Love was stranger than River had ever thought it could be.
When she thought about it, River realized she had a lot of love in her life. Simon was unwavering, a rock in her life. Her parents' love was a distant painful memory she tried not to think on too often. But slowly, her love for all of Serenity's crew had filled the void that the loss of her parents' love and the trauma of the academy had created for her. And as she had healed and become more herself, River's love for all them had blossomed in turn.
She knew, from listening into the hearts of others, the complexities of love and how it varied between everyone. Zoe and Wash's steadfast love for each other had been mixed with the fond bickering and conflicts that came with any married couple, some silly, some not so silly. Simon and Kaylee loved with abandonment now, but River remembered all the stops and starts that had happened along the way. Right words said at the wrong time, Simon's constant overarching concern for his sister that had stood in their way for so long, blinding him to anything or anyone else. It had taken that awful day on Miranda for Simon to realize what he had almost missed out on entirely.
Even Inara and Mal. They had loved each other, despite the many philosophical, political and religious chasms between them. Their love had been tempestuous, conflict fueling the fire of their love. But Inara never allowed herself to fully let go of herself with Mal, and in the end, their differences could not be overcome. Love didn't fix everything, and some relationships burned brightly, but quickly.
None of these second hand insights River had gleaned from the minds of her crew had prepared her in the slightest for her feelings for Mal.
The last few weeks had been a revelation. River learned quickly that as soon as she had Mal's love, was free to touch, explore and to express all that was in her heart, she would never be the same. The barriers she had built in her mind to prevent herself from seeing into Mal came crumbling down quickly. She allowed herself to feel his thoughts, let his love and passion for her wash over her like a tidal wave. She knew he no longer minded, even delighted in her ability in a way he'd never thought possible as she learned with astounding speed what he liked, what he craved, and she answered his unspoken questions of what she wanted with her words and with her body.
Their relationship had changed irrevocably. She was changed. She wondered that her brother, or anyone else on the crew couldn't see the change in her, day after day, as she felt her love for Mal grow. So much she felt her heart would burst.
Inara would know, she knew instinctively. She would see the change in River, and it wouldn't take her long to know why. River was glad Inara was absent during Mal's and her exploration of each other. She felt guilty for thinking so, for she loved Inara well, and knew Inara wouldn't come between her and Mal, not anymore.
Yes, River reflected. Love was strange, beautiful and entirely unpredictable.
xxxx
Mal was stacking up the boxes of their most recent cargo, undyed lambswool they'd obtained from Kerry (legally for once), into Serenity's shuttle. It was set to be delivered today to their final owner on Farraday, a small moon that orbited Harvest. He worked silently and methodically. Eventually, he became aware of a pair of eyes taking in his every move. He ignored them for a while, continuing to concentrate on his work. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He looked up and was unsurprised to see River staring at him unabashedly only a few feet away.
"What exactly are you starin' at?" Mal snapped, feigning a lot more irritation than he actually felt.
"You," River admitted freely, her voice low as she got up off her perch and walked over to him. "I was thinking about the next time I can get you alone. In your bunk." He couldn't suppress the shiver that came at her words. River knew he was chiding himself for behaving like a teenager when there was work to be done. But she knew he couldn't resist her either.
"Tonight." He pledged. He reached out and stroked her collarbone lightly, bare beneath his hand other than the thin straps of her dress. She was wearing one of his favourites, a deep blue hue that hugged her on top and fanned out below her waist, a gift from Zoe for her birthday. The touch held promise of much more and River felt her breath catch. She stared up at him and saw his eyes darken as he watched his own hand stroke her flesh.
"You two going to stand there and shoot the shit all day, or we gonna get some actual work done around here?" Jayne pushed through them, carrying a couple of guns and Mal dropped his hand immediately. River looked away.
It had been three weeks since Unification day. So far, no one had suspected anything out of the ordinary with River and Mal, but if they kept acting like fools in public, that would quickly change.
