Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.
I know it's been a while...sorry about that and thank you for your patience. To make up for the wait I've written you a long chapter, over ten thousand words :)
Last chapter we left Bella and Edward basking in the after-glow of their lovemaking. Now let's see what happens the next morning ...
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I wake to the touch of a cool leg sliding gently between mine.
Smiling, eyes still closed, I snuggle deeper into the arms that hold me. I press closer to the chest that has become my pillow.
"Good morning," Edward whispers. His fingers trail softly through my hair, he presses his lips to my forehead and I kiss over his heart. He sighs. His foot grazes lazily over mine.
My eyes open and I am rewarded with a beaming smile of heartbreaking beauty and wonder that hits me like a blaze of sunlight.
We stare at each other, a moment of perfect peace and smiles and fingertips caressing bare skin.
"Did last night really happen?" I whisper.
"Last night really happened," he whispers back and kisses me softly before pulling me closer. He trails his hand along the length of my spine, a slow pattern, up and down, up and down…
"How do you feel this morning?" he asks.
I giggle and stretch and watch his eyes watching me.
"Like I've come unhinged."
There is a flash of confusion and concern in his eyes. "Is that a good thing?"
"It feels like a very good thing."
His smile is back and brilliant once more.
"You changed your mind," I murmur and snuggle into him again.
"It wasn't a conscious decision." His voice rumbles softly in his chest beneath my cheek. He sighs and his hand stills in the middle of my back as I wait for his answer. "It just sort of happened. I wanted to be with you but it seemed too soon, there were things…" he shakes his head. "But when you said you trusted me…" He tilts my face so he can see my eyes. "I can't explain how that felt."
"I think you showed me," I smile and he is gorgeous when he smiles back shyly and bites his lip.
Rolling onto his back he tucks one arm behind his head while his other arm keeps me close and he stares at the cracks in my ceiling.
"So how do you feel this morning?" I ask.
He shakes his head and smiles.
"Unhinged," he whispers. Then the smile fades, his face becomes serious. "Last night surpassed anything I could have imagined. To be so close..." He pauses, looking down into my eyes now. "To be part of you that way, not knowing where I ended and you began. I wish I could tell you how it felt in here." He takes my hand and presses it over his heart. "But I can't." He lifts my hand and kisses my palm. "It was the best night of my existence."
I don't think my heart could be any fuller, the love, the happiness I feel almost hurts. I blink back some tears, fast, because I don't want to miss the beautiful smile on his face, or the joy that shines in his eyes.
"So you weren't worried about hurting me?"
"Every second," he whispers without hesitation and his eyes travel to the headboard above us. "I'll buy you a new one," he says apologetically.
Puzzled, I lift my head to see and I stare, shocked, at the gouges in the wood; the deep grooves that so obviously match Edward's fingers; the jagged, broken bedpost and the splinters that scatter over the floor. Then I stare back at Edward, not quite understanding. He sits up, the sheet rumples loosely around his hips and I'm distracted, but just for a moment.
"There was too much…" he frowns and pulls his hand through his hair. "Too much energy?" He shakes his head. "Too much feeling - I think that's the only way to describe it." His eyes drift to the headboard again. "It was everything, all at once..."
I stop him right there, grabbing his face between my hands and kissing him hard. When I pull back he looks surprised…and a little dazzled.
"Thank you," I whisper, my hands still cupping his face. "For keeping me safe."
He shakes his head, lost for words it seems as I look back at the headboard and laugh.
"How did I not notice that happening?"
He shrugs a shoulder and the corner of his mouth hints at a smirk. "You were distracted," he says. But the smirk quickly fades and he frowns again. "This wasn't how I would have planned things." He looks around at my small room with the clothes thrown over the chair, the books piled haphazardly on my nightstand and another pile on my dresser. My bag hanging off the doorknob. The dresser that doesn't match the bed. For a moment I think I'm seeing a flash of the old Edward, the brooding is creeping back, my heart starts to tighten…and then he smiles and brings his gaze back to me. Sitting opposite each other in rumpled sheets I begin smiling too.
"What?"
"I'm glad I didn't have a chance to plan things," he says. "Because this was perfect."
He lunges at me and locks me in his arms as he tosses me back on the bed. I laugh and kick as his fingers tease and tickle and his lips kiss over my neck and chest. "Anywhere with you is perfect," he laughs as I squeal and wriggle and buck. "Everything with you is perfect."
Then suddenly he pulls back and cocks his head.
"You're happy?" he asks
"Best night of my existence," I grin and pull him back down to me.
"Really?"
"You know it was. And there'll be more best nights, won't there?"
"I hope so." He kisses over my throat.
"Maybe some best mornings?" I run my toes along his leg, up towards his thigh and he moans softly.
"What about school?"
"No school today," I murmur. "I'm declaring today a holiday. But you've got me curious now…what would you have planned?"
Edward stops his kissing and props himself up on his elbow beside me.
"The whole romantic cliché. Somewhere warm, for a start. Maybe a roaring fire. Candles, silk sheets, flowers."
"I don't need that," I whisper.
"I know."
"I just need you."
"I know that too."
"That's why last night was perfect, Edward. Because it just happened. And knowing my luck, I'd probably knock a candle over during the throes of passion and burn the place down, or I'd slide out of the silk sheets and crack my head on the floor."
Edward chuckles as he kisses me again.
"You know I'd never let either of those things happen."
"I know." I kiss him back. "You turned the heat up last night, didn't you?"
"I did. Are you cold? I kept the blanket between us for most of the night."
"I don't feel cold." But of course, as soon as I say it, the first goose bumps appear. Immediately, Edward is off the bed and striding naked into my bathroom. A second later I hear the water running in the shower.
"You need to warm up," he says, sticking his head around the door.
"I don't want to get out of the bed."
"Then I'll be showering alone," he says casually and I'm out of the bed and into the bathroom like a shot from a cannon.
-0-
The water is warm on my skin but Edward feels even warmer. Holding me close he kisses me and his tongue teases, slowly licking the water from my lips and throat and shoulders and breasts. I can feel him hard and heavy against my hip and he groans when I take him in my hand. He buries his face against my neck as my name breaks on his lips. It's a revelation, the way my touch can bring him so undone; I see his muscles tighten and quiver beneath his skin with every stroke. His head rolls back on his shoulders, the water streaming over his face and the growls rumble from deep within him. He braces himself with one hand against the tiles. His other hand clutches me closer as his lips part and his eyes screw shut and just the sight of him has my own need matching his.
