Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Sky Goddess of the Mountain hosts Science Fair!
Yesterday, the great lake of the Youkai Mountain like, totally sprung with fabulousness! The reason why is that the benevolent Sky Goddess, Kanako Yasaka, totally hosted what she claims the outside world would call a 'Science Fair'.
This totally weird practice involves people engaging in a practice called 'science', which is, according to my spirit photography skills, 'the intellectual and practical activity encompassing the systematic study of the structure and behaviour of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment'.
Like, I didn't know what that meant, though, so I decided that I had to go out and take a look at this 'Science Fair' to find out more about this strange practice myself. There, I was, like, surprised to see that many youkai had taken part in this event, and they had, like, totally made some amazing entries to this competition in which the winner was totally declared the Queen of Science!
I, like, totally documented every single entry for your reading pleasure in case you missed this super-awesome event, because I know that it's, like, difficult for you guys that don't have spirit photography...
The first entry I came across was, like, a huge machine! It was built by a human engineer called Rika, an adorable girl with super-cute braids and a super-cool fashion sense! She, like, called her massive machine 'Evil Eye Omega', and said it was an 'upgrade from an old design'. It was, like, a big eye that flew, shot lasers, and was capable of firing danmaku, just like a real youkai! It, like, reminded me of a creepy Youkai I once saw when I tried to visit Makai to gather photographs, although, that thing had five eyes, not one... but even though it was creepy, the machine was still super awesome! She even let me drive it... sure, she kicked me out after I nearly drove it into a tree, but it was still super fun!
After that, I looked at an exhibit made by another human, one called Rikako Asakura. This girl said that she considers my ability to fly merely an undiscovered facet of science, rather than simply being a power blessed unto we youkai. She was, like, super-hostile when I suggested this to her, saying that science is the ultimate form of understanding, and said that her exhibit proved that.
Her exhibit was a super-lame machine which she called the 'Retroactive Space-time Distortion Device'. She claimed that the device was able to warp reality itself! However, it just looked like... like... a hunk of metal with some purple glowing stuff inside it and buttons on the side! It was, like, totally disappointing. And then, after all her talk, I asked her to show me what was so special about it, and she, like, said that she couldn't because she fears she changed something big last time she activated it... like, what could have happened? Her changing the events of the past, memories, and hair colour or something! Ha, don't make me laugh!
Oops, I, like, got carried away there. But yeah, she was like, super-rude, and her device was terrible! So after I got bored with her stupid machine, I decided to see the favourite to win, a device to create fertiliser created by renowned kappa engineer, Nitori Kawashiro! She was, like, really excited about this- she explained everything in a super-detailed way, and showed us each step!
First, she did what scientists call 'Electrolysis'. This is where she sticks these metal rods in water, and they, like, somehow make it bubble this special gas called 'Hydrogen', as well as another gas called 'Oxygen', which we, like, use to breath. Nitori then took the Hydrogen and put it in this empty metal chamber that she said had to use to increase something called 'pressure', and then started to burn stuff under the chamber to heat it up.
Then, we waited, and like, after a while, she used a tap at the bottom of the chamber that, like, let out a liquid that wasn't there before! She then put the liquid in a glass and called it ammonia! It was super cool! She told me that she would be using the ammonia to fertilise her cucumber crop, and that with the stuff, she could grow twelve-inch monstrosities! Twelve inches! That's, like, enough to... never mind, I like, can't make that joke, kids might be reading this.
But yeah, there was even more super-cool science things than that, including an entry by a girl that... for some reason I can't quite remember, like... I don't even remember her hair colour. I, like wrote down what her exhibit was on... it was on the nature of the subconscious mind, but, like... I can't remember what the girl looked like, or even her name... I wonder why.
There was also a super-boring half-phantom called 'Point-five Reciprocal' who's apparently part of some band, but I couldn't remember seeing her around, and the only band with half-phantoms I know is that one headed by Youmu Konpaku. Anyway, this imposter band member was, like, rambling on about how numbers determine the nature of the universe, planks, avocados, Fridays, riding icebergs, and other stupid stuff. She was, like, totally weird. She talked and talked, like she hadn't talked for a while or something. Weirdo.
