07.15.11
SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS
Ugh. Yesterday was a nightmare. I don't feel like going too in depth, so I'll just give you the long of the short of it.
Basically, my dad decided to try and cook breakfast for once, almost setting the kitchen on fire and burning his hand in the process. His usual doctor wasn't in, so we had to settle for his very irritable associate who spits when he talks. Then on the way home, we were caught in a massive traffic jam that didn't clear up until past midnight.
So that's why you didn't hear from me yesterday. On with the main story now.
I did eventually get the Cool Model figure to stop molesting my mouth (a good slap in the face may or may not have been involved). Once he and the Mischievous Models were decent, I got to work finding names for them.
The Cool Model wound up being the easiest. He was completely nonchalant about the whole thing and just pointed at the first name he saw when I went online to a baby name site.
"Kyoya, that will be my name."
I gave a shrug, though his bored tone surprised me a bit. With that out of the way, I did a search for good twin names. Once again, the robots chose for themselves; the one on the left became Hikaru and the one on the right, Kaoru.
The Loli Shota and the Wild type were the most difficult. Well, actually finding names wasn't the hard part; the Wild type became Takashi and the Loli Shota was named Mitsukuni. The problem came about a half hour later when Mitsukuni suddenly announced that we were to call him 'Hunny' from now and that Takashi wanted to be called 'Mori' (he just nodded in agreement). I was confused, but accepted it. That's when I realized they were still calling each other Mitsukuni and Takashi, but from then on if anyone else did, they simply wouldn't respond until we gave in and used their nicknames.
I asked Tamaki about their behavior and he explained that the two robots were meant to be a pair, though unlike the twins, this only extended to Mori agreeing with what Hunny said and Hunny being closest to Mori out of all the other robots. Almost like Mori was Hunny's servant or something.
God, these robots were weird.
So now that everyone was awake, dressed and named, their were only two things left to consider.
"Do you guys eat or sleep?"
They all stopped what they were doing, be it flipping through TV channels (Hikaru and Kaoru), examining my kitchen appliances (Tamaki) and fridge (Hunny and Mori) or using my laptop without permission (Guess).
That was a weird habit of theirs. Anytime I opened my mouth, they would drop everything and listen to what I had to say. Seriously, they could be performing open heart surgery or trying to disable a ticking time bomb and they'd still ignore it for me. Not that they ever actually did that, but you get the idea.
"You mean, like a human?" the twins asked (that was really creeping me out, the whole 'talking in unison thing).
I nodded.
Then they started laughing. That annoyed me.
"Silly Haru-chan!" Hunny exclaimed. "Of course we don't eat."
"Technically, we're androids," Kyoya piped up. "Which means human sustenance is unnecessary."
Though I was still bothered by their patronization, I gave another nod and inwardly sighed in relief. My dad and I weren't insanely poor or anything, but six more mouths to feed would've been disastrous to our finances.
"As for sleeping," Kyoya continued. "We don't just close our eyes and lose consciousness the way humans do. Our 'sleep mode' must be activated first."
I gave him a look, letting him know to go on.
"You see, we run on batteries which, assuming we are turned on all the time, speaking literally of course, would last around two weeks. A three year supply of replacements were sent with each of us."
He gestured toward a cabinet where Mori had earlier placed six medium sized white boxes.
"It is therefore encouraged that Sleep Mode be activated at least once every three days in order to save battery power. The switch is located behind the left ear, let Tamaki show you."
As if on cue, the blonde walked over and sat in the chair to my right. With a smile, he gently took my hand in his.
"Right here," he said as he placed my fingers on the very realistic skin of his upper neck. "Push down softly."
I wasn't really sure about all this, but I figured he wouldn't let go until I did as he said. With the smallest effort, I pressed my finger down. I didn't feel anything besides veins underneath (it really was shocking how humanlike they were), but it still seems to work, as Tamaki's body suddenly pitched forward and into an unmoving heap on the kitchen floor.
Even though I was half-expecting it, I still gave a shout when he fell. The others remained completely unfazed.
"Alright, now press it again and he'll wake up."
