It was familiar and foreign all at once.
River's arms snaked around Mal. She shuddered into his mouth and he groaned, pushing all of his desire, frustration and confusion that had built up over the day into the kiss. There was nothing tentative about it and it was nothing like the last time. Their tongues dueled and their hands wandered. Mal felt like he was on fire, like he'd never be put out. The ache from his bruised jaw was a distant throb, easily ignored.
He picked her up with ease and her legs twisted around his waist. He walked her back to the table and sat her down on the edge. He placed himself between her legs and leaned into her. River threw her head back. He took advantage of that by attacking her neck with his mouth, licking and kissing down to her collarbone before going back up to her lips. The forgotten cup of whiskey knocked over onto the ground with a loud clang. They barely heard it. River threaded her fingers through Mal's hair as her legs pulled him closer, ever closer. This, Mal thought, was going to get real out of hand, real fast.
"We need to slow down," Mal gasped, breaking the kiss and staring at her wildly. With her on the table, they were at eye level. River's skin was flushed, lips swollen, and her hair was in her eyes. He could see her pulse fluttering on the side of her neck and couldn't resist raising his hand up and feel it hammering against his fingers. She made a choked sound as she stared back at him and shook her head. She reached her fingers up and tentatively touched the side of his face where he'd been punched.
"Time is a construct," She murmured, placing a kiss at his jaw. "Non-linear, ticking away, the moments that make up a dull day, you fritter and waste... today isn't dull." She looked up at Mal's curious gaze.
"We need to speed up." She clarified, so earnestly, it made Mal chuckle deeply. He felt so light, as though something pent up and wearing him down for so long was finally off his shoulders. He grabbed her hips and ground into her. He leaned in and licked her lower lip lightly before pressing his lips back onto hers.
"What we need," He murmured between kisses, "Is to get the gorram hell out of the kitchen before everyone comes home and someone walks in."
River giggled softly, a sound he found painfully arousing. She pushed him back a little, grabbed his shoulders and hopped off the table, not breaking eye contact. Slowly and deliberately, she bent and picked up the forgotten cup off the floor and placed it on the table. Then she then grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door.
Mal was helpless to do anything but follow as she led him back to the crew quarters. She opened the door to it his bunk like she'd been opening it her whole life and climbed down. He followed her down and once inside and securing the hatch, turned to face her. She sat on the side of his bed, staring at him with dark eyes. He followed her there and laid her back so she was stretched out under him. He pressed her into the mattress with his weight. He took her in, hardly daring to breath. She looked back at him, her eyes wide and her body humming with anticipation.
Mal bent down and captured her lips again. The fire that had quelled slightly from the walk to his room came flickering up again. River's teeth nipped at his lower lip, and his hips thrust against her. Her hands went for the straps of his suspenders and slid them down to his side. Then her fingers went to the buttons of his shirt and began unfastening them. Mal shrugged his arms out of the sleeves until his shirt was off. Her hand immediately went to his bare chest, caressing every piece of skin she could reach. Her fingers brushed his nipples and he hissed at the contact.
His hands fell to her legs and stroked up her thighs. He skimmed the hem of her dress, and it reminded him of a time, of a job so long ago, when his hands had been in the exact same position. That time he'd felt desire, but also confusion and fear. Now, his confusion was dying with each kiss, each touch from River. His fear still clung to him. Fear that this was the wrong thing to be doing. He had to be sure, before what little control he still had was gone. He broke away hastily and looked into her eyes.
"River, are you sure?" He choked out. His words came out as more ragged plea than the question he'd intended it to be.
River gave him a look. Don't be stupid, it said. Mal exhaled in relief. He trusted her to know her own mind. River's hands came down to his and ran her fingers lightly over his.
He gently pulled her dress up and she lifted her hips to help him, raised her arms until the garment was over her head, then tossed onto the floor, forgotten. Without pausing, he reached around and unclasped her bra with deft fingers, dimly grateful it came off easily. His hands fell to her underwear. He pressed his fingers between River's legs, feeling heat and moisture even through the cloth and he groaned. Mal took her in, her legs opening and her hips pushing up against him. Her breathing was ragged, her pupils dilated so that he could see no colour in them other than black, impossibly dark. She was so tiny. Her skin was pale, a stark contrast to her dark hair. She was flawless, except for the scar on her left shoulder from the gunshot, still red, though starting to fade finally. He pressed his lips gently to the scar and River shivered. He pulled back again his one hand still stroking her through her underwear lightly. She moaned softly twitching every time he touched her. He explored and experimented, seeing what she liked. He marveled at how responsive she was, to even the smallest caress.
