Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Annual Swimsuit Edition is here!
You've waited for it. You've begged for it. You've even gone on strike telling us to stop every now and then. But lo and behold, here it is, the yearly issue of the Bunbunmaru Spirit News that everyone talks about... the swimsuit edition!
Now, while there are a lot of women in Gensokyo, remember that only a few young, beautiful women are actually... um, you know, willing to pose for this kind of stuff. I mean, I've tried to take pictures of them unwillingly, but bras just aren't the same as swimsuits, and it's not often people just naturally puts one of them on...
Anyway, this year, due to many complaints of the swimsuit edition being 'degrading' and 'outright objectifying' women, this edition will contain a few changes. For example, each model in the article will have a short interview with them in it. Sure, the interviews are mostly about their bodies, but... but, well, you get a lot of insight into their personalities too, I swear!
Anyway, depending on who we captured... uh, convinced to take part, a different interviewer will be used. In fact, some of the staff may be involved in this article. You never know, you might even get to see pure and honest Shameimaru in not so pure poses. Oh, I'm so naughty...
So, without further ado, Hatate shall introduce the first of our models...
Name: Youmu Konpaku
Species: Half-phantom
Age: Seventy-one
Occupation: Part-time gardener of the Netherworld and singer of rock sensation 'Youmu and the Half-ghosts'
Photo-shoot location: The Gardens of Hakugyokuro
Swimsuit type: Green side-tie string bikini
Like, this cute little model is nothing less than Youmu Konpaku, singer of the mondo cool band, 'Youmu and the Half-ghosts'. She's, like, kinda shy and took a fair bit of coaxing to even pose for this swimsuit edition, but in the end her band-mates gave her the encouragement she needed to brave the cameras. After the photo-shoot, I, like, interviewed her, as part of our efforts to show that this swimsuit edition is, like, totally not shallow.
Hatate: Like, my little Youmu! How are you feeling?
Youmu: This... this is so embarrassing...
Hatate: Why is it embarrassing? You did, like, totally awesome! You pull off the 'shy girl' look really well...
Youmu: That wasn't a 'look'... I was actually blushing.
Hatate: Well it makes you look super-cute on the pictures, I promise you. Hey, I notice you're getting a little more curvy! Like, you're starting to grow up!
Youmu: Um... I don't really want to...
Hatate: Hey, like, move your hands away from your chest for a moment...
Youmu: Um... why?
Hatate: (moves hands away anyway) Like, wow! You've grown a little!
Youmu: (blushes) Stop... stop it...
Hatate: What? Nothing wrong with a girl complimenting another girl. You're becoming a little woman, Youmu! Oh, I could squeeze you till your cute big eyes popped out!
Youmu: Please... please don't.
Hatate: Awww... anyway, like, how's your career?
Youmu: About to tank once these pictures get out.
Hatate: Oh, nonsense, sales will sky-rocket when all your fans see the super-sexy body their lead singer's hiding!
Youmu: I don't think it works that way...
Hatate: Sure it does! Sex sells!
Youmu: Is that why every year, the swimsuit edition of your paper attracts more and more angry people demanding you stop?
Hatate: Precisely! Scandal sells!
Youmu: Can I go now? (begins to walk away, wrapping herself in a towel)
Hatate: Like, no! (pulls towel off Youmu)
Youmu: Yes, you creepy lesbian pervert. (pulls towel away and puts it back on)
Like, I couldn't get any more out of her. I guess she's just really shy. Like, of course she didn't mean what she said to me... she was just a little upset at the time. Anyway, her shyness is totally what will appeal to the masses! Nothing like a cute innocent girl in a swimsuit to attract the fangirl... I mean, fanboy audience!
Back to you, Aya, with the next model!
Name: Reimu Hakurei
Species: Human
Age: Thirty
Occupation: Shrine maiden of the Hakurei Border
Photo-shoot location: The Hakurei Shrine
Swimsuit type: Red skirt bikini
As I am sure you know by now, the once young Miko of the Hakurei Shrine is all grown up now, but that hasn't stopped her from looking every bit as good as she was as a young woman... in fact, now that she's beginning to fill out, she's quite the yummy mummy. It would seem that raising a child has added to her curves, even though the child is supposedly adopted...
Her adoptive daughter, Patricia, is the tender age of seven, yet there was no other choice than to let her see the photo-shoot, and she asked... a few too many questions about the procedure. Reimu herself seemed unhappy about the whole affair, but she wouldn't have done it if she didn't secretly like to do it... she's one of our most consistently returning models, after all.