By tacit agreement, they had kept what was between them a secret from everyone. The last weeks had consisted of days of pretending nothing had changed, and nights in which everything had changed. Although not a virgin before Mal, being with someone she had real passion for was new. Night after night, River came to Mal's bunk and they explored each other's bodies without inhibition, learning what each other liked. They experimented with different ideas, things River had only skimmed off other people's minds and was eager to try. Mal joked she had a dirtier mind than most men he'd met, even in his army days, and that was saying something but he had only been joking. He was more than happy to follow her every step of the way.
It never seemed like enough. River would fall asleep reluctantly, wanting him more with every passing night, wondering if it would ever ease. Then in the early hours, she'd sneak back into her own bunk so there would be no suspicion come morning. It was getting harder and harder however to hide her love for him during the days. River knew that it would have to come out eventually. She also knew that Mal wasn't ready. Though he loved her, she knew he was worried about what everyone would think. She knew he worried about Zoe and Simon the most. He feared Simon's anger, worried of the doctor's opinion of his Captain taking up with his younger sister. But most of all, he was terribly, terribly afraid that Zoe wouldn't understand.
As for River, she was waiting for something too, and she didn't push Mal. She couldn't say what exactly, but her intuition told her to wait. She certainly wasn't looking forward to the conversation with Simon for start, but that wasn't all of it. She didn't know what she was waiting for, but she was content in her instinct that she would know it when it came to pass.
So today, they were lucky it was Jayne who had interrupted them. He was oblivious to any subtleties between people at the best of times. Jayne was also tetchier than usual because Farraday was the moon next to Higgin's Moon and he was nervous about running into any bitter Mudders, or worse, any lawmen from Canton. He'd also been more than a little annoyed at the occasional bursts into song he'd had to endure over the last week.
"Ohhhh, our love for him now, ain't hard to explain!" Kaylee had sang that morning as she came into breakfast, earning some choice words and an obscene gesture in her direction from the disgruntled mercenary. And plenty of laughs from everybody else as they finished off the verse in unison.
"Jayne, there's no call to bring so much heat when we're delivering wool," Mal said, embarrassed at being caught with River, but also exasperated. "Go and put those guns away."
"Well Mal, you ain't the one who's got a few in the way of enemies around these parts. I ain't showin' my face without means to defend myself." Jayne ignored the Captain and was in the process of hiding his arms in various parts of his clothing. "Besides, the way you say it's gonna be and the way it ends up being tend to be two very different scenarios."
"Jayne, no one's gonna be after us delivering perfectly legal goods to a little old granny who just wants to make some sweaters and scarves for the winter!" Indeed, their contact, while not exactly an old lady, was a middle to later aged farm wife, some distant cousin of Fanty and Mingo. She apparently had some kind of knitted goods side business in town that was more hobby than anything else. It wasn't a big job, just an easy buck and an opportunity to work with the two twins, who hadn't often called on Mal's services in the last years, after Miranda. Mal opened his mouth to enforce his order, annoyed as usual that Jayne always required reprimanding to get him to fall in line.
"Why doesn't he just stay on board?" River suggested. Mal and Jayne both turned to her surprised.
"But I always go on the job, that's, well, my job." Jayne was confused.
"Job's done," River was reasonable. "This is just the delivery. We'll only be gone a few hours, don't really need everyone to come down. I can help the Captain with the boxes, they aren't heavy." Mal opened his mouth to say Jayne was still going, but then closed it again. He remembered the last time they were in Canton. Because of Jayne, they wouldn't have been able to get off moon if Inara hadn't interceeded on their behalf. Not that they'd necessarily encounter anyone from Canton here, but lawmen were usually shared between orbiting moons, and Farraday wasn't all that big of a place. It wouldn't be unheard of for Jayne to be recognized. And there was no Inara here now. Maybe a Jayne-free delivery wasn't so bad.
"How 'bout it Jayne? Day off?" He asked, by way of consent.
"S'long as I still get my cut. Don't want to be accused of not doing my job as an excuse to cut me less," Jayne said suspiciously. But he also looked a bit relieved.