"You are so beautiful, little Albatross," He whispered hoarsely as he hooked his fingers into her underwear and pulled them down and over her legs. She smiled shyly at the compliment. She reached up and pulled him down beside her so she could climb on top of him.
"So are you." she replied, straddling his hips, starting to undo the belt of his trousers, then at the button and zipper until she had freed him. She gazed at his cock for a moment before running her fingers up and down his length lightly. He felt himself become harder than he'd already been. He didn't know if he could withstand this for long. She looked at him like she knew exactly what he was thinking and he wondered...
"River, stop, please" He begged. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised as her hand froze. His smile was strained. "Darlin' I can't... I don't know that I can take this as slow as I might want to, especially when you go doin' this to me." She gave him a wicked look and pulled down his trousers all the way so they joined her dress aside the bed.
"Good." she whispered with satisfaction. Her hand went back to his cock momentarily and gave it a squeeze before skirting back up over his chest. She slid up the length of him, and he could feel the hot moisture from her leaving a trail on his legs. He shuddered at the feeling, thinking on how much he wanted to taste her.
"Later, not now," She shook her head. "I'm tired of waiting." He blinked, not knowing what she meant, then realized she was responding to his last stray thought.
"You're readin' me right now!" He accused. She blushed and looked down a moment and he knew he was right.
"You're right here next to me, and your emotions are very... bright now," She explained with an embarrassed grin. "I could block it out if I wanted to... but I like hearing you." She looked at him questioningly. After he'd asked her about reading him, she'd stopped her movement, and was poised above him, worried what he was thinking. Mal shook his head and laughed ruefully.
"Read away, Darlin,' All I'm thinkin' on is what's right here between us." She smiled, relieved. As if I could have said anything else, Mal thought, staring at his beautiful pilot in awe. She could ask me for anything in the verse right now. Her hips rolled against him, almost unconsciously, and he groaned, his hands grabbing onto her hips and pulled insistently at them.
"Don't hold back," She warned as she positioned herself and allowed him to enter her. Her breath hitched as she felt her body stretch to accommodate him and her senses awoke to the feeling.
She felt impossibly tight. Mal squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to concentrate hard not to let himself thrust helplessly into her now as she began moving up and down the length of him, setting her own rhythm. He opened his eyes again to see her watching him with something like awe on her face. His hands moved lightly up and down her legs, up to her breasts, cupping her cheek, and back down again.
"Mal, you feel so good. Oooh, it feels so good." Her words were almost a sob as she rocked faster and faster on him. Don't hold back, she had said. Mal, sat up, his right arm encircling her waist while the other balanced them on the bed. The change pushed him deeper into her and they both gasped at the change. His lips fell to her breasts, sucking and licking as her moans became more ragged.
"Come on, Darlin,' " His voice hoarse in it's plea as her hips worked faster and faster against him. He tried to allow her rhythm to guide them, but damn was it hard, her feeling this way against him and he felt his hips thrusting up against her. This impossible heat. How had he lived without this, without her?
Of course she'd be good at this, Mal thought. She was perfect at everything, why wouldn't she be perfect at this too?
Suddenly, River gasped and her eyes flew open. She stared wildly, unseeing and he watched her fall apart in front of him.
"Oh Mal," she choked before his mouth fell on her and swallowed her cries. He could feel her fluttering around him as her orgasm rocked through her and it nearly undid him as he watched her.
His control was officially dead and gone. As she finally came down, Mal allowed his own frenzy to take over. Her movements had slowed almost to a halt as her orgasm subsided, and now he pulled her hips impatiently, insistently and thrust into her hard. Her eyes flew open and she gazed at him, understanding dawning on her face. He lifted her with his arm and flipped her so that her back was again on the mattress.
"I can't be slow about it, I don't think." He warned her again, his voice tight.
"Then don't," She whispered back.
"Gorram it River," He swore, losing himself in frenetic thrusts. Her heard her gasping and knew with each thrust he was driving the breath out of her, but her hips continued to rise and meet him time after time. He was shuddering, his breath ragged.