"Edward..." I moan and he doesn't hesitate. He lifts me and takes me as he stands. I'm lost in him, and he's lost in me until we cry out and collapse in a breathless tangle of limbs on the shower floor, somehow pulling the plastic curtain down with us.
Wrapped in starfish and seashells, it takes me a moment to catch my breath, and then I start to giggle as Edward grins.
"Oops," he says, and my giggles become belly laughs.
"Is this basking in the after-glow?" he asks, laughing too now.
"I think so."
"I owe you a shower curtain too now. It seems I'm slowly destroying your apartment."
"Then it's a good thing I love you."
"A very good thing," he smiles.
"I can't wait to see what you do to the living room. And there's still the kitchen."
He chuckles softly as he carefully uncurls his body from mine and reaches to turn off the taps. The he stands. Over me. Wet and naked. And this is my first real, stand-back-and-see view of him. He's magnificient.
"What?" he asks and it's clear he has no idea and I can't even imagine the look on my face as he holds out his hand to pull me to my feet. "What is it?" he asks me again when I'm standing. He lowers his face and runs his nose the length of mine. His eyes are so full of joy. "What is it?" he whispers, smiling.
"I...I used to imagine what it would be like...what you would be like, like this..."
"Oh." He seems surprised and though I expect my face to be beetroot red at such as admission, it's not. I reach up and touch Edward's face. Touch my lover's face. We're standing naked in a shabby bathroom, our feet tangled in a plastic shower curtain, and I've never felt more confident or beautiful in my life.
"I used to think I had a good imagination. But I don't."
Edward wraps me in his arms that are still warm from the water.
"I know I have a good imagination," he whispers. "And it still fell way short."
He scoops me into his arms, grabs the towels from the rail and carries me back to the bed.
-0-
Sitting amongst the blankets and pillows, Edward is just in his jeans and I'm wearing his t-shirt. He runs my brush through my damp hair, his fingers expertly loosening any tangles.
"You're much more relaxed than I would have expected," I murmur.
The brush stills for just a moment.
"I feel very relaxed around you," he says. "This feels right. Though there is a small part of my brain that's telling me my behaviour here has been less than gentlemanly."
He finishes brushing and I lie down.
"I think you've been a perfect gentleman."
He doesn't respond, but reaches out to the red ribbon tied around the surviving bed post. His long fingers pull on one end and it unravels and drifts down to the pillow next to me. Edward trails the ribbon over the pillow, across my shoulder and down my body, along the bare skin of my legs and thighs. He lays down beside me and nudges at the t-shirt, exposing my stomach and ribs just a little, and he swishes the ribbon there now, making swirly patterns, raising goose bumps and giggles.
"You like it when I wear it in my hair, don't you?"
"I do."
"Why?"
The ribbon pauses for a moment, a sliver of rich red against my skin, and then continues on its way, circling my belly button.
"In my human time women wore ribbons in their hair. If the ribbon was a gift from a man and she wore it, it held some significance."
"What sort of significance?"
He shrugs. "That she liked him."
My heart squeezes and tightens in my chest and I reach up to touch his cheek.
"Is that what you intended?"
"No," he smiles and trails the silk over my hip. "It was just something to decorate the snow globe. But when I saw it in your hair..." he smiles as he leans down to kiss me.
"You never used to talk very much about your human life before," I murmur when he pulls back. "But then, I never really asked about it either." His face is inches from mine now, sharing my pillow. There's so much about him I don't know. There are things I've read in history books that Edward has seen and lived through. "Will you tell me now?"
"What do you want to know?"
"I don't know. There's so much. Um, did you have a pet?" I roll my eyes; it seems like a stupid question but Edward smiles.
"I had a dog for a while. His name was Duke. He'd fetch anything I threw him."
My face lights up at this little look into Edward's past.
"What happened to him?"
"He died. Old age, I think. Or it might have been the mishap with a horse and cart..." His voice trails off as he thinks. "I know there was an accident; I can't remember if that's what killed him."
"Do you have photos?"
"Not of Duke. I have a couple of my parents. One of me in my baseball uniform."
"Will you show me sometime?"
Edward blinks at me, surprise on his face. Then the surprise melts into a smile.
"I'd like that," he says.
"Did you look like you do now?"
"I'm probably not the best judge of that. I think I look totally different, Carlisle says otherwise."
"So Carlisle thinks you look the same?"
"Very similar, without the glasses."
"Glasses?" My eyes widen and Edward nods. "You wore glasses?"
"For schoolwork and reading, that's all. Did I not tell you that before?"
"No."
I sit up and study him, trying to get my head around the idea of a bespectacled Edward.
"You're trying to imagine it, aren't you?" he smiles.
"Yes," I nod. "Are you wearing glasses in the photo?"
"Not the baseball photo. But there's one other of me at a piano and I'm wearing them."
I cock my head this way and that and he watches me amused.
"What else was different?" My eyes scan the length of him and I'm so eager for information.
"My teeth were crooked."
"Really?"
He flashes me a wide, perfect smile. "Just a little bit," he says. "Slight overlap in the bottom row. Nothing too disfiguring. "
I shake my head. "I can't imagine...you with glasses and crooked teeth. What else? What did your hair look like?"
"Same length, but combed differently. Flatter." He pulls his fingers through the strands. "You know, you probably wouldn't have looked twice at me if we passed in the street."
"Oh, I think I would have. I would have said 'look at that guy with the glasses and the crooked teeth and the flat hair'."
Edward throws his head back and laughs and it's so beautiful to watch. I laugh along with him, just because I'm so happy.
"You know, Edward, I bet the glasses made you look really sexy."
"They made me look like a dork. Maybe I won't show you the photo – you'll be disappointed. Or worse, it'll turn you off me forever."
"Never," I laugh. "That will never happen. Tell me more."
"What else do you want to know?"
"Everything."
We spend the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon curled up on my bed, talking about Edward's hundred years. I want to know where he's been and what he's done. What he's seen. I'm surprised by the number of human memories he still holds, though he says they're foggy and vague but some are clearer than others.
