Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives

Mimicking Youkai begins to pursue career in robotics!

Like, there's a totally cool field of science that the kappa of the rivers love to mess around with called 'robotics'. From what I can gather, robotics is where you put together a load of metal and make it move on its own. There's, like, a certain kappa of the river called 'Nitori Kawashiro' who, like, makes robots for a living and totally supplies we tengu with all sorts of cool gadgets, as well as giving us totally awesome massages with her robotic hands... like, I don't mean Nitori's hands are robotic, I mean she made robotic hands which belong to her, and those give massages.

Anyway, recently, it would seem that the field of robotics has expanded beyond the Youkai Mountain. Like, we had already seen robots built by people other than the kappa, like Suwako Moriya's project, Hisoutensoku, but, like, I never for one moment thought that this field also existed in the minds of outsiders... I mean, from what Aya's told me, the outside world seems, like, totally boring, with not a scrap of magic anywhere.

So, like, you're probably wondering who it is that has started to build robots, right? Well, like, the title says it all, it's that mimicking youkai, the one they call Dawitsu. Like, we tengu have not been given a full tour of the mansion, and, like, I decided to ask for one, and it was there that I found his foibles into robotics... not just the sort of making metal hands that move, but, like, metal people, you know?

Anyway, this is, like, how it went:

Hatate: (knocks on Dawitsu Mansion's door) Like, is anyone in?

Dawitsu: Oh, it's the paparazzi that doesn't break my walls. (opens door) What's up, Hatate?

Hatate: Like, Aya and I were talking, and she says that, like, she's never got herself a proper tour of the mansion for the paper, and then Aya suggested that she go over and demand one, but, like, I don't think she would be a welcome visitor...

Dawitsu: You're right about that. But I guess there's no harm in letting you have a look around... um, provided I accompany you.

Hatate: (floats into house) Like, why is that, Mister Dawitsu? You got something to hide?

Dawitsu: I have... you know, private possessions, like every man...

Hatate: I shall make it my duty to find them!

Dawitsu: Not if you want this tour.

Hatate: Awww...

Dawitsu: Anyway, Ran and Chen are out, so you're in luck. Although, if Ran gets home and sees you in here alone with me, she may get a little... um, you know...

Hatate: ...jealous? It's okay, everyone thinks I'm a lesbian anyway!

Dawitsu: ...it's not like you to just admit that. Are you feeling okay?

Hatate: Like, I'm just fine! The tour, please.

Dawitsu: Okay... (shows Hatate into a large aquarium, and suddenly sighs) ...this is my aquarium. I barely need to maintain it, because I set it up just like Tom sets up his...

Hatate: Who's Tom?

Dawitsu: My little brother. He's in the outside world. I just miss him sometimes. Yutaka too, even though she's still in Gensokyo. She'd be doing the tour for me now if she were still here...

Hatate: Um... uh... oh, what's that flat-looking thing over there?

Dawitsu: The spotted ray. Raja montagui, that's it's Latin name. Tom would probably be able to name all of these fish by their binomial names.

Hatate: Like... don't be so glum, Mister Dawitsu. Aya says you went to visit your brother in the outside world before, like, you could go again! Like, maybe I could come along this time.

Dawitsu: You know, that might not be such a bad idea... anyway, we shouldn't linger, I'll take you to the next floor.

Hatate: Like, when we're done, can I stay and take pictures of the fish? I might put them in a separate article.

Dawitsu: No flash photography. You'd blind the fish. Even better, draw them. Fish are easy to draw if you get them at the right angle. Anyway... (presses a button on the wall, and after an awkward silence, a pair of doors in the wall open) ...come on, we'll get to the video game villain gallery.

Hatate: (gets into the lift) So, um... how's the wife?

Dawitsu: Oh, good, good... (stays silent, looks down)

Hatate: You didn't seem so sure of that...

Dawitsu: It's... it's nothing. Hatate, have you ever thought of settling down and having kids?

Hatate: Um, well, I'm kinda raising a crow at the moment, I got it from Hebiko's rescue. He's gonna grow into a youkai some day, so I guess that's sorta like having a kid.

Dawitsu: ...I guess it is.

Hatate: Okay, like, what floor is this?

Dawitsu: This is just the first floor. It's the video game villain gallery. Unless you've been in the outside world, you won't appreciate it all that much. I kinda feel sorry for Reimu and Marisa... back when I stole Laevateinn, they had to go through the whole mansion, and I know how Yutaka goes on... they must have been bored witless. It's up to you whether you want to check it out. Maybe you can just take some pictures or something.

Hatate: Um... okay. But I kinda wanted a tour. Are you feeling okay? You seem sad...

Dawitsu: It's nothing, it's nothing. Go on, take some pictures, I'll wait in the lift.

Hatate: (takes some pictures of some drawings- one of a strange yellow man with a letter 'N' on his forehead, another of a figure in a dark cape and large hat, and a third mixture between a machine and a pirate admiral. She also takes a picture of a large bed-like machine with razor-sharp spider legs.) Okay, I'm back! Like, I noticed you had a model of a robot in there, the bed with legs? Does that, like, work?

Dawitsu: Sure it does. Do you want a go with it? (walks out of lift, gets to robot and presses a few buttons on it)

Hatate: Like, yeah! Oh, you're a lot cooler than Aya says you are!

Dawitsu: (flicks a switch, and it begins to make a noise) Okay, lie down in it.

Hatate: (lies down in the robot) Okay... um... what now?

