Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Most recent incident causer gets interviewed!
As Hatate's article in yesterday's issue stated, a very recent incident occurred involving the ghost of a piratical sort named Edward Teach appearing in the Scarlet Devil Mansion's lake. While Hatate interviewed the familiar woman who happened to be a first-time incident resolver, it ultimately fell to the brilliant reporting skills of yours truly to track down the incident causer and find out a little about him.
I decided to search the lake for his ship, however, I didn't find anything sailing in the waters, though I did see that the ship had been anchored towards the Forest of Magic, and there, I followed some footprints, and they led me to the Human Village, where surprisingly, the man was drinking sake peacefully at one of the bars there. I decided to approach him, but, being an outsider, he probably didn't know who I was, and hassled me a little bit. However, when after we broke the ice, we got on a little better...
Aya: Hello, Edward! Are you the guy who recently caused that incident? Don't act like you aren't, my colleague mentioned that you have a big black beard, and no-one in Gensokyo has beards...
Edward: Aye, I be the one ye seek. Tell me, wench, do ye know if this tavern has a good red rum me and me men can drown their sorrows in?
Aya: Um... no, but I can offer you an interview! I'm Aya Shameimaru of the Bunbunmaru Spirit News, a collaborative effort between...
Edward: If ye can't help me with me sorrows, I'm not interested with ye. You're a pretty wench, to be sure, but they all seem to be over here. If I were to take any wench aboard me ship, I'd be sure to make it the prettiest, to make the bad luck worth it.
Aya: Are... are you implying I'm not the prettiest woman in Gensokyo?
Edward: Aye, that's what I said.
Aya: But... but I so am!
Edward: (elbows a similarly dressed man sitting next to him) This wench has a mouth on her, but she's talking nonsense! Say, wench, can ye dance for us, maybe I'll consider ye...
Aya: I don't want to be your concubine or whatev...
Edward: (pulls out some sort of musket, and shoots the floor next to Aya's foot) DANCE, wench!
Aya: (begins to dance) Okay... (pirouettes) ...now that I'm dancing... (arcs back and brings hands up along her body) ...would you be willing to answer some questions?
Edward: Aye, now that you're dancing you're looking a lot prettier, eh, men? HAR HAR HAR HAR!
Random pirates: HAR HAR HAR HAR!
Aya: (begins river-dancing) Taking notes, dancing, and talking is nothing, I'm even a good article writer. Anyway, Mister Teach, (dodges another shot of his musket) what brought you to Gensokyo?
Edward: Oh, ye want to know why I appeared in this place filled with little girls? Well, I be a restless soul, ye see. When I was killed, my corpse was most desecrated. I should have been buried at sea, but that Maynard... he only did half the job. He took my head, and threw my body in the ocean. You see, he wanted to collect the reward hanging on that pretty head o' mine... rumours of me ghost sailin' a ghastly rendition o' the Queen Anne's Revenge, searching for Robert Maynard circled for years, but those rumours soon became myths, and I hear this place is where all myths go... I never realised so many of these myths be little girls in frilly dresses.
Aya: Well, I rather like here. (begins the can-can) Although, I have to admit, the lack of men around here is somewhat... frustrating.
Edward: What are those ridiculous shoes you're wearing? They be no shoes for dancing, yet you dance fine! You be a better wench than I expected. May I take this dance?
Aya: Uh... what? (suddenly gets grabbed by Edward Teach, and they begin to dance)
Edward: Well, ye were insulted by my comparison before. I be making amends.
Aya: ...oh. It's strange, from what Hatate and Futo said, it seemed you were some sort of ruthless monster. Is it true you light gunpowder candles in your beard?
Edward: Aye, but only to frighten people. Fear cuts more than swords, and I would rather commandeer ships by fear and admiration than by killing men that could be used to help sail ships in my stead...
Aya: Oh... say, you're not that bad a dancer...
Edward: Many thanks. Now that I'm a place full o' little girls that fear my piracy as much as they'd fear a kitten, I don't know what I'm to do with myself. That grey-haired wench stopped herself from flying just to show me how easy it was for her to defeat me. I be shamed.
Aya: Well... um... perhaps you could be a dancer?
Edward: Aye... perhaps I could. What be your name, wench? I didn't remember it before.
Aya: My name's... Aya.
Edward: A pretty name for a pretty wench. (spins Aya around)
Aya: You know, I think you and I could become friends. Would you like that?
Edward: Aye, I would. I need to make friends other than me crew in this world or I'll go mad, methinks. Even the world outside doesn't fear piracy any more, not the piracy I'm famed for.
Aya: Huh? There's other sorts?
Edward: Now, there be piracy of a different sort, ones done with strange square looking glasses that glow in the darkness...
Aya: Oh, that's a shame... don't worry, if you ever get back, I'm sure someone as feared as you once were would be able to adapt to this new piracy...
Edward: Aye, I'm sure I could, but there be a problem. Everybody does it, and people don't see it as a thing to be feared. True piracy be dead, methinks. So now all I have is this foreign tipple that they give me. What do they call it, sake?
Aya: Sa-ke, not sake. I think it's nice...
Edward: It tastes o' nothing compared to red rum, I tell ye. Perhaps if ye joined my crew, I'd be able to take ye to a place where we can drink it together...
Aya: J-join your crew? But... but we've only just met...
Edward: (brings Aya close) Aye, but we have a rapport, you and I. What say you? A woman on board may bring bad luck, but I be dead already and my head was paraded atop a mast, dripping blood the whole time. I think Lady Luck stopped her smiling a while back. Time to smash 'er teeth in. What say you?
Aya: If I become part of your crew... I... I would find it difficult to get back to Hatate, but if I let her know, then she could come to me and type up my articles for me... oh, but her style is so... so juvenile... oh... the choice, the choice...
Edward: Ye'll be the prettiest piratical woman of all time if ye join my crew.
Aya: Okay, deal! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, a pirate's life for me!
Edward: (lets go of Aya, and spins her away, ending the dance) Thank ye, wench... Aya.
Aya: Oh, this is so cool! I'll get to be a pirate and do... pirate-y things! Oh, let me tell Hatate, I won't be long, I fly super-fast!
Edward: Goodbye, my friend...
And now I'm a pirate! I do stuff like... fire from muskets... and... uh... speak all pirate-like, and... and I also dress in cool, raggedy clothes, and stuff! My pirate name is Lady Aya the Merciless, because I break walls without mercy! I do horrible deeds like... take photographs, and draw moustaches on statues! I'm as fear-inspiring as they come, and one of Edward Teach's own!
Beware, readers, because now your intrepid reporter has just become an intrepid adventurer, and the articles are to become far more interesting! Ga ha ha ha!
Article written by Lady Aya the Merciless
Present-day hindsight: Like, considering how Aya broke up with that Edward Teach guy, I think it's quite big of her to include this article in the archives at all. It was a messy break-up, apparently. He didn't like her insistence on interviewing every 'victim' of their 'piracy', and she didn't like that he didn't call her 'the prettiest wench ever' at least once a day... or something. She didn't stop crying for weeks when it was over, though, she really liked the guy, even though he was a pretty old-looking guy. I know I wouldn't.
In the end, I don't know if their break-up was for the best... I mean... I could be running this paper all alone, like I did before, if she ended up becoming a pirate full-time. And... I dunno, maybe I'm a better reporter than her, maybe I'm not, but I kinda like this set-up, you know? Having two people work on the newspaper gives it a bit of variety. And what is it they say about variety? Um... oh yeah, that's it! Variety is life curry. Wait, that's not it...