I listen, fascinated, as I hear about the drug store two blocks from his house that had an actual soda fountain, though he can't remember his favourite flavour. He tells me about playing baseball and building soapbox carts with his friends – he remembers the names of some, but not others. He grins when he tells me about going with his parents to watch the Christmas tree ship sail into the harbour, bringing loads of trees destined for the living rooms of Chicago's families.
"It was a tradition watching the boat come in," Edward smiles. "There was always one tree tied to the main mast, the others were stacked around the decks, and it was like the start of the Christmas season so I could officially get excited."
I try to imagine Edward as a small boy in flat cap with his pants held up by suspenders. And his glasses.
"I bet you were cute."
I lean down, wrap my arms around him and kiss him with everything I have. He tumbles me onto the pillows but my stomach grumbles – and that means everything stops.
Ten minutes later we're sitting on the sofa while I chew my way through a sandwich.
"I'm not that hungry."
"You need to eat. You didn't have breakfast."
"You're very bossy sometimes."
"You still need to eat."
"There's only one thing I'm hungry for."
Edward's mouth drops open a little, then closes. He smirks.
"Insatiable," he mouths and I laugh.
"Yep. That's me."
He rolls his eyes. "Eat up and I'll see what I can do."
His words ignite deep inside me and the smile that follows them fans the flames.
I'm wolfing down the rest of my sandwich when Jake calls and I'm happy to let it go through to voicemail but Edward excuses himself to the bedroom so I can speak privately - even though we both know he will still hear.
"Thanksgiving," Jake declares. "You coming home for Thanksgiving?"
"I don't know, I hadn't thought about it. It's still a month away." I lick some crumbs from my fingers as I stare at the bedroom door.
"Well, I'm booking you in. Beth's already planning, we're going all out. And Charlie's coming - it won't feel right if you're not there too." He pauses. "Beth and I were planning to make an announcement," he says quietly. "It would mean a lot to me if you could be there."
For a second my attention is diverted from the door.
"What announcement?"
"You'll have to come to Thanksgiving dinner and see."
The grin stretches across my face. My guess is my best friend is getting married and I'm so happy for him.
"Oh, Jake...of course I'll be there. I can't wait."
"Thanks Bells." I can hear him smiling. "It'll be good to have you home for a while."
Home.
The word bounces around in my head.
I don't think of Forks as home anymore – and I haven't for a while. Florida didn't feel like home. For a second I wonder where home is, and then I realise...
Right now my home is standing on the other side of that bedroom door. Or maybe sitting. Perhaps lying on my bed counting the cracks in the ceiling. Or staring out the window. My home.
"It'll be good to see you, Jake," I smile. "Say hi to Beth for me."
When I hang up the bedroom door opens and Edward appears with the shower curtain in his hand.
"It's beyond repair," he frowns. "Torn through. I'll buy you a new one."
I run at him and he drops the curtain and catches me, swinging me round, his face full of surprise.
"What's that for?" he asks, grinning.
"Just because it feels so good to be home."
"What?"
"I'm being cheesy, never mind." He laughs and sets me back on my feet. "You heard my call with Jake?"
He smiles sheepishly and nods.
"Do you mind?"
"You should be there for your friend," he says, seriously as he strokes his thumb across my bottom lip. "I know you have a life outside of me, Bella. It would be wrong of me to try and keep you from it." He's still not wearing his shirt and I kiss my way over his chest.
"But this will be our first Thanksgiving."
"And we'll have a thousand more."
A thousand more! My heart somersaults and Edward smiles when he hears it. He lowers his lips to mine. "If you choose to change, then you should take every opportunity to see your family and friends while you can." He kisses me slowly, softly, before pulling back to gently nudge my cheek with his nose. "Maybe I can drive with you, and stay in the Forks house while you stay with your father."
"Sounds like a plan," I smile and kiss my way along his jaw. He sighs.
"Bella?"
"Mm?"
"When do you start work this afternoon?"
I look at the clock and scowl. Crap.
-0-
Edward visits The Drum twice during my shift. Each time he buys a stack of CD's and DVD's. On the second trip he throws in a harmonica.
"What's this for?" I ask.
"For fun," he shrugs. "I've never had one."
He gives me a dazzling smile as he leaves and even though Alison is bleary-eyed from last night she still manages to cast an appreciative eye in Edward's direction.
"Who's he?" she asks me as the door swings shut behind him, but before I can answer, Amaranthe speaks up.
"Just going by the way they were looking at each other, I'd say he's Bella's boyfriend."
When I smile Alison's mouth drops open.
"Seriously? You kept that quiet. You should have brought him last night."
"I did."
"Oh."
She rubs her temples. "There's a lot I don't remember. Did people have a good time? The clean-up bill is going to cost a fortune. Has anyone heard from Scott?"
I assure her it was a great party and don't mention that I was only there for fifteen minutes. Then I remind her that Scott has called in sick this afternoon.
"Sick my ass," she mutters and slouches off to the backroom as Amaranthe winks at me.
"Last night and today I've seen sides of Alison I didn't know existed."
Amaranthe laughs. "She's a surprise, isn't she? So what's your boyfriend's name?"
"Edward."
Amaranthe nods approvingly. "You know, with skin like his, and those eyes, Edward would make a great Goth."
-0-
Of course, Edward is waiting for me when I finish my shift. He kisses me but seems quiet now, distracted even, as we walk hand-in-hand to his car.
"Is everything okay?" I ask and he smiles and says yes, but that's all he says.
The drive back to my apartment is mostly silent. He smiles again when I ask him about the harmonica and says he'll play it for me later.
He sits on the kitchen counter as I cook myself dinner, picking up utensils and examining them, watching me closely as I throw a Bolognese together, but he still seems far away. I wonder if maybe we have moved too fast and everything is catching up with him and mentally prepare myself to slow things down. He might not want to stay tonight but that's okay – we'll move at his pace.
When I grumble about having no garlic he offers to go get me some.
"What?" he asks when I snort.
"The vampire is going to buy garlic."
He grins and it makes me glad. "Wonders will never cease, will they?"
I direct him to the convenience store two blocks away and am surprised when he's gone for nearly half an hour.
