Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Reporter finds cutest thing ever!
Like, I have seen some cute things in my times. Kittens, puppies, my pet crow Sebastian, Youmu Konpaku, you know, all those things. However, like, I think I have found the single most adorable thing in existence. Like, you may not think this warrants a whole article, but trust me, this is cuteness on like, a global scale, the cutest thing that ever cuted!
I bet you're totally hyped to find out what it was I found, right? Well, I'll tell you... it's the kobito girl who caused the incident! Like, from what I heard from the incident solvers all those years ago, the girl was merely the size of a small child. But it turns out without the Miracle Mallet, she's much, much smaller! Like, the size of a small kettle! No, like, a little smaller! Like, I just found her one day, and there she was!
I was like 'no, that can't be a person', but then she like, talked, and I was like 'oh my god, it is a person', and I like, totally picked her up and asked her for an interview! Like, you know you want to see it! You know you do!
Hatate: Like, oh my god, what are you?
Shinmyoumaru: I'm a kobito! Let me go!
Hatate: (places her on palm) Like, but you're so... small! I thought you guys were like, the size of small children!
Shinmyoumaru: Rumours of my size were greatly exaggerated.
Hatate: You're just... you're just so tiny!
Shinmyoumaru: (blushes) ...stop, it's not funny...
Hatate: I'm not mocking you! You're adorable! I could eat you up right here and now!
Shinmyoumaru: Please don't eat me! (begins to cry)
Hatate: Oh, you're so adorable when you cry! It's okay, Hatate's got you... (cradles Shinmyoumaru like a baby)
Shinmyoumaru: What... what are you doing?
Hatate: Treating you like my little baby! Sorry, it can't be helped! (kisses her forehead) Mwah!
Shinmyoumaru: I'm so scared...
Hatate: Like, why? No-one could hurt something so objectively adorable! You're so cute!
Shinmyoumaru: I'm nearly an adult... this is humiliating...
Hatate: (begins to talk in baby talk) Buji-buji-boo! Who's a cute wittle baby? Who's a cute wittle baby?
Shinmyoumaru: I... don't think you can hear me.
Hatate: Do you want to go flying, little baby?
Shinmyoumaru: Okay, this is ridiculous! I'm a princess, you can't treat me like a ba...
Hatate: (throws Shinmyoumaru up into the air) Wheeeeeeeeeee!
Shinmyoumaru: (involuntarily begins to giggle)
Hatate: See, I knew you really liked it! (catches her and throws her into the air again) Wheeeeeeeeee!
Shinmyoumaru: (still giggling) St-stop! I think I might be sick...
Hatate: Like, nonsense, you're gonna be fine! (throws her up into the air again) Wheeeeeeeeeee!
Shinmyoumaru: (still laughs) Okay, okay, stop...
Hatate: (catches Shinmyoumaru for the last time, cradles her again) Like, see, your cute little face is all smiley! You're the cutest thing ever! Can I keep you?
Shinmyoumaru: I'm a person, not a dog.
Hatate: I can still take you home, though, can't I?
Shinmyoumaru: I have my own house! I have a palace! I'm a princess!
Hatate: Oh, you're cranky. Want a lullaby?
Shinmyoumaru: I'm not a baby!
Hatate: Hush little baby, don't say a word, mummy's going to buy you a mockingbird, and if that mockingbird won't sing, mummy's going to buy you a golden ring, and if that golden ring turns brass, mummy's going to buy you a looking glass...
Shinmyoumaru: No! I'm not a baby! Stop this! You're an idiot, a stupid... (begins to nod off to sleep despite some resistence)
Hatate: Like... like... it actually worked? I... I have the cutest thing in Gensokyo... asleep in my arms. I... am... the luckiest girl in the world. Geheheheh... no-one will know if I were to just...
I then, like, totally took her home and tucked her into my bed. I then prepared a nice warm glass of milk for when she woke up, and kissed her goodnight. When she woke up, she was a little annoyed, said something about how I'd kidnapped her.
Like, I didn't, though, she was just too adorable not to be taken home. However, I did get beaten up by her friend, Seija Kijin, for 'kidnapping' her, so, like, watch out. She may be the most adorable thing on the planet, but don't submit to the understandable temptation to take her home. She has powerful friends...
Article written by Hatate Himekaidou
Present-day hindsight: Okay, should I just not let Hatate choose what goes in the archive? I mean, seriously? She discovers an adorable creature, writes an article about it, and declares to the world she's a midget kidnapper, and counts that as news?
I mean, come on, that's just so petty and placing importance on such tiny, insignificant things. I never do that.