Disclaimer - .em ot gnoleb t'nseod noilegnavE

-XXX-

He didn't show any sign of resistance, physically or mentally. It was over in a second. They locked both of his arms behind his back, very tightly, then dragged him out in the open.

"Move," one of them instructed. And he obeyed without a word.

Dazed and sluggish, in process of regaining his senses, Shinji proceeded to walk while both men followed closely from both sides, still keeping his arms behind his back.

His eyes were glued on the floor as they walked through the hallways. He found the aged metallic floor a lot more pleasant to the eye than the scenery around him. It was dim, so he couldn't grasp it as whole, but only gaze at certain illuminated parts that held more importance, but not to him. In his unmindful state, his eyes were following the stains of corrosion shaped in a snake-like way over the whole footway.

His senses came back immediately when guard by his right jostled him into a nearby wall, when all the pain surged directly into his skull. His eyes snapped open; sudden outburst of pain spread to his limbs, but he managed not to cry out.

"Move faster," one of them said behind him.

He dared not to say an apology. It barely helped.

Because now they became irritated with him. They started to move in closer proximity and coordinate his movements with their own. And being unable to keep a steady balance, he found it fatiguing. It was maybe a week since he left his bed.

And when he failed or lost balance they pressed his arms higher, making the whole process significantly harder to bear. When he flinched or displayed any sort of emotion they hardened their grip, like it was a signal to them. But he was enduring as best as he could; complaining would do him no good.

He knew how they looked at him. When they passed by other crewmembers he would sometimes dare a glance, and they all had that same, stoic expression that said more than any insult. Some stared at him blankly, some whispered, but everyone was keeping out of the way.

When they passed by one construction site he overheard some mutters from the workers. He didn't dare to catch their glance, or attempt anything at all. He kept walking, head bowed.

Every eye was constantly on him, following his every step. He knew that even without looking. He felt naked. Exposed. His sole presence was closely followed by shame.

I very short time he learned to appreciate the presence of the guards.

He was not welcome here.

They stopped at cabin doors that didn't differ from any other. Guards removed the cuffs, then pushed him in. Moment he was inside the doors slammed shut and two guards bid their farewells with silent whispers he couldn't register. He offered nothing in return.

It's not like it was misplaced, he thought absently, trying to pull himself up. He was an object of scorn, and everyone acted accordingly. He couldn't blame them. He didn't like it, but he understood it. He would dare to call it necessary…

He finally picked himself up and rubbed the bruises around his wrists. It wasn't that bad after all. It would take some time to heal, but he had no use for his arms around here anyway. It was just him and his mind in a box for the most part. No need for complains.

Now somewhat conscious, and a bit more aware, he realized that he hit square one again. He didn't detest his cells that much, no matter how lonely it was…

Knowing that he is jailed for life is enough to alleviate a tiny fragment of his guilt, and he was grateful for that. He couldn't call it relieving, but he couldn't hate it either. It could even be his only way of redemption… but he also knew that it will stay ever-present in his existence… His days of blissful sleep were long gone.

He decided to accommodate himself to his new cell.

To him, this one wasn't that much different from his previous one. And it didn't bother him that much. Cameras were there, empty walls, bed was also there, and toilet was there. Sadly, this one also lacked a shower. The only significant difference was the new door that had a small opening from which he had the limited view of outside.

He took a peak and saw a figure that rushed away from sight the moment he got close. How odd.

-XXX-

Wunder was never praised for esthetics. It was a warship, and its crude looks fitted it like a glove. One look at it explained its interior fairly well. None of the offices, hallways or cabins looked out of the ordinary, with prime example being Commander's own office. It was monotone, without any decorations. Only thing that could be seen there were huge piles of papers lying in every corner, and a desk in the middle of the room where Commander Katsuragi spent most of her time off.

Ritsuko never liked coming here, on duty or otherwise. Errand jobs weren't her thing, and it wasn't proper for her age. Too bad their communication devices were messed up for the time being.

She sighed and entered the room, skipping the formalities. Good news travels slowly, bad news has wings.

"If this keeps up we won't get far," Ritsuko commented abruptly, walking up to the desk, then placing yet another stack of reports on Commander's desk.