"They didn't have fresh, only pre-powdered in jars," he tells me when he returns. He shrugs out of his jacket and sits back on the counter, leaning down to kiss me on the forehead as he presents me with a whole bulb. "I went to the supermarket instead. It's staggering, the number of people who don't grasp the concept of the eight-items-or-less line at the registers."
His observation makes me laugh and he watches closely as I smash a couple of cloves with the broad side of a knife.
"I know you guys shop for appearance sake, but how long since you've been in a supermarket?"
"A while."
I hand him the jar of tomato paste with a stubborn lid and watch him open it with barely a touch of his fingers. And then silence falls again – I feel the shift in his mood. Sometimes he watches me. Sometimes he looks towards the shelves with my snowglobes. He fidgets with something in his pocket. Keys? Phone? Edward never fidgets, not really. A knot begins to form and tighten in my stomach.
"Is something wrong, Edward?"
"No."
He gives me a quick smile and pulls his hand through his hair.
"Do you need to go?" I force myself to ask the question, and when I do it grabs his full attention and he stares at me, almost alarmed it seems.
"Do you want me to go?"
"No," I say quickly. "But you seem...restless."
"Oh." He doesn't deny it and looks down at his lap.
"So you want to stay?" We both know what I'm really asking.
"I'd like to," he says.
"But something is wrong, isn't it?" The knot tightens and travels to my throat.
"Not wrong, no," he says and glances at the pan sizzling on the stove top. "Can that wait for a moment?"
I turn down the heat and Edward takes my hand and leads me to the sofa. He pulls the rocking chair closer so he can hold my hands as we sit opposite each other.
"I've done something impulsive," he says quietly. "And now I'm not sure if it's right."
His eyes study mine, searching, for what I don't know. "Actually, that's wrong," he frowns. "The act was impulsive, the thought behind it wasn't."
He's talking in riddles and I'm trying to keep up but it's impossible. "What thought? What have you done?" I put my brain on hold and won't even let myself think right now.
Edward takes a deep breath and his thumbs stroke over mine. Then he lets go of my hands and reaches into his pocket. Heart pounding, mouth dry, I have no idea where this is going.
"Don't panic," he murmurs as he draws out the flat red velvet box. My heart grinds to a halt as he opens the lid.
"Oh, Edward." My hand flies to my mouth as I stare.
"Bella, what we shared last night, and this morning, was more right than anything I've ever done. It was right and it was perfect. But I'm still old-fashioned enough that a very small part of me thinks we might have put the cart before the house." He smiles a little. "And I'm old-fashioned enough that I would like you to have some symbol of my feelings. A symbol of my commitment to you."
He's still nervous but his face lights up, brilliant with joy, when I extend my shaking hand towards him and nod. And Edward takes the bracelet from its nest of cream satin.
There was a time I wouldn't have wanted his gift. There was a time when I would have said he'd already given me him, and anything more would be too much. I almost shudder now at the thought of how I insisted on no birthday gifts. How I grumbled about every little thing he tried to give me; how I threw his generosity and love back in his face. But I'm older now, and so much wiser, and I can't wait to wear his gift.
Edward's fingers tremble as they fasten the bracelet around my wrist.
"It's beautiful," I whisper.
"It looks beautiful on you," he says and comes to sit beside me on the sofa. His arm curls around me and he pulls me close while I examine his gift. The chain of antique silver is fine and delicate. The heart-shaped crystal that hangs from it sparks light and rainbows around the room.
"It was my mother's," Edward tells me, touching the crystal and making it gently swing. "I went back to the house to get it, just before I came to pick you up from work. Then I didn't know if it was too much. Or too soon. I've been trying to work it out. I still don't know."
"It's perfect," I whisper, watching the crystal bounce its light around the room. "Thank you." Then I smile. "It reminds me of you in the sunlight."
He chuckles softly. "Have you seen me in the sun very often?"
"Just a handful of times."
He kisses the top of my head. "Will you wear it?"
"Yes."
I lean in to kiss him again, but Edward pulls back and his nose wrinkles.
"Smoke," he mutters, standing, and walks quickly to the kitchen. It seems in my nervous state I hadn't turned the heat down as far as I'd thought. Edward turns off the pan and covers it with the lid, cutting off the smoke I can't even smell yet, but it seems the detectors in the ceiling are as sensitive as a vampire nose. The alarm starts wailing a second later.
But the alarm isn't just isolated to my kitchen – they're linked to the whole building and in another second the hallway sirens are wailing and there's the sound of running feet and doors slamming.
"Is this a back-to-base system?" Edward asks wearily.
"Yep."
He cocks his head, listening, and then nods. "And here they come."
There are two fire trucks and the building is evacuated while the firemen do their thing. I try to explain to one of them that it was just an overheated Bolognese on my stove. He tells me they can't leave until they've made sure that's all it is.
Edward keeps his arms around me as we stand across the street with the other residents of my building and I apologise profusely and everyone tells me not to worry – this isn't the first time it's happened.
"It was me last time," grins the guy from 4B. "I charcoaled my steaks."
It's only half an hour later that we're given the all-clear but as we head back across the road Edward's phone beeps and he reads a text from Alice. I watch his face as he frowns.
"What is it?"
"I knew your dinner would be ruined and I was going to offer to take you out," Edward murmurs. "But it seems like Alice has everything covered." He looks up from the phone. "She's begging me to bring you home. And she has an assortment of take-out menus for you to choose from."
I start chuckling but Edward still frowns.
"What's wrong?" I ask and he pulls me into his arms. Burying his nose in my hair he inhales deeply and sighs.
"I'm not ready to share you yet." He kisses my neck lightly. "But I also realise I can't keep you to myself any longer, so, I suppose..." he pulls back and smiles shyly. "Do you want to come and meet my family?"
-0-
He holds my hand as we drive. The crystal heart swings from my wrist and I watch it sway back and forth with the rhythm of the car.
"Is everything okay with your family?" I ask, because he seems tense and nervous.
"All is forgiven," he says quickly and squeezes my hand.
"Do they know about the bracelet?"
He nods. "When I went home to get it this afternoon, they were excited to know we were back together."
"They didn't know? I thought Alice might have..."
"Alice keeps very quiet these days." He leans across and kisses me. "How are you feeling about seeing them?"
