Summary: "It was the bet of the year, though technically, it couldn´t even be called a bet anymore.
It was more like a battle, one of the hardest battles he'd ever fought. Roy Mustang against three people. Roy Mustang against piles of paperwork. And Roy Mustang against sex."

Warnings: unbeta'ed A/Ns otherwise same as last chapter XD

Beta: Thank you, Ca11iope ^^

Notice:

"Speaking"

'Thinking'

"Letters, reports etc...and…"

Sakurita Elric Neko: I´m delighted to hear you enjoyed the story so far :D

The Curse of Forever: Nice to see you back :D I´m sure Roy apprechiates the A. (Not the general, but he´s not in charge now ;D)

The Bet of the Year

Chapter 3: A good day, until…

Day 5

After spending the previous day much too distracted and in pain to get anything done, Roy's pile of paperwork had once again grown. So on Friday the Colonel had enough work on hand to ignore his problem, and thankfully, Hughes did not attempt to cheat again.

The cold morning shower was becoming routine. Roy's inquisitor, aka the Nature Defining Alchemist, had visited him that morning for the second time and confirmed that he had not done anything to bring the wager to an early end. The woman had invaded his privacy alone that morning, and insisted the Flame call her by her first name as she virtually purred his in a quite intimate manner. Despite this, Roy's day had started on a positive note, and since his evening's plans included spending time with a short tempered child, the Colonel was positive that today would bring him one step closer to the successful end of this bet.

Hughes put the phone down and sighed. He had just received the report from Sue, and the rest of people in the room looked expectantly to him for the verdict.

Maes took a deep breath and the others seemed to almost burst from anticipation.

"No."

Just one word, but it made some of those assembled swear, and others cheer.

"I knew it!" was heard along with disbelieving 'Wwhaaaatttt?'s. Money was thrown into the betting pool and Breda lifted the well filled container to wave it in front of the Lieutenant Colonel's face.

"Pay up, mate," the read-haired man crowed.

Doing as he was told, Hughes left a thick bundle of notes in the pool with a grimace.

"It was a good try, Sir." Szieska tried to comfort her commanding officer. Then she leaned away to take a look at the betting book. She would never go as far as try to manipulate the bet, as the Lieutenant Colonel had, but she sure hoped she would win the money.

As did all the other people in the room.

Roy had to correct himself.

Edward Elric was definitely not a child. Not anymore. In fact, Roy had to admit that his former subordinate had grown into a very attractive young man.

But that didn´t matter as long as it was the only thing that needed to be corrected. The former Fullmetal Alchemist did not look at him the way the women he was used to dating did. For example, like Julia did when she'd thought their date was progressing well. Or like Sue did yesterday morning.

In fact, Ed looked at Roy just the same way as he'd sounded the evening before when Roy had called him to invite him out: annoyed by the mere existence of Roy Mustang. Perfect.

"I can´t believe I agreed to this," the younger man growled when Roy came to pick him up. "This is the first time I've ever hoped someone would stand me up."

What a nice greeting. For a moment, Roy was tempted to turn around and leave. But as tempting as the notion was, he had a few very good arguments against doing that.

One, he had given his word. And Roy Mustang was not a man to break it easily. Even if the one it was given to was a short man with a temper that was almost as short as its owner. Fine, maybe shorter, since Edward seemed to have grown. It was hard to believe, but the blonde was not that much shorter than Mustang anymore. The top of his head - minus the ever present antenna - was almost at Roy's eye level, and while that was still far from tall, it was not exactly tiny anymore. Roy estimated that Ed was roughly as tall as Fury now, maybe even an inch or two taller.

The second reason Roy decided to go through with this 'date' was that he hadn´t seen his former subordinate for at least a year, since he had not attended the welcome back party the rest of his crew had organized. He didn´t even remember anymore why he hadn´t.

But the third, most significant reason, the one that made Roy call Ed in the first place, was that it was Edward Elric he was asking out. And while he was certainly not a child anymore, the blond was still a man, and Roy did not do men. Well, granted there was that time at academy when he was far too drunk to care who he bent over. And that one time a few years ago when he was even more drunk and didn´t care who bend him over. Roy's memory of both events was as complete as the bottom of a sieve, but his ass certainly remembered that last one, and it had not been a pleasant memory. Roy hadn't even been able to sit without a pillow for three days. It was uncomfortable enough for Roy to cross males as sex partners off his personal 'to do' list after that.

With a woman it was absolutely clear who had to take it. With a man however, you could never know for sure if the guy might decide that he would like to be the one in charge after all. And that was another reason not to sleep with guys. Roy would never allow some stranger to have that much control over him, so dating a man permanently was out of question. There was no way a guy would let you fuck him and never do the fucking himself. After all, Roy was a man and knew exactly how good it felt to thrust his dick into another body. He could not imagine resigning from that option for a lifetime. Hell, the last five days had been nightmare enough, and he still had twenty-five more to go.

After advancing the theory that a real man needed to do the fucking, what were Roy's chances of finding a totally submissive one? Too much risk. First: even asking a guy if he was gay was almost a guarantee for a fist in the face. Visiting gay bars would take care of that, but it would also take care of his reputation. Even if he maybe - just maybe – found someone who was worth the risk, and that was a long shot indeed, there was the previously mentioned topping issue. Men in gay bars had gay sex. And a man who had gay sex would at some point want to stick their own dicks into their partner. And on top of all that, being a man himself, Roy knew that there were plenty of men low enough to resort to getting their targets sloshed to get what they wanted.

