Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Hakurei Shrine maiden is finally an adult!
Like, we all knew it was coming! The day that, like, all of Gensokyo was waiting for, the day Reimu Hakurei turned twenty! She's, like, grown up so slowly! It's like, she was being stopped from growing up by someone!
However, in her adulthood, she looks as cute as she ever did! Like, while humans are quick in both ageing and death, she seems to have just become a little taller. I bet, like, that human guy, what is it, Michel or something, is like, totally kicking himself!
There was a birthday party that was being thrown in her honour, a collaborative effort between human witch, Marisa Kirisame, the strange human man who's name I forget, the little Oni, Suika Ibuki, and the mimicking tengu fellow that lives above her!
They, like, tried to plan it in secret, but I, like, stumbled upon them breaking into the Hakurei Shrine after telling Reimu that there was an incident. Aya was all like 'This incident should be covered by a professional', and totally went after Reimu, but I like, was onto their ruse, and stayed in the shadows, before totally telling them I found them!
They, like, explained, and I like totally helped out with the preparations! Mister Dawitsu had brought these things called 'flyers' which said 'Happy Birthday' on, and like, I painted on 'Reimu' in red and white paint, just how she'd like, and we, like, baked a cake, and it was great!
Suika, like, used her limitless gourd to fill about five bottles of sake for the party, and Marisa mixed it with this special mushroom of hers to make a cocktail she called a 'Witch's Brew'. Like, it was so cool, and we even hung these yin-yang orb looking things from the ceiling to make her feel at home.
Then, like, she came back, all ranting about how there was no incident, and then we shouted 'Surprise!'. I think, like, the first thing she did was instinctively punch Dawitsu in the face... he didn't get up for a while.
We explained the situation to her, and she was all, like, angry, I think... although, like, Reimu is totally fickle, I don't, like, know whether she's happy or sad with anything... anyways, after having a few drinks, I like, decided to ask her how she felt about the party.
Hatate: So, like, how's the party, Reimu?
Reimu: You're talking like you're going to put my answer in your newspaper.
Hatate: That's 'cos I like, am!
Reimu: At least you're honest... um... well, why are you here? I can understand Suika, Marisa, Jean... and even that moron on the floor too, I guess, coming here, but what happened? Marisa said you helped decorate the place.
Hatate: I, like, was looking for a scoop and found these guys breaking into your house while you were out dealing with an incident! I thought Marisa was stealing from you, you know, like she does with everyone else.
Reimu: And... you were gonna stop them if they were?
Hatate: Like, of course not, just take pictures!
Reimu: You have no soul.
Hatate: Hey, I like, helped prepare the party, didn't I?
Reimu: I guess...
Hatate: So, like, are you happy that someone remembered your birthday?
Reimu: Well, it's nice, but I... um... you know, don't like being the centre of attention.
Hatate: Not be the centre of attention? You're the human heroine of Gensokyo! Oh... um, I guess Marisa's one too, but, like, you're the most important human here!
Reimu: Huh. That's why only you five showed up. Only four in earnest. I'm looking at you, Paparazzi.
Hatate: Like, I'm hurt! You posed for the swimsuit edition, I, like, felt I owed it to ya! Anyway, I thought you didn't like being the centre of attention!
Reimu: Well, uh... I only posed for that because Aya was so forceful... I couldn't just say no, could I? She ranted about how youkai are so much better models because of how they stay young-looking, and how I wasn't up to the challenge...
Hatate: Like, look on the bright side, you're always nice and thin to me! Like, how do you do it?
Reimu: The yin-yang orbs I have actually let me eat as much sweets as I want without getting fat. Wait a minute, what do you mean 'to you'?
Hatate: Like, don't read too much into it, I'm just saying I think you're cute! You've still got a girl's face...
Reimu: You mean I don't look like a woman?
Hatate: Um... what I meant was you still look good! Heh heh... um... not a blemish on your face!
Reimu: Great, Jean will never like me, will he...
Hatate: Jean! That's his name, Jean!
Reimu: (bursts into tears)
Hatate: Like, oh no! Reimu, it's okay! He's, like, super stupid, don't worry about him! Any man would be lucky to be with you...
Reimu: Are you coming on to me?
Hatate: Like, WHAT? How fast does your mood swing?
Reimu: Well, you're talking about how cute I am, you bring the swimsuit thing up, and then you say any man would be lucky to be with me!
Hatate: Just... um... comforting a girlfriend, that's all...
Reimu: Please don't call me that again.
Hatate: Okay.
Reimu: You're not seriously gonna put this conversation in a newspaper, are you? It's so asinine...
Hatate: I, like, just wanted to hear your thoughts on the party! So, like, what incident did Suika and the lot make up?
Reimu: They said that Karakasa of the Myouren Temple had been preparing a big surprise for Gensokyo...
Hatate: And, like, the real surprise was back here!
Reimu: Oh, ha ha.
Hatate: So, what happened when you found the Karakasa?
Reimu: Turns out she was simply stockpiling on this weird stuff called 'dry ice'. Apparently that creepy little magician youkai that used to live above me gave her some. For a completely stupid purpose, I can't remember what she said now...
Hatate: Oh, like, disappointing.
Reimu: Then Aya came up to me, and started asking me rapid-fire questions. In the end I beat her in a Danmaku battle just to make her leave.
Hatate: Is she, like, okay?
Reimu: Why should I care? She's a tengu, she'll be fine.
Hatate: Like, you have a point. So, have you tried a Witch's Brew yet? They're really nice...
Reimu: I don't want the hangover. Have you seen Marisa over there? She's all over Jean... lucky bitch, makes me want to go over there and rip her a new...
Hatate: Oh! Like, is that the time, I've got to go, heh heh, it's been lovely seeing you, Reimu, but, like, I have... uh... deadlines to meet and... uh... don't go killing Marisa now, 'kay?
Reimu: I make no promises... HOLD ON, SHE'S HOLDING HIS HAND, SHE'S GOING DOWN!
Hatate: OH NO! LIKE, DON'T DO IT!
I then, like, had to break up the fight. Marisa was super-drunk, she, like, tried to kiss Reimu, but Reimu was so angry, and that poor Jean, he was all cowering in the corner, so, I like, valiantly rushed to his aide, blocking him from the fight and taking a picture at super-close range, making the flash dazzle both of them to the point that they collapsed... like, this camera is lethal at times, I swear.
I, like, spent the rest of the night playing drinking games with Suika and Dawitsu, once he woke up... for some reason, Jean didn't seem to want to play with us. I, like, wonder why. Maybe he was, like, too scared. Maybe I should have given him a stroke and told him that everything was totally gonna be okay? Although, that might just scare him even more...
Article written by Hatate Himekaidou
Present-day hindsight: Why is it Hatate picks the best incident in a while, yet does such a terrible job documenting it! It's not fair! I follow Reimu, expecting a big scoop, but then she assaults me! An innocent reporter, for no more than asking her if she had saved the day!
Okay, I may have also asked her how it felt to be the most gullible idiot in Gensokyo, but I don't think that warrants being brutally attacked!