It was Unification Day.
With unspoken tradition, Mal found a reason to dock the ship, citing needed mechanical repairs. This year, he picked Verbena, a large border planet. It was as good of a choice as any. A large factory in Verbena had fallen victim to a bombing attributed to a browncoat soldier, and tensions were usually high around this time of year.
Incidentally, Serenity did need some key repairs, as Kaylee had been griping about the last few months. Her and Simon begged out of hitting the bar at ten in the morning with the others, in favour of going searching for parts. Priorities, Mal thought disapprovingly. Simon had tried to make River go with them, but she had insisted on going with Mal, Zoe and Jayne.
"So many people not sure about Unification these days, might be tough finding a brawl, Captain," Zoe commented with a knowing grin as they played Mahjong in the seediest bar Mal had been able to find. It was already crowded with patrons despite the early hour, a sure sign of the holiday. Zoe was right though. The ferverent Unification supporters were becoming a thing of the past out here, Mal knew. Even Verbena was a little less Alliance friendly as the reforms and developments promised by the government had failed to come to fruition, year after year. The attitude towards browncoats wasn't as hardline as it had once been
Mal was an optimist though and refused to let his hopes be dashed as he brushed some dust of his own, battered brown coat. Looking around, he didn't see any other coats matching his in the place, but neither did he see any of the typical Alliance flags.
"Hell, I can find you a brawl if you're lookin'" Jayne piped up, "Might not be a fancy Political type brawl, but I sure as day can find you a good old fashioned duster. Give me five minutes."
"Of that Jayne Cobb, none of us have any doubt." Zoe assured Jayne.
"I'm dealer again!" River exclaimed, tallying up the points to the fourth round of their second game, having already won the first.
"You know, this game ain't no fun when Moonbrain here is fixin' it to win every time," Jayne complained. River gave him a wounded look.
"Not fixing a thing!" She argued. "Just better than you!" Mal laughed.
"Don't know about that one, I think Jayne might be onto somethin' there, River. You're looking a little guilty in my eyes!" Mal pretended to peer suspiciously over River's tiles.
While River was trying to argue her hand was dealt without cheating, Zoe looked over River's shoulder to check her math. "Jayne, I'm pretty sure she shorted you a point on the last round. No, she definitely shorted you two points. What do you know, we have a cheater in our midst!"
"Knew it!" Jayne said triumphantly, taking a long drink from his pint of beer. River frantically started checked over her math again.
"I did not," She insisted, her finger running down her totals. "Where'd you see that, Zoe?" She was oblivious to everyone's grins until she looked up and it dawned on her that they were all pulling her leg.
"You know, for a reader, you sure can be gullible," Zoe chuckled. River stuck her tongue out.
"Can't concentrate with so many minds in one place," She defended her skills, but started to grin in spite of herself.
"Can't concentrate after having three cups of sake, more like," Jayne muttered good naturedly, making the universal crazy sign at her by turning his finger in a loop by his ear.
"River?" The interrupting voice sounded incredulous and excited. Everyone turned to look. It was a boy about River's age, a boy who looked pretty green to be in a bar like this. There was an awkward pause. Then River realized who it was.
"Mallory?" Her voice betrayed surprised delight.
Mal's grip on his glass tightened involuntarily as he realized who it was too. It was that damn boy River had met on Athens some time back. River leapt out of her chair and threw her arms around the boy. "What are you doing here? You made it off Athens."
"You were my inspiration," Mallory laughed, returning her hug. "After you all left, all I could think about was getting out and seeing more of the Verse. It wasn't much to get here, I just waited for the orbits to be close so's transport would be cheap, then hopped from Athens to Aberdeen, to Verbena." He turned to the others and mocked tipping a hat. "Nice to see y'all."
Mal glared and forced out a cordial greeting of some kind. Jayne looked disinterested at best. This left the burden of good manners to Zoe. She inquired what had brought the boy to Verbena.
"Me and a few mates came to spend the summer picking fruit on one of the orchards." He smiled modestly, gesturing vaguely behind him where his friends undoubtedly were. "It ain't fancy work, but it was an excuse to get off world for a while and see something new."
"I'm so glad," River said earnestly. "I know how much you wanted it."
"Come meet my friends," Mallory begged. "You met Smithy on Athens and Paulson I told you about. They'll be thrilled to see you." River nodded and grabbed her drink to follow him.
