Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Half-ghost Band may have Intra-band Romance!
Like, hi there! This is Hatate Himekaidou, and, like, I'm gonna cover some entertainment news in this article! Like, I decided to go for a nice stroll, when, like, I saw a phantom out of the Netherworld, floating in, like, the middle of a field. It was floating next to pile of tickets, and totally offered me a ticket to see the not-so-famous band, Youmu and the Half-ghosts, apparently having the Prismrivers as a supporting band.
I was, like, totally confused that it wasn't the other way round, but then it like, hit me... I could totally find out some saucy information about them! And that I have! After, like, speaking with an informant, I found out that the band had once gone to the legendary 'Dragon Palace' to play a concert there... according to the totally reliable prince, the lead singer, Youmu Konpaku, is like, totally in love with Demi, the bassist! They're, like, secret boyfriend and girlfriend, according to him. Like, normally, this wouldn't make news, but if cute little Youmu has got herself a man, I imagine the fans of the band would totally rejoice!
Not one to, like, take one person's word for granted, I decided I would go back to the phantom and ask for a ticket, and even bought myself a backstage pass so I could get an interview with the band!
There are five members in all, Demi the bassist, Semi the keyboard player, Hemi the guitarist, Point-five the drummer, and of course, Youmu, the lead singer. Once the concert was over, I, like, totally decided to go backstage, however, I was, like, totally smart... I figured out how I could prove if someone was lying... I made sure that I interviewed each member individually so that if there was any difference in the story, I could tell. Mondo clever, huh?
So, I totally went backstage, where the band were in person! They looked so cool, and Youmu was super cute! I, like, took pictures of her while I could, because she's such a little cutie pie. Like, I could eat her for breakfast! Anyway, I asked them if they were willing for an interview, each in private, and surprisingly, they totally obliged!
I totally started with Youmu, who for some reason was all red after I had taken pictures of her... like, maybe she was embarrassed, the cute little thing... anyways, this is what she said:
Hatate: Like, now that we're all alone, we can talk private matters...
Youmu: Please don't do anything weird... what are you going to do with those photographs?
Hatate: Like, nothing! I just want some cute pictures! Anyway, I'm, like, here to ask you an important question...
Youmu: If it's asking me out, then I'm sorry, I don't swing that way...
Hatate: Like, why would I do that, silly?
Youmu: Well, it's just you were rhapsodising about my 'cuteness' while taking pictures, some of which were down my top...
Hatate: Like, don't flatter yourself, it's not like you have any chest to hide anyways...
Youmu: Um... what did you just say?
Hatate: You, like, have no breasts. Anyway, I want to ask you about...
Youmu: Merlin said I had a good body... and... and now you're...
Hatate: Like, having a flat chest isn't a bad thing! I didn't mean to...
Youmu: (starts crying) ...I would love to grow... just a bit... just a bit...
Hatate: Calm down! Like, please! Anyway, don't you have a boyfriend? I'm sure he loves your flat chest...
Youmu: (stops crying) Huh?
Hatate: You know, that bassist guy, Demi. The one who talks in a totally awesome accent. Sorta familiar, somehow, I, like, can't think why...
Youmu: Wait, what? You think Demi and I are...
Hatate: Like, my informants tell me that the Dragon Prince has seen you share a bedroom with a double bed...
Youmu: That's because he forced us to... we didn't even sleep at the Dragon Palace in the end! The Prince was a creepy loser who forced us to kiss and...
Hatate: You... you kissed? Ooh, saucy, this is, like, gold! So, what happened when he 'forced' you to kiss Demi?
Youmu: Hey, it's really not like that! It was a royal command, he had, like, a million oar-fish guards! They were all passive-aggressive, saying that refusal of a royal command is considered treason and stuff...
Hatate: So... um... was it good?
Youmu: What do you think?
Hatate: I'll take that as a yes...
