07.12.11
HOW IT ALL BEGAN PART 2
Okay. Dinner's been cooked, the laundry's done, and Dad's collecting tips at a bar downtown. There is absolutely nothing to distract me from writing this post, not like before (I am really sorry about that, by the way).
So, when we left off, I'd just gotten one of the crates opened and found a naked guy inside.
And no, I did not look there if that's what you're thinking.
Well, okay, I looked one time, but only because I wasn't expecting it. Otherwise, I definitely wouldn't have.
…let's move on.
I must've sat there for five whole minutes just staring at his face. My head was starting to hurt a little since my mind was having a hard time processing what was in front of me.
I had the obvious thought first, 'What if this is a dead body?'
I considered feeling for a pulse, but my arms didn't seem to be listening. Eventually, my eyes darted away from his face, and I noticed something tucked under his right arm. I leaned a bit closer to get a better look, which was difficult considering I didn't want to get too close to him. I did manage to make out what it was: a booklet.
'What is that for?' I wondered.
I reached an arm out, hesitating several times before finally mustering up the courage to grab the booklet and pull it away from the body. A quick glance at the cover revealed that it was written in Kanji. Considering the english word stamped on a side, this came as a relief. I can read English, but it's just such a pain.
I read the front cover, thinking maybe I'd get some clues, but instead… well, here's what it said:
OURAN CO.
HOSTING COLLECTION
PRINCELY MODEL NO. 082708
USER'S MANUAL
It wasn't very helpful aside from telling me this was thankfully not a human body, just some kind of robot.
However, that just led to other disturbing thoughts. If this was a robot, and it had… proper anatomy, that must mean…
"DAD, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"
Yes, I did actually say that out loud. You would too, don't deny it.
"No, wait," I said after thinking about it more. "What am I thinking? There's no way Dad could have or would have sent this to me. I knew they brought it to the wrong address."
It was the only explanation possible. The only other relatives I have are my mother's parents out in Kyoto and they'd never come to visit (they hate Dad). The only contact we ever had was a card on my birthday with some money in it.
I began flipping through the manual, figuring there'd be a contact number in there somewhere. As I did this, little bits of information regarding my new robot friend would occasionally jump out at me, including:
Height 6'0'…
Safe to have around children…
Fireproof…
Keep indoors during storms…
No danger of pregnancy (I had to pause for a second at that one)…
"Got it," I muttered upon reaching the last page.
The contact phone number was rather odd. It looked like an American phone number rather than a Japanese one. I figured from that that it might be an overseas company.
I grabbed the kitchen phone and dialed the number. Three rings later, a cool female voice speaking perfect, unaccented English appeared on the other end.
"Welcome to the Ouran Coporation's customer service line. For English, press one. For Japanese, press two."
I pressed two.
"Or main goal has always been your satisfaction," the voice continued. "We pride ourselves in our top rate staff and 100 percent customer satisfaction rate…"
Well, I don't think the person meant to get these packages is very satisfied.
"…If your purchase is malfunctioning, or for any other technical questions, please press 1. If you would like to make a purchase, or check an existing order, please press 2. For issues regarding a lost or stolen order, please press 3. For all other inquiries including offers and sales, please press 9."
I pressed 3. It was the closest to what I needed to ask anyway.
"Please hold for the next available representative."
Then came the hold music. I sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, facing away from the living room. I leaned all the way back in my chair, listening to the soft, relaxing tune and waiting… waiting… waiting… waiting… waiting…
…
…
…
Would you like to know how long I waited on hold that day?
38 minutes.
That's right, they kept me waiting 38 whole minutes listening to an endless loop of the world's most annoying flute music. Every time I almost hung up the phone in frustration, I'd remember those crates in my living room, and that kept me waiting… waiting… waiting… you get the idea.
So anyway, 38 minutes later, the evil flute music finally stopped as there was a click on the other end. I sat back up in my seat, fully alert. Two seconds later, I heard a voice.
"Hello, this is the Ouran Corporation Customer Service Representative Line. We are unfortunately away for the time being and not taking any calls. However, an answering system has been set up. To leave a message, please press 1."
I don't know how I managed to place my finger on the number key and press down, I was too busy trying to control my homicidal rage at that particular moment.
"At the tone, please leave your name, number, and a brief message, then press 0."
One beep later, I managed to calm myself enough to open my mouth and speak calmly.
"Hello, my name is Haruhi Fujioka, I uh… I received several packages from your company today that I didn't order. I was hoping someone could come and get them as soon as possible. I had to open one to get this number, but otherwise…"
I stopped here, knowing I should keep it short.
"Well, anyway, you can reach me at (XX) XXXX-XXXX (you didn't think I'd actually post my phone number here, right?). Thanks, and I hope you have a good night."
I pressed 0 and waited to see what would happen next.
"Thank you for your message," the machine said. "Your call is very important to us. Your message will be received and answered as quickly as possible."
I sighed in relief.
"The current wait time for response is 3 months."
