Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Flower Youkai spreads joy and happiness throughout Gensokyo!
Like, yesterday was a totally beautiful day! The birds were singing, and the sun was shining, and I had a wonderful time skipping through the flower fields... like, what? I may be a hikikomori at times, but I'm a naturist at heart! That, like, doesn't mean I live naked in the trees or anything, I just totally love flowers! However, I had to say, I noticed that there was a lot more wild flowers yesterday than there was the day before, and then, I like, totally stumbled onto an amazing sight! A mondo field filled with sunflowers, even greater than the other one!
Standing in the middle of it was that super-nice flower youkai, Yuuka Kazami. She was, like, spinning around with her parasol, singing a totally happy tune. She seemed to be with someone else, however, I couldn't quite make out who it was, so I like, went closer to find out.
When I got there, I, like, was surprised to see that Yuuka Kazami was with a certain lizard youkai, Tokage Reiketsu, and they seemed to have resolved their differences after certain misunderstandings in the past. Tokage seemed to be injured, and Yuuka was, like, obviously just nursing her back to health.
I decided I'd interview the two, because they seemed so happy together and I kinda wanted to ask Miss Kazami about all the super-cool flowers, and see if she was the cause of Gensokyo becoming super-pretty!
Hatate: Like, hi Miss Kazami!
Yuuka: Don't move or say anything... hello, slack-jawed member of the press. What brings you to me this lovely day?
Hatate: Like, the flowers sure are beautiful today, aren't they? Are you, like, the cause of them?
Yuuka: Why, yes, I am, and...
Tokage: HELP! SHE'S FORCING ME TO...
Yuuka: ...help with the gardening. The poor girl has hurt herself on rose thorns... multiple times. Tragic, isn't it?
Hatate: Like, poor girl. Good to see she's helping you do something that will make Gensokyo a prettier place, rather than making a super-terrible fanfiction like usual...
Tokage: You don't understand! I'm not helping her with the gardening, she's kidnapped me and...
Yuuka: (playfully hops onto one leg, accidentally kicking the kneeling Tokage in the face) ...oh, don't listen to her. My dear gardener, do you remember what you are?
Tokage: (suddenly becomes pale) That I'm... I'm stinking meat... fertiliser for the flowers...
Yuuka: That's right. You are. I mean... ah, hello again, reporter. Nothing suspicious just happened.
Hatate: Are you sure she's okay? I could, like, take her to Eirin's, if you like. I mean, you're, like, totally busy making Gensokyo beautiful, I'll happily help her to the doctor's and...
Yuuka: …that won't be necessary.
Tokage: Reek, Reek, it rhymes with weak...
Yuuka: La la la, what a nice rhyme, Reek... er, Tokage!
Hatate: Um... what's going on?
Yuuka: Oh, we're playing a nickname game. I'm... uh... Perfume, and she's Reek. I'm overpoweringly pleasant-smelling, and she stinks. And together, we smell like beautiful sunflowers growing atop corpses.
Hatate: I'm... not sure that's normal.
Yuuka: Of course it is!
Tokage: Reek, Reek, it rhymes with leek...
Yuuka: We're also growing leeks... heh heh... heh...
Hatate: I see. Um... so, what other plants are you and your playmate growing?
Tokage: Despair! Death and despair!
Yuuka: (Adjusts parasol, hitting the top of Tokage's head) In a... figurative sense. I'll be growing plenty of Higanbana, famous for their poison content.
Hatate: Like, I love Red Spider Lilies! It's so good to see you two happy and working together like this!
Yuuka: Isn't it just?
Tokage: Reek, Reek, it rhymes with peak...
Yuuka: Isn't it a shame? Even now, Tokage's creative ability is terrible.
Tokage: Hey! That's not fair! Torture me all you like, I won't have you...
Yuuka: ...remember your new nickname...
Tokage: Reek... Reek... it rhymes with weak...
Hatate: Um... am I the only one getting a creepy vibe from this?
Yuuka: Yes, you are.
Tokage: SEND FOR HELP! PLEASE! TELL HEBIKO! SHE'LL SAVE ME! PLEASE! PLEASE, I...
Yuuka: The poor girl is still delusional after all these years, I pity her. She probably can't even appreciate the beauty of these flowers properly.
Hatate: So... like... why is Tokage with you, again?
Yuuka: To help with the gardening.
Hatate: And she... cut her face on rose thorns...
Yuuka: Yes.
Hatate: But... this is a sunflower field...
Yuuka: We were cutting back roses earlier. Tokage's so... (Tokage conveniently falls to the floor to prove the point) ...clumsy, isn't she?
Tokage: Why... why doesn't she just kill me?
Yuuka: She's also too lazy to not work without complaining.
Hatate: I'm not too sure you're telling the truth...
Yuuka: Whatever are you implying? That I kidnapped Tokage, tortured her and attempted to force a new identity known as Reek upon her, and have taken her with me into a half-deadly sunflower patch to let her wounds sting in the pollen-filled air?
Hatate: Uh... something like that.
Yuuka: Well, I have never heard anything more preposterous in my whole life.
Tokage: Reek, Reek, it rhymes with sneak...
Hatate: Um... I... there's something wrong here.
Yuuka: Why don't you just run along, and play in the flower fields I've planted.
Hatate: Like... yeah... I think I'll do that.
I then walked away, and, like, after I thought about it, I realised that nothing weird could have been happening, because, like, Yuuka wouldn't have taken her out of her home if she was trying to cover anything up. Also, Tokage is like, mondo crazy, so, like, there's no way she was telling the truth about being kidnapped.
So, like, you should totally be thankful for the lovely flowers that have bloomed this summer, it's all thanks to the benign flower youkai, Yuuka Kazami, and her slightly less than able assistant, Tokage! Like, this is Hatate Himekaidou, wishing you guys a totally awesome summer!
Article written by Hatate Himekaidou
Present-day hindsight: Now, I know Hatate's a little dim at times, but I don't think she's that dim. I think she's in denial. Maybe she's traumatised after seeing the event, and just... tries to remember it in a different light.
The only reason this is in the archive is that... it was a useful article. In the end, Reimu saw the article, saw the obvious truth, and actually rescued that poor lizard youkai...
...I never thought I'd actually feel sorry for the green-haired lizard, but there you have it...