With Kyoya's prompting and the twin and Hunny's urging looks, I nervously kneeled down and moved his head a bit so I could get that spot again. I pressed down, an irrational part of me fearing it wouldn't work and that I'd inadvertently killed him or messed with his circuits or something. That change when he immediately started moving again and, seeing my still anxious expression, pulled me into yet another hug.
"I hope I didn't scare you, my beloved," he said softly. "If so, I can make it up to you."
"I told you to stop that!" I cried as I pulled away from him.
Once I'd composed myself, I got back to the main issue.
"Okay, now we just have to figure out where you guys are going to sleep." I said. "There's the couch and my father's room. One of you can take the couch-"
"I will," Kyoya interrupted.
No one disagreed, so I gave a nod.
"Alright, now that that's settled, we'll have to find a way to squeeze you five into my dad's room."
"What about your room, Haru-chan?" Hunny asked innocently.
Oh boy, did I ever want to smack him right then. I'd been trying to keep away from that idea since I had a very bad feeling that it would end in disaster.
So thank you, Hunny, for bringing it up.
Surprisingly, Tamaki was not the first one to attack me with unwanted 'love' and 'affection.' No, it was the twins who grabbed me, one on each side, and leaned in much too close to my face. I didn't even know which one to glare at.
"Why yes," they said. "What about your room, Haruhi darling? The three of us could squeeze in and at night, we can make the kanji for river."
"Hang on," an affronted Tamaki cut in. "I don't think that's very appropriate talk. Haruhi is still getting used to us. She clearly is not ready for anything physical and if you two are going to try and seduce her all night, then you shouldn't be in her room."
For the first time all day, I smiled at Tamaki and really meant it. It seemed he wasn't quite as lecherous as I'd originally thought. Though I would never admit it at the time (and even now had to debate for several minutes), it was actually kind of charming.
"So I'll be staying with her instead!" he announced.
…Aaand there went the charm.
The twins' eyes narrowed as they spoke as one.
"Please, you just want Haruhi all to yourself."
It's creepy how they did that. Like the-twins-from-The-Shining creepy.
Well, Tamaki sure didn't like accusation. His eyes widened to ridiculous lengths and he looked five seconds away from breathing fire like a dragon. It wasn't scary or anything, to be honest it was rather amusing.
"I want her to myself?" Tamaki cried indignantly. "If we let you stay in the same room as her all night, you'll probably defile her. That's why she should stay with me. I'm much more gentle and understanding."
"Nah, you're just a pervert and you know it," the twins replied snidely. "Admit it, you'd love to watch her undress every night."
This set Tamaki off. The blonde began screaming at the top of his lungs, and even my ordering him to stop didn't seem to reach his ears. At this point I was extremely nervous, what if someone heard the noise and called the cops? How the hell would I explain all these guys suddenly living with me?
Of course, Hunny and Mori didn't seem bothered by the fighting, and Kyoya watched the spectacle with an almost amused look on his face.
"What are you smiling about?" I muttered at him.
I couldn't believe the next words out of his mouth.
"I'm just surprised that you find this sort of thing entertaining."
My jaw dropped.
"Entertaining," I repeated in a slight daze. "Entertaining? Is that what you think?"
He nodded calmly (stupid perpetually calm robot). "Why else would you allow them to fight like this without separating them?"
"How was I supposed to know they'd do this?"
"Didn't you read the manual?"
Again with those stupid manuals.
"What about them?" I asked after a beat.
"They explain the compatibility rate each of us have with each other," Kyoya explained. "For example, my compatibility rate is highest with the Princely Model, Tamaki, if you will, and lowest with the Wild type, Mori. This, of course, does not mean that we dislike each other, simply that we would not work well together in certain situations."
Since I already had an idea of what those 'certain situations' were, I let that slide.
"So what's the compatibility rate for them," I motioned towards the still arguing Tamaki, Hikaru and Kaoru.
Kyoya studied them for a moment while adjusting his glasses. Did I mention that already? Apparently he wears glasses to satisfy a potential glasses fetish the buyer might have. Yeah…
"They have the second highest compatibility rate," he answered. "However, they are prone to fights when disagreeing. If I were you, I'd read the manuals so you'll have a better idea of how to handle situations such as these."
