Twenty Years Later- Bunbunmaru Spirit News archives
Princess of the Netherworld receives a summons from the Outside World!
Like, you know, people in the outside world seem, like, totally crazy and out there. Like, from my sources alone, I know for a fact that outsiders want to get themselves in danger, want to date species different to their own, collect weird comic books and other stuff, build metal people, speak in this weird 'French' language, sail on waters, pillage places, and even have weird boxes and flat things that light up all on their own!
They're just, like, weird. And another totally weird thing they do is, like, they totally ask to be haunted by ghosts. Like, today, I went to the Netherworld to give Yuyuko Saigyouji, the Ghost Princess, a little about food for a cooking segment, but instead, I ended up with, like, a totally cool story documenting yet another strange behaviour of outside-worlders.
Basically, while human villagers over here are smart enough to know having a ghost or a poltergeist in their home is, like, a hassle at best and a disaster at worse, depending on how malevolent the spirit is, but, like, these stupid outsider humans, they do these, like, crazy rituals called 'seances' to summon ghosts to them, like humans are important or something. It's, like, a good thing that ghosts for the most part are myth and legend, and so they stay in Gensokyo, but... well, like, that's what this story's about.
Anyway, like, you probably wanna know how an article that WAS on cooking ended up about outside world culture. Well, this is, like, where I tell you! I began my interview after being let into Yuyuko's house!
Hatate: Like, hello Miss Saigyouji! Sorry if I'm, like, intruding on anything. I was going to ask you what your favourite dish was, and how you prepare it.
Yuyuko: Oh, isn't that funny, I was just about to cook my dinner myself. (sighs) It's at times like this I miss Youmu. I've only just got home, you see.
Hatate: Oh, like, really? Where did you go today?
Yuyuko: I just, you know, went to the outside world for a quick joke. Nothing significant, really.
Hatate: Nothing significant? It's, like, the outside world! Like, how on earth did you cross the Hakurei Border so easily?
Yuyuko: Oh, well... Yukari isn't exactly the be-all and end-all of border control. The clue's in the name. The Hakurei Border is largely controlled by the Hakurei Clan, and we all know how... occupied our good friend Reimu Hakurei is at the moment.
Hatate: So you, like, just slipped through? Like, why would you want to go into the outside world to begin with?
Yuyuko: Because the outside world humans want me there.
Hatate: Uh... the humans want you there? Why would the humans, of all species, want you there?
Yuyuko: Because of my looks, fashion sense, and wisdom, obviously!
Hatate: R-really? Did anyone, like, mention me there?
Yuyuko: (begins to laugh) Oh, silly tengu, it was only a joke.
Hatate: Oh. So, like, why do humans want you around?
Yuyuko: I have no idea. Sometimes, groups of humans will start asking for the ghosts of the deceased to appear in their rooms, and do these strange things like hold their hands in a ring, chant, light candles and draw on this board from an eighteen-hundreds board game.
Hatate: Um... and... why do they do that?
Yuyuko: I don't know, I think they think that spirits like it or something. Most of the phantoms I speak to find it tacky and slightly insulting. I don't really know what to think of it.
Hatate: So... like, they do this weird stuff. Do any ghosts come?
Yuyuko: No, but they like to pretend they do. They say 'is anybody there?' and then they use that board of theirs to write messages that apparently some ghost has written. It's like they think that we spirits actually care about this old game... it's called 'ouija', whatever that means.
Hatate: So... like... why did you show up?
Yuyuko: (chuckles) To see how they'd react to an actual ghost showing up.
Hatate: Ohhhh... heh, that's pretty funny! Like, so what happened?
Yuyuko: Well, first, I tapped the leader who was holding the pencil on the board on the shoulder. He screamed and dropped his pencil. Then everyone else saw me. Panic ensued.
Hatate: (scribbles frantically) Yeah, yeah, then what happened?
Yuyuko: Then I said, 'Oh, are you surprised that you're seeing actual ghosts? Sorry, the person you've been seeing to hear your dead relatives isn't telling the truth. They're actually currently in a hot spa in the Netherworld, having forgotten all about their mortal lives'.
Hatate: Oh, and I bet the leader was like, totally angry.
Yuyuko: Well, yes. He accused me of being some woman in a costume, so I walked through the chair he was sitting on... and him. His name was... Nathan Nokoff, or so they say.
Hatate: So... like, like what happened after that?
Yuyuko: I told the man to give all the money he had taken from the others to summon we spirits back, and then I told them all about what happens when they die. That they all go to the yama, and then get sent to various different realms. When one person asked if there was a hell, I told them that it's a pretty fun place... because, all things said, it kind of is.
Hatate: Like, outside world humans are so silly. So, like, what were your parting words?
Yuyuko: I told them that fire only attracts moths, and that the best thing they could do to make me show up is lay down some delicious sukiyaki. And that I wasn't sure what the game rules of ouija were. Then I disappeared, and I just hope that they'll stop doing all that ridiculous stuff in the hopes of seeing the ghosts of their relatives. Human lives are so short, anyway, it's not like they won't be joining them soon enough anyway.
Hatate: Like, truer words have never been spoken. Like, wow, I never realised outsiders were quite as weird as that. I'm totally gonna bug the mimicker youkai and that French boyfriend of Marisa's about this! Like, I bet they are totally embarrassed of their ridiculous culture!
Yuyuko: Indeed. Even I behave normally by comparison.
Hatate: Like, yeah... anyway, like, I assume sukiyaki's your favourite dish, Yuyuko?
Yuyuko: Oh yes, you wanted to ask me about food, didn't you?
Hatate: Well, like, maybe another time. Now that I've got this story, I can replace the cooking column with the 'outside world culture' column for this issue.
Yuyuko: ...oh. Well, goodbye then!
Hatate: Like, tootles!
And, like, then I left. I totally asked the mimicker youkai about these things, and apparently they're called 'seances' by those who practice them, and 'scams' by those who don't. He told me that not all outside-worlders do them, but still, how totally silly. Like humans have a say where higher beings like ghosts go.
Next thing we tengu will be controlling yama! Ha!
Article written by Hatate Himekaidou
Present-day hindsight: Um... Hatate did well here.
Happy now? Hatate did well! I cannot say anything bad about her here, no matter how hard I try! She started off with a crappy story, and managed to turn it into a more interesting story on the fly, like all good reporters.
I think I'm losing my touch if I'm admitting stuff like this...