice whispers, biting her lip, and I know from her face and her voice that whatever happened when Edward went home...it wasn't good.
Fresh tears stream down my cheeks and she immediately takes my hand and leads me to the sofa. She sits beside me, holding my hand, and Carlisle takes the rocking chair. As I sniff and wipe my face with my sleeve Carlisle leans forward. I wait for him to tell me I shouldn't have told Edward the truth, I'm ready to disagree and argue with him, and I'm surprised when he begins to apologise.
"Bella, I am truly sorry for the position I put you in when I asked you not to be honest with Edward." He closes his eyes and shakes his head, this is the most tense I have ever seen him - apart from the night of my birthday. When he opens his eyes slowly I can see clearly his three hundred years.
"I have been so concerned with trying to protect Edward and letting him remember on his own, but the truth was always going to hurt, however it came to him."
"And keeping it from him has just made it worse," I whisper. "It's added a whole extra layer of hurt."
Carlisle nods and gives me a small, sad smile.
"You're right. I've just compounded the problem. And it was wrong of me to ask you to pretend, I should never have put you in that position. I'm very sorry."
I'm not sure what to say now but his obvious distress and his heartfelt apology have touched me and I see the man who has tried to do his best for the boy who is like his son.
I think of my own father and the agony I put him through, and his well-meaning but clumsy attempts to help me; the threats to send me to my mother because he didn't know what to do anymore; the threat of counselling; his promise to shoot Edward if he ever saw him again. I know Charlie walked the floor at night, worrying about me. He would come to my room to save me from my nightmares. I'm sure he would have told me any number of lies, or kept any amount of information from me, if he'd thought it would stop my pain. It's just what a father would do.
I reach out to take Carlisle's hand. My gesture surprises him and his ancient, amber eyes blink at me.
"You're a very gracious young woman, Bella," he whispers. "And very forgiving." He gives my hand a very gentle squeeze and then he stands slowly.
"You're going?" I stand too.
"Alice would like to stay, I think, if that's alright?" He smiles at me. "But I'm needed at home. I just came to see that you were alright. And to apologise."
"Thank you, Carlisle. I appreciate that."
He bows his head, says goodnight and when I close the door behind him I turn to see Alice looking at my little snowglobe. I glance away quickly, I can't bear to see it right now.
"Is that from Edward?" she asks.
I nod. "Did he tell you about it?"
"No," she shakes her head. "I guessed because there was a plastic bag from a souvenir shop in the trash the other day."
The image of Edward shopping for me makes me want to cry again and I shake it away quickly. Then I take a deep breath.
"Okay, tell me what happened tonight, Alice."
She nods and moves over a little on the sofa, making more room for me. "You'd better sit down again," she says.
So I sit and I listen to her tell me about the brief but vivid vision she saw of Edward and me in the clearing, and then about Edward's stormy arrival back home. I gasp, hand flying to my mouth when she tells how he threw Jasper against the wall.
"No-one was hurt," she assures me. "I don't think Edward actually planned to do any damage, but..." she drops her eyes, twists her hands in her lap. "Bella, Jasper and I left Forks straight after your birthday party, we didn't come back at all and when we saw Edward again it was almost a week later. Jasper apologised for what he'd done, but Edward was so consumed with your break-up, and so obsessed with killing Victoria...I don't think Jasper's near-miss with you was ever really dealt with. Not properly." She looks up at me. "Jasper understands Edward's reaction tonight...we all do."
I wouldn't have thought it possible for me to feel any more drained, but I do. I feel like a wet rag that has been stretched out and wrung dry.
"Do you have any idea where he's gone?" I ask and Alice frowns softly.
"Nothing is clear," she says. She shifts in her seat, plucks at the hem of her skirt.
"He'll come back, won't he, Alice?"
"He will, I'm just not sure when."
"He's so hurt."
"I know," Alice whispers and strokes her hand over my hair. "Give him time, Bella. Our kind doesn't take change easily, Edward has had to readjust his thinking again, not just about what's happened, but about himself, too. He needs to process everything and that will take time. I'm sure once he's calmed down he'll understand."
"I'm worried he'll hate me." I finally give voice to the thought that has been pricking and poking at me since Edward laid eyes on my scar.
"He would never hate you," Alice soothes. "Never."
I nod, but I don't feel so sure.
Alice makes me a very weak cup of tea - that's what humans do in times of stress, she tells me. She clatters around in the kitchen and wrinkles her perfect nose as she hands the steaming cup to me. I drink it too quickly, it's hot, but I barely feel it scald my throat. She offers to stay with me but I refuse the offer - I'd rather be alone.
We say goodnight, she promises to let me know if she hears anything from Edward, and as soon as I close the door I go back to the middle of my bed.
I curl around my pillow again. I stare at the open window, watching the flimsy curtain flutter in the breeze, and listen to the minutes tick by on the clock.
The minutes become hours.
The hours become days.
Monday.
Tuesday.
Wednesday.
Each day I wonder if this is the day Edward will come home. I know he will, I know he won't leave this unresolved, I will definitely hear from him...I just don't know what he'll say.