He nodded in the other robot's direction. I looked and almost screamed when I saw them running at each other like they were about to start a brawl. Tamaki was wielding my broom like a samurai sword while the twins had gotten a hold of both the old mop, and the new one I'd just bought.
"STOP!" I shouted before a blow could be struck. "You are NOT fighting in here, understand?"
They looked at me, glanced at each other, and then grinned.
That's then I realized what a terrible mistake I'd made.
They started for the door, which was still wide open for some reason.
"You can't fight out there either," I frantically called after them. "The neighbors will see!"
That didn't stop them, to my horror. They just shouted that they'd 'make sure no one saw' and then they were gone.
"What are they doing?" I shouted. "Didn't they hear me?"
"They did," Kyoya confirmed with a nod. "They're doing as you said and making sure no one can see them."
I opened my mouth, intent on asking just where they could possibly go, when I suddenly got an answer.
Footsteps. Footsteps on the ceiling.
My face paled and my jaw dropped. I was outside before I even knew what had happened, staring up at the three incredibly idiotic robots on the roof of the building.
Their fight was already underway. Though it was two against one, Tamaki held his own fairly well. None of them actually knew how to 'sword fight', so there were a lot of off target swings, I think Hikaru might have accidentally hit Kaoru a couple of times (and vice versa).
"I'll never allow you doppelgangers to defile Haruhi!" Tamaki shouted, swinging at the twins heads.
"You'll do enough of that yourself, perve!" the twins retorted.
The fight continued. Tamaki began to lose his edge and got a mop head in the face several times. It was lucky my building has a flat roof, or there would've been even more trouble. Now I just had to get them off the roof without attracting any more attention.
At least, that's what I would've been thinking were I not so infuriated that my logical side wasn't working anymore.
"TAMAKI! HIKARU! KAORU! IF YOU ARE NOT OFF THAT ROOF AND BACK INSIDE IN FIVE SECONDS, YOU'LL SLEEP IN THE DUMPSTER, DO YOU HEAR ME?"
And that actually worked. They (and probably everyone within a five mile radius) immediately stopped and looked at me. They looked almost apologetic as they made like they were going to climb back down. I closed my eyes for maybe two seconds. Both to clear my thoughts and to pray that no one would find the shouting and the noises on the roof cause to come outside or worse, call the cops.
At least I'd stopped the insanity before things could get too out of hand.
CRASH.
Or not.
I'd lost count at this point of how many times they did something to make my jaw drop. Were my life a cartoon, I imagine it would've fallen all the way to the ground, through the floor and onto the sidewalk below.
There was Tamaki, a suave smile painted across his face, standing in the middle of a wreck of broken wood and plaster and below a brand new gaping hole in my ceiling.
"What's the matter with you?" I heard the twins say, followed by another crash as they reentered the apartment through the window. "You don't come in through the roof. Use the window like a normal person!"
"Nobody enters a house through a window, you idiots!" Tamaki countered. "I just wanted to get back inside fast, so Haruhi would know that I'll always do as she commands swiftly and without hesitation."
The twin robots glanced at each other, then shrugged.
"Well, at least we have a new skylight, right Haruhi?"
Unfortunately, I was too busy trying to keep my intense rage from boiling over to answer or see things from their perspective. I gazed at them and Tamaki. Judging by their smiles quickly fading and the looks of fear they adopted in place of them, I must've looked pretty scary.
"You three," I said in as even a voice as I could manage. "You will sleep in my father's room. Hunny and Mori will sleep in my room."
They opened their mouths all at once, ready to argue.
"I will NOT change my mind," I nearly yelled. "And you are going to fix that ceiling and the window, understand?"
The twins nodded, but Tamaki had a very different reaction: he ran to the corner of the room and crouched into a fetal position. I could just make out his crying over how angry he'd made me and how much he hated himself for it. I looked to Kyoya, who shrugged.
"Read the manual."
As he went back to using my laptop for God knows what, and Hunny talked to Mori about how amazing the kitchen was, and Hikaru and Kaoru muttered to themselves about how it was Tamaki's fault I was angry, and Tamaki himself continued to angst in the corner, I began to feel extremely tired.
That's went I realized that it wasn't even 1 p.m. yet.
It was going to be a long, long, long three months.
Posted by Haruhi at 9:37 pm 7 comments