Aya: So... how did you find it? (slaps Reimu on butt)
Reimu: Can you cut out the creepy factor for like, one second? Seriously, 'more cleavage'? What do you want, a swimsuit edition for your paper or something that creepy mimicker would... do stuff to?
Aya: Well, the readers dig cleavage. Especially yours, it would seem. Seriously, there's one guy in the human village who says that you've grown into a fine woman, and that he'd be totally willing to get with you...
Reimu: Forget it! He's probably a creepy loser anyway!
Aya: He's a twenty-five year old man. Fairly handsome. You could score yourself a toy-boy, you know.
Patricia: Aya, what's a toy-boy?
Reimu: Patricia, what have I told you about Aya?
Patricia: Yeah, yeah, I should ignore her, but I want to know what I'm supposed to ignore!
Aya: She's got you there.
Reimu: What do you mean 'she's got me there'? What's the point in knowing what something means if you're gonna ignore it anyway?
Patricia: Um... well, you know, I just want to know what the word means...
Aya: It means a boyfriend that is a lot younger than you are.
Patricia: Oh... mum says I can't have a boyfriend until I'm sixteen. Are you posing and showing off your boobies because you're looking for a boyfriend, mum?
Reimu: (reddens incredibly) N-no! Of course not! I just... I just like humouring this idiot tengu, that's all. (muttering) Well, also showing that idiot Jean what he's missing, but...
Patricia: What did you say?
Reimu: Um... I said that you shouldn't use words like 'boobies' when there are visitors over!
Aya: Never you mind, darling. Well, I'll be sure to make it that... someone receives the swimsuit edition. You were fabulous today, Reimu, keep up the body!
Reimu: So long as I have my yin-yang orbs, there's little chance I'm not going to.
Aya: Glad to hear it! You up for it again next year?
Reimu: Well, okay, I guess... I mean, NO! NO!
Aya: We'll see what you say when the time comes again. Goodbye for now! Goodbye, little Patty!
Patricia: Bye, Aya!
Reimu: See you, I guess...
As you can see, age has not dulled the sharp wit on this fine woman, nor has it harmed her body any. Then again, thirty is hardly old for a human, but still... oh my, what a body! If I didn't have such a perfect body myself, I'd be kinda jealous, I won't lie.
Anyway, I should probably move on and let Hatate cover the next model, once again, sort of a shy girl... what is it with Hatate and harassing... I mean, calmly interviewing shy girls?
Name: Alice Margatroid
Species: Magician Youkai
Age: She prefers not to say...
Occupation: Doll-maker, doll repairer, and informant for the Bunbunmaru Spirit News
Photo-shoot location: A still-fertile region of the Forest of Magic
Swimsuit type: Blue trikini
Like, when the annual swimsuit edition comes around, employees of the Bunbunmaru Spirit News are, like, totally not exempt! In fact, I had a totally cute trikini made especially for the ever shrinking violet, Alice Margatroid! But, like, as my efforts to find out her measurement shown, she is anything but 'shrinking'... her body's totally voluptuous, I totally envy it!
Like, maybe it isn't the most voluptuous in the world, but, like, you don't want that, you wanna have a body that's in the middle somewhere, that's totally what I would go for... you know, if I were a lesbian. Which I'm not. Just so you know.
Hatate: Like, great job, Alice! You're the greatest!
Alice: You know, this swimsuit edition is really weird. What do you call this outfit again?
Hatate: A trikini!
Alice: But... it's only one-piece.
Hatate: Yeah, but look! It has three pieces tied together. (runs fingers along the fabric) Look... a handkerchief... and one, two small saucers!
Alice: Please don't touch me. It's giving me the chills...
Hatate: Oh, yikes, you're right, you're covered in goosebumps. Like, sorry. I was just showing you. Like, what do you do to keep in shape? I mean, you, like, spend most of your days making dolls, correct?
Alice: Well, yes, but...
Hatate: ...but?
Alice: Well, I don't need to eat much. Magicians can sustain themselves with the right spells, and feel full without needing to eat. With enough skill, you can even control how much fat you retain...
Hatate: And where it goes, I see...
Alice: Can you please stop staring at my chest?
Hatate: I'm not staring at your chest.
Alice: My eyes are up here.
Hatate: Like, is that a mole?
Alice: Where? Where?
Hatate: Like, my mistake, heh heh... heh...
Alice: Anyway, it's a really useful spell, makes living a lot less tiresome.
Hatate: But surely the little joys of eating disappear if you do that...