Luckily my Wednesday afternoon shift at The Drum is busy and keeps my mind distracted a little bit. It's Halloween and Alison is home preparing for her party - she's swapped her shift with Justin who normally works Tuesdays.
I don't want to go to the party, it's the last thing I want to do, but I promised Alison, and I'd already told Scott I'd give him a ride.
Life goes on.
I still have assignments due. I still have to go to work.
And Halloween parties don't stop because Edward Cullen has left town.
When Scott asks me what I'm going to wear I realise I haven't even organised a costume.
"Got a first aid kit?" he asks.
"Um, yeah."
"Got bandages in it?"
"I think so."
He grins. "Wrap your head in the bandages and go as the Invisible Man. Or The Mummy!"
"Maybe," I give him a weak smile.
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Alice comes over to help me but I'm not in the mood for dress-ups or a party. And though she's trying to be up-beat she isn't quite her usual perky self either.
"You could cut up a sheet and be a ghost," she suggests, feeling my bed linen between her fingers. But I only have two sets of sheets and I'm not prepared to butcher any of them.
"Okay, how about..." she flicks through my closet. "Actually, you really don't have a lot for me to work with here, Bella."
In the end we decide on my jeans with the bottoms rolled up and my old checked shirt. When I add the straw hat I bought in Florida I look like a farm girl, of sorts.
I sit on the end of my bed while Alice works my hair into two braids.
"You'll look fine," she smiles at me in the mirror. "We'll add some freckles to your nose, we can use dots of eyeliner for that."
I want to ask her if she's heard anything from Edward, but I already know the answer. She would have told me.
"He'll be back," she whispers, reading my thoughts.
"I know. How are things at home?"
"Quiet."
I watch her fingers move through my hair.
"Alice?"
"Hmm?"
"You were here a couple of times before Edward came over that first night." I swivel around to look at her. "How come he didn't smell your scent?"
"It was a week or so between my visit and his, wasn't it?" She gently turns my head back to the mirror. "That's plenty of time for a scent to disappear, especially if you have windows open."
"Oh, okay. I just wondered."
"And besides..." she rolls her eyes and looks almost offended. "I'm not a wet dog, Bella."
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Scott is dressed as a gladiator. His plastic sword and tin shield take up too much room in my truck and I fight with his sword every time I change gear.
"Aren't you cold?" I ask him.
"Nope. Gladiators don't feel the cold."
"Yeah, maybe in ancient Mediterranean Greece they didn't, but Portland at the end of October?"
He shrugs. "I'm planning to find someone to keep me warm. Hey, is your friend coming? Edward, isn't it?"
"Um, no. He's busy."
I suppress a sigh as we pull up outside the party. Alison and her friends have hired an old warehouse for the occasion. Music thumps and blares from inside. I can see lights flashing through the dirty windows...it's not the sort of party I'd associate with Alison.
Scott's eyes light up until he sees he won't be the only gladiator. At the sight of two more of Sparta's finest walking down the street his face falls.
"Maybe you should have called ahead to co-ordinate outfits," I mutter and he shoots me a dark look.
He clambers out of the truck, nearly whacking me in the face with his sword, and I stick my straw hat on my head.
We walk along the footpath, following Superman and a naughty nurse, but at the warehouse entrance I stop.
Edward Cullen's car is parked a little further up the street.
And leaning against it is Edward Cullen.
My heart flip flops. The constant knot in my stomach pulls tighter. He pushes off from the car gracefully and comes towards me.
He's wearing the long black coat - the collar is turned up tonight.
I'm standing rooted to the spot, our eyes are locked and it's like nothing else in the world exists, everything has come down to this...now.
"Bella, are you coming?"
Sparticus is tugging on my braid but I pay no attention, my focus is fixed on Edward.
The coat swings rhythmically as he walks, flaring in and out a little at the bottom it sways in time with his steps.
The distance between us grows smaller. I can see his eyes now. They're light, and bright, and anxious.
So anxious.
His hands are in his pockets.
His lip is between his teeth.
He gives me a shy, apologetic, crooked smile.
My breath stills in my chest.
And he stops in front of me.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "And...I understand."
A single tear rolls down my cheek.
He lifts his hand and his thumb strokes over my skin, wiping the tear away.
I smile softly. He smiles too.
"You said things didn't have to end badly," he whispers. "You said we can work through this...do you still feel that way?"
His eyes are shining and hopeful and anxious. He swallows nervously and my heart swells with love for this man. Without words, without any thought, but acting purely on instinct, I step forward and throw my arms around him.
I hug him tight.
As tight as I can.
I hold him as I wanted to in that clearing when he was falling apart in front of my eyes.
And when I feel his arms close around me too, and hug me tight, pressing me gently against his chest, my heart feels like it's going to explode.
I feel his lips brush against my hair.
"Bella," he breathes. "I love you, too."
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A/N: Phew! Okay, we're back on track and we'll see them talk and cuddle next chapter :)
Thank you Melanie :)
Thank you everyone for your reviews and the amazing support you've given this story...it truly means so much.