Can't be normal, wanting a person like this. The thought knocked around the back of his mind, before he came with her name on his lips, a strangled prayer.
"Oh River, River Darlin'." He sighed as he emptied into her. His body spent, exhausted and satiated, he collapsed onto her. After a moment, he glanced up, taking in the sight of her, so beautiful, her hair spilled out onto the pillow around her head as she smiled up at him, a look of wonder in her eyes.
River sighed back in contentment and wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head down to rest at her breast.
xxxx
Mal opened his eyes. It took him a second to place himself, then it all came flooding back. He raised his head off of River to see her gazing at him.
It was like a dream, seeing her there in his bed, with him. But he also felt shyness creeping in between them at so much still left unsaid. He opened his mouth to say something to try and stop it.
"River, I..." He said, then closed his mouth again, not sure what he had been going to say. Instead, he kissed her. Gently this time, undemanding and leisurely. He felt a wave of tenderness as she sighed into his mouth, the most contented sound he'd ever heard from another person.
"I didn't know," she whispered when he finally pulled away and they laid next to each other. "I never looked into your mind. After that job..." She didn't have to specify which one. "I know things had been strained. But then you and Inara... and I figured that you'd forgotten all about it. And so I pushed it out of my mind too. Until, I... I hoped, after that night at the galley especially. Oh Mal." Her eyes filled with tears.
"I hoped too, more than I would admit to even myself, I hoped for you Darlin.' He rose up onto one arm and gazed down at her, touching his finger to the stray tear that fell down her face, stopping it in its path. The frantic energy of earlier satisfied, Mal took the time to savour the moment with her. The way the day had started and rapidly deteriorated, he'd never in his wildest imaginings would have seen it culminating in this. He continued to stroke her face, feeling the gentle curve of her jaw down to her neck and enjoying the softness.
"I'm sorry about today," He said sadly. "There's no excuse for what I did." He still could hardly believe how he had acted, and felt ashamed. He was glad that he hadn't hit Mallory as well, though he'd certainly wanted to at the time.
"No there's not," River agreed, but after a moment, she gave him a small smile, showing she wasn't as angry as he worried she would be. She traced a line over his jaw, where the bruise was painful. He felt the throbbing more acutely now, with nothing to distract him. River giggled softly. "Well if you want to go with Jayne's interpretation, you were actually doing Smithy a favour. Initiating a boy to his first bar brawl." Mal chuckled ruefully.
"Well he certainly wouldn't be the first kid to insult a grumpy old man and get his clock cleaned for it. Might even be that I remember havin' an encounter or two like that when I was his age."
"Oh Mal," River smiled. "You're not nearly as old and grumpy as you like to think you are." Mal smiled, but his face became more serious at her words.
"I know I'm not ancient, or at least I don't like to think of myself that way just yet," He said, reaching for her hand. "And I also don't want to insult you by tellin' you you're too young to know your own mind. You've had far too much darkness for how old you are, and I've got my own experiences to know how fast it can make a person grow up mighty fast. I know you ain't been young in years." He thought about how to say what he needed to say.
"I guess, I just want you to know, I'm aware that an old war veteran turned criminal... well it probably ain't what you imagined for yourself, not by a long shot. And I know it ain't what your brother would want for you." Mal turned her hand over in his, gazing at it instead of her face.
"You're a mighty special girl. Woman," He corrected. "And you deserve somethin', someone, who's equally special. Now I don't think that boy today measured up, not by a long stretch. Though that don't excuse me drinkin' way more than a Captain should've and losin' my temper the way I did..." He blushed. "But he wasn't good enough for you and that's a fact."
"But that don't mean I'm going to go and make a fool's claim that I measure up any better." This got to the crux of his worry for her. Mal remembered being young, when life seemed full of possibility. He didn't want River to miss out on something for his sake. He looked at her finally, anxious, hoping she understood what he was trying to say. River's hand tightened in his and she nodded.
"I had no idea how my life would turn out," River replied, her eyes intent and sure. "For those years in the academy, I gave up hope that I'd ever even have a life outside of that torture. I didn't just think I'd die there, I knew it. And then the impossible happened. Simon rescued me and I didn't die. I met all of you and I had the chance to live again." She reached her hand out and stroked Mal's face.