"They think I'm cheating because they can't handle my skill, so they won't miss me!" She joked with a smile, gesturing at the half finished game of Mahjong.
Mal grabbed her free hand before she walked away and held her back a second.
"What did we talk about going off with strangers?" Mal reminded River in a low voice. She gave him a confused look.
"I know him, Captain. He's all right. You know him too. He's Johnny Michi's nephew, remember?" Mal remembered. Did he ever remember. He nodded grudgingly.
"Just don't leave the bar, dong ma?" River shook her head at him quizzily.
"Hadn't even crossed my mind. We got a brawl on schedule anyway, don't we?" Her eyes twinkled as she gave his arm an affectionate squeeze before taking her leave, waving at Zoe and Jayne.
"Good for her, meetin' people her own age," Zoe remarked approvingly as they watched River disappear into the crowd.
"Yeah," Mal was glum, sitting back in his seat and picking up his beer. "real good."
xxxx
The afternoon wore on. The more he watched River with that boy, the madder Mal got. He drained his pint and got a new one, trying to summon the good cheer he'd had an hour ago, but the drink only fueled his mood. He felt irritated. Irritated with that boy, irritated with River, as irrational as he knew it was. He felt most angry with himself. What right did he have to be mad at her? Zoe was right, it was good for River to spend time with people her own age. They were moving around so much, she never had the chance to make lasting friendships. It wasn't friendship that Mal was worried about where this boy was concerned though.
Mal's thoughts swirled around him, confused and disjointed. After a while, he gave up playing Mahjong. The game could survive losing one player, but not two, and Zoe and Jayne were forced to switch to Chinese checkers.
A while after that, Mal gave up talking entirely, brooding over his beer in stony silence. He felt Zoe stealing the odd glance in his direction, unsure of what was going on. Unification Day was usually meant to be a spot of fun, and she didn't understand the source of Mal's anger. Neither do I, he thought morosely. But a small voice in the back of his head whispered to him that he wasn't being entirely truthful with himself.
This went on for a couple of hours. He watched darkly as the boy introduced River to the two other boys and a girl, who were obviously his friends. He watched as she became life of the party, the center of attention, as she so often did in situations like this. His usual pride in his beautiful, talented pilot blurred into anger and jealousy.
Finally, he'd had enough. He finished his current drink, slammed the glass on the table and stood up, swaying a little more than he expected. He ignored Zoe's cautious "Sir?" and stalked over to River and stood in front of her. "We're leaving." He said shortly as she looked up at him in surprise.
"Captain, what's going on?" River sensed his anger, but didn't comprehend why.
"C'mon River, don't ask questions, we're done here!" He snapped. She gave him a wounded look, and it carved into Mal like a knife. But he didn't apologize. One of the boys' friends who didn't know him stood up at River's side.
"I think the lady would like to stay," He said. River put an arm on the boy to silence him.
"Don't try me, boy!" Mal spat. "Gwan nee tzi-jee duh shr!" Mind your own business. The boy stood his ground, glaring at Mal, but was wise enough not to reply.
Mal watched as River gave Mallory an apologetic look. She leaned down to him and whispered something in his ear and gave him a small smile.
"Let's go, River." Mal said through his teeth, trying very hard to be patient. The boy, Mallory's friend who had challenged him before snorted derisively.
"This is Fei Hua. Who do you think you are anyway? She's obviously not yours. And besides, what kind of moron wears a coat like that on Unification day of all gorram days? The war's long over old timer, get over yourself!"
The boy never stood a chance. He literally toppled backwards over the chair he'd stood up from, hitting the ground with a loud bang. The bar fell silent and people turned to stare at the commotion. Mal briefly felt his good cheer return. But only briefly. When he looked at River's face, he felt his grin fade.
"Mal!" River gasped, angry and confused all at the same time. She immediately bent down to the boy's side. Mal watched on for a second, before the world went spinning. The other of Mallory's friend clocked him in the side of the jaw, and Mal felt his head recoil.
"What do you know, he found one!" He heard the glee in Jayne's voice, oblivious. "Finally, a good tussle!" Cheerfully, the mercenary set upon attacking the boy who'd hit Mal.