"Oh? What makes you think that?" her captain mused, idly browsing through different pile of paperwork. She seemed busy enough, and it didn't looked like she was in a good mood.

"According to latest reports, our ammunition is fairly limited," Ritsuko continued, unfazed, "…. we may have enough for one more encounter.

Misato grunted. She placed her cap on her desk and put down the papers. "Anything else?"

"There were casualties…"

Misato remained silent for a brief moment, then sighed.

She would give her a minute to process that one. It was usually for the best. They already withstood all types of crisis, loss of crew and resources, and many more, but it would always wear out men's minds. And dealing with all the paperwork behind it was also a thing she could empathize with.

"You need coffee," Ritsuko told her.

"I do." She admitted.

Ritsuko turned in exact moment Sakura rushed inside the office. How odd.

"Sakura… Suzuhara… reporting, sir," She managed to say between continuous panting.

"Coffee. Now." Ritsuko told the girl.

Before Sakura could excuse herself with a salute Ritsuko interrupted. "Also, after you're done, go help that good-for-nothing-Makiami," she instructed, "and don't forget to make my coffee in the special green cup. It's important."

"Yes, mam"

With that, Sakura rushed out the same way she came in. Ah, youth.

Ritsuko sighed, then pulled out her pack of cigarettes and took the initiative. "You know why they are pressing us."

"I know," Misato replied absently. "They want him. Sudden increase of activity confirms it."

"They won't stop just yet," Ritsuko told her, puffing on her cigarette, "they will surely keep coming in even bigger numbers and I don't think we'll manage to-"

"-I'm considering it," Misato interrupted, all business.

"It's probably for the best," Ritsuko told her after a brief pause. "If it means finally w-"

"-I said I'm considering it," She interrupted again.

Ritsuko nodded.

"Dismissed."

-XXX-

He heard the knocking on the doors. It was odd, minding that every visitor he had by now didn't bother to announce his presence.

He walked to the doors and peaked through the small opening.

"Mr. Ikari?" The gentle voice greeted him.

"Miss… Suzahara," Shinji said in surprise, struggling with the words. It's been a while since he had a conversation. "C-can I help you with anything."

"Ah, in a way… yes," She told him in hesitation. "I forgot to ask you something before, and frankly there was not much time… and you know… things-"

"You can ask me anything," He stammered, almost cutting her out.

Sakura blinked, almost like she didn't expect his cooperation.

He offered an apologetic smile, attempted, knowing that he probably made it more awkward for her.

"It's about my older brother… Toji Suzuhara." She told him, "I asked Captain Soryu, but she said she couldn't help me… and I know you were alive at that time so…"

And he could see why.

And now he regretted. Again.

"Yeah," He replied silently. "I knew your brother."

"Really?" Sakura exclaimed in delight. "For real?"

Shinji only nodded in silence, unsure if she could even see him from the other side, and remained mute for a brief moment. Memories started to come back. "Yeah," he finally confirmed, "we were classmates… we went to arcades together… played basketball, went to school… we were… f-friends."

"That's great," She told him in excitement, leaning closer to the small opening. He had to step away.

"It's not great," He protested. "You know I…"

He couldn't finish the sentence. He knew who was responsible for Toji's death and caused all the "distress", as he liked to call the product of his incompetence. He was not strong enough to face the victim of his actions. But Toji's little sister… of a person he received some of the fondest memories. Of friendship and acceptance. No. His mind denied him that.

"I c-can't help you," He told her. "I'm sorry."

He crawled deeper into his cell, far away from what she could see through the opening.

"Hey! That's not true," She called after him. "You just said you were friends."

"I'm sorry," He replied silently, now leaning back on the wall.

I'm so sorry.

He remained still and unresponsive for quite some time, hoping that he could sink into the ground. It was still above him. He knew that something like this would come eventually, but not now, not like this. It could be anyone left on planet Earth, just not Toji's little sister…

"Listen," Sakura finally started, making his heartbeat quicken, "I don't remember much about my brother," she spoke slowly, just enough to be sure that he could hear everything she had to say," not his face, or his voice… all I remember a person clinging on me in hospital bed, asking me if I'm okay every second and holding my tiny hand. I was very young at that time… 3, 4 or 5 years at most. Only image in my head is a guy in a slovenly tracksuit. A-and I don't like that. I have nothing of my family or my background beside that single mental image. Everything went blank after… you know," She took a brief pause." It's bugging me… I can't leave it at that. If you do this for me I promise I'll forgive you… so please? Anything?"