Dawitsu: Okay, I've experimented with mental commands here, although it's still very primitive. Let me just... (climbs around to the back of the machine) ...I'll just take your tokin, that's okay, right?

Hatate: Like, we should totally swap them! See how many people notice!

Dawitsu: Heh, Aya and I did something like that once. Anyway... (takes Hatate's tokin, and pulls a helmet of some sort from a back compartment on the robot, putting it on Hatate's head)

Hatate: Whoa! This is cool! I, like, can see what commands I can do!

Dawitsu: Yup. Try an attack!

Hatate: Hmmm... (suddenly, the device... does something) What did I do?

Dawitsu: Precisely. What did Hatate do?

Hatate: I don't get it.

Dawitsu: Never mind. Anyway, when you're done, meet me in the lift. Try not to destroy anything.

Hatate: I won't! (after a short while of walking around in the device, spraying... something, and sucking something up, Hatate gets out of the device and joins Dawitsu in the lift) Like, that's totally awesome! Can I come back and play with it again?

Dawitsu: You know what... yeah, I might let you play with it again.

Hatate: Like, the kappa love this kinda stuff! Did you make it yourself?

Dawitsu: Yeah, I made it myself, but I used someone else's design. If you're interested, I'll take you to the Portal Floor, and then I'll show you something special... this last thing, though, by all means talk about it as a big project of mine, but no more, alright? I can trust you, can't I?

Hatate: Um... yeah, I won't say any more.

Dawitsu: You're a good girl, Hatate.

Hatate: Girl? I'm older than you!

Dawitsu: Oh... heh, so you are. I look older than you, is all. Guess I'm no tengu after all. Oh... here's your tokin back (gives Hatate her tokin)

Hatate: Like, thanks! (lift doors open, revealing a room with lots of white tiles, and a gun-like device on a pedestal)

Dawitsu: (walks into room and picks up gun) Now, if you're interested in robotics, this is the place to go. Wanna see what this thing does?

Hatate: (takes device) There's... two triggers on this thing. Why is one orange and one blue?

Dawitsu: You'll see...

Hatate: (fires with orange trigger at a wall, and a hole in the wall with an orange outline appears) Um... what's that done?

Dawitsu: Fire the blue one at the ceiling.

Hatate: Okay. (fires with blue trigger, and a hole appears on the ceiling) So... what now?

Dawitsu: Walk through the hole in the wall.

Hatate: (walks through, ends up falling out the blue hole and landing clumsily on floor) Like, ow! That was mean!

Dawitsu: Yes, it was. This is a portal gun, or to be precise, an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. Let me show you a place on this floor that's full of robots... (takes gun, and heads to an opening in the wall. Carefully taking aim, he shoots a blue portal, and the view from the orange portal is now at a room full of robots)

Hatate: Like, AWESOME! (runs into room and picks up a sphere with a flickering green 'eye')

Sphere: Gonna go to space. Space. Space space. Gotta go to space. Yeah, gotta go to space. Dad, I'm in space. (deeper voice) I'm proud of you, son. (normal voice) Dad, are you space? (deeper voice) Yes. Now we are a family again.

Hatate: IT'S SO CUTE! Can I keep him?

Dawitsu: He gets annoying after a while. He's not a true AI, I just programmed him to say those things. It loops back, and eventually you know what he's gonna say next.

Sphere: Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

Hatate: Like, I take your point. What's this one-

Dawitsu: Dooooon't pick that one up. If you turn it round, it'll shoot at you. It's a turret, it automatically pumps anything that's in front of it full of lead.

Hatate: ...um, okay. So, what's these guys' purposes?

Dawitsu: Sometimes I like to give my guests a fun little challenge. I use these as part of a puzzle game. Of course, I didn't invent the concept. I'm only a parrot, after all.

Hatate: So... you are a parrot tengu after all?

Dawitsu: I was being metaphorical. I meant I only mimic things. Speaking of mimicry, I'll take you straight to my office... there, there's my breakthrough in robotics. I've almost perfected true AI.

Hatate: A...I?

Dawitsu: Artificial intelligence. Wanna see it? But remember, no publishing any details. Put that pad away.

Hatate: Okay...

And, like, then he showed me his super-cool work in process. But... like, I can't tell you guys anything. Like, all I can say is it's all... spiky, yeah, spiky, and has blue eyes. It's all like... um... well... I can't say anything without breaking my promise to Dawitsu, sorry.

But anyway, I think Mister Dawitsu's a little sad about something, and that's why he's starting to make all these robots. However, he did say that the portal stuff and that spider bed thing were old creations of his, so who knows? But yeah, I think by 'Artificial Intelligence' he means, like, making robots which are people, and if he is, that's like, kinda noble and stuff.

But, like, why would he want to? He seems to, like, really want kids with his wife, Ran, so, like, why would he build a robot person? Why doesn't he just have kids with Ran? I wonder...

Article by Hatate Himekaidou

Present-day hindsight: Ugh, Hatate's so dumb. Promises are just words, it's not like they mean anything in the long run. She should have just broken her promise, then we would already have known about the thing he was making... if I'm right, that thing turned out to be the reason that whole underground incident that happened recently took place.

Seriously, Hatate just sat on the secret like an idiot. That's not what reporters do! Reporters find out the truth, and tell it to everyone even if they promised not to!

Another Present-day Hindsight: Like, at least I have friends, Aya! Dawitsu's never gonna let you play with his cool spider bed, and it's all because you never keep your promises! Just shut up, will ya?