Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Exceptionally beautiful reporter has strangest day ever!
Yesterday was an odd day for me. A very odd day. I don't know what happened, really, but my head aches like crazy after it happened... anyway, this intrepid reporter experienced a strange, volatile change in the world, one which was strange, funny, terrifying, and overall surreal. I imagine everyone else was experiencing the same that day, and that someone... somewhere is responsible for this. Perhaps it is the sign of an incident to come?
So, for those of you who may have forgotten, I shall recount to you the horrors of yesterday, fresh from the eyes of the intrepid reporter, Aya Shameimaru!
The day started off like any other, and I was simply sitting at my desk trying to think of what stories I could cover, and after I opened a pot of ink to refill my press, suddenly I felt really weird! My press turned into a beautiful man, and I danced with him to a strange trumpet-based melody! The sky had turned from day to night, and my roof flew off with black crow wings, and we kissed each other under the light of the full moon.
After that, the beautiful man turned into a kettle, which made me rather upset, so I decided to go for a fly. The sky above the clouds was bright green, except the clouds weren't clouds when you went above them, they were marshmallows. The sun had a smiley face and wore these weird dark glasses, and began to sing a song about how she was the sun, before she screamed at me and knocked me out of the sky.
I hit the ground, which was made of mercury, so I swam in the mercury for a bit, until it became quicksand, and I began to sink, but then that scary religious man, Dawitsu, pulled me out, and said, "Um... Aya, are you okay? Your eyes look a little weird..."
I simply kissed the bad boy on the cheek, which made him turn into a rabbit, and went about my business. Skipping away, I noticed that I was in an area filled with giant pencils, each the size of trees, and one of them told me about the secret pencil eraser, which could get rid of the pencils.
My shirt felt all wet after the pencil said that, so I took it off and walked around in my bra for a little while, knowing that no-one would see except for the crowds of kittens, puppies, cows, and old men. Somehow, I got out from the big pencil place, and walked into a place with lots of buildings. Karakasa were walking all over, and all the buildings had faces, some happy, and some sad. I made sure to comfort the sad-looking buildings, and when I did, their faces became happy, but the karakasa around me didn't like that... what's with their cruelty to buildings, huh? If they have a face, they need to be happy too, right?
Anyway, the karakasa threw me out of their building farm, and I seemed to be in a place with lots and lots of bamboo. At first I thought it was the bamboo forest of the lost, but then a blue steam train with the number one on it approached me, making me think it was the outside world.
The steam train let me ride him all the way to his home, which was a big teacup filled with worms. An opening in one of the worms let me in, and when the train let me off, he made me sit down under a kotatsu made of lettuce.
I then realised I could interview the train if I wanted to, so I got out my pad and interviewed her when she returned with mud tea served in slices of bread.
Steam Train: Are you okay? What's happened to you?
Aya: I'm... I'm just dandy! Have you seen the sky today? Talk about green...
Steam Train: Um... okay... Eirin! Come here! I found that tengu girl walking around the forest half-dressed! She hopped on my back and started saying 'choo choo!'
Aya: Huh? Why are you calling Eirin? Where am I? Is Eirin even here?
Steam Train: Thank goodness you're here. Okay, can you take over? You probably can make some salves that might help her out...
Bright Pink Donkey: Oh my... she's got really dilated eyes... okay, Reisen, leave us alone...
Aya: Huh? Steam train, where's Eirin? You promised me Eirin! Where are you going, Steam Train?
Bright Pink Donkey: Okay... can you understand what I'm saying to you?
Aya: Yeah, of course I can! But why did you arrive, and not Eirin?
Bright Pink Donkey: I am Eirin.
Aya: No you're not, you're a... oh no! This must be an incident, it has to be! Eirin, look in the mirror!
Bright Pink Donkey: There is no mirror here...
Aya: Yes there is! On the wall, there!
Bright Pink Donkey: Oh my, you must be hallucinating... Aya, do you know why you're half-dressed?
Aya: Well, it's because of swimming in mercury and quicksand, I think...
Elephant: I see...
Aya: Ah! Eirin, you're an elephant now!
Elephant: This... this can't be good... okay, I'll be right back...
Aya: Okay... (waits)
Turkish Delight: Okay, I'm back.
Aya: You've changed again! What is the meaning of this? The world's changed so suddenly, yet I somehow feel okay about it...
Turkish Delight: What you are experiencing is substance-induced hallucinations. In other words...
Aya: ...someone evil is controlling the world and making it silly and nonsensical and horrifying!
Turkish Delight: No, you're just high.
Aya: High? Well, I did go flying today, but the sun screamed at me. It wasn't very nice...
An Old Sack: That's not what I meant. Here, drink this, it'll make you feel better. (Expels a miniature fountain from her opening)
Aya: (takes fountain, transforming it into a headless compsognathus) Do I... do I really have to drink its blood?
An Old Sack: Sure, why the hell not?
Aya: Here goes... (tips headless compsognathus and drinks blood from its jugular)
Then, I learnt to my horror that the bright pink donkey, elephant, Turkish delight, and old sack were lying to me, and that really, the blood didn't make me feel better, it just made me sleep! Then, when I woke up, I was lying outside my house, covered in mud, water, a bruise or two, and I had lost my shirt! It was so weird! After that, the sky was blue again, and the clouds weren't marshmallows, so I think that drinking the compsognathus blood must have solved the incident.
The identity of the person who caused the incident remains a mystery, but given the large scale of the manipulation, I can only imagine it was Miss Yukari Yakumo, however, when I asked her about it, she just pointed out that the underside of my nose was black... like that's relevant in the slightest!
However, I will not rest until I find the culprit! This heinous, large-scale incident no doubt traumatised millions, and for that, I cannot forgive them, being the good citizen that I am. This is pure and honest Shameimaru, asking everyone to work together to find the culprit!
Article written by Aya Shameimaru
Present-day hindsight: Like, I did find out the culprit, but Aya doesn't believe me, and put this article into the archive because of its status as an 'unsolved mystery'. Like, yeah right...