"You'll still get your cut, don't be ridiculous. Like River says, this is a simple delivery." Mal tried to sooth Jayne. Zoe walked in.
"Jayne's stayin' on the boat today," Mal informed her. "River and I'll deliver the goods. No need to have everyone come down, being an easy job and all." Zoe feigned surprise.
"No Hero of Canton?" She shook her head. "Think you're making a big mistake, Sir. Can you imagine how much more value goods stolen by Jayne's hand would have to these parts? I'd wager you could fetch at least three times what we're askin'!"
"I know," Mal replied sadly. "Times'll be a mite more tough around here. Jayne doesn't like exploitin' his notoriety though, not even for the good of his crew."
"Just a riot, the pair of you," Jayne grumbled. He started disarming his guns and nodded to River gruffly. "Thanks, Moonbrain. 'Spect I'll owe you one after this." River grinned back.
Ally Baker was quite possibly the best client Mal had ever had. A warm, motherly figure with grey streaks through her long brown braid, she had actually asked them to call her "Mother Ally" without a trace of irony. She greeted them outside her shop where they'd had the space to park the shuttle.
"Everyone else calls me such," She insisted, after giving Mal and River welcoming hugs that made it seem like she'd known them for years. It was near impossible to believe she could be related in any way to Fanty and Mingo, Mal thought.
"How are those two?" She asked fondly when he mentioned them.
"Walkin' and Talkin,' " Mal had replied, noncommittally. She laughed, a rich, throaty sound.
"Oh those two... nothin' but trouble, I've always said. You and your lady need to stay away from the likes of them from now on if you know what's good for you! But they do know how to get a lady the best wool in the Verse," She held the sample ball of yarn Mal had given her with approving pleasure. "We have lots of good sheep here, and some alpacas," She explained, "But business has been taking off a little more around here for me, I've been selling into Harvest, and even some to Higgin's these days. Need more wool. And shearing season is months away here in this part of the Zhu Que."
She had flat out refused to allow River help with unstacking her boxes of wool from the shuttle, despite River's protests that it was no trouble. Mother Ally insisted on calling a few boys down from the local hardware store who had been only too happy to assist. It was obvious this was a well-loved figure in the community they were dealing with.
It didn't take long to unload everything, especially with extra help. When the boys left with a bagged lunch of homemade treats as payment, Mother Ally turned to Mal and River.
"Well I hope you two are hungry, because there's plenty more where that came from." The three of them walked to a lovely park a few blocks away from the main street to make a picnic. The day was sunny and they sat near a large fountain, with young families watching their children play.
They ate Mother Ally's delicious lunch companionably, answering questions about news of other planets and listening to Mother Ally's stories, mostly about her children and new grandchildren, all who still lived in Farraday.
"Farraday's nothing like Canton," Mal observed, taking in the beautiful landscape. Devon was surely a modest town on a small moon, but by the looks of it, everyone was doing reasonably well, especially compared to the neighboring mud moon.
"This little moon was nothin' when my husband and I came to it forty years ago... Higgin's hadn't made much of his lot, only the mud to sustain business, no one thought Farraday'd do much better. But we don't have no Magistrate callin' the shots either. We have a vote, and elections every five years." Ally pride shone through her voice.
She went on to describe her life on the Farraday. "Just one of those terraforming accidents, I 'spose, where moons so close to each other can fare so differently... my heart goes out to those mudders on Higgin's. They've worked themselves to the bone while the good Lord's given us so much fortune. Mind you, it's been damn hard work for me and Joe. Cultivating new land isn't a job I'd wish on many, but we made a good go of it, so we did." Mother Ally's husband ran a small but prosperous farm right outside of town, where their two grown sons and their families continued to work alongside them.