"Maybe our life is strange to outsiders, but you know me. In a way that even Simon can't, because of the life you've had, you understand something in me that most can't. The changes in me from that horrible place, you understand them. You helped bring me out of my fog. And you trusted me with Miranda when most people would have been only happy to throw me out, after what I did. When I first came to Serenity, I was only half a person. Now, finally after all this time, I feel whole again." River felt tears well up again as she tried to articulate all the feelings she'd had kept to herself for so long. "I'm not the same person I would have been, it's true. But this is my life. Serenity is my life. Simon, Kaylee, Zoe, Jayne. You. Are my life." She brushed her fingers through Mal's hair, enjoying its unruliness underneath her fingers. "It's thanks to you I can even lay here right now and know my own mind, Malcolm Reynolds. And I know I wouldn't change a thing." She whispered.
Mal felt his heart swell as he looked down at this extraordinary woman. He didn't know what he'd done right in the Verse to have met her, but as he gazed at her, he promised himself he'd never be so stupid as to let her go. He leaned down and kissed her.
Besides," River continued when he pulled back. "Am I really what you imagined for yourself? A crazy, psychic, alliance trained weapon?"
"You're none of those things!" Mal said ferverently. "Well," he amended with a sly grin, "Psychic, yes... crazy, yeah that too. So since you bring it up..." She hit him playfully, pretending to be angry, and he chuckled.
"Ah, point taken. But now that I know you, now that I've had you like this..." He caressed her with his right hand, stroking slowly down the length of her chest, breasts, abdomen, lower. "Maybe I couldn't imagine someone like you until I met you. But damned if you don't seem to fit mighty well." Then sliding his hand back up, stopping to cup her breast in his hand. River shivered slightly. He could feel desire stirring again in him, amazed at himself that he could be ready again so quickly. "And in all fairness, it would be near impossible to ever dream up someone like you up, little one." He continued to circle his hand around her nipples lightly, stopping occasionally to toy with them between his fingers and watching them harden into tight little peaks.
"I want you, Malcolm Reynolds," River whispered, her breaths starting to come faster as he continued his ministrations. "I choose you. You're the perfect everything as far as I'm concerned. And don't worry about everyone else. Don't worry about Simon. He'll come around... eventually."
"I don't want to talk about Simon," Mal complained, pretending to shudder. River giggled. The laugh turned quickly into a gasp as Mal's fingers moved downwards and found their way inside of her, starting a slow rhythm in and out of her, brushing the sensitive flesh as they moved. Her head arched back as she moaned, her hips lifting off the bed and pushing helplessly into his hand. He continued this for a spell, enjoying watching her, and feeling the slow build of his own arousal in time with hers. He leaned down and kissed her, his fingers slowing as he did. She looked up at him questioningly.
"I know you got yourself a little reacquainted with those readin' skills tonight, little albatross," Mal said, looking at her with serious eyes. "And even though I didn't come out and say it yet, I 'spect you already know I love you."
River smiled. "I do," she whispered, sitting up. She ran her hands down his abdomen. "But I like to hear you say it."
xxxx
A few hours later, everyone was back on the boat and sound asleep. River was surprised she hadn't woken to anyone coming through the crew quarters, Jayne and Zoe would have walked right past the door. But then again, she had been very tired, and she smiled as she thought of the reasons why. They had been awake a long time, her and Mal. They explored each other's bodies, learning what each other liked, and delighting in it. She looked down at him now, sleeping soundly beside her in the tiny bed, not really suited to two. She could scarcely believe all that had come to pass, the confessions, the sharing of feelings, of bodies. She felt free.
Getting up with reluctance, River quietly started dressing. When she finished, she couldn't resist crawling back into bed, just for a little longer, she told herself.
"Why're your clothes on?" Mal mumbled sleepily, his arms going around her and his face burying into her neck.
"Back to my room," River whispered. It was amazing how quickly you could become accustomed to a person. "Better to get up from separate beds." Mal sighed, but didn't argue. She laid there with him a few minutes longer, peaceful and content. Finally, finding herself again on the verge of sleep, she shook herself awake again and extracted herself from Mal, getting out and leaning over him.
"I love you Mal," River said simply, enjoying the feeling of the words on her tongue. She kissed him and in his sleepy daze, he kissed her back, a tired smile on his lips.
"Love you too Little one. Happy Unification Day."