She waited for a minute. Reply wasn't coming and there was no way to read him from her distance. And the dark. She was just about to give up and leave before he cleared his throat and started speaking.

"W-we didn't start on a good note, me and Toji," Shinji spoke from the corner of his cell, darkness still covered his figure. "I just transferred at Tokyo 3 High because of… piloting business, right after my battle with the first Angel. W-we got into a fight because of your hospitalization. Toji blamed me and demanded justice, and I gave him no reason to think differently."

His voice was suddenly modulated and easy to follow. Sakura didn't question it. She was already immersed in it.

"- He got me on the ground with one punch. I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did but Toji was a strong guy. It made me a bit angry but I never really thought much of it or bared any ill will. Other things occupied my mind at the time, but I can't explain that one entirely. From that point we never spoke much in class. I'd keep my distance and avoided all contact…" He took a sudden pause. Then continued." Soon after second Angel attacked the city, and Toji somehow ended up with me in the cockpit. I'm not sure why, but after the battle he insisted that I punch him back. I hesitated for a long time, but I was told that he would never apologize and that it was the only way we could be square."

"So he was that kind of guy," Sakura interrupted, a smile formed on her face. "I can definitely see some similarities."

"Y-you do resemble him… in a way," He told her, hoping that the statement will have a positive impact.

"Naturally," She replied. "We are brother and sister, related by blood. I take it he was very handsome."

"U-ummm… I-I don-…emm"

Sakura slipped a chuckle. "It's just a joke, silly. Don't think much of it."

"U-hu…"

Sakura found it amusing. "So then you become friends, right? Jeez. Boys sure are weird."

"Yeah," Shinji admitted. "I didn't expect it, really. I never thought we'll get along that well. We hanged out a lot, discussed stuff, and ate lunch at the school's rooftop. Many things. He even send me encouraging recordings before I attended to my pilot duties. He was actually a really nice person."

"Sweet," Sakura said in delight. "I'm really happy to hear that."

Shinji was also glad. It felt nice to actually help someone now after everything was said and done… It might not be anything major, but he felt eased being able to do something for someone. In a way, that was something he was hoping for. Maybe now is finally the time...

"I'm sure you have some fun stories. Come on, I want to know everything."

Shinji blinked. "Not sure what a fun story might be…"

Sakura sighted. "I dunno. Something memorable that comes to mind?"

"Hmmm. There was that one time he accidentally saw Asuka's underwear."

Sakura's jaws dropped. "Proceed."

Shinji unconsciously formed a smile. "It's not really a weird story… I guess. It happened at the warship that was transporting Asuka and her unit. It was the first time we all met her actually. I don't remember how exactly it went, but Toji somehow happened to bump into Asuka just in time the wind blew and….yeah, her skirt went up,"

Sakura was giggling. "Go on."

"Well… she slapped him, hard."

"That's our captain all right."

"Aaaand Toji responded in a weird way. She told him it was a charge for the view, but since Toji didn't accept that he kind of… took off his pants and show her… his…"

Sakura was now laughing out loud, barely containing herself. She was muttering something between deep breaths but Shinji couldn't make any sense out of it. He only observed her, unfazed, with a small smile still formed.

He didn't notice it until now, but those two are resembling each other quite well. Not just appearance. More he talked to her, clearer the similarities became. Even their laugh was exactly the same. Laud and uncontrolled. He found it pleasant, in a way. Maybe it was a reason he decided to share all this with her, among other given reasons. Maybe. But he was glad he did.

"Man, that one was golden." Sakura told him, wiping a tear.

"Nothing else really comes to mind at the moment…"

"Come on, give me some details. I want to know everything. Maybe something with other people? Some party, crazy night out, anything," She encouraged cheerfully.

Shinji paused, rubbing the back of his head. "As far as I remember… It was only me and Toji."

"So… no other friends, classmates, girlfriends or anything?"