"Farraday reminds me a bit of my home, back on Shadow," Mal replied, remembering. "Beautiful home, good town, good neighbors. My Mama and I, we were always busy, same as the other farm hands on our ranch. But I wouldn't have changed a thing. Best way for a boy to grow up, surrounded by horses and acres of countryside. Sometimes wish I could have stayed there." He noticed River looking at him curiously. It wasn't often he talked of home. Even in the last weeks, she'd asked him about it and although he answered her questions, he knew she yearned to hear more, and was waiting for him to decide to tell it, rather than pick it out of his head. He felt a rush of affection for his pilot and reached out and took her hand. He reclined back on the grass and enjoyed the sunlight, and having River's hand in his. His contended memories of youth swirled around the present, blending the two together.
"What brings a good farm boy like you out into the Verse?" Mother Ally asked. Mal was silent for a spell, but she showed no sign of impatience or discomfort.
"Well, not every boy was able to grow up the way I did," Mal replied finally. "Trouble is, lots of planets out here on the Rim had plenty of the toil I grew up with, with none of the reward. Never thought it fit that bad luck was all that could determine a man's fate between have and have not. Fought a war with the belief that good people like yourself would do a hell of a lot better helpin' themselves and each other, than needin' the core to do it for them. The local votes and elections you speak of, that's what goes a long way to makin' this moon prosperous. Magistrates like Higgins are in bed with a core government who couldn't care less about us out here. So they line their pockets and don't give a damn about their people. That ain't right."
Mother Ally nodded sympathetically. "Well said, young man. The war did no one out here any good, but I can't see no good that came from Unification neither. And this old lady's lived through both. Higgin's certainly has gotten worse these past years after the war, I don't doubt that."
"Mal," River asked quietly. "What happened to your home?"
Mal's voice took on a darker tone. "Well as much as I loved Shadow, I became aware of a lot of problems there, older I got. Alliance's taxation was nearly unbearable for landowners like my own Mama, made stayin' afloat near impossible for some. Most of the people on Shadow weren't for Unification. We knew taxation would only get worse. Some of us fools volunteered up to fight for those beliefs in the war. Alliance had no trouble destroying my home in that war to make a point, despite the thousands of innocents who didn't fight no war that still lived there." And although he didn't say it, River and Mother Ally both knew that one of those thousands included Mal's mother.
River's eyes filled with tears. She knew Shadow had been destroyed from studying the war as a child in school. Although in lessons, they'd always learned that Shadow was a war zone, full of browncoats terrorizing the locals, and that the Alliance hadn't had a choice in massive bombing the planet. No mention had ever been made of the hundreds of farms and homestead that dotted the mostly rural planet. She could picture these places in Mal's mind now as he remembered his life there with sadness and anger. River had always known from Mal's own disjointed thoughts about his home that something terrible had happened. She wasn't surprised to hear it now, but her heart broke for him. She squeezed his hand and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
"You're a very brave young man, Mr. Reynolds," Mother Ally said kindly. "There are a few here that fought on your side in the war and I'm convinced the losin' side was the right side, though we've made due with Alliance control as best we can out here. I 'spect your mother would be proud if she was here to see the fine man you are today."
Mal nodded shortly and looked away. The three sat in silence, each to their own thoughts. Eventually, he felt River let go of his hand and looked over. She got up and walked in the direction of the water fountain. He watched her as she leaned over it and drank.
"She your woman?" Ally asked bluntly when River was out of earshot. Mal didn't hesitate.
"She is," He replied. "Crew don't know though, not yet anyway. She's got a brother who'd be mighty disappointed to know 'bout us. And she's a bit younger than me than I'd like." He sighed. "Sure do love her though."
"Girl like that knows her mind," Mother Ally replied shrewdly. "And age's naught but a number. My Joe and me are eleven years apart. Means not a thing when you love someone." They both watched River as she finished drinking and paused to take in her surroundings, Mother Ally considering her.
"That one's yours through and through. And you're hers. Any brother who truly loves his sister will see that." Mal laughed ruefully, watching River walk back towards them, watching them both.
"I hope you're right about that, Mother." He had his doubts that things would go that smoothly.
xxxx
When they parted back at the shuttle, Ally slipped Mal a little extra coin than the price he'd agreed upon with Fanty and Mingo. He protested, not wanting to take more than a fair wage from this kind woman, but she waved his concerns away.