As a consequence of these points, Roy would not sleep with men. Therefore, Roy was not gay. And since he was not gay, he would not sleep with Edward Elric, who was undeniable male.

Besides, Ed was about as asexual as they come, although he didn´t actually look the part anymore. And as far as Roy knew, Ed was not gay. Consequently, he would not be interested in Roy. Therefore, no sex. Case closed.

Anyway, the brat hadn´t lost his ability to annoy Roy. The snarky greeting alone was enough to confirm that. Considering their interactions in the past, this was one more indicator pointing to the same conclusion: once again, no sex.

Roy mentally counted off all the arguments for 'no sex', and came to the decision that Ed was in fact his best option for a dinner companion. Therefore he held his ground instead of walking away.

"Good evening to you too, Fullmetal." Sarcasm could be wrung out of the sentence with bare hands. "And just to remind you, you agreed to join me because I´m paying." Ed´s stomach had in fact been the deciding factor in Roy's successful attempt to get the former Major to go out with him.

Said former Major snored and turned to the restaurant's entrance. "Whatever."

The younger man was dressed casually, and Roy was happy to note that his current sense of fashion was not as flamboyant as it had been back in his days as the Fullmetal Alchemist. A light brown coat fell to mid-thigh, and by its worn appearance it was obvious Ed wore it often. The young man's boots were also very well worn, and must have seen quite a few adventures, considering their condition. The trousers, made from a practical, thick material similar to denim, were not as battered, but definitely far from fancy.

But really, the outfit was acceptable under the circumstances. After all, since Roy had agreed that this would be his treat, he hadn't chosen a terribly expensive restaurant. The food here was tasty, and the atmosphere casually comfortable. Roy thought it was a good choice for his date with Ed, who most likely wouldn't have felt at ease in a fancier place. And of course nothing could stop Ed from insulting Roy loudly and often, and the Colonel felt no desire to be tossed out of a fine dining establishment that evening.

"Spill it, Colonel shit. What is the real reason for this?" Edward demanded to know, as they took their seats in a secluded corner.

"I told you-" Roy began, but was soon interrupted.

"You want to make up for missing the party? Sure." Edward's dry tone betrayed more than clearly what Ed thought of Roy's explanation.

"You may not believe it but I do take an interest in my subordinates, Fullmetal." It would take some time to get used to not calling him that, but Ed didn´t even seem to notice. Obviously Roy was not the only one slipping into old routines. "Even the ones that were often beneath the radar and nowhere to be found most of the time."

"You evil fucker." Leaning over the table with a murderous stare, the blonde alchemist looked quite intimidating. "That's because the fucking stacks of paperwork were piled too high to even spot Armstrong behind them. I´m not short."

Ah, it seemed like Edward had grown up a bit. But only a bit. Clearly it was momentarily in check, but it would not take much for that famous temper to burst out of its boundaries.

The Colonel smirked and took a breath for the next shot at the former Major's not so prominent lack of height – one could always exaggerate, just for the sake of angering the other man – but Ed was not finished yet.

"And if I ever find that you were indeed plotting something when you invited me out, I´ll rip your fucking stars off your fucking uniform and shove them straight up your fucking ass. One after the other."

Ouch. Even with all the 'fucks' included, the image of that was painful enough to give Roy's ever present boner pause. The black-haired man's grin widened and he leaned back. This should be a good evening. Finally some things were working as they should.

It was absolutely wonderful. Fullmetal was still very creative with his threats and insults, and Roy was sure the visualization of a few of them would definitely kill all feelings of arousal tonight.

To top it off, it still was amusing to get the younger man to lose his temper, even though it was more of a challenge than it had been when Ed was still under his command. But Roy didn´t mind a challenge. And therefore, the date was perfect. Until . . .

"…. NOT SHORT, YOU DICK!"

"My dick is not short!"

Where exactly had this come from? It was enough to shut Ed up immediately and keep him quite for whole five seconds. Then:

"Uhm… I didn´t say that."

Yet.

He had, in fact, not said that to that very moment. But Ed became very creative, laying out a well thought out scientific theory about how Roy's enormous ego probably compensated for other . . . 'shortcomings'. Roy was treated to a good percentage of the short insults he's once used on Ed thrown back into his face. Or rather, his dick.

It was rather impressive how many of them the short alchemist remembered and how he was able to adapt them to his own purpose. But that wasn't the end of it. Edward had put-gowns of his own to add to the exchange.

Really, Roy's poor general did not deserve this.

The Colonel's counterattacks became more heated as the evening wore on and the amount of disrespect his penis was forced to endure grew. And Roy had to give the restaurant's staff credit. It took them quite a long time to throw the two alchemist's out, perhaps because a good number of the other guests were very entertained by their argument. In the end however, Ed´s demands for Roy to supply 'solid evidence' and let his pants – and underwear - down were likely the last straw. That prospect was too much even for the most tolerant gastronome.

Tbc.

Finally, Ed is here ^^

And some background on Roys academy life :D I could so picture him like that XD (I´m already tempted for a short sidestory, but not sure. Maybe sometimes later)