"I-I don't think so… I think I'd notice," He told her. "There was som-…."

"There was some… what?" She insisted with a puzzled look.

Silence emerged as Shinji suddenly started backing in his corner. Sakura was telling him something but he wasn't able to hear her words clearly.

His vision went blank as his mind violently projected images of various events, people, names, and all other things that were there. His hands were shaking, his berating quickened, and his heartbeat thundered inside his chest.

"Hi… ka… Ken…su…. Hi…." He muttered repeatedly. His words had no apparent meaning.

She called him over and over again and tried to reason with him but he remained frozen solid, repeating the same incoherent letters. He could no longer grasp her presence, let alone hear her calls. And then he stopped completely, frozen in his corner, curled into a fetal position. It seemed like he just… shut down.

Sakura was shocked. She had no idea what to do or how to respond. She tried to open the doors, she apologized, thanked him, called him again, knocked on the door and promised she'll get the medical help.

She started running to the closest office in search of help, leaving him alone in the dark. Echo of her footsteps could still be heard. And when they stopped there was nothing beside faint noise of his dripping sweat and drool.

He remained immobile. His eyes lost color and he continued to stare in empty space. He was no longer thinking.

-XXX-

She sighed. Just looking at him made her feel like this was a mistake. Gazing through the small opening she couldn't fully inspect him, but she could see just enough.

"You there, idiot Shinji?" She asked him.

He didn't respond in any way. Typical.

"So it's true I guess," She told no one in particular. "It's not like ever considered you as a good conversationalist. Honestly, talking to you or brick wall is essentially the same thing."

There was no response.

Asuka sighed.

"You know… I hate to admit this but I wanted to visit sooner. And no, don't get the wrong idea. After all, I'm also just a human, and humans get lonely and then things happen," She huffed, "but it's just that I had some troubles convincing myself. But here I am now. Isn't that the most important thing?"

…

"I'm glad we agree. But anyway time for business. I was informed that Miss. Suzahara that you found yourself in a critical state, and by the looks of you I'll agree with her. You look like a compete shit."

…

Seeing he wasn't moving an inch she continued. "Now, I told Miss. Suzahara that help is on the way, but that's sadly not the truth. You see… we have fairly limited personnel and even if we had enough resources at our disposal it would be very unlikely that we'd treat you. Nothing personal, it's just the way it is."

…

"Also, I should probably investigate the circumstances under which Miss. Suzahara found you, since every form of interaction with you is strictly forbidden without authorization. That said, I know why she was here, and by the sound of her it seems to me like the girl got what she wanted. And I'm actually thankful for that."

…

"I know. I know. She asked me first and I turned her down, even though I could say that I knew a thing or two about her brother, but I didn't."

…

"Why you ask? Good question that's sadly completely irrelevant. But I'm impressed that you helped her. You might as well have some resemblance of a backbone after all. It's just sad she had to witness to your… ummm… condition. The poor girl probably ticked something in that stupid head of yours. I don't even want to know what's in there. "

…

"And yeah, I will not report it. I know, I'm incredible and no, there's nothing you can do to repay me. Ever."

…

"How am I? Oh! Thanks for the question. It's nice to see you not being completely selfish for a change. I umm, woke up after 2 hours of sleep, after a 3 hour raid, saw a dead body in my hallways, then drank a refreshing cup of coffee. I know, I'm also blaming your daddy and his desire for annihilation of the whole human race."

…

"What I've been up to? This feels like the good old days doesn't it, except the apocalypse and few minor changes in pace. But ignoring that, I'm actually thinking about….

…

AN – Chapter 2/3 (most likely 5) done. I have no excuse for the delay; I'm either too lazy or too unmotivated, and I just don't write in that state. Hopefully it will get better from now on.

I changed the rating to T because of "slight" change of course, including the length of this most likely. So yeah, I have nothing to add. Ask me if you're interested in anything and leave a review if you feel like I'm doing something right, or wrong. I'm really interested to hear it since now I'm not too confident in this. Maybe because I slightly lost the grasp of the story… delay… change of course… dunno. I'm just glad I finally pooped something.

Thanks for reading. I hope I didn't stole your time and have a pleasant remaining of your day. Cheers.