"Young man, those sneaky little cousins of mine always get me the best deal," She laughed. "But I can afford to pay a little extra when I get me some real quality goods. You take this, and you can also bet I'll be sending you and your crew some scarves down the line that I know you'll make use of." He was touched, knowing when she said quality, Mother Ally wasn't just referring to the lambs wool.
She hugged River and Mal fondly.
"Next time you're here, you bring your whole crew, Malcolm Reynolds," She winked at River. "I want to meet that brother of yours. And I'm not so old that my heart wouldn't flutter a bit to lay eyes on Jayne Cobb! He's a right hero, even on this moon!"
Mal and River both laughed and Mal replied there was nothing he'd rather do more.
They set course back to Serenity, a twenty-minute journey with River piloting the ship. Mal stood behind her as she entered in course calculations, massaging her shoulders. When she had finished, she leaned back into his hands, sighing deeply. He bent down and kissed the side of her neck.
"Well I say we should make ourselves a business exclusive to farmer's wives if that's the way it's going to be," Mal declared approvingly. "Best job I've had in years! No one got shot, no one threatened to get shot. We should settle down the crew on some stretch of land and start raisin' sheep, don't you think?"
"Sheep are boring. I'd miss the crime," River confessed. Mal laughed.
"Good answer, Little Albatross."
She continued maneuvering until they were almost out of atmo. She waved Serenity so Zoe, undoubtedly at the helm, would know they were on their way.
"It was nice, being out in the open with someone," River ventured carefully, meaning with Ally Baker. She hadn't heard any of what Mal had talked about with her ears, but Mal wasn't surprised she had listened in a little while she'd been at the water fountain.
"That it was," He replied, his hands still on her shoulders. "I don't want to be sneaking around, Albatross," Mal said. "I guess, what's between us is so new, and I know it all won't be easy for everyone else. I just wanted to enjoy you in peace for a while, without dealin' with everyone else's opinions. But I do mean to do right by you."
"I know," River replied. "Time's not right anyway." She turned to kiss him thoroughly on the mouth and they enjoyed each other for a minute before she had to return to the helm and inform Zoe they were five minutes away from docking.
"Tonight's still mighty far away, Little one," He grumbled longingly into her ear, when the com was turned back off.
"Farther than you think," She whispered, her head turned to the side, as if listening. Surprised at her answer, Mal leaned over so she could see his face and gave her an odd look.
"What do you mean?" He asked. Before she had a chance to reply, Zoe's voice came back on the comm.
"Captain, we'll have to delay you and River five minutes, Shuttle two is docking right now, I'll let you know when you're clear." Indeed, as they looked out, Mal could see Serenity's other shuttle initiating docking sequence into it's spot.
"Why's the shuttle out?" Mal asked.
"Had to go down to Higgin's, Sir, to pick up a passenger," Zoe replied, "Get on board and we'll explain." She was out before he had a chance to demand a better explanation.
"This what you were talking about, little one?" Mal asked. River nodded.
"Like I said before, not the right time," She replied. "Things are about to get complicated."
xxxx
Mal was out of the shuttle barely after docking had finished, and tore out into Serenity. The first person he happened upon was Jayne.
"What in the hun dun hell is going on?" Mal demanded of Jayne, "Why'd you take Shuttle two out?"
"Shoulda gone with you and Crazy, that's what's goin' on," Jayne replied moodily. "I had to go down to Canton, Mal. Of all the gorram places, I had to go there! Lucky I didn't have to get off the shuttle."
"Yes, but why did you have to go down there, Jayne?" Mal gritted his teeth, trying to keep control on his patience.
"He had to come get me," A voice said behind Jayne. Mal's heart started pounding, knowing who it was before he looked.
"He contacted you, there's another operative after River." Mal said grimly without preamble. Inara stood there, offering him a weak smile.
"He contacted me." She said simply.