"Excited. Nervous. I've missed them."
Edward nods again, but doesn't speak. His hand tightens around mine.
The Cullens are gathered in the living room when we arrive.
There had been so many times when I'd imagined a reunion and always it had been full of hugs and smiles, but now the reality is different. Everyone is tense. Edward's jaw is rigid.
"Bella," Esme smiles and comes forward, taking my hands carefully in hers. "It's so lovely to see you again."
"And you, Esme. I've missed you."
There could almost be tears in her eyes as she pulls me gently into a hug. "We're so sorry, Bella," she whispers as she steps back. "Sorry for what happened, for the way we left." She looks at Edward. "For holding back the truth." She bites her lip. "The last two years haven't been easy for any of us. I hope we can call this a new beginning."
"Of course," I smile and Edward bends to kiss Esme's cheek. The relief spreads across her beautiful features. She reaches up and touches his cheek as she nods and smiles, then steps back as Carlisle smiles hello and takes my hand. "It's so good to see you here," he says and I thank him.
"You're all grown up," Emmett grins from across the room. "Your hair's different."
"It's just some layers," I mumble, surprised that he's noticed.
"Looks good. Welcome back."
"Thanks," I smile.
Rosalie gives me a nod and a small smile which, from her, speaks volumes. Alice bounces on her toes, beaming at me, and then finally comes forward and engulfs me in a hug.
"So glad you're back," she grins.
"I'm glad too."
It's not until she steps aside that I see Jasper standing behind everyone else. The last time I saw him his teeth were snapping inches from my face. I don't mean to stiffen, but I do, and Edward pulls me closer.
Jasper bows his head but doesn't come any nearer.
"Bella, I can't tell you how terribly sorry I am," he says very formally as the rest of the Cullens begin to melt away into other parts of the house. Strange, I don't really see them leave. Only Alice stays, holding tight to her husband's hand. "If there was one thing I could change about my last one hundred and fifty years, it would be that night."
"It's okay. I know it wasn't personal." It seems such a stupid thing to say and I frown. "I mean...I understand. I always knew hanging out with vampires was a risk." I laugh awkwardly and the words that sounded good in my head sound trite and ridiculous when they find breath. I shake my head. "I guess I'm trying to say, I don't like what happened, but I understand why it did. And I accept your apology."
Jasper bows his head again. "I don't want you to be frightened to come here," he says. I notice now how light his eyes are – fresh from the hunt, I would say. Preparing for my arrival, no doubt.
"I'm not," I smile.
Jasper returns the smile and looks now at Edward who nods.
Alice comes to hug me again and asks if I want Thai or Chinese or Mexican.
"Um, Thai?"
"Done!" she grins and pulls out her phone to place an order. "Fish cakes? Dim sum? Spicy lamb with red curry?" She rattles off the things I ordered when we went for a pre-concert meal in Seattle that perfect summer.
"You remembered?"
"Of course," she grins again.
The other Cullens gradually reappear and we sit in the living room together as the tension gradually falls away and we begin catching up.
In many ways, this house is similar to the Forks house; it's tucked away in the woods and is all windows and open-plan spaces. Edward's piano sits at one end of the room. He stays very quiet, his hand never leaves mine but he gradually begins to relax – I feel his body sag slightly as I rest against him. My hand covers his thigh. Every now and then he kisses my temple, my cheek.
Jasper goes down to the road to meet the delivery guy and returns with my dinner and it doesn't feel awkward, being the only one eating. It feels kind of like old times, with Emmett making jokes about my food and me teasing him back. And Rosalie rolling her eyes at her husband and Esme telling Emmett not to be rude.
After dinner Edward takes my hand. "Wanna see my room," he smiles and we head upstairs while Emmett whistles and Rosalie whacks the back of his head.
"Some things don't change," I smile and though Edward smiles back it's strained. He leads me to the familiar black leather couch and I could almost cry as I sink onto it, beside him. In the distance I hear a door slam, and a car engine.
"Your family's gone out?"
"They're being discrete," he smiles and I bring my legs up to curl beneath me.
"We used to sit on this and listen to music," I whisper and trail my fingers over the seam along the edge of the couch, feeling the familiar bumps here and there in the stitching. Edward's trophy cup is on the shelf. There are his rows and rows of cd's and records. There's no glass wall, but there is a huge window with a low sill, looking over the dark woods.
Edward pulls his hand through his hair. "Do you want to listen to something now?"
"Sure."
He puts on something soft and classical and comes back to sit next to me. Feet planted firmly on the floor, he rubs his hands over his denim-clad thighs.
"Tonight was alright?" he asks, looking at his feet, not at me.
"Tonight was good." I still one of his hands with mine. "I've missed your family. And things felt a bit awkward at first but it didn't take long for it to feel pretty much like it used to."
Edward nods but a scowl clouds his beautiful face. I touch his chin and he looks at me. I was going to ask if I could see his photos , but I have the feeling this isn't the right time.
"What's wrong?" I ask gently. "You've been tense since we arrived. Are you still angry with your family?"
"Not really," he shakes his head. "I know their decisions were never meant to hurt me."
"Then what?"
He shrugs and looks away towards the window.
"It's stupid," he mutters.
"Now you're sounding like a seventeen year old," I smirk and his lips twitch with an almost-smile. "Will you tell me?"
He sighs and shrugs. "My family has a shared history with you, and I don't."
His words are simply said, but I can hear the hurt and for a moment I'm at a loss for what to say.
"We share that history too," I whisper.
He pulls one leg up to hug to his chest. His other hand curls around mine as he faces me.
"No we don't. Emmett knows that your hair is different. Alice remembers what food you like. I can't recall the night Jasper talks about. For me, tonight felt like I was introducing you to my family. For you, it would have been a reunion. A reconciliation. I was the odd man out."
He looks so lost and I want to tell him he's wrong, but I know he's right.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
"No," he says quickly. "Don't be sorry. I'm just being...maudlin." He sighs and leans back, resting his head against the wall. "Is it strange that I'm jealous of the Edward in Forks? Because he got the first kiss. He took you to the meadow. You saw him in the sun."
"That was still you."
"I've tried so hard to remember," he whispers. His eyes are deep and sad right now and I crawl into his lap and hold him as hard as I can. His arms curl around me. "You talk about us sitting on this couch listening to music, but I don't know which songs."