Youmu: It's a no! A no, you hear me? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! He didn't even start properly! He wouldn't take the lead, he's an idiot. I had to do all the work...
Hatate: So you, like, wanted him to kiss you with more passion?
Youmu: NO! SHUT UP!
Hatate: Like, this is seeming like denial... I'm, like, not convinced with this...
Youmu: GO AWAY! LEAVE US ALONE!
Hatate: Like, you agreed to let me interview all five of you...
Youmu: Hmm... well, I guess I could make you suffer by letting you interview Hemi... hey, Hemi! Hemi! It's your turn!
Hatate: Well, like, I thought I was gonna call the shots, but... (Youmu leaves, Hemi walks in)
Hemi: Yo, so when do we start the sex?
Hatate: Like, what?
Hemi: Well, that's why I overheard Youmu yelling 'No' all the time, wasn't it? It's okay, I won't complain about it, in fact, if I like it, maybe we can...
Hatate: ...I'M NOT HERE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!
Hemi: ...oh. How disappointing... all the fangirls tend to want Demi, it's not fair...
Hatate: Well, like, maybe that's 'cause he's a guy?
Hemi: Eh, maybe. So, what are you here for, then? (sits back with open legs)
Hatate: Um... I can... I can see your...
Hemi: So? Take a picture if it's that big an issue.
Hatate: You're... I don't like this... I feel all...
Hemi: Dirty? Well, that's good. You made poor Youmu feel dirty, now pay the price, you stupid paparazzi!
Hatate: Hmm, you're protective of Youmu? That's nice, I guess...
Hemi: Hey, it's not like she's my friend or anything! It's just... well, I'm the only one allowed to pick on her, got it?
Hatate: Um... okay. If you say so... anyway, I'm here to ask about if you've seen Demi and Youmu being in a totally romantic secret relationship...
Hemi: Heh, well, there was the time that they kissed in the Dragon Palace... that Prince is one messed-up guy, I tell you. It was like they were his toys. He was all like 'Now kiss!', the little creeper. Oh well, I stole more than enough gems from his place to make the visit worthwhile...
Hatate: We're, like, getting a little off topic, aren't we?
Hemi: Oh, right? You think they've got the hots for each other? Well, I always thought Demi kinda had the hots for someone else. I'm sure your other interviews will be able to gather who I think he likes. But yeah, Youmu, on the other hand... well, she's too neurotic to really keep up a relationship, and Demi's an ugly mug anyway. I'd be a better partner to her than that slack-jawed bassist. Um... not that I would want to, I was just saying he's not really her style, you know?
Hatate: Sure, sure. So, like, I can only assume you're a lesbian, right?
Hemi: Bisexual.
Hatate: How... interesting... well, like, I think that's all I need from you. Oh, like, would you mind being a model for a swimsuit edition of our newspaper at some point? It's just, we're recruiting models, and given you're... um... so comfortable with your body, it would be nice if you could...
Hemi: Sure. The swimsuit might not be necessary, I could just go nude...
Hatate: Like, swimsuit should be fine... um... bring in the next person...
Hemi: Who do you want?
Hatate: Uh... bring in that drummer... man... is it a man? I'm not sure...
Hemi: Heh, Point-five? Sure, I'll bring her in.
Hatate: Her! Good, so she's a her! Yes, bring her in! (Hemi leaves, Point-five enters)
Point-five: Hmm. I think we've met before.
Hatate: Like... yeah, you do seem familiar. Wait, were you at the Science Fair on the Youkai Mountain?
Point-five: Yes. You harassed me and said I was boring.
Hatate: Oh, that's where I know you... heh heh... um... so... um... are you willing to answer some questions?
Point-five: Willing? No. Am I going to? Yes.
Hatate: Um... thanks for your sacrifice?
Point-five: Just start asking the questions.
Hatate: Okay... do you think Demi and Youmu are a couple?
Point-five: They are two people. Two objects are usually referred to as a 'couple'. So, yes, they are a couple.