Alice: Well, yeah. I do cook every now and then. But still, it's quicker and easier to just supply myself with sustenance via spell.
Hatate: Like, remember that, folks! Dieting advice for Magician Youkai: Feed by spell, not by spoon!
Alice: That pun was lame.
Hatate: You're lame!
I then stamped out because I was a little upset about Alice being so ungrateful for the super-cute trikini I had made for her. Like, I don't get why other women think I'm being creepy...
...like, anyway, I guess she was not so shy after all, she seemed to pose okay, but didn't agree to go into the more provocative poses I suggested... like, I wonder why, I'd totally do it if I had the body for it, but I'm, like, not built for a swimsuit. Anyway, like, Aya will cover the next girl!
Name: Yutaka Hadekawa
Species: Magician Youkai
Age: One hundred and seventy-three
Occupation: Teacher in the human village, theoretical magical physicist and hobbyist biologist
Photo-shoot location: Youkai Mountain riverside
Swimsuit type: Black-and-red tankini
Yutaka Hadekawa is a strange little woman, even by magician youkai standards, and is probably best known in Gensokyo for being the one responsible for a house appearing in the middle of the Youkai Mountain for no apparent reason, as well as fixing up various areas, working with others in helping to repair the Forest of Magic after a certain immortal human burnt it down.
She has a habit of constantly squinting, and it made for a difficult photo-shoot, but she was so desperate to take part that I figured I should take a few pictures anyway, given that volunteers were... pretty low this year. She did open her eyes a few times, but the flash on my camera made her blink again, but in the end, I got one of her with her eyes open. She was by far the most confident model, but it was kinda unsettling, if I'm honest with you...
Aya: Hey! Good work out there... well, you know, apart from the eye thing, but that's all sorted now. Have you done this sort of stuff before?
Yutaka: Well... occasionally the boss would set me up in various outfits and take pictures of me, yes. I'm used to posing... provocatively.
Aya: Wow, that guy never ceases to disappoint in being a complete and utter weirdo.
Yutaka: You're... aware you're doing the exact same thing with strangers, right?
Aya: I'm working for an important newspaper, it's different.
Yutaka: Oh, of course it is. My mistake. Oh, just for the record, the boss never took pictures of me in a swimsuit. In fact, I was fully clothed whenever he took pictures.
Aya: Are you... are you being sarcastic?
Yutaka: About the clothes? No. But I am being sarcastic about my mistake.
Aya: Ahem, I'll have you know this swimsuit edition is a professional and dignified project, nothing like taking a load of weird pictures to keep for yourself...
Yutaka: Oh, oh, sorry, my mistake. You know, tankinis are great. They have push-up bras integrated into them, oh, they feel so good...
Aya: Yeah, a shame you have no breasts to push up.
Yutaka: Uh... what did you say?
Aya: You have no breasts. Sorry to disappoint you, but those little nubs on your chest aren't breasts.
Yutaka: They are too! The boss always said that they were my charm! Well, he also said my height was my charm, and my short arms, and my hair, and my smile, and my...
Aya: Dawitsu really is a creepy guy...
Yutaka: No he isn't! He's just... uh... hey, that stuff's all in the past, anyway! Patchouli loves my little beauties, I'll have you know. 'Small, but perfectly formed', that's what she said!
Aya: Pfff... (begins to laugh)
Yutaka: Shut up! Just shut up!
Aya: Oh, so what happened to how I was so creepy for showing you off? Don't you like your 'small, but perfectly formed' beauties?
Yutaka: I... I... it's not fair! I'm one hundred and seventy-three! I should have breasts! It's not fair!
Aya: Just so you know... I'm doing a modelling gig myself this year.
Yutaka: Huh?
Aya: Yeah. Let's have a wager. We'll have a poll to see who's breasts are preferred!
Yutaka: But... but...
Aya: Oh, oh, but if you're not confident that you'll win, it's okay to back out...
Yutaka: I'm not afraid of losing! What are we betting?
Aya: Um... well, how about I give you half of the swimsuit editions' profits if you win, and you can give me a brand new camera if you lose?
Yutaka: Deal. (shakes hand)
Aya: Good luck! You're going to need it...
Yutaka: Hmph!
And just like that, I've guaranteed myself a new camera. Oh, don't get me wrong, she has a nice body and a pretty face when she breaks out of that creepy smile of hers for two seconds, but when it comes to the chest... well, it's no contest.
Anyway, the final model in this year's swimsuit edition is none other than yours truly, Aya Shameimaru! Naturally, I cannot cover myself, so Hatate will take over from here.