"This was one of them."
"Was it?"
He strokes his hand over my back.
"Sometimes you'd go all retro, and we'd pick an era. Glam rock was pretty fun."
"Glam?"
"You got out your David Bowie albums."
"Did I?"
"Yes."
I'm so glad when he chuckles softly but a moment later the mood shifts again.
"I hate him, too," he says, and after a pause his words spill quickly from his lips. "Not because of the firsts, but because of what he did to you. Sometimes, I almost hope that I don't remember. The things you've told me that I did...I don't think I want them in my head. I can't bear to think what it was like to leave you. Does that make me a coward?"
"I think it makes you human." I cup his cheek in my hand. He closes his eyes and nestles into my palm.
"But it's so conflicting, because I do want the bad memories. Without them I can't ever fully make up for what I did..."
"You've already made up for it." I stroke my thumb over the smooth rise of his cheekbone. "You're here and you're not going anywhere."
"Nowhere," he whispers, opening his eyes.
"And that's all I need. You. Here. Now. Forever."
He nods slowly. "Forever."
We lay down on his couch, wrapped in each other as I run my lips over his throat and he runs his hands over my thighs. I pull his sweater over his head; he slides my jeans down my legs. When he sinks into me I lock myself around him and give him a new memory for us to share.
-0-
Edward practically lives at my apartment. Over the next weeks we're barely apart, his bracelet never leaves my wrist and I've never seen him so happy, even during that Forks summer when it was just the two of us and the outside world didn't exist and the future wasn't coming.
He buys me a new bed – an iron one with extra reinforcing. And a new shower curtain – bright blue with seahorses.
We study together. We make love. We see a lot of his family and his tension eases. He tells me more jokes and teaches himself the harmonica. He also teaches himself how to cook, but his mouth organ blues are better than his Bolognese.
He spends hours poring over my photo album, but his memories don't come back. He doesn't seem to fight it now - we're focused on the future, and my decision that after graduation we'll go away together and he'll change me. We talk a lot about what it will mean, the difficulties and limitations, but we both know one thing...a human lifetime isn't enough, and being apart doesn't work for us.
As Thanksgiving approaches I think of Jake and his announcement and my trip back to Forks. There was a time when I would have thought my best friend was crazy to get engaged so young. I believed marriage was just something that failed my parents, and almost fifty percent of other couples. That sort of union was never on my radar, but one night as I sit studying on the sofa, I look across at Edward and start to wonder. Frowning as he battles a frittata recipe, I don't think I could love him anymore than I do. He's in every beat of my heart; in my every breath and every thought. And suddenly I understand why Renee tried again with Phil. Why I'm pretty sure Jake is going to say I do to Beth. Why Edward's family have all walked down the aisle.
"I love you," I whisper and he looks up and smiles.
"I love you too."
He blows some hair out of his face and I laugh. I want this man for eternity. I will love him for eternity and I realise with sudden certainty that I want to join myself to him in every way that I can.
He goes back to his recipe. The frown returns. My heart begins to pound as a whole new world opens up to me and welcomes me in.
"Edward?"
"Mm?"
" Um, what do you think of marriage?"
He nearly drops the cheese grater.
"Marriage?"
"Uh huh."
My notes slide to the floor. Edward's eyes lock with mine.
"I believe in marriage," he says quietly. "If it's what both people want."
"Oh."
My heart is racing, pounding against my ribs like it wants to break free and run to the man who is currently up to his wrists in frittata batter and cheese. Slowly, Edward puts down the grater and wipes his hands on the dishtowel. He leaves the kitchen counter and comes towards me, crouching down in front of me and taking my hands.
"I didn't think marriage was something you wanted."
"We never actually talked about it."
"I know. But I've overheard your views on the subject. They weren't very positive."
I shake my head, I don't know what he's referring to.
"When was this?"
"The day after you served me in The Drum that first time. You were laughing with Alex in one of the corridors in the Arts building."
"Oh." Now I remember. It was my anthropology unit. We'd been studying how the relevance of marriage had changed over the centuries. Afterwards in the hall I'd been debating with Alex. I said something about marriage being archaic and unnecessary.
"You heard that?"
"You had me intrigued, and I was listening out for you, yes." He shrugs and I look down at the crystal that swings from my wrist.
"This isn't a crystal, is it?"
"No, it's not."
I lift my eyes and almost drown in his.
"It's a diamond?"
He doesn't answer but touches the glittering heart. I realise now he probably thought this was as close as we'd ever get to marriage.
"Edward, I was wrong."
"About what?"
"What I said in that hallway."
He gasps so softly I almost miss it.
"That's good to know," he says quietly, almost casually, as he stands. "Now I'd better finish your dinner before the batter clumps together."
His proposal comes just four days later, on a rug in front of a fireplace in a cabin near Hood River. A surprise getaway, he called it. Just for fun.
We hiked through woods and followed the river and admired spectacular views. When night comes the fire is warm and welcome as we sit in fluffy bathrobes, me curled in Edward's lap. His arms hold me to him, tucked close under his chin as we watch the flames dance and jump. The memory of the hot tub still tingles on my skin.
Edward tilts my face and kisses me slowly, tenderly. I twist my hands in his hair, pulling him closer.
"Marry me," he whispers against my lips.
My hands still. I pull back to see his face. The flames are mirrored in his eyes as his gaze searches mine.
"Marry me, Bella."
My heart leaps, my stomach goes into free-fall. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or both. I am shot-through with joy and want to shout my answer but all I can manage is a whisper.
"Yes. Yes."
His smile widens, spreading across his face and it's like he's suddenly lit up from the inside as he reaches into the pocket of his robe.
He pulls out a ring, an oval diamond, and slides it smoothly onto my finger. It's a perfect fit and it looks so right, like it belongs there. I quickly wipe away the tears that have pooled in my eyes.
"Thank you," Edward says and kisses my hand. Lifting his eyes I'm caught not just by the depth of love I see, but the promise that shines brighter than the flames. I tell him I love him and he answers me with a kiss.
"You had this planned."
"From the second you told me your views had changed," he murmurs, pressing his forehead to mine. "I thought of getting down on one knee and making a whole speech..."