Hatate: Hey, don't play dumb, you know what I mean! Are they romantically involved?
Point-five: No.
Hatate: But... Hemi and Youmu said that they kissed in the Dragon Palace! Is it true?
Point-five: Yes.
Hatate: You're not being helpful. Were they, like, forced?
Point-five: Technically nobody forced them...
Hatate: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Point-five: Define 'this'.
Hatate: Okay, you're, like, totally useless. Send in... uh... Demi!
Point-five: Of course. Demi, the obnoxious reporter wants you! (Point-five leaves, Demi enters)
Hatate: Obnoxious? I'm not obnoxious! I'm not obnoxious, right, Demi?
Demi: Like, don't worry, man. It's just Point-five's way of showing she likes you. She, like, seemed to not like us when we... uh... recruited her, but she, like, warmed up to us.
Hatate: Okay... say, Demi, I have to say, I totally like your accent! Anyway, like, I have to ask you something important!
Demi: Uh... is it that you want me on your swimsuit edition, because Hemi was, like, bragging about how she's now a model...
Hatate: Like, no, that offer was only because of how... um... you know, confident she is. I mean, you could be in the swimsuit edition if you want, because if your arms are any indication, you have a pretty good body for...
Demi: Um... well, it's not that I don't want to, but it's just that... I don't think I'd...
Hatate: Gee, you can just say no, that's not why I'm here.
Demi: Oh yeah, no, that's the word I'm looking for. I, like, totally find it hard to let people down, especially such a cute-looking girl like you...
Hatate: You... you think I'm cute?
Demi: Yeah, you talk in, like, a mondo adorable way, you probably can convince people to do what you want fairly easy, right?
Hatate: Oh my, Mister Tamashi, are you trying to seduce me? What would Youmu say?
Demi: Huh? Youmu?
Hatate: You know, your secret girlfriend! The Dragon Prince is convinced!
Demi: But, like, the Dragon Prince, he's a little too enthusiastic in his... uh... you know, his fan... his fanhood, you know?
Hatate: I'm sure he is an enthusiastic fan! Anyways, the others seem to think that you kissed her, and Point-five even said that no-one was forcing you!
Demi: She... she said... oh, like, she's going down...
Hatate: Like, what happened? Did the Dragon Prince tell you to kiss, and then, knowing you'd never get another opportunity to show your love, use it as an excuse to kiss her?
Demi: Like, of course not! She's, like, my friend! We're, like, brother and sister! Anyway, Semi's, like, way prettier, anyway. Oh, wait, like, uh... just forget I said...
Hatate: Oh... like, I see... like, this band is a tangled web of romance indeed, isn't it?
Demi: Like, whatever you're thinking, it's not true...
Hatate: Oh, I was just thinking that you were telling the truth about you and Youmu just being friends. I guess you two are an item after all...
Demi: Like, no! That's not how it...
Hatate: ...and yet you have the gall to say another woman is prettier... you may have a charming voice and nice-looking arms, Mister Demi, but you can't get away with that...
Demi: Like, this is madness... this isn't fair, I'm, like, totally innocent!
Hatate: Oh, and I'm a kappa. You must be tired... send in Semi, would ya, I'm done with you...
Demi: Hey, you... what are you gonna do with this information? Like, this isn't going in a magazine, is it?
Hatate: It's not going in a magazine...
Demi: Like... okay, Semi, don't tell her anything! (Demi leaves, Semi enters)
Semi: Oh my, Demi seems... angry. It's rare that I see him like that, he's such a nice guy...
Hatate: He is? Oh, I feel bad that I upset him. I was just talking about how people think he and Youmu are a couple and he got all defensive... but what's interesting is that he said you were prettier than Youmu...
Semi: He... um... he said I was prettier... than Youmu? But Youmu's so young-looking, I don't think I really measure up...
Hatate: He said you were way prettier. There's, like, no contest...