At that, I dropped the phone, meaning I could barely hear the voice say 'Goodbye' to me, following by another click and the dial tone.
"3 months…" I muttered to myself in shock. "3 months? They call that first rate service?"
I was so mad I actually kicked the phone into the living room (which thankfully is carpeted).
So now I was stuck with 6 sex robots laying around my house for three whole months. Luckily, my Dad wouldn't be home for four months, so at least I didn't have to worry about him. I thought about putting them in storage, but I didn't have the money for a storage closet and this many crates of this size would probably attract a lot of unnecessary attention.
I glanced over at them again. They were definitely too big to fit in the closet, but I couldn't just leave them in my living room. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair before getting up. I figured that even if I had no idea what to do with them, I should at least reseal the crate I had opened. I stood up and started for the living room, all the while thinking of ways to reattach the lid, when…
Now, I honestly don't know how to describe what happened next, because I'm not really sure myself. Best I can figure is that while lost in my thoughts, I failed to notice the coffee table right in front of the crate and tripped over it. The next thing I knew, I was laying on top of the robot, and my mouth had somehow landed directly on his. To this day, I still don't know how exactly it happened. If I were more spiritually inclined, I might call it fate or an act of some sadistic God. I'm not however, and so I'm at a loss for how to explain it.
It took me a moment to register what was happening, and when I did, you'd better believe I was off him and across the room in seconds. I breathed heavily and wiped my lips clean. His had been surprisingly warm, which was kind of scary. Shaking, I stood back up and slowly walked back to him. He looked alright, so I knew I hadn't damaged him, I crouched down to get a closer look. That's when I noticed something shocking.
His chest was rising and falling.
My stomach dropped and I imagined if I had a mirror, I'd look rather pale. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to move as his eyes flickered open and he rose from the crate like a dead person out of a coffin. His eyes, bluer than any I've ever seen on a normal human, found mine and I couldn't look away.
He stared at me for a moment, then he smiled. What happened next, I will never forget.
"Hello," his voice was low and husky. "It's nice to meet you, my beloved."
Then he leaned forward and kissed me. Right on the lips. He didn't try to go further than that, but he didn't let up either. Though my body felt completely frozen, I somehow got it to move. Move quickly, I might add.
"STOP!" I screamed and jumped backwards for the second time.
His previously suave expression faded to make way for bewilderment.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, standing up at full height. "Are you unpleased, beloved?"
"Wh-wh-wh-"
As you can tell, I'm a very eloquent speaker.
"What is this?" I finally managed to shout. "Why did you do that? What are you?"
He blinked, stepped forwards and making me avert my eyes from his nudity
"What am I?" he repeated. "I'm a First Generation Ouran Co. Lover Figure, Princely Model Number-"
"Yes, yes, I know that," I interrupted with a wave of my hand. "But- But why did you kiss me? How did you even wake up?"
"Didn't you activate me?"
"Activate you… wait."
I got to my feet and grabbed the manual from the floor. The heading of page two read: ACTIVATION INSTRUCTIONS. I began scanning the page.
"Your Lover Figure comes with sensory preceptors built into the lips. Activate via lip to lip contact. Once your Lover Figure is activated, they cannot be deactivated except by an employee of the Ouran Co. Tech Support department.
WARNING: Please be aware that if you're Love Figure has such contact with anyone else (male or female) their programming will be rewritten and they will no longer accept you as their lover/master."
'Lip to lip contact… oh hell.'
Yup, that's right. Not only have I gotten a group of sex robots in the mail, I'd just accidentally activated one of them. By kissing him. What is wrong with this company?
That's what I was trying to figure when my new 'Lover' wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me into his strong grip.
"If you'd like to take this to the bedroom," he whispered in my ear. "I would be happy to oblige."
"Get off me!" I cried, prying myself away from him.
I pressed my back flat against the wall, staring at him. This allowed me to actually take in his appearance for the first time since he'd woken up. He was almost a foot taller than me and though he looked Japanese, his blonde hair and violet eyes gave him a foreign look. He had a nice face and body, and his smile had a certain charm to it. So yes, I'll admit he was handsome, but that certainly didn't mean I would be going along with what he clearly wanted to do with me.
"Look," I said firmly. "There's been a mix-up here. I am not your beloved (choked a little on that word)."
He blinked. "But weren't you the one who activated me?"
For a moment, I didn't answer.
"…yes, but you were sent here by mista-"
"Then it doesn't matter," his voice was surprisingly hard. "Whether I was purchased by you or not, you are registered in my database as my lover, and that, beloved, means I'm yours forever."
He pulled me into a hug again, but this time I didn't fight him. Couldn't fight him. I was far too in shock. This was a hell of a situation I'd gotten myself into, and for 3 whole months, I'd have no way of getting out of it.
Okay, I'm going to stop here now. If I don't, the resulting post will be much, much too long. So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow night.
Assuming you haven't decided I'm completely insane and stopped reading. At this point, I wouldn't blame you.
Posted by Haruhi at 10:08 pm 8 comments