"I don't need that."
"I know."
He pulls me close again. "Bella," he breathes. "I didn't know this sort of happiness was possible."
With his nose he nudges the robe from my shoulders and the diamonds on my wrist and finger sparkle brilliant and bright in the firelight as we discover a whole new happiness in front of the flames.
-0-
"You'll drive safely," Edward says firmly as I climb into my truck.
"Yes."
"I'll see you there tomorrow."
"Tomorrow."
I shut the door and lean my face through the open window to kiss him.
"Be careful," he whispers.
"I'll call you when I arrive."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
There's another kiss and then Edward stands back and nods. I start the engine and though I don't want to leave without him I force myself to shift the truck into first gear and release the handbrake.
"Tomorrow," I smile.
"Tomorrow," he mouths and lifts his hand in a wave as I pull away from the curb and drive down the street. In the rear vision mirror I see him standing on the footpath, hands locked on top of his head, watching me go. I turn the radio up loud for distraction and remind myself that in forty eight hours we'll be together again.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm heading back to Forks to spend the holiday with Charlie and Jacob and everyone at La Push. The Cullens will celebrate in their own way tomorrow – hunting as a family, and then Edward will drive to Forks to join me. Tonight I stay with Charlie. The rest of the weekend I'll stay with Edward in his old house on the edge of town and that's when we'll tell Charlie our news.
We thought long and hard about whether to tell my dad. I thought perhaps we should keep it quiet, if I'm going to disappear in a few years anyway. But in the end Edward said there would be enough lies, and if Charlie knew I was happy and cared-for and loved, then maybe he wouldn't worry so much when I stopped coming for Christmases and birthdays and other Thanksgivings. Though Charlie's initial reaction could be a problem – I know he won't be happy about Edward being back in my life. And I don't want to think about what Jacob will say when he finds out.
Edward's family, on the other hand, are overjoyed about our engagement. If we let Alice have her way we would be booked into the Plaza Hotel and I'd be having fittings at Vera Wang. But we're doing things in our own way, in our own time. We'll get through Charlie's reaction first, and go from there. I'd like my dad to walk me down the aisle. I want it to be one of the memories we'll share and I focus on that as I head my truck further away from Edward.
The drive from Portland to Forks is almost five hours. The rain starts falling two hours into my trip. It gets steadily heavier and heavier. The holiday traffic slows the journey even more and I decide to take some back roads.
I'm only half an hour from Forks, maybe forty minutes, when the rain buckets down so heavily that the wipers can't keep up. I pull over on the side of a quiet road that winds on the outskirts of the national park and wait it out. Without the sound of the engine the pelting rain is loud on the truck roof. And it's cold with the heat turned off. I shrug deeper into my coat and grab my beanie from my bag and pull it on.
The rain keeps falling.
I drink the bottle of water I brought with me. I eat the packet of potato chips.
My toes start to go numb.
I sing to myself and stomp my feet. I'm working my way through a packet of mints and a chapter of The Bronze Horseman when the rain finally eases and stops. At last.
I put down my book and start the engine and listen to the tyres spin wildly as my truck sits still.
"Crap."
The side of the road has turned to a mud pond and when I clamber out I discover my tyres have sunk in deep. I try to dig the tyres out with my hands and a stick but it's useless.
My phone sounds from inside my pocket and it's Edward's ring tone. He'll be worried, I know, because I realise I should have called him by now but my fingers are slippery with mud and the phone slides through my fingers, bounces hard off the running board and lands with a plop in the mud.
"Shit!"
The ringing stops. I scramble for it in the mud and with numb fingers I try to scrape its keypad clean. The screen is cracked, the case has separated slightly at the bottom and I push it back together but I think I'm just squeezing mud inside.
I dial Edward's number and hope. It rings once and then stops; the screen fades to black. I try again and again but there is nothing. The phone is dead. And now I know he is going to panic.
Groaning, I climb back into my seat and turn the ignition. If I can get moving and get to Charlie's I can call Edward before he freaks out too much. So I rev the engine hard. And I watch the mud spray over the windows.
I bang my head against the steering wheel.
But my determination hasn't deserted me yet and I climb out again to do a thorough inspection. There has to be a way out.
But the mud is thick and deep and as I make my way around the front of the truck I slip again and cut my hand on the fender when I grab it for support. The blood oozes red across my palm and the smell sends me dizzy. I sink onto the running board and put my head between my knees while I hold my hand away from me. Pulling the cold air into my lungs, I hold my breath and then climb into the cabin of the truck to look for tissues.
The best I can find is the paper napkin from the drive-through where I bought lunch so I press it hard over the cut and hold my breath again. I count to twenty and then peel the napkin away. The flow seems to have stopped but my stomach lurches. There's blood on the seat I notice. And I've dripped on the floor as well. I wind down the window and stick my head out to breathe in deeply again.
I'm not sure what happens now. I know Edward will probably come looking. Maybe Charlie too – I'd told him I'd be there in time for dinner. I try the phone once more...
Nothing.
Swearing, I toss it on the seat beside me and wait.
I search my bag for a band aid to replace the napkin and at least something is going my way when I find one and stick it across my palm.
When I hear a car coming I get out to flag it down...maybe they'll let me use their phone - but they don't stop. It's the same twenty minutes later when another car comes past.
It's been an hour now.
I close my eyes and try to ignore the cold that is seeping into my bones.
Two hours.
I shouldn't have drunk that bottle of water because now I need to pee.
My hand throbs. I'm hungry and so cold that my body is shivering from scalp to toes. And the pressing need of my bladder is strong. I look at the empty water bottle and for a moment it seems to be the answer, until I take note of the narrow size of the opening and the vigorous shaking of my hands. Nope, no way that's going to have a neat and tidy ending. So I find myself clambering out of the truck once more.
I push my way through the dense woods, searching for space big enough to suit my need and by the time I find a few clear square feet I can't see my truck anymore and my fingers are numb as I struggle with the zipper of my jeans.
"BELLA!"
Edward is bellowing my name. His panic echoes through the woods and it cuts through me like broken glass. And I realise now that he's found my truck with blood on the seat and the floor and me nowhere in sight.
"I'm here!" I call and drag my jeans up as quickly as I can. "Edward, I'm here!"