Semi: He... he was probably just exaggerating. I mean, Demi and I, we sorta go back, you know? Anyway, what do you know about him and Youmu? I mean, I'm just curious if you've found anything out that I don't know...
Hatate: Like, usually, the interviewer asks the questions... but like, okay. I know that at the very least, Demi kissed Youmu, they may or may not have been forced, and they shared a bedroom together. Also, Youmu and Demi both, like, super-deny that they liked kissing each other, although Youmu was a little disappointed that Demi didn't take the lead, or something...
Semi: I... um... see... she really wanted him to take the lead when they kissed...
Hatate: Huh? You sound a little bummed out...
Semi: It's nothing. So, did Demi say he liked it?
Hatate: Well, I didn't ask him...
Semi: DID DEMI SAY HE LIKED IT?
Hatate: Like, what's your problem? It's not like he's your boyfriend- wait a second...
Semi: Whatever conclusion you've come to, it's probably...
Hatate: You're jealous, aren't you?
Semi: Of course not.
Hatate: You so totally are! You wanted to be the one to kiss him, didn't you?
Semi: No, of course not... he's a terrible kisser anyway... oh, for God's sake...
Hatate: So, you've kissed him before? OH! And when you said you had a history with him, that was because you were former lovers...
Semi: NO! I mean, uh... yeah, we were once boyfriend and girlfriend. He dated me, talking about his stupid pipe dream that him and I would be a rock duet some day... I never thought we'd end up meeting again and actually form a band...
Hatate: And it's rekindled an old flame, hasn't it?
Semi: No! No, just... just be quiet. You don't know anything, tengu. Of course I felt uncomfortable when the two kissed, but it was because Youmu would have to suffer through his awful kissing... hell, at the time, I even laughed with Hemi at them. That... stupid Dragon Prince... although, he's rich. Very, very rich.
Hatate: You're, like, dodging the subject. You so want him.
Semi: SHUT UP!
Hatate: Like, what are you worried about? You're so jealous of Youmu... why? She, like, has no breasts, no confidence, and Demi even said he finds you prettier! So, like, ask him out! Seriously, it'd be really sweet and I could put it in my newspaper!
Semi: So, you're not content to hound after stories, you have to engineer and create them too?
Hatate: I'm just talking as a fellow girl... go on... do it. Do it later, when you two are alone or something. No-one will judge you...
Semi: You're an idiot. Just... just be quiet, you know absolutely nothing. Okay, you're done with your interview, leave the premises, unless you want to take more pictures of your precious 'super-cute' Youmu...
Hatate: You're... trying to convince me you're not jealous of her, right?
Semi: JUST LEAVE!
After that bout of impoliteness, I decided to leave, having obtained some super-weird information about the half-ghosts... they're, like, one massive, tangled web of affections for one another! Like, Youmu is the cutie that all the fans adore, even Hemi seems to be weird about her, Semi definitely has the hots for Demi, and Demi... well, I'm not so sure about her. And don't get me started on that Point-five chick, she... she may seem like the calmest of them all, but I bet she's all kinds of kinky! I bet she wants them to all have a big orgy or something, the creepy pervert!
Like, it's funny how when I decided to investigate a potential innocent, simple romance, I ended up finding something so incredibly complex that I, like, think I may have outdone myself. This is, like, totally juicy gossip, and, like, I bet the fans of the band will love this! Soon, they'll be demanding pictures of them together, and I'll be, like, the photographer of love! Like, write in if you want me to be the photographer of love!
Article written by Hatate Himekaidou.
Present-day hindsight: Hatate... um... Hatate may have got... a little carried away in this article. Although, I have to admit, her idea of interviewing five people in quick succession, and building upon each different viewpoint to form a clearer picture of events... is actually fairly smart.
Not as smart as me, of course, but... but still, I'll let her have her moment. I mean, she's still only a beginner, credit where credit's due. She's very talented for a newbie.