However, there was, like, some cheaters in the Science Fair, because apparently, their entries weren't science! I, like, didn't know what that meant, but, like, I decided to check out these disqualified entries to see if I could find out a little more about the difference between science and non-science.
One of these was a karakasa by the name of Kogasa Tatara. She, like, entered what she called an 'adrenaline enhancement device'. When she showed me how it worked, it was just a box that played music and then, like, suddenly stopped and this thing popped out of it and gave me a little electric shock! I don't know how on earth that could have been considered science, but I admittedly was surprised to see her at the Science Fair... she's, like, getting better.
Another disqualified entry was the act of reanimating a corpse with electricity. Like, this creepy Taoist Hermit named Seiga Kaku claimed to bring a corpse back to life using a pair of these fancy things called electrodes, which looked like bigger versions of the Hydrogen-making sticks Nitori had used, so, like, clearly the issue was plagiarism. Miss Kaku did succeed in bringing the girl back to life, who said her name was Yoshika Miyako. However, after doing a little research, I found out that Yoshika was, like, not a corpse that whole time- she was, like pretending to be one, because she's a Jiang Shi! So, like, Seiga was probably disqualified for plagiarism and lying... like, doesn't that girl have standards?
The last disqualified entry I saw was one by a young magician youkai called 'Yutaka Hadekawa', who always smiles, it's kinda creepy. She, like, never opened her eyes once, I swear! Oh, like, the entry was pretty cool, though. She asked me to burn some grass with danmaku, and then give the ashes to her. When I did, she, like, turned the ashes into a diamond! It was, like, amazing! She even let me keep the diamond, so she must, like, see it as no big deal!
Anyway, I was, like, not sure why she was disqualified, but Yutaka herself said that they probably saw her act as a form of alchemy rather than science, and didn't seem so down about it. My spirit photography says that alchemy is 'the medieval forerunner of chemistry, based on the supposed transformation of matter, especially that of base metals into gold'. So, like, cool stuff that gets you more money isn't counted as science? I think that's, like, totally unfair!
In the end, like, Nitori Kawashiro won because her invention could, according to Kanako, revolutionise agriculture as we know it, and that, like, with her help and co-operation with the super-powerful sun-crow in the underground, we could, like, create a future of science! I... don't know what a future of science is like, but the way Kanako talked about it makes it seem real neat and stuff!
However, the prize, that is, a hyper-rare talisman said to bring great faith to the owner, was, like, stolen by the disqualified entrant, Miss Seiga Kaku. However, like, Kanako said that the object was what the outside world calls a 'placebo', and that, like, the crowds would still place more faith in Nitori, because she was the rightful winner. I guess placebos must be, like, part-sentient relics that know right and wrong! That's, like, so cool!
Anyway, the Science Fair was super-fun, and I hope that anyone unlucky enough to miss it at least enjoyed this article, because, like, it was a total blast writing it! This is your friendly neighbourhood cutie-pie, Hatate Himekaidou, saying goodbye for now!
Article written by Hatate Himekaidou
Present-day hindsight: Hatate can't write an article... you need a certain professional style whenever you write up your findings, and she... just doesn't bother with a style. She just types it up in the same style as that annoying voice of hers.
Well, it's not that I have a problem with this being in the archives, it's just... there are certain articles that are better than this that deserve to be featured over this. The fact that they happen to be written by me is mere happen-stance.
But I guess I'm glad she actually went out to cover the story. At the time I was... er... busy grieving a very close friend of mine by the name of Kenny the third... he had sadly passed away thanks to that mimicker youkai throwing a tantrum because I slightly exaggerated his obvious attraction to me...
Anyway, back then, I was so distraught that I couldn't go out and gather information. Hatate even had to ask Momiji if she could borrow her printing facilities. I guess she works hard, even if she is no good at writing articles.