Name: Aya Shameimaru
Species: Crow Tengu
Age: One thousand, one hundred and twenty-six
Occupation: Reporter for the Bunbunmaru Spirit News, formerly reporter for the Bunbunmaru newspaper
Photo-shoot location: Near the Moriya Shrine
Swimsuit type: Topless, with a black lower half of a string bikini
Like... um... it was really awkward to shoot this one. Like, Aya just... I mean, she covered them for the photo-shoot, but, like, she was just... you know, parading them out and about like that. I mean, I know it was just us girls, but it was really close to the Moriya Shrine. If, like, one of the gods were to see what we were doing... like, that doesn't even bear thinking of.
Aya seemed... like, a little determined to prove herself. She did have a top half to the swimsuit, but she just... threw it off and told me to improvise! Improvise! Like, seriously, what was I supposed to do? I think I dropped my camera, like, five times because of my palms being all sweaty.
Anyway, afterwards, I had a few words to say to her...
Hatate: Like, what the hell was that?
Aya: One awesome photo-shoot.
Hatate: You... you can't be serious! Like, we gotta go again, this time with your top on!
Aya: Are the photographs blurred?
Hatate: No...
Aya: Are they at odd angles?
Hatate: ...no...
Aya: Then they're fine. The more of my beautiful chest on display, the better...
Hatate: Like... can you cover yourself up at least? You know, now you're done with the shoot.
Aya: Why? You having trouble looking away?
Hatate: Well, no, I mean, yes, but... uh...
Aya: It's okay. I know they're fantastic. Even if you were the straightest girl in the world, you wouldn't be able to resist my wonderful breasts.
Hatate: What's got into you? You're insane!
Aya: No, just competitive.
Hatate: What?
Aya: I want to be the best model in the issue this year round!
Hatate: Like, this isn't a competition!
Aya: I think you'll find it is. Me and Yutaka Hadekawa have a little wager going on...
Hatate: Oh, for the love of...
Aya: And now I've done this, there's NO WAY I CAN LOSE! AHAHAHAHAHA!
Hatate: Like... you're laughing maniacally, without any clothes on, at the top of a mountain. Do you even know how ridiculous this is?
Aya: Completely. The audience will eat this up like kibble.
Hatate: (sighs) Can you at least put your top back on for the flight back home?
Aya: Oh yeah, I guess I can do that. My hands hid what needed to be hidden, but I don't want anything else becoming public domain...
Hatate: Like, if you wanted to be sensationalist, like, letting everything be public domain is the way to go...
Aya: You're... you're right! Hatate, take a picture of me without the hands!
Hatate: No.
Aya: You said it yourself! Come on, now, now! (lies down on ground, posing in an over-the-top manner)
Hatate: Like, just put some clothes on. Yeesh, you haven't even been at your ink, this is ridiculous...
Aya: Actually, I have been at my ink, for the record. I'm still waiting.
Hatate: Goodbye, Aya. I'm not doing this...
Like, Aya's just... I dunno, she's crazy. I left her to go home on her own. I just hope she got funny looks on the way, because she was acting like a first-grade madwoman, I'm telling ya. I mean, does a side-tie bikini bottom even count as a swimsuit? I mean, it's barely a suit at all...
Anyway, I guess I should leave the outro to Aya. I'm sure that she has... a few things to say, no doubt about her amazing body...
Thank you, Hatate! Anyway, as I mentioned in the final two models' articles, Yutaka Hadekawa and I are having a little wager. So, I want you readers at home to decide... which one of me or Yutaka have the nicest breasts? This is totally not objectifying us at all... after all, this fight is personal! Personal, I say! Therefore how could it be shallow in the slightest.
Anyway, to our male readers and lesbian readers alike, I hope you have found this swimsuit edition as sexy and awesome as we found it while making it! Remember to vote for me, okay?
Article written by Aya Shameimaru and Hatate Himekaidou
Present-day hindsight: Like, I did wonder what had got into Aya when she threw her bikini top off. She's a weirdo, that's for sure. I imagine she would have totally regretted it if I had gone along with her and took a picture of her... you know, topless without the hands. I mean, yeesh, you'd think someone with as much pride as Aya would you know... have pride, you get me?
Author's Note: Say, this chapter feels a little empty without drawings to go with it, doesn't it? Well, my dear readers, that's where you come in. Do you want me to draw up each 'model's' picture used in the swimsuit edition? If the answer is yes, then be sure to review about it, kay?
Boy, I miss author's notes sometimes.