Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
A formal apology to Mister Dawitsu
Hello, this is Aya Shameimaru, a reporter famous for lying, exaggeration, intruding houses without without permission, and destroying countless walls for no particular reason. I have slandered many a person, and I would now like to extend the most humble of apologies to everyone, with a certain mimicker being apologised to most of all.
This mimicker is Dawitsu, a kind, generous, self-sacrificing, funny, witty, handsome, skilful, intelligent, and handsome youkai who has never done anything wrong in all his three hundred and twenty six years of living, yet I, Aya Shameimaru, did the most heinous act of slandering this paragon of the community. I called him a founder of a religion of evil, and have questioned his good motives whenever he does anything, as well as followed him for no other reason than I am a creepy paparazzi with no friends, only co-workers.
I think that now that this is off my chest, I must confess other things. I snort ink for psychotropic effects. I treat everyone except myself like idiots, and I live only to ruin the reputations of others. You may think this makes me a terrible person, and that's because it does. I treat my co-worker, Hatate, with disrespect, and make everyone around me uncomfortable. I have no sense of empathy, and am most likely incapable of kindness.
If you're wondering what prompted me to start saying all this, it is because... uh... what did the original tell me to write again... oh yeah, it's because all of a sudden, I got given a conscience, and had to come clean. I also decided to go to Byakuren Hijiri, and make a confession to her. This is how it went...
Aya: Hello... Byakuren. Uh... I'm Aya Shameimaru, can you tell?
Byakuren: You've... got a lot shorter. And didn't break through the wall to enter the temple. Something's wrong...
Aya: That's because I've changed my inconsiderate ways. I want to earn the forgiveness of Gensokyo, but I don't know what to do...
Byakuren: That still doesn't explain the height...
Nue: (enters room) Oh, hey, Byakuren. I just wanted to drop in, 'cause I think I recognise a familiar energy around here... I wonder why. Oh well, I guess that it must have been a false alarm. I thought there might have been another Nue somewhere around here... (leaves room with a forlorn expression)
Aya: Heh heh... what a coincidence... heh heh... why did the original make me do this...
Byakuren: Huh, what did you just mumble?
Aya: Oh, nothing. Anyway, I've come to confess that I'm a lying, cheating, slanderous monster with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Byakuren: Um... okay... so... what are you going to do about this? Are you going to make a change to your... um, our newspaper? I'd be glad to write more Agony Aunts if you want to take the newspaper a direction more suited to helping people...
Aya: Oh, that would be wonderful! But what can I do to make people stop hating me?
Byakuren: Well... um... Aya... if you express your regret to all those you have wronged, then you may get forgiveness, however, some people will not forgive you instantly. Some will want you to do something to show how sorry you are. Acts speak louder than words, they say.
Aya: I... I guess that's right...
Byakuren: Wow, this is strange. The Aya I know would have interrupted part-way through my sentence and bragged about how wrong I was. Either you're seriously humbled or... hold on a moment, Nue mentioned... okay, show yourself.
Aya: What are you talking about?
Byakuren: You can't be the real Aya. You're not proud or ignorant enough to be her.
Aya: (sniffs sadly) I... I know I was proud and ignorant, but that's what I want to change! Please tell me what I can do to earn forgiveness...
Byakuren: (sighs) Okay... 'Aya', if you're simply someone who wishes to seek help anonymously and has changed form, I shall tell you this. Work hard to reverse the harm you have done to others. Do everything in your power to make things right. That is all I can do to help you.
Aya: Thank you, Byakuren...
Byakuren: Also, whoever you are... if you're a Nue, talk to the Nue that lives here... her name's Nue Houjuu, she gets really lonely because she thinks that she's the only one. She would really like to meet another Nue, even if it is... vertically challenged.
Aya: I don't know what you're talking about.
After that, I left the Myouren Temple, and promised several people who I have wronged to do good deeds for them. On the list is Reimu Hakurei, who I smashed the wall of and woke up her baby, ruining her night- I promised her that I would take care of baby Patricia for one whole night while she slept at my quiet house. I also promised to catch and cook lampreys for Mystia Lorelei's stand, stand guard in the snow for Hong Meiling, be Yuyuko Saigyouji's personal chef for a day, tune Hemi and Demi's guitars, clean Marisa Kirisame's study, find the lost cowry shell in Eientei after I hid it from Kaguya Houraisan, do a ferrying shift for Komachi Onozuka and promote the Moriya Shrine's Gods for Sanae Kochiya.
I hope that I am able to do all of these tasks, because otherwise, I'm sure the people who I promised to do these tasks for will be very angry with me, and my already dismal reputation would fall even further... so I will do them.
As for Dawitsu... I shall promise to never ever slander him again, because if he does, I may well have to perform more acts of penance... I would not wish to lower the reputation of such a universally wonderful person again.
Article written by Aya Shameimaru
Present-day hindsight: THIS ARTICLE WASN'T WRITTEN BY ME! The writer was an imposter, an imposter I tell you! That evil Dawitsu, he's to blame, he's completely to blame! Thanks to this article and his evil machinations, I had to look after that screaming human baby, have my beautiful skin sucked by lampreys, freeze half to death, burn myself cooking, get ridiculed for my lack of a musical ear, waste sixteen hours cleaning a room that would be messy in a few minutes once I was done, get attacked by inexplicably indoors-dwelling swallows, talk to a dead man called 'Hitler' about how his plot for some sort of Third Reich went south, and get beaten up by Taoists for promoting Shintoism! It's all his fault!
Wait... why is this even in the archives? Hatate, you did this, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?