In the distance thunder begins to roll.
"BELLA!"
"I'm here."
He's running. I hear him crashing through the woods; there's a flash of colour and suddenly I'm swept into his arms before I've even really seen him. It's like being hit with a wave and he crushes me to him so hard it's almost painful.
"Oh, dear God, Bella," he cries and his body is trembling.
"I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay."
He pulls back just enough so he can see me. One hand runs frantically over my body, my face, checking before coming to rest over my heart. He bows his head, closes his eyes, and presses his forehead to mine.
"You're alright," he breathes.
"Yes. I just needed to pee."
"There was blood…"
"I cut my hand on the fender." I show him my palm with its band aid.
He exhales sharply – pain and relief wash across his face as he kisses my palm.
"Is it deep?"
"Just a scratch. I'm fine."
Edward pulls me close again, his body still trembles. "I thought I'd lost you." His whisper breaks and his arms squeeze me to him over and over. "Running through the woods, listening for your heart, I thought…"
The change is subtle but sudden. Edward's already-hard body becomes rigid as his words trail off. It seems to start with his legs and moves upwards until I feel like I'm being held by a statue. Even his chest stills as his breathing stops.
"Edward?"
He doesn't respond. I pull back but it's hard, his embrace is like a vice but when I struggle he lets me go. His arms swing limply at his sides.
"Edward, what is it?" But I know as soon as I look at him. His body is still but his eyes are wild and panicked as I watch the last two years fall into place and I know...he's just remembered.
-0-
"You were running through the woods to find me," Edward whispers. "You were calling for me, I could hear your footsteps in the leaves as you ran." He steps back from me but I lunge for him, snaring his hand and holding it hard.
"Don't go," I whisper and my own panic matches his. "Don't run."
He stares at me like it's the first time he's seen me and I think this is worse than that afternoon when he saw my scar.
I hang on to him, I know my touch is his life-line right now and suddenly his legs crumple and he falls to his knees and I'm in the mud with him, holding his hand.
"Don't go," I whisper again. It's like trying to calm a frightened animal and for a moment it's as though he hasn't heard me, but then there's an almost imperceptible nod of his head.
"I won't go," he whispers, eyes wide and locked on mine. "I won't run."
His breath is sharp and shallow. I hold on tighter as he bows his head and groans.
"Oh dear God, what did I do?"
"Edward, it's okay. We're okay. I'm here."
His hand clenches tight around mine, his other hand is a fist that he rubs over his chest. His body shudders and shakes. Suddenly he stands, letting go of me, and he begins to back away.
"I told you I didn't want you." The pain in his voice rips through me.
"It's the past, Edward. We both know why you did it."
"I was no good for you."
"No, no…" I shake my head, trying not to cry. "You are the best thing that…"
"How can you say that?" he roars and clutches at his head. "I was cruel," he hisses. "Why do you want to be with me?"
"Because I love you," I sob now. "And you love me."
It's as if my words cause him actual physical pain and he screws up his face as he backs away. I bite back tears.
"Don't do this." I hold out my hand to him. "Please don't do this. You said you wouldn't run." I'm scared he'll keep backing away and my relief is almost crushing when he grabs hold of my hand again. The pain and sorrow in his face is heartbreaking and I practically climb onto him, wrapping my arms around him and holding on, whispering how much I love him. He doesn't speak. His body continues to shake as he wraps his arms around me.
"Please don't go. Please stay."
He lifts his eyes – they're wide and frightened but he nods.
"I won't go," he whispers. "Please don't leave me."
"Never," I hold him harder. "I'll never leave."
We sink down into the mud and I hold him, his head buried against my chest, and it's dark before his shaking finally stops. When he lifts his face the raw pain in his eyes almost kills me and my tears start again.
"I'm so sorry," he mouths. "I hurt you and I'm so sorry."
I want to tell him to stop. I want to say I understand why he did it. But I don't. As the moon shines down on us I realise that right now, at this moment, there's only one way out of this for Edward.
"Thank you," I smile through my tears. "Thank you for your apology. I forgive you."
His relief is palpable. He sags in my arms like a puppet whose strings have been cut and his head falls against my chest again. His hands grip mine and I can feel his burden begin to lift. This won't be the end of it, I know, but forgiveness is the start.
We sit longer in the dark, just me and the man in my arms. He's so quiet, so still, as he clings to me, but every now and then he shudders as some new memory takes hold and when that happens I whisper that I love him. I make circles with my fingers over the back of his neck, the way he likes. I kiss the top of his head and tell him everything will be okay. It seems like hours, but maybe it's not, before his head jerks up and he looks back towards the road.
"What is it?" I look too, but of course I can't see anything.
"It's your father," Edward murmurs.
"Charlie?" Crap. I'd forgotten. Of course he'd be out looking for me and now isn't the best time for me to re-introduce him to Edward. Shit. "Can you hear the cruiser?"
"No," Edward answers and looks at me with new shock. "I can read his mind."
A/N: Thank you all for reading, and for the reviews and recommendations for this story. Your support and kind words mean so much and I truly appreciate it རྫAnd I know this chapter took a while so I thank you for your patience.
If you have a sec to read on, I have some news that I'm very excited to share.
Earlier this year I posted a few chapters of an original work on TWCS website. It was part of a writing competition and I was completely gobsmacked, bowled over and blown away when I won! You can't imagine the happy dance that was going on in my house. And that happy dance just got ridiculous when the team at TWCS offered me a contract for the publication of that work. I mean, serious DEFCON1 happy dancing, arms and legs flying, someone could have lost an eye! I will be able to share more information with you in the weeks to come, and in the meantime, The Keepsake will definitely be followed through to completion :) And I'd like to say thank you to all of you. I have such a lovely, generous, supportive group of readers for my fan fiction stories, and it is your support for my writing that helped encourage me to take a chance and enter the competition in the first place...so thank you all very much :) And an extra thank you to my friend and beta, Edward's Eternal who knew about my competition entry and kept me going when I thought I wouldn't get it done in time – she'd tell me to basically sit down, shut up and just write the bloody thing, so huge thanks to you, Melanie! xx
The next chapter of The Keepsake will be shorter, and we're getting very close to the end now, but there are still some questions to answer and loose ends to tie up. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can.
Cheers!