The bar broke into pandemonium. Tensions had obviously been a bit higher than Mal had originally estimated, as everyone seemed to start fighting with someone. He got a few good punches in, felt Jayne next to him doing the same. Zoe had sprung into action and concentrated on clearing a path for them through the door.
"I think we'd best be getting out of here, Sir," She said grimly after a few minutes went by and security started enforcing more strongly. There was no doubt the bartender had called the local lawmen by then, who were probably on their way. The four made a quick getaway, the patrons too caught up in the chaos to really notice their exit. Mallory was bent over his friend that Mal had hit who was still out cold and River barely had a chance to shout an apology at him before heading out with the others.
Mal and his crew headed back to Serenity. Outside the light of the day was slowly dying. The further he got from the bar, the more he started to feel like the fool. He was drunker than he should have been, hadn't eaten much, and his jaw throbbed. He'd nurse a wicked bruise the next day or two. Zoe supported his unsteady steps, her mouth in a thin line. Jayne was chattering happily beside them, not picking up on the tension.
"See? Told you a good tussle doesn't always have to be about something. Ain't that right?"
River followed behind, quiet. Mal didn't have to be a reader, or sober for that matter, to feel the anger coming off of her in waves.
Simon and Kaylee were back at the ship by the time they'd made it. It didn't take the pair long to realize things hadn't gone as planned.
"What happened?" Simon was the first to brave the question. He observed Mal's jaw, was about to take a closer look at it, but seeing Mal's expression, seemed to think better of it. "Fight didn't go so well I take it?"
"Well maybe if the Captain didn't see fit to pick on a boy half his size, it would have been a more noble cause," Zoe stated shortly.
"Hey, did you not hear what he said to me? Insulting the browncoats? On Unification day? It was an honest fight." Mal weakly tried to defend himself, knowing even as he said it, it wouldn't stand up.
"He was a kid. Didn't know what he was saying, Sir." Zoe replied evenly. "Not the kind of good time fun we were lookin' for I don't think."
"Ah, come on, who cares? Good for kids to brawl like that," Jayne was philosophical about the whole thing. "A rung bell and a black eye never hurt nobody permanently."
"Let's just forget it, alright?" Mal was impatient and didn't want to hear about it anymore. After an awkward silence, Kaylee tentatively suggested supper at a place her and Simon had passed on the way back.
"Sounds great Kaylee," Zoe replied. Then turning to Mal, she was pointed. "Maybe you should stay back and sleep it off, Sir."
Mal opened his mouth to reply, then shut it again. There was nothing to say. He watched as everyone left, feeling like an idiot. River glanced back at him before closing up the ship behind them. Her gaze was unreadable and before he could react, she turned her back and walked away with the others.
Alone on his beloved ship, Mal felt more lonely than he'd felt in a long while.
xxxx
A few hours later and the others were still not back. Mal woke up, still drunk, head hurting and face throbbing. He forced himself out of bed and made his way to the galley to get an icepack. As he found one, he eyed the whiskey bottle sitting by the cupboard. What the hell, he thought charitably, and poured himself a healthy dose. He slumped down at the table, closing his eyes as he sipped the whiskey and held the ice pack to his face.
"What was that all about back there?" Mal jumped at the voice. His eyes snapped open and he was startled to see River standing in the doorway. He hadn't even heard the hatch of Serenity open.
"Where's everyone else?" He asked, ignoring her question.
"Still eating." She answered shortly. "I wanted to come talk to you. What happened today, that was about me. You were mad at me. And I want to know why."
Silence. Mal took another sip of his whiskey before risking a look at her. Her arms were crossed and she was watching him expectantly.
"I wasn't mad at you," Mal mumbled finally. He avoided her gaze. "Just worried about you is all, takin' up with strangers. I mean we just had that wave from Inara..."
"What a load of go se," River snapped. That got his attention, River never swore. He looked up at her, her face flushed with ire. "Mallory's not a stranger. We all met him long before any of that. I didn't do anything wrong. And it's none of your business!"
"No, you didn't. Do anything wrong that is" Mal replied, after a minute. He looked down stubbornly at his drink. "And you're right. It's not my business. Let's forget it, I was just drunk."
"You weren't just drunk! You were mad about something the second Mallory showed up and you know it." He did know it. The silence stretched out between them as River stood in the doorway, arms crossed. Mal stared morosely at his drink.
"That boy ain't good enough for you." He muttered, so quietly he didn't think she'd hear.
