Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Beloved Incident Resolver is getting old!
If there is ever a race that could truly be considered tragic, it is the human race. All signs indicate that they are, in fact, just as sentient as we tengu, yet for all their complex thought, they have such teeny-tiny lifespans, it's not really fair.
For those of you unaware, when humans age, they go through distinct phases. First, wrinkles begin to form, inconspicuous at first, but as the other phases run their course, the wrinkles steadily worsen. Once the wrinkles start, it gets worse. Things start to sag, their hair gets all grey, it's quite upsetting. I mean, I've still got another thousand years before anything of the sort happens to me, but it's barely forty years that it takes a mere baby human to have grown into a greying human.
Anyway, today, I found out that a certain human incident resolver is currently getting to these stages... I tactfully entered her bedroom when she was dying her hair, no doubt to hide her grey areas. It was none other than the ordinary magician, Marisa Kirisame. And of course, I asked her a few questions about this development...
Aya: Sorry for intruding!
Marisa: I was lectured about the importance of not lying a while back. You're plainly not sorry for intruding.
Aya: (shrugs) Good point. Anyway, what's up with the hair dye? You're... why are you dying your hair brown?
Marisa: Um... this was meant to be a surprise, I just wanted to look a bit different, try wearing my hair in a different style, you know what I mean?
Aya: Of course, you could just be hiding your grey hairs... you ARE a human, after all.
Marisa: Hey, you say that as if it's a bad thing.
Aya: Well, for longevity it is. I don't like to boast, but I've been this beautiful since the day you were born. You're beginning to get crow's feet...
Marisa: You've had crow's feet as long as you've had feet, you're one to talk.
Aya: Hardy har har. So, if you're not covering up your no doubt grey hair, then why are you dying your hair brown? Is it because your hair is going white instead?
Marisa: Shut up, it's nothing like...
Aya: It's alright, I understand... humans must not like to show their decrepit state to the world. Do not worry, your secret is safe with me.
Marisa: With you my secrets are about as safe as anything unfortunate enough to be in front of my mini-hakkero.
Aya: (laughs slightly) Good point. Anyway, it's understandable, I know I won't like going grey. Maybe I'll give myself green or blue hair, something out there, you know?
Marisa: There's no really 'out there' colours of hair in Gensokyo, as far as I recall. Or even in the outside world, for that matter.
Aya: So, how do you feel about losing your hair colour?
Marisa: I'm NOT going grey.
Aya: Then why the dye, female smart guy?
Marisa: Because I thought Jean might like- OH DAMN IT.
Aya: Oh, I see what you did there. You intend to give me one lot of false gossip in the hopes that I'll take it in favour of the fact you're getting old. Well, Pure and Honest Shameimaru is smarter than that!
Marisa: (facepalms) Are you for real?
Aya: Very much so. I know your game. I know everyone's game. I am the gamemaster!
Marisa: (sighs) You're absolutely ridiculous, you know that?
Aya: Ridiculously talented at journalism, right? I know.
Marisa: Look, I just thought that since Jean had a thing for that Byakuren chick that one time way back when, that maybe he'd like me if I were to dye my hair brown and wear my hair like she does. I try, I freakin' try with him, but he just isn't playing ball. That's the truth, take it or leave it.
Aya: Or declare it false!
Marisa: (sighs) Or declare it false. Is this what thousands of years of living does to you? Makes you incapable of noticing simple confessions?
Aya: Look, I know your little 'confession' is false because you and that Jean man are already going at it like rabbits. It's Reimu who's desperate for his attention, stop stealing her excuse. You're just jealous because she's not going grey yet!
Marisa: We're not already... (sighs) forget it, it's not worth it. Yes, I'm going grey, and the sheer embarrassment is enough to make me want to change my hair colour. It's not like I would just dye my hair blonde again, no, I'd dye it a colour that everyone would notice, including Jean. After all, grey hair is such a faux pas that all humans totally freak out and change their lives completely over it. It's not like Jean has been going grey for ages and doesn't even bother to hide it, no, he's terrified and on the brink of suicide.
Aya: I thought that was the case.
Marisa: I swear you weren't always this stupid.
Aya: Huh? Why did you say that? I'm hurt...
Marisa: (rolls eyes) Okay, get out before Jean comes back from the mushroom hunt I sent him on to hide the fact I'm dying my hair a conspicuous, obviously easy-to-hide brown colour.
Aya: Oh, very well... oh, by the way, good luck spreading the rose petals up into your bed... (winks)
Marisa: You mean you actually believed... oh, fu...
And then I happily broke back out of her house... I mean, I tactfully left Marisa to her own devices. Humans are most susceptible to the old reverse psychology trick. By my insistence on the wrong, or perhaps merely more embarrassing topic, I managed to glean more interesting information about our good incident resolver.
I suppose she could still be greying, and I would certainly say she is, being a human, but it seems that her main agenda is seduction... it's a shame not everyone can be as alluring as I, truly. Some even need hair dye to be effective! This is Pure and Honest Shameimaru, showing budding reporters everywhere how extracting information is done!
Article written by Aya Shameimaru
Present-day hindsight: Oh, sure, like, my article on finding the cutest thing in the entire universe is totally insignificant, not worth archiving at all, but, like, Aya covering Marisa Kirisame deciding to dye her hair brown? Like, totally newsworthy.
Aya is like, totally annoying sometimes. I mean, I like, comforted her when she broke up with that Edward Teach guy and somehow tolerated her at that swimsuit edition's photo-shoot, what does she want from me? To sing her a song on how awesome she is?