"What? What on earth are you talking about?" River whispered. Apparently he'd thought wrong.
"You've barely said two words to him, you don't know anything about him," Her voice raising. "Just a girl, not a girl! Broken weapon, woman, mermaid, girl! No match for no one, not whole, but reflecting whole!" Mal stared at her with frank curiousity as she spouted her nonsense. It had been a long time since she had spoken in riddles like this. Her frustration with herself was evident and she abruptly cut herself off and stood there. Her eyes were closed, her breathing was heavy as she tried to get herself under control and articulate herself properly.
"Mal." She took a deep breath. "I wasn't... And he's not my... And why does it matter to you?" She faltered a bit as she said this, and her face became distant, as though remembering something from long ago. She came into full focus again and looked at him with suspicion in her eyes.
"What is all this about?"
"What's this about?" Mal was exasperated. Something snapped in him. He stood up from where he sat, and put his palms on the table in front of him.
"Don't you know, Darlin? Don't you know?" His voice took on a note of desperation as River only looked at him, her face perplexed. "You must know," He finished lamely. "you see into me after all."
It slowly dawned on her what he was saying.
"You... you think I read you." She said slowly. "You think I know what's in your mind." He stared back at her accusingly.
"Well don't you?" He snapped. She gave him a long look.
I don't pry Captain." She replied, in the same slow voice, trying to choose her words carefully. "I know some things from... before. But I don't look now. I stopped reading you a long time ago, or anyone else on Serenity. Unless we're on a job and I need to know something that will help us."
His mind tried to process what she was saying.
"You mean... I knew you could block out some things, but I didn't think you could control it that much, not all the time." Mal suddenly felt a lot more sober than he had a moment ago.
"Gotten better, lots of practice" River whispered. "I don't look into your heart, Captain, it's not polite, and it's not fair to you, to any of you."
"But..." Mal tried to wrap this information around his head. All this time, he though she knew. He thought back to all those times where he'd been convinced that she knew what he was thinking. The thoughts he was ashamed of having. Thoughts of her that had haunted him for so long, until his love for Inara had driven them out. And then Inara left and things changed.
How those thoughts had reared up again, almost without him realizing it, as he and River had grown irrevocably closer over the last months. Mal started to realize he hadn't been even fully conscious of his changing feelings towards River until his childish jealousy had reared its ugly head today.
"I thought you knew." He whispered, feeling like an idiot, for so many reasons.
His heart sank like an anchor, tethering him to this moment. Now it was too late. The secret was now out, a secret he didn't even know he'd been keeping. He watched her face as she put the pieces together. Her face showed surprise, bewilderment, and something else he couldn't read.
"You were jealous? Of Mallory?" Her voice was disbelieving. "That was all such a long time ago, it was nothing, really. It was just nice to see him today, nice to see a friend." She took a breath and held it a moment. Then she let it out in a sigh. Her crossed arms tightened around herself and she shivered.
"Mal, everything we've been through... that night in here when we talked and then fell asleep. You helped me, you showed me I wasn't alone... How could you ever think someone like that... someone I met once who doesn't know me, doesn't know what we've all been through? How could you think someone like that could ever compare to you?" She took a hesitant step out of the doorway and into the galley, but then stopped again, uncertain. She looked at him searchingly.
Mal shrugged. "All we've been through, it's been a lot. But you're still young. You ain't tied to Serenity and this life, River, not if you don't want it." He said gently. "There's a hell of a big Verse out there."
"Stop." River warned, closing her eyes, as if in pain. "Just stop. How can you even say that? Everything we've all been through together... We're all tied to each other." She opened her eyes again and looked down at him, a warning in her face and her voice colder than it had been a moment ago. "Don't lie to yourself and don't lie to me."
Mal's eyes widened. He didn't know how to answer her.
The air in the galley had shifted, the tension no longer angry, but something else entirely. Mal shook his head hard. Everything was happening toofast. He felt like he was spinning.
"Oh River, girl" Mal groaned, his voice desperate. His heart was pounding in his ears. Things were crumbling down all around them and didn't know if he was strong enough to stop it. He risked a look up at her, saw her eyes and he knew that she knew. And that was his undoing.
"I'm not a girl," River whispered.
"Ta ma de, I know that." In three strides Mal crossed the room and grabbed her face between